Tied Up In Heartstrings (15 page)

What in the world just happened? I was breaking it off…and now he’s professed his love for Sierra & me. How is it possible a guy like Garrett would want me? I’m not really sure what to say to his declaration. He wants us, in spite of the fact that I offer nothing to him except baggage. It doesn’t seem fair, but I love him, too, and letting him go would irreparably break me. Whitney was right about that, but I’d never admit that to her. He does make me happy, and he loves my baby girl. He says he’s keeping us, but I don’t know what that really means. Even though I have so many unanswered questions, I’m trying to smile through the emotions and show him that what he’s saying means a lot to me.

“I love you, too. I love you more than I ever expected. This scares the living shit out of me.
You
scare me. But I
will
try. You’re going to need to be patient with me, though. My emotions are all going haywire. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me,” I say to Garrett. I’m happy that walking away wasn’t easy for him, but I feel like the amount he’s going to have to sacrifice for us won’t be worth the limited rewards. It won’t be a fair trade.

He’s holding me tightly, like he’s afraid I’ll disappear. As if I would walk away after what he just said. He’s watching me closely. I’m trying to reassure him that I’m okay, but how the hell would he know that from the way I just acted. I pretty much told him to get lost, that I was a disaster area and he should run for the hills. Yet he’s stayed. I’m glad. I’ve grown to need him so madly.

I haven’t even told him about Sierra and what’s happening at school. I don’t want him to think I expect him to step in as an instant daddy, but it’s hard not imagining us as a family. I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to turn the tables and scare him away, or for him to feel obligated to take that step with Sierra.

“I’m so sorry, Garrett. I really did, kind of still do, think you would be better off. But I’m glad you want to be here with me, anyway.”

He bends down and lifts me by my bottom. I wrap my legs around his waist as we walk into the house. “Sierra,” he calls out toward the stairs. “Come on, princess. We’re going swimming and then we’re packing for a trip!”

She’s running down the stairs before he finishes the sentence. “Yay, Garrett, you came back!”

He places me on my feet and picks her up, walking out back to the pool. He sits her down and takes off their sneakers and socks. Standing up, he grabs her in his arms and jumps into the pool, both of them fully clothed and laughing.

“Come in, Mama. This is fun.” And I do. We swim for a while before ordering pizza to eat by the pool. It’s a perfect family fun night.

“Garrett, you know we really can’t go to Nashville with you tomorrow, right?” I say to him, pleading for him to understand.

“No, babe, I don’t know that. Why don’t you go ahead and tell me your objections, so that I can figure out a way around them.” He flashes a charming smile.

Then my little peanut pipes right into the conversation. “Mama, I want to go to Nashville, too,” Sierra says, looking at me like I have four heads for saying we can’t go.

I look to Garrett for help. “Will she really be safe at a concert? There will be a lot of people there.” Now,
Garrett’s looking at me like I have four heads.

“
Lex, do you really think I’d ever let anything happen to my girls? Babe, you’ll both be on the side stage. I’ll be able to see you the whole time and I’ll have security doubled whenever you’re around.” Oh…security. Of course, he would have security. We haven’t had to deal with that much here, but we’ve not really gone anyplace.

“Garrett, can I sing on stage too with the real life microphone?” Sierra asks. “I know your songs good,” she entreats, batting her baby blues. She knows just how to work him.

“Sure, princess. I’d love that,” he says. He’s just made her dreams come true. I’m not really sure how that’ll work out. We can resolve that tomorrow.

I tell Sierra it’s time to get ready for bed. She kisses Garrett goodnight and he tells her he will be here to wake her up tomorrow. I take her inside to bathe. After her bath Garrett reads one of her favorite books, using all the funny character voices, just the way she likes. Then he says goodnight to her, leaving us to our private goodnight song and prayers.

I sing her the bedtime song, and then she says her prayers. As always, “God Bless Mama, Uncle, Aunty, my cousins, Aunty Whit, my daddy in heaven, and all my friends, and one more thing God…could please make Garrett my new daddy? I really want him to be, because he loves us and I love him and even mama loves him, too. Amen.”  Oh my…I don’t say anything to that. There’s nothing I can possibly say. I kiss her on her head and walk out of the room, closing the door behind me. I find Garrett sitting against the wall with his head in his hands and tears streaming his cheeks.

