Time Skip (2 page)

As the day had progressed Lovelle became increasingly surly. By the time he ran into the first of these friends he was angry enough that he was no longer being very careful about what he said. However, his foul mood was so obvious that Trina did not bother to press him. That spared him from making a serious misstep. Lovelle realized how close he had come to doing something he would regret and was able to calm down a bit before he encountered Dave during the next break between classes.

“Hey man,” Dave greeted him. “How is it I’ve talked to everyone I know in the last day and a half but you?”

Dave was kidding of course, and normally Lovelle would have jabbed right back, but in his mood he could only answer, “Haven’t felt like talking.”

“Yeah, Trina told me you were in a bad mood. What’s the problem?”

Lovelle hadn’t expected that news to have traveled so quickly. It had only been an hour earlier, and they had all been in class most of that time. But he thought,
No matter, I don’t really care if they all get ticked at me.

“Just not feeling well I guess.” He lied

“Sucks to be you!” Dave quipped.

You have no idea
, Lovelle thought, then answered, “Pretty much… Look, I’ll talk to you later.” He excused himself then skulked away.

Day three proceeded in like manner, only now Lovelle had escalated to being both angry and scared. He snapped at people he never would have before. He made a scene about the lousy food in the cafeteria. He even had an altercation with his government teacher. The man had given an oversimplified description of the American political spectrum in teaching the class about political orientation. As a political science major himself, Lovelle distinctly remembered having to relearn that lesson in college, and believed it was a disservice to the students. He pointed out as much, and did so without a bit of tact.

Lovelle was such a bear all day that he didn’t have to bother avoiding people, they avoided him. His friends, who were planning a get together over the weekend, even considered leaving him out of their schemes.

On the ride home, Shane chided him about his attitude. “Damn, Curtis. You’ve really been a jerk today. We’re all supposed to go to the drive-in tomorrow, but Trina said she wasn’t sure if she would even go if you were going.”

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t plan on going!” Lovelle snapped.

“Dang, you don’t have to bite my head off. I didn’t say I didn’t want you to go. I’m just saying you need to chill out. What the heck’s wrong with you anyhow?”

Lovelle apologized, but left Shane’s question unanswered.

CHAPTE
R
TWO

On the fourth day Lovelle woke up and cried. He let everything out, sobbing violently. He hadn’t cried that way since the day his mother had told him that his father was dying. He pounded his fists into his pillow, grunting in a primal rage, just barely in control of himself for nearly half an hour. And then he composed himself for the sake of his family and went out to prepare for the day.

It was Saturday so he went for a drive. He found a secluded spot in a nearby park and he sat and sulked. He was trying to sort things out in his head. It was now clear that, no matter how improbable, this was all too real. It was so real that he actually had to question the reality of the 18 years that preceded the change. Maybe, since this was clearly real, the memories he carried around with him were the illusion. Clearly he had the life experiences, the acquired knowledge, and the maturely of an adult. But, he felt compelled to find some tangible evidence of that other existence. He needed some confirmation that he was not completely nuts.

He got on the road again. He toured places that should not exist if his memories of the past, or rather the future, were a figment of his imagination. He drove through the apartment complex where he and Katie had lived together before getting married. Then he drove by their first house and saw the gigantic tree that had caused him so much grief as he tried to keep their yard clean. He even managed a wry smile as he saw that it had been dropping branches by the gross years before he had been forced to deal with it.

Finally, he drove to the neighborhood where he currently lived. He was amused to see his old house, now only a few years old. He parked his car and walked to the park where he often took his son to play, only to find an empty field. He paused and closed his eyes, picturing Kyle sliding down the slide, chanting “you can’t catch me” as Lovelle followed close after. He could almost hear his cell phone ringing and Katie saying, “Dinner’s ready, are you guys still playing?”

And at that, his eyes welled up with tears. He leaned against a tree, sobbing for a little while. Then, with an effort, he stifled his tears and walked back to his car, trying hard not to sob openly. He paused only for a moment as he saw Mr. Crumpets, who he had known only as a wheel chair bound old man, mowing his lawn.

Back in his car he let loose a torrent of tears. He cried because he missed his family. He cried because he was afraid he might never be with them again. And he cried because if this was as real as it seemed to be, then his son, his beautiful Kyle, might never be born. It was as if this thing, this time warp, was killing his little boy. And with that realization he suddenly went from deep sorrow to rage. In that moment it felt to him just as if some person had just taken his son away, leaving Lovelle helpless to stop them.

