Time Skip (5 page)

CHAPTE
R
SEVEN

The anticipation leading up to the summer of ’89 was excruciating. Since the moment Lovelle had arrived in this new life he had never been so nervous. This would be a make or break moment for him. He was going to be putting nearly everything he cared about on the line and it required a serious plan of action. He knew where Katie would be living, and, he knew where she would be working. But the office where she worked was not open to the public. There was no reason for him to go there, and, short of stalking her, he had no real idea of where else she would be.

He knew he would have to contrive a reason to ‘bump into’ her, but, before he could do that, he had to find out where that place would be. And once he figured that out, Lovelle didn’t even know if Katie would be in a relationship or not. This was not an area of her life that she had ever fleshed out in much detail. And he had never pressed her on it. It was a hitch he wasn’t entirely prepared to deal with.

Out of desperation, he decided he would have to do a little spying to determine where she tended to hang out. They had talked about some clubs they both had been to before meeting, but, he didn’t know what the timing or frequency was of those visits. He knew for sure that the bar where they had met was not one of her regular hang outs. It was not in the best of areas, and only a visit from one particular band had brought them to that place.

Choosing to do a little covert observation, he knew he risked discovery, and permanently putting her off. He was still driving his Alfa Romeo. This little red convertible wasn’t exactly inconspicuous. He had taken tremendous care of the car this time, and it killed him to trade it in, but he did. He found himself a little compact car, much like the one he’d owned when they first met. He had hated the car then, and he hated it all the more now. Then in a nasty ironic twist, once the trade was made, he decided on a new plan that would not involve his car at all. He wanted to knock his head into a wall for jumping the gun.

His new plan was to go to work with her. He remembered her saying that there was a lot of turnover among the office couriers. They paid next to nothing, and the hours were too sporadic. But it would be perfect for him. He wasn’t overly concerned about money, since he had worked consistently in his off time and supplemented his income with sports betting. He had also managed to keep spotless driving and employment records, which he thought would get him into the door pretty easily. He had been working out on the road for many years, and was quite comfortable with the work. He was also pretty skilled at building relationships with people who worked in the offices where he started and stopped his days.

This plan could take a lot of pressure off of him. Instead of being forced to make an immediate impression, he would have time on his side. He could flirt at his leisure. And if she was in a relationship at the time, he wouldn’t get shot down before he got started. As long as there was an opening, he would be golden. That was, of course, a big if.

As it turned out, Katie’s office was desperate for help, and he was working within a few days. Much to his delight, Katie’s cubicle was right in the pathway between the courier’s room and the parking lot. Her desk faced a low half wall that he would be walking by every time he came and went.

Lovelle walked by her for the first time and almost didn’t see her there. She turned her chair right before he passed and he saw her face. She looked almost exactly as she had when they had first met. His heart leapt. This was as good as he had felt since he had arrived in this life. He hadn’t allowed himself to see her since the day he had skipped school and drove by her on the street. In the intervening time she had grown up. He walked by without stopping or slowing, but he got a good look at her beautiful face. She didn’t look up, which was good, because the ridiculous smile that crossed his face at that moment would have seemed rather queer.

As that first day went on Lovelle walked by her several times. Finally she looked up at the right time. He gave her a quick smile and a “Hi’, and she responded with a friendly smile of her own. His heart soared, and he went home that evening dreaming of that smile, and of how it would be to hear her voice once again.

The next day he introduced himself, and she responded in a manner that seemed to say,
Yeah, that’s nice, now don’t bother me
. He wanted to press the situation, but, he didn’t know how to do it without being awkward. The reason he had decided to work there was precisely so that he could take the time to let her get to know him. But he couldn’t help feeling a sense of urgency. Here was the love of his life, and all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms once again.

For two weeks all he got was polite “Hellos”. His patience was wearing thin. He knew that physical attraction was not a problem between them, so he worried that she was spoken for. Finally, he got his chance on the way out the door for lunch one day. Katie and another of their co-workers, Alicia, were standing by the entrance talking. They were discussing one of the older women who worked in the office, a morbidly obese, filthy, and thoroughly obnoxious woman.

“Did you know she has a kid?” Alicia asked in a hushed voice.

“No way!” Katie made a face. “Was she married?”

“Yeah, but I guess no one knows where he’s at.” Alicia half whispered.

Lovelle had just passed them when he heard Alicia’s reply. He turned around and delivered his line, “I heard she ate him,” then pushed the door open with his back and turned away before they had time to react.