He heard… I warned him this would be too much to deal with. “Garrett, I’m sorry. Did you hear that? I’ll talk to her, try to make her understand that you can’t be her daddy.”

He stands up, picking me up and carrying me to the bedroom. “Lex, shut up. You’re ruining the best thing I’ve ever heard,” he says, laying me on my bed, kissing me ferociously. “Sweetheart, I heard that she said she loves me enough that she thinks I could be her daddy, and that she knows I love you both. If she can figure this shit out at four, you have got to stop questioning it, too. Got it, lady? Today you told me that you love me, and, even though, you keep trying to ruin this for me by doubting what we have, this is the best day of my life, sweetheart. And I fully intend to finish it off with fireworks. Get naked fast, Lex. We have some making up to do!” he says right before he attacks me, tugging at our clothes. As great as that sounds, Sierra is right down the hall and there’s no way she’s sleeping. I want him, but we need to put it on ice for a few minutes.

“Garrett, wait…
.Sierra’s not sleeping, yet. I don’t want her to come in here,” I say, putting a halt to his plans.

“Shit, you’re right.” He stops and kisses me. “I have my bags in the truck. Let me go get some dry clothes and make you a cup of tea. Sound good?” I nod yes. “Climb in the tub. I’ll be back in a minute,” he says, as he puts his shirt ba
ck on and jogs out of the room.

I do exactly as he says and run a nice hot bath. Today was such an awful day. I never would have imagined that it would end like this. I take a minute to text Whitney and my brother, letting them both know all is well and that I’ll call them tomorrow. Then I climb into the tub to wait for my man. Yes…my man. I have a man, and he loves me. He loves us. In spite of my crappy day, I find myself smiling. I’m too happy right now not to smile.

When Garrett comes back into the room, he brings my cup of tea and sets it on the ledge next to the tub. Then he’s kneeling over the tub to kiss me. “I checked on Sierra. She’s sleeping like an angel. Is there room in that tub for two?”

Nodding my head. “Absolutely, please, Garrett.” He takes off his clothes and climbs into the tub, resting behind me, my back is to his front.

I need to tell him what happened at the school today and why Sierra is obsessed with daddies. I don’t know what to say or how to start this conversation, so I blurt it out.

“The teachers think Sierra is acting out and being mean to one of the other little girls in class, because her daddy brings her to school every day. Apparently, Sierra told the little girl that soon her daddy would die and leave her, because all daddies leave. I hope she didn’t mean to intentionally upset the little girl, but I suspect she did. That’s how it worked out in her world, and either she doesn’t quite understand, yet, that it doesn’t happen to everyone, or she’s bitter because it doesn’t happen to everyone, but it happened to her.” He tenses immediately.

“Damn, babe! When did this happen? Why didn’t you call me earlier and tell me. I would’ve been there. Shit…what can we do, sweetheart? Please, tell me how to make her feel better. ”

Shit. I can’t believe I just put all that out there, and he still isn’t scared off. What in the world have I done to deserve his loyalty? “Garrett, you can’t drop everything you’re doing to run to Sierra & me every time something bad happens. And, for the record, when I found out I was trying to send you off to your happily ever after. That’s why I didn’t tell you. But you wouldn’t go.” I’m sad and frustrated that I didn’t foresee this, but at the same time we have Garrett here now.

“Damn right, I wouldn’t go, and good luck with that the next time you try that shit. I know your system now. Sweetheart, always, always, always
call me
! I keep telling you that. I’ll
always
answer your calls. I would have been there. I would’ve to run to you and my princess. I’ve spent the whole day staring at my phone waiting for you to call or text me back, and nothing. I would’ve rather been there beside you, holding your hand, than any other place, Lex. You’re smart, lady! Listen to me and understand my words!”

When I went in for that meeting I wasn’t expecting for him to be sticking around. At the time, I wanted to break it off. In hindsight I’d give anything to do it over and have him there with me. That would’ve been quite comforting.