He screamed “NO!” at the top of his lungs and he punched the windshield of his car, cracking it from corner to corner. His hand was broken, but that pain did not register right then. He wouldn’t realize the damage he had done for a long time as he drove around the freeways of Detroit like a madman, cursing everything and nothing, because there was nothing and no one to curse. There was no one to blame. There was no recourse. No vengeance to be had. There was only the situation. The position he was in. The new reality that was his life.

As he drove home, tentatively calm, he realized that he had really hurt his hand. His first thought was simply to go to have it looked at. Then he realized that he wasn’t an adult with an insurance card in his wallet. He was a kid who would have to go home and explain how he might have broken both his hand and his window at the same time without admitting that he had punched it in anger. For better or worse, he would have to lead this life. He could not share his burden, and so he would have to deal with it internally.

He determined that something close to the truth would be the best bet. So he settled on a road rage story. He wasn’t certain that the term had even been coined yet, but the principle was the same. He told his parents a not so flattering story of being cut off and run off the road. This expression of anger was quite a shock to his parents. Until that moment, no one would have believed him capable of such an outburst. So, for the first time in this new existence, he had materially changed his relationship with the people around him. People that he would eventually realize that he needed to treat him exactly as they had always done.

That evening, after his trip to the emergency room, he came to grips with his dilemma. He decided that he would have to assume that his situation would be permanent. It was the only logical course, and logic was his trademark. If tomorrow he were to wake up in his own bed to resume his adult life, then it wouldn’t matter what he had done in this life. But, should he choose to ignore the possibility that this new reality would be his only life, then he would risk ruining chance of making it as much like his first one as possible. As far as he was concerned, his son’s very life depended on it. For as long as he was in this situation his singular mission would be to situate himself for his future meeting with Katie, and from then on to create a perfect replication of every circumstance that would lead to the birth of Kyle. He would suffer every trial and tribulation, because that would be the surest path to the birth of his precious son.

*****

Lovelle figured that the best thing he could do for the next couple of months would be to keep a low profile and learn how to be a teenager again. In and of itself, he knew this strategy might lead to a disastrous change in the path of his life. He might miss out on something essential to his future while he regained his bearings. But, the risk that he would err by omission seemed small in comparison to that of trying to step right into his old life. He could too easily do something to change how the people around him would forever perceive him.

He decided that, unless he was able to remember exactly how he had handled a particular situation, he would try to avoid making any decisions or commitments. What he wanted was to recreate his life as much as possible. For the most part, little variations leading up to his meeting with Katie would probably be inconsequential, but, it was impossible to know which events would be truly important, so he would endeavor to change as little as possible. He would have to live through all his past foibles, and experience some painful times again. But to do otherwise would be to jeopardize his chance at recreating the life that he treasured so much.

CHAPTE
R
THREE

For the first couple of months Lovelle believed he had been successful at keeping his head down. As a teenager, it was normal for him to keep to himself. He rarely fraternized outside of his small circle of friends. So, most people hardly noticed his demeanor. Keeping himself busy, he was even able to minimize contact with his closest friends. This allowed him the time to observe the other 16 year olds, catch up on current events, and figure out which of his memories from that time in his life had already occurred, and which were yet to come. This last lesson he actually learned the hard way.

A friend, who’s sister Lovelle had remembered suffering a long illness, seemed rather cross when he inquired about her well-being.

“Why do you want to know?” the young man questioned suspiciously.

Lovelle was taken aback by the hostility, then realized that his time frame must be off, and the guy was just being protective of his 15 year old sister. Deftly, Lovelle played it off as a joke. He nudged the friend with his shoulder, “You know, she’s lookin’ kind of hot these days.”

“Forget you jerk,” his friend laughed and walked away.

Outside of that incident Lovelle felt that he was doing pretty well. He was starting to feel comfortable interacting with everyone. He knew, however, that he had to guard against becoming too comfortable. As a teenager Lovelle had always been the guy who watched others having their immature fun. But, he had never had enough self-confidence to participate in the revelry. As an adult he had realized that, at the time, no one would have thought twice if he had joined in. Now that he did have the confidence, he was restrained instead by his maturity.

For a few months he was pretty sure he hadn’t materially changed the trajectory of his life. Then one day he was pretty sure he did. An event occurred which he remembered quite well, knew was coming, but had somehow failed to prepare for. His friend Trina stopped him in the hallway before lunch and informed him that Charlene, a girl they had met over the summer, wanted him to ask her out. Charlene Grey was seventeen, a year older than Lovelle, with long wavy blonde hair, big hazel eyes, and a tall athletic body. She was not necessarily what he would have called a “babe”, but she could certainly turn the head of the average 16 year old. In fact, her fully developed figure made her attractive to 34 year olds too, which had troubled Lovelle. In his past, she was his first real girlfriend. It hadn’t lasted very long, and he didn’t have very many lasting memories of it. But, they were some important memories for a young guy just beginning to experience the wonders of the opposite sex.

