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CHAPTER FOUR

Lovelle’s chief concern with using his foreknowledge stemmed from a fear that it might make it hard for him to be in the right place and time to meet Katie. He knew that wherever he was he could always come back for that moment. As long as her life remained unchanged by his actions, she should still be at the bar where they had met. He knew the date. He knew the name of the band that would be playing. There was no way he would not be there. But he was afraid that if he had no logical reason for being there himself, it would be too awkward. He couldn’t just show up as if it was his destiny to meet her. They had talked for hours that first night, and he would have to be sure that the conversation was not awkward, or contrived. So he was determined to be living a normal life when that time came. There were times when he knew things which could help him, or others, but, which he had to pretend he did not know. It was a temptation that he feared would grow on him.

The real problem with following his first rule actually hit him quite by surprise. A change in his behavior that he really hadn’t worried about, jumped up and bit him on the bottom. One  morning, nearing the end of that first school year, his parents decided to ask him about his plans for college. Of course, his plan was to go to Wayne State University, just as he had the first time. The problem was that his first time through he had dropped from a B to a B minus student after he got his car, and the corresponding freedom. This time the move was in the other direction. With all of his classes being repeats, and his own work ethic being so much better the second time, he was now getting all A's. On top of that, he had improved the already good scores on his college entrance exams. Consequently, his parents weren’t going to be satisfied with a local university.

They knew full well that he had always wanted to go away to Michigan State, and they weren’t going to allow him not to try. He insisted that it would be too expensive and that he didn’t want to rack up all that debt. But they countered, insisting that they would find a way to take care of the cost if he got accepted. He should have seen that coming. They had never failed to supply him with whatever he needed in life, and he had tried to return the favor by always being careful of what he asked for.

He wondered,
How do you tell your parents that what you really want in life is to get a mostly useless degree and then jump around from one lackluster job to another for a few years while you wait for something to happen
. That was the sort of thing that happened all the time, but, it was not what anyone planned for. And his parents now knew what Lovelle had known all along. That he was capable of doing better. He had been lazy and a little disinterested. He had found out long before high school, that he could get by without much effort. No one gave B students much grief as long as they didn’t tip their hand that they were capable of A’s. But, this time he already knew some of what he was being taught, and most of the rest was just a refresher. Plus, he actually wanted to learn the things that he did not already know. He was fully engaged, even in the subjects he really didn’t care for. This time, he was not just capable of getting A’s. This time they were easy to get.

In the end, he agreed to apply, hoping he could somehow sabotage his chances. Then he went on about enjoying his summer. Lovelle had not been so free of responsibility in such a long time. It was a shock to his system. He turned seventeen shortly after school let out, and was finally enjoying life a little, instead of brooding over what he had lost. He was actually almost convinced that he could get it back. It just felt to him like he had it in him to make it happen. He had never been a believer in fate, but, somewhere inside him there was a bit of faith that his life with Katie and Kyle was meant to be.

That faith may have been the savior of his sanity, because signs continued to point in another direction. Nearly everything seemed to be different in his second life. Very soon he found himself being accepted to Michigan State. And, as if going away to school were not a significant enough alteration in his plans, this news came with another test for him. Trina, who had previously gone away to school in California and never returned, was now considering her second choice. She had been accepted by MSU as well, and because several of her friends were going, she said that she was considering the option. The problem was that Trina had never seriously considered MSU in their first life. He knew that her choice had been Stanford, and that if she changed her mind it would somehow be because of him. Whether it was her feelings for him, or just some other way he had changed the trajectory of her life, he couldn’t guess. And since he could not now forego MSU himself, his parents simply would not hear of it, he set about to keep Trina from going.

He formulated a plan and put it in motion. He started dating a girl that he was quite certain he would have no problem getting rid of. They had been a short lived couple the first time he was seventeen, and he found her completely annoying. Although attractive, she wasn’t nearly as stylish, intelligent, or even as nice as several of the girls he had turned down. What she was, however, was enthusiastic about being with Lovelle. The first time around their relationship was the result of his lack of self-esteem, and of her persistence. This time it was precisely his lack of interest in her that brought them together. That, and the fact that she was easy to get, and he presumed would be easy to keep.

Lovelle thought he was being smart. He thought that she would be the one girl he could use to put off Trina’s interest in him without any risk that it would develop into a real relationship. What he neglected to consider was how suspicious this would seem to Trina.

“How do you even know Shannon?” Her inquisition began.

“We’ve been to some of the same parties.”

“Is she the one?”

He pretended not to know what she was talking about, “What one?”

She shot him the evil eye, “You know what I mean.”

“No.” he conceded, dropping his eyes.

“Well?” she insisted on an explanation “What happened to the great love of your life? Obviously you didn’t change your mind for Shannon. I mean really. Excuse my bluntness, but, you’ve turned down way prettier girls than that.”

“Excuse me!” he feigned indignation as convincingly as he could, “That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.”

“I’m sorry.” This time she lowered her eyes. “I just…” Trina stammered. She wouldn’t have purposely hurt his feelings, and was immediately upset to think that she had. By now he knew that she was just angry because she felt as though he had chosen someone over her, and not even someone she respected.

Lovelle should have left things alone there. Instead he embellished, “I asked the other girl out and she said she wasn’t interested. Shannon has been asking me for a while, so I decided to say yes.” And with that, he had inadvertently left the door open.