“Garrett, I wasn’t telling you so that you could reprimand me for not properly filling you in on every detail of my day. I was telling you, so that you would come to a place of understanding about my emotional outburst and my actions earlier. I didn’t want you to think I was completely crazy. I’m trying here, but you have to understand, I haven’t had anyone in my life that required the amount of detail about my life, and day, as you do. You really need to give me a chance here. Plus, after Sierra’s little prayer you needed to know why she’s daddy obsessed.”

He looks at me with eyes that are sympathetic, yet still trying to portray his seriousness. He’s rubbing my shoulders as if he’s trying to rub my tension away.

“I know. I don’t really know what I’m doing in this relationship, either. I just know that I can’t stand the thought of anything making you feel sad or frustrated, or not being there beside you. Honey, I want to be the one to make things better for you and Sierra. And I’m freaking taking her to school tomorrow. I don’t want her sad because she doesn’t have a daddy bringing her to school. Lex, if I can fix it, I will, and you need to let me. Okay?”

The seriousness of this conversation is wearing on me. I really need to move on to something more pleasant.

“Okay, ace, are you wanting to talk all night? Because, personally, I can think of some much better options.”

“
Grrr…” He says, as he lifts me out of the water and quickly wipes us down with a towel. “Move your ass, sweet cheeks. Time to make up with me,” he says slapping my bottom as I run out of the bathroom toward the bedroom.

“Are you growling at me Mr. McKenna?” I ask, trying to play a bit of keep-away as I run from him. I know I won’t win this game, but it’s still fun.

“Yes, beautiful, I’m growling, and if you don’t get into my arms immediately, I’ll tie your ass down.” He says, and I leap to him, jumping directly in to his arms and causing him to fall back onto the mattress. His hands are exploring my body.

I wake extra early to call Whitney. I know Alexis is struggling about going to Nashville. If I can convince Whitney to come along it will make her more secure, having someone familiar to be with her at the concert. I pick up her phone and dial the number. Whitney answers on the first ring. I’m grateful not to get voicemail, so I can have a definitive answer before Lex wakes up.

“What’s up, chick? Why are you awake so early?” She greets instead of the standard ‘Hello’ you get from most people.

“Hi, Whitney, it’s Garrett. I have a favor, and I’m hopeful that you’ll help.” I’m getting straight to the point.

“Hey. Spill it,
g-man, anything to make my bestie happy,” she says, and I laugh at the nick-name she’s chosen to bestow upon me.

“We’re headed to Nashville today for a benefit concert that I have to perform this weekend. I’m taking
Lex and Sierra with me. We’ll be there for a few days, a week at the most. I’m hoping that you’ll join us. I know it will make Lex more comfortable, since she doesn’t really like anything new,” I say, trying to sound convincing without pleading. I damn well hate to beg, and in every other area of my life it’s not a necessary task. But when it comes to my sweet girl, it seems this is my best tactic.

“Uh,
g-man, I kind of have to work. I know it’s a foreign concept to you rock stars and all,” she huffs. I can practically see her rolling her eyes, “but you see in the real world people have to show up from nine a.m. to five p.m. for this thing called a
job
. If I don’t show up, I get
fired
.” She stresses the words job and fired, like I’ve never heard them before. “I can probably swing the weekend, but it’s a no go for the week. I’m off work at five today. When are y’all leaving?”

Ugh. Everyone thinks because I’m a performer that I don’t have a job or understand what it means to work. I hate that people perceive my career that way. But since I don’t really want to piss off my girl’s best friend before we all take a trip together, I’ll refrain from putting her in her place about my career. I’ll keep my damn mouth shut, and accept whatever time she’s willing to give me.

“Whitney, thank you. We’ll leave at six tonight then. I’ll send you the information and have a car service pick you up, so you won’t have to leave your car at the airport. I’ll also have Josh, my assistant, contact you to make arrangements for your return from Nashville. I want my girls to enjoy their time in Nashville. I know having you there will definitely help with that,” I say sincerely. I really would do anything I can think of to make my girls more comfortable. Having them by my side definitely makes me happy. I hope that feeling is mutual.

“You got it, Garrett. I’ll be there! I hope you’re getting us great seats for that concert 'cause I totally expect the royal treatment!”