The next day Katie finally talked to him. It was strictly work related, but, he had managed to break the ice. Over the next few days she talked to him a few more times about work, then finally asked him about school. He wore a lot of Michigan State shirts, so she wondered if that was where he was going to school. Although he already knew exactly what her status was, it seemed appropriate to ask her about school as well. She informed him that she was getting ready to start at the local community college, and that she had just graduated. It almost sounded to him like she was trying to tell him that he was too old for her. But that didn’t sound like her. He knew full well that she had dated older guys, and it was only a couple of years before they were due to get together anyhow.

Soon enough he found out exactly why she seemed intent on keeping him at arm's length. As he stood talking to her one afternoon, Dave, another young guy working as a courier walked up and smacked him on his back, “Hey, dude. Don’t get any ideas about my girlfriend.”

This put a wrinkle in his plans. Lovelle had anticipated the possibility of having to either wait for her, or to win her away from someone, but he didn’t expect that someone to be his coworker. He also didn’t anticipate a second complication. Apparently his little joke hadn’t broke the ice with Katie alone, but also with Alicia. She and Katie had only just met, but they had hit it off pretty quickly. Since Lovelle had never met Alicia in their previous life, he had to assume that it wouldn’t be a lasting friendship. But, soon enough she would pose a problem.

Alicia decided that they should all go out one Friday evening. Up to that point Lovelle had been pretty oblivious to her flirtations. He had been preoccupied with winning Katie over from Dave. In as much as Katie had never mentioned him, Lovelle didn’t figure their relationship could have much time left. But that evening, Alicia got a little drunk, and a little assertive. And while he tried to fend her off, he watched Dave and Katie getting pretty affectionate themselves. That was more than he could bear. He seethed as he watched this punk kissing his wife right there at their table. He wanted to pick him up and throw him across the room. But, he couldn’t do anything about it. He had no justification for such violence that anyone could possibly understand or believe. So he feigned illness and extricated himself from both situations.

Come that following Monday he found that Katie was staking out the same “just friends” position in his life as Trina had been in for years. There was definitely some logic in this. One of the reasons behind the success of their marriage had always been that they were not only in love, but they were also great friends. This was precisely why he knew he could never give in to the temptation of romance with Trina. Although they were very different people, his feelings about them were very similar. So he shouldn’t have been surprised to find Katie informing him of how interested Alicia was in him. He flashed back to that moment a few years ago when Trina put him in the same position. The answer he gave then elicited a response from Trina that he would have loved to duplicate with Katie. So he told her the same thing, that he actually liked someone else. But her response was not at all the same. There was no reason it should have been. Trina had plenty of reason to think that she would know his mystery crush. Katie, however, hardly knew him, and would have no reason to believe that she was the object of his affection, or to pursue the subject any further. He would still have to work to let her know that she was the one he was interested in.

Meanwhile, Dave saw fit to let him know what a fool he thought he was. “Dude! I’d give my left arm for just one night with Alicia. Are you blind? She is totally hot.”

Dave was right. Alicia was the quintessential 80’s babe. She had big hair, big eyes, a big chest, and an affinity for wearing low cut tops and high cut skirts. She looked like she had been plucked from a hair band music video. She was what could have been called ‘out of his league’. Yet, she was determined to pursue Lovelle. She wasn’t accustomed to not getting whatever guy she wanted, and his aloofness was making him just that much more desirable. He had never believed that playing hard to get was really effective, but, it was working wonders on Alicia. And the very idea of failing to make what she thought should be an easy conquest, was not something her self-esteem could allow. So she was persistent, at times to the amusement of Katie.

At any time before then, Alicia would have been a temptation he would have struggled to avoid. But with Katie in his life now, he just wanted to totally get rid of this nuisance. He just couldn’t seem to do it. When it came to women Lovelle could be kind of a pushover. He had a hard time being anything but nice to women unless they were not nice to him. And Alicia was exceedingly nice. And Katie was watching this whole little dance they were doing. She was getting play by play from both sides and finding it pretty amusing. What he needed was for Alicia to finally decide to move on, without forcing him to be a jerk. But, it just didn’t work out that way.

The summer’s end was approaching and he had to start preparing for school. He was not making any real progress towards his goal. Katie was becoming a good friend, but, he hadn’t seemed to drive any kind of wedge between her and Dave. In fact, they were doing very well. He knew this because she never hesitated to tell him. It was torture. Then finally, on one of his last days of work, Katie asked about the ‘other woman’.