Lovelle’s first thoughts were upsetting to him. He had felt some measure of desire when he had seen Charlene in the hallways, or at Trina’s house. It was awkward to feel that way towards someone so young, not to mention someone not his wife, but, he could not help it. He wasn’t sure if it was a reflection of his memories of her, or of the effect of his renewed teenage hormones, which didn’t seem to care about his adult mind. He had found himself looking forward to spending time with her. And, until the moment of truth, he had justified this line of thinking by telling himself that he had to follow through on this little fling to keep his life on track. But, with the decision right before him, he felt dirty. Like an adult considering the possibility of taking advantage of a teenager. And he felt guilty, like a man seriously considering adultery. He couldn’t do that to his Katie, despite the fact that in some way it seemed that he actually had to do it
for
her. So, when crunch time came, he just couldn’t.

“You know, I really don’t think of her that way.” he lied straight faced to one of his dearest friends. A skill he was honing daily.

“Why, are you gay?” she asked teasingly.

“No, I’m not gay.” he protested, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” he added in jest, a la Jerry Seinfeld. It was a social reference that he quickly realized wouldn’t make sense for another decade. Accordingly, Trina looked at him like he was from Mars. Registering the puzzlement in Trina’s face he stated emphatically “I like somebody else”.

“Who?”

“You don’t know him… um, her.” he teased.

Trina squinted at him in her cute pretend ‘angry’ face. “I know everyone you know. What’s her name?”

Now, he was in a pinch. He couldn’t tell her Katie’s name. At that moment Katie was still in Junior High in a nearby city. The implications of that were obvious. And he couldn’t make somebody up, because she would insist on meeting her, and Trina could be relentless. And, he couldn’t tell her someone they knew because then Trina wouldn’t leave him alone until he asked the girl out. So he did the only thing he could do. He stonewalled.

“You don’t know her!”

“Tell me her name!” she insisted

“No.” he stated resolutely

“Fine,” she sneered, “I know who it is,” She stated knowingly. She was obviously trying to trick him, like she might have when they were in elementary school. Only there was no name, and hence no way she might actually know it.

“No you don’t,” Lovelle said matter-of-factly. “And you’re making me miss lunch.” He turned and walked away, trying to be casual. Trina glared at him as he walked, and he waited to see if she would let it drop there. Normally they did not eat lunch together, as she wasn’t exactly fond of some of the people he sat with. And gratefully, she didn’t follow.

The implications of this exchange would turn out to be far greater than even he thought. In his semi- paranoid state his first concern had been changing the pattern of things that had made him the person he was. He had worried that not having this relationship with Charlene, short lived as it was, would make him a different person. This, he soon realized, was ridiculous, because he was not, and could never be the person he had been. Being the product of the sum of his experiences, he could not change the fact that he had already had all those experiences, and many more. He had already been with Charlene, and every other girlfriend of his past. He could never be anything other than an older man in a younger man’s body. Once he had thought this through, he was barely concerned with the decision. In fact, that realization had made him less worried about the whole prospect of making it through high school.

However, what he should have been concerned about was not how each experience would affect his own development, but how such a significant change in the pattern of his life would ultimately effect the interactions he would have with others. It would change the places he would find himself, and the people he would meet. And more importantly, it would change how the people around him would feel about him. In the eyes of the people around him, he would not be Charlene’s boyfriend. He would not be friends with her friends. And, he would now be available to others at a time when he had not been. But most significant would be the permanent change in his relationship with Trina.

*****

Ekaterina Larinov had been Lovelle’s friend since before he was old enough to like girls. As they grew up together, Lovelle had not only grown to like girls, but had developed an intense crush on Trina. At all of 4’10”, her dark hair cut into a long bob, her diminutive frame now filled out like the woman she was becoming, she was adorable, and funny, and smart. The first time around, in his young mind, she had grown to be unattainable. To others, Trina was simply the cute girl next door, but, to the 16 year old Lovelle, she was a great beauty.