Laughing at the insaneness, “Whit, I love these girls more than my own damn life. You really think I won’t pull out all the stops to make sure they feel special. I promise you’ll all be treated well, or I’ll mount someone’s damn head on the wall. Let me know if you need anything else from me. See you later.”

“Awesome,
g-man, see you later today. By the way, thanks for loving my best friend. It’s been a rough time for her. She deserves greatness. Be great Garrett. Lex is as lucky to have you as you are to have her!”

Wow…did
Lex already tell her what happened last night? She hasn’t really had any time away from me for phone conversations...interesting. “Thanks, I’m trying my best. I promise.” I hear movement upstairs. I want to be go and say good morning to my girl. Start and end the day, that’s my job! “See you later, Whit. Going to wake my girls now.” We hang up, and I get moving.

I take the stairs two at a time, feeling anxious to get my hands on
Lex. Touching her settles my nerves in ways I’ve never imagined. I reach the bedroom and see her crawling across the king size four-poster bed. “Hey there, sweetheart,” I say from the doorway. She stops in her tracks and looks at me.

“I was just coming to look for you,” she says sleepily. I walk toward her, climbing back into bed to hold her for a little while. “I just talked to Whitney. She’s going to come to Nashville with us for the weekend. I thought you’d be more comfortable having her around when I can’t be beside you myself.”

She visibly exhales and relaxes. “Yes. That
is
great. Thank you, Garrett.”

She’s sitting in my lap with her head on my shoulder. Her eyes are still very sleepy. I feel bad for keeping her up so late with our activities. But we needed to make up, and that is most definitely my favorite way to make up with her. Hopefully today will be an easy day and she can have a little nap. “Sweetheart, can I take Sierra to school today, so that you can stay in bed? You look tired. It’s been a crazy few weeks for you.”

She smiles. “I’m sure she’d love that, babe. Let’s take her together, and then you can take me to breakfast.” I grin at her suggestion, because I have a great idea.

I can do one better than mere breakfast. We’ll take Sierra to school, and then I need to go back to my parents place to pack my stuff. I’ll call mom and have her make us breakfast.

She’s been asking about Alexis since I brought her to the wedding. I’ve been very vague in my answers. This’ll make mom happy, plus I really want to officially show off my girl. I won’t tell Lex now, though. I don’t want to make her anxious, or give her the chance to say no.

My parents are really laid back. There’s not a lot formal about my mom and dad, so they won’t have issues with us dropping in without a lot of notice. Shit, it’ll make my mom’s day. I’ve never really brought any women around my family, never wanted to, until
Lex. Mom knows this has to be something serious to make me stick around and not head back to Nashville for the rest of my hiatus. She also knows the history between Lex and me, and that Lex is a widow, since she followed the local news and kept me informed when it all went down.

We arrive at school with a very happy little Sierra. She’s bouncing around, as we try and walk down the hall to her classroom. Walking this slowly is pointless. School will be over by the time we make it to Sierra’s classroom. I scoop her up and place her on my shoulders, so that we can walk at a more manageable pace. She made me promise in the car that I would walk her in and let her show me the classroom. I intend to fulfill that request.

When we reach the classroom, I slip her off my shoulders and carry her into the class, setting her down when we’re inside the door. Her teacher comes to greet us right away, looking from Alexis to me suspiciously.

“Good morning, Sierra. Who is your guest?” the teacher asks. She an older grandmotherly type, but I immediately sense that she is very protective of
Lex and Sierra, which makes me like her even more.

Sierra bounces with excitement as she answers, “Ms. Davis this is my new daddy, Garrett.” Sierra says it before anyone else has a chance to answer.

Alexis looks as if she is about to pass out. “Sierra…no, sweetheart. You can’t say things like that. We need to talk more about that, honey.” Lex says alarmed.

But I kneel down to Sierra and give her a hug saying, “Show me around, princess. I want to see where you spend your days.” And she takes me by the hand and walks me around, leaving her mother and teacher to watch in awe.

When Sierra is settled at the table to do her morning drawing, I make my way back to my still speechless girl and the teacher, so that I can be formally introduced to the lady taking care of Sierra every day.