He tolerated Shannon for a while, waiting to see if Trina would commit to Stanford. But Shannon was not only getting on his nerves, she was getting really pushy about sleeping with her. He told her that he wouldn’t do that until he was in love, but she kept pushing anyhow. He was afraid that if she kept throwing herself at him he might, in a moment of weakness, give in. After all, he was just an ordinary guy. It was only the circumstances that were extraordinary. Despite the fact that he really couldn’t stand to be around her, he was still a normal guy being propositioned regularly by a not unappealing young woman. Despite what Shannon thought, he wasn’t some virgin who had no real idea what he was missing. Lovelle new very well what he was missing, and he hadn’t had to miss it like this in a very long time. Continuing to subject himself to this pressure seemed less and less advisable in light of his primary goal of remaining faithful. So when Trina signed on with MSU, despite his efforts, staying with Shannon seemed pointless.

Once again, he was wrong. His relationship with Shannon may not have kept Trina from going to college with him, but it was keeping her at bay. After the breakup he was not only available, but he no longer had the cover of his “mystery girl”. And this time Trina wasn’t going to hint and flirt, and wait patiently for him to get it. This time she wasn’t operating under the notion that she was the object of his desire, and only needed to send him the signal that it was okay to ask. This time, despite the fact that she was still dating his friend John, she let him know exactly how she felt.

*****

Trina asked Lovelle to pick her up after work one Friday. He knew then that he was in for it. John had been doing this for months, but suddenly Lovelle was called to duty without explanation. Sure enough they didn’t get half a mile down the road before he found out exactly what was on her mind.

“Aren’t you even going to ask me why John didn’t pick me up tonight?”

“I didn’t think it was any of my business,” he played dumb.

“We broke up.” She was very matter of fact. There was no hint of the typical drama you would expect from a teenage girl. She seemed determined not to give him the impression that she wanted his shoulder to cry on.

“Oh, I thought you guys were doing good.” He tried to sound surprised.

“We were okay. But it was never serious. He’s going away to Ferris State next year, so it was gonna be over anyhow. Actually, I like someone else.” Now she was teasing him. “I didn’t want to string him along when I really want to be with another guy.”

Lovelle’s heart sank. This was it. She was about to drop the bomb. The only girl he was genuinely afraid might be able to steal his heart. The one person he was desperate not to get involved with, was about to tell him that she liked him. Probably, more than just liked him. His emotions were swirling. At any time before he had met Katie his heart would have jumped for joy at the very proposition. But now, Trina was simply the ultimate temptation when temptation was the last thing he needed. Of course, he knew he would resist. His real fear at the moment was that he would somehow hurt her. Or, that he was about to lose a friendship which meant so much to him now. He had no idea what he could say to her that wouldn’t seem like a rejection. After all, it was a rejection. It was a rejection with good cause, but he could not explain that to her.

He said nothing, and they sat silently for what seemed a very long time. Then she tired of waiting for him to ask who, “You know I like you, don’t you?”

“No,” he lied, trying to sound surprised, “I didn’t think we had that kind of relationship.” He knew that she would know that he was lying. But he was flying blind, unsure of how to proceed.

She let the lie go. “We could,” She said softly as she touched his hand and his heart fluttered uncontrollably. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“Sure,” he answered reluctantly, trying not to seem like a deer in headlights, which was exactly how he felt at that moment. He spotted the Ram’s Horn restaurant ahead, and in a matter of moments they were parked. Once in the lot they turned to face each other, his heart racing. He hadn’t been so frightened to talk to someone since he was that age for the first time. All of his attained maturity and self-assuredness melted away.

“So?” She continued, “Was I the girl you were holding out for or not?”

Lovelle’s brain was working frantically to determine the best way to handle the situation. He almost didn’t catch her question. He paused for an awkwardly long time, which probably made his answer seem like a calculated lie. “No. It really is someone you don’t know.”

Again, she seemed unconcerned with his lie. “But, you do like me, don’t you?” She was very sure of herself, and had every reason to be.

“I love you,” his story started to spill hesitantly from his lips, “But, you’re like one of my best friends. I’ve honestly never thought of you that way. I just can’t imagine not having you to talk to. I’m afraid we’d lose that if things didn’t work out.” he lied some more. In reality, one of the very best things about his marriage was the fact that Katie was also his best friend. Which was all the more reason why he couldn’t risk falling any more for Trina than he already had.

“Really?” She was angry. “That’s pretty lame Curtis. If you don’t like me, you don’t have to make up some lame ass excuse to let me down easy. I’m not some stupid girl like Charlene, or Shannon. Is that the kind of crap you told them too?” She started to cry, and he felt like the biggest jerk that ever existed.

“No Trina, I swear,” he struggled to choke back tears; “You’re the best person in my life. I’d do anything to keep you from feeling bad. But it wouldn’t be right for us to be together that way. I just can’t give you that part of my heart, and you deserve that.” Emotions had gotten the better of him and he was telling her the truth, so far as he could. He wanted so much to tell her his story, but that was out of the question. That would seem like the biggest lie of all.

He regained his composure and fabricated a new lie to cover himself yet again, “I lied about the other girl. She never turned me down. I’m in love with her, but I have to live with a telephone relationship right now. I got lonely and cheated on her with Shannon. I’m a jerk. But I’m trying not to be, and I won’t be a jerk with you. I’m not lying when I say I love you. You’re so important to me. Please don’t hate me.” He pleaded with her.

It worked. He had somehow concocted a story that had allowed her not to feel rejected. It was a version of the age old line “it’s not you, it’s me”. Only this time it was believable. Or, at least it was enough to provide her cover from the embarrassment of baring herself before him to no avail.