Over the coming weeks, as she doggedly persisted in trying to find out who his mystery crush was, Trina became convinced that it was her. Lovelle had never kept anything from her like that, and so, she quite logically figured that it must be her. Although she had never known how he had pined for her, the sixteen year old Trina more clearly understood how intense their friendship was than the adult Lovelle could remember. Any smart girl in her position would have come to the same conclusion. The first time around he certainly would have been putty in her hands. If she had wanted him to, the 16 year old Lovelle would have gladly followed her around like a puppy.

As an adult, Lovelle could look back and see just how foolish he had been. But, back then, self-confidence was not one of his trademarks. Even as he had begun to date and see his self-esteem grow, he did not take Trina off of the pedestal he had placed her on. In fact, he had longed for her even after they went their separate ways. Not until he found his beautiful Katie did he really shake free of her spell. Katie was, in reality, what he had built Trina to be in his own head. Katie made him feel like the man he wanted to be. She validated him. He had believed that Trina could do that for him. But, he had never found out. At least he never did in his first sweep through time.

If asked, Lovelle would have guessed that having Trina think that he wanted something more from her than friendship would have driven a wedge between them. Instead she seemed to take it as a challenge. She confronted him, and Lovelle denied that she was the secret crush.

“Whatever.” She verbally brushed his denial aside. “If it wasn’t me, then you’d tell me who it was.”

“Boy aren’t we a little full of ourselves,” he answered, trying to keep things light. She had caught him off guard and he had to think on his feet. “If it was you, why wouldn’t I just ask you out?”

“Because I might say no.” she responded pretentiously.

“Oh yes, and that would be utterly devastating.” He said facetiously.

He wasn’t sure if she wanted him to ask her out, or just wanted him to admit he liked her. But over the next few weeks she was relentless, and obvious. She not only continued to badger him for an answer, but she began to flirt with him quite openly.

This was proving to be quite a challenge. Lovelle wanted to kiss her and throttle her at the same time. As she persisted, some of his old feelings started to creep back. She was nearly irresistible, but, only nearly. Even though he was no longer so concerned that his high school activities were a serious threat to his future with Katie, he was still very concerned with being faithful to her. He was also concerned with the ethics of a mature adult being intimate with a high school girl. And finally, he felt that Trina was not likely to be just some fling. Once upon time, he had believed that she could be a great love in his life. Even now, he knew that she was probably unlike anyone else he would meet in the intervening years. Trina was about the only person he could imagine who might be a real threat to his future with Katie, and to the very existence of Kyle. So he absolutely refused to give in to the temptation.

Trina kept at him for most of the rest of that school year. He held fast, but worried the whole time that she was going to get fed up with him and end their friendship. He knew he shouldn’t be worried about that. She was destined to go her own way after graduation anyhow, and he knew that he would have to let her go then, just as he had the first time. But their friendship meant the world to him, even the second time around. And then, right before summer, she started up a relationship with another of their friends. It was a relationship which he remembered lasting for quite some time. He was off the hook.

*****

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of temptation for him. Remembering his youth, he had not had that many opportunities with the opposite sex. But things were different this time around. Not so much because he was different, although that had to be a part of it, but mostly because of that one decision that had turned his high school life so upside down. Instead of dating Charlene for a few months and then moving on fairly quickly to another short term fling to carry him through the summer, he was now available.

He had only met the second girlfriend through a friend of Charlene’s, so this time around she was just a girl he saw in the halls and never had any reason to speak with. So instead of running around with steady girlfriends, now he was partying with the guys and getting to know girls he had never met in his first time through high school. Although the temptations were getting harder to withstand, and he couldn’t help from doing his own share of flirting, he stayed true to his future wife. This was much to the chagrin of his friends, who leaned even harder on him than Trina. In fact, before long even Shane was convinced that Lovelle was in love with their mutual friend.

Lovelle was taking all of this in stride. It hadn’t taken long after skipping the Charlene fling to decide that he couldn’t hope to exactly, or even proximately replicate his previous life. He was simply focused on keeping himself out of trouble so that he could position himself to meet Katie when the time was right. All he could do was to make sure that he was unattached and in the same relative position in life when the time came. Unless his actions somehow sent out a ripple that would change the course of
her
life, he knew exactly where she would be when she was ready for him.

Until that time he had two principles he intended to live by. The first was to avoid using his knowledge of events yet to occur to draw special attention to himself. The second was to abstain from all romantic interactions with women. This was not only out of respect for his wife, but, also out of respect for any woman who might hope for a commitment that he simply could not give. Both of these would prove to be a significant problem over time. The challenges involved in both of these endeavors seemed obvious. But, they weren’t. Both would prove even more difficult than he imagined at the time.