“Hi, Ms. Davis, I’m Garrett McKenna. I’m Alexis’s boyfriend. I’ve heard a lot about you. Thank you so much for caring for my princess over there. She’s a great kid,” I say, both ladies are still staring, not saying a word, although,
Lex has very glassy eyes. I can see that she’s getting emotional, so I wrap her hand in mine and pull her close to my side.

Ms. Davis looks again back and forth between
Lex and me, and then finally says, looking a bit glassy eyed herself, “It’s very nice meeting you, Garrett. I love both these girls very much. It’s my pleasure caring for Sierra.” She’s trying to compose herself. “You two have a great day. I’ll see you at parent pick-up,” she says, dismissing us. Sierra looks up and Lex blows her kisses. Sierra reciprocates. I catch them all and give her wink, watching her giggle at the interaction.

We walk to the car hand in hand and I help
Lex into the passenger seat of the car and close the door. I’m so damn happy right now. I climb into the driver’s seat of Lex’s Jeep. The top is down and the sun is shining. I’m not really pleased with her choice of vehicle, because the safety ratings bother me a bit, but it definitely fits her personality. It’s probably too early to start talking to her about getting a new car. I’ll keep that one under wraps for a bit.

“Sweetheart, I have to go back to the house to get my stuff. I want you to come with me. Mom’s been asking about you since the wedding. Is it okay if we eat breakfast there?” I can feel her glaring at me. I chance glancing at her. Yep she’s glaring at me.

“Um…actually, no. I’m not going to your parents’ house. That would be crazy. I can only imagine what they think of me. I’ll just wait in the car or something.”

She’s out of her mind. Her little ass is coming in and eating the breakfast I promised her. She’s nervous about what my parents think of her. If she only knew they’re probably praying the same prayers as Sierra. They’re desperate for grandchildren, and since Alexis is the first and only woman I’ve ever introduced to the family, or sacrificed any time for, I’m sure they’re all hearing wedding bells.

“Lex, my mother is dying to spend time with you. She really wants to get to know the girl who’s captured my heart. It’s been almost a month and I haven’t brought you around at all. They’re a bit mad at me about it. Can we please eat with my parents? It’s not like you’re meeting them for the first time. You met them at the wedding. Isn’t the second meeting supposed to be easier? Technically, it’s the third meeting, if you count college.”

Her eyes are shooting daggers at me. “No, it’s not, because I wasn’t sleeping with you then. They can’t possible think too highly of me for my actions. My husband died eighteen months ago
and I’m a single mother. I have baggage that no mother wants for her only child. She’s going to hate me.”

Tears are welling up in her eyes. I hate that she is so insecure and doesn’t see how incredibly amazing she is. My mother would never think any of those things about Alexis. She’ll love
Lex and Sierra unconditionally. She’d be a wonderful grandmother, and since I’m not sure Lex wants more kids, Sierra may be all she ever has, although, she’d be just as pleased with that.

Sierra doesn’t have grandparents, which is quite a shame. I didn’t realize Jed’s parents died in an accident when he was a teenager. It seems
Lex has constantly been surrounded by tragedies in the past. I’m hopeful I can bring some peace into her life. She deserves it, damn it! I pull the car over into the parking lot of a shopping center and park as far away from the other cars as possible. She’s crying big tears again, and definitely not happy ones. Shit!

“Babe, look at me.” She does without hesitation. “I love you, Alexis Nicole. I crazy love you, baby. I love you more than my next damn breath. I can’t, I won’t, live my life without you. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. My mother and father are very clear on what you mean to me. They can see it in my actions, babe. I’ve never stayed around for more than a couple days. I’ve been here almost four weeks now. I go back on tour in less than two weeks, and I’m dreading the thought of being away.” I slide my seat the rest of the few inches back,
then turn to lift her out of the passenger seat, over the console, and onto my lap. I love that she fits so well against me.

“Sweetheart, I haven’t been sticking around here for anyone but you and Sierra. My parents know you’re important. They want to get to know you. I want them to as well, so they can be here for you when I’m not. Which is going to
suck…bad
!” She’s nodding her head, but I really don’t know what she’s agreeing to, because she’s still crying and ripping my dam heart out! “Babe, can you talk. Tell me what to do,” I beg.

“Ok, I’ll go to your parents’ house with you.”