“I can’t believe you made it through the whole summer without giving in to Alicia. I hope that other girl appreciates you.” He rolled his eyes a little. “You must be glad you’re going back to see her?” She was fishing for information.

“She isn’t at school.” He considered telling her right then and there. But it was only a day earlier that she was tearing his guts out with a story of the romantic evening that Dave had surprised her with. If he told her now she might never talk to him again. Katie wasn’t wishy washy like he could be. She was decisive. If she thought that having him around was a threat to her relationship with Dave, she’d drop Lovelle in a heartbeat. No, he had to maintain their friendship. He had to be there when Dave left the picture.

“She doesn’t know she’s supposed to appreciate me yet.” he continued.

“Well, you need to tell her.” She got suddenly serious, as if she were actually concerned about his happiness.

“All in due time, my dear, all in due time.” he feigned confidence and walked away.

CHAPTE
R
EIGHT

When Lovelle returned to college for his junior year, things were a little different. First, there was Trina. He had pretty well neglected their friendship over the summer, begging off from almost every invitation to see her. She decided to return the favor now that he was alone and in need of company. And, Trina being Trina, she let him know he was being punished. Although they hadn’t been nearly as close over the last two years, he had never before failed to make time for her when she’d asked. For Lovelle, it had been the second time that Katie had released him from Trina’s spell. The first time, however, Trina wasn’t around to notice.

But, as depressing as this punishment was for him, it paled in comparison to the dismay he felt over being away from Katie. It was almost as if he had lost her again. He tried to tell himself that he only needed to be patient. But, somehow he could not help feeling hopeless. Katie, who had always excelled at keeping in touch with friends, called him regularly. This might have made him feel better if not for the constant updates on how well she and Dave were doing. This guy, this temporary placeholder, was becoming a fixture in her life. Lovelle couldn’t imagine that this was how things had played out the first time around. If she had been with any guy for this long then she certainly would have mentioned him. Lovelle was becoming surer and surer that his own presence had somehow changed events. The thing he had been wary of was proving true.

To make matters worse, all of this internal turmoil caused his academic performance to suffer as well. The thing that had changed him from an underachiever to an overachiever was gone. That thirst for knowledge was replaced by an overwhelming desire to make this situation come to a head. His preoccupation with her was destroying the focus that he had maintained on his mission. Several times he nearly told Katie how he felt. If they had been face to face instead of on the phone he just might have. He tried to drop a few hints. Maybe plant the idea in her head in some subtle way. But, all that got him was a visit, from Alicia.

Katie told her where he could be found, and she just showed up one day. Lovelle wasn’t sure if Katie thought this would be funny, or if it was her not so subtle reply to his subtle hints. But there she was. A gorgeous girl in his dorm, sent to him by his wife. He had to laugh. It sounded like some letter in a men’s magazine. But what it really was, was the ultimate kiss off. It was like saying, “Here, if you’re so lonely up there, sleep with this and leave me alone.”

Of course, he didn’t sleep with her. Oh, he was tempted. There she sat, on his bed, wearing the tightest dress you could pour her into, all but asking him to. It was a test of willpower. So he did the only thing he could think of. He told her exactly how madly in love with Katie he was. Alicia looked as if the secret of the universe had just been revealed. Then she sat up and pulled at her skirt, covering as much of her as the little thing could, and seamlessly transitioned from temptress to confidante.

“I should have known. No guy spends as much time talking to a girl as that unless he’s got the hots for her. You two would make a nice couple. But she isn’t going to leave Dave. He’s such a good guy, and they have the best relationship. I even had my eye on him before you came to work there.” She paused for a moment, thinking. "You know, I’m still glad you came and made me laugh. I would hate to have split them up before they even got started.”

Wham!

It hit Lovelle like an atom bomb. He suddenly felt sick. It was the mother of all unintended consequences. It was now so clear. The first time around Dave had dumped Katie for this vixen. This time Lovelle had short circuited the process. Of all the scenarios he had imagined where the ripples of his actions might ruin his chances with Katie, none had ever looked like this. He never imagined that he would run interference between Katie’s boyfriend and the woman who was destined to take him from her. Yet, the moment he began his friendship with Katie was also the moment he threw their romance out the window. His little ice breaking joke had backfired. He had wooed the wrong woman.

After his epiphany he excused himself to the restroom. He had to do so as he was about to lose his composure. In his bathroom he leaned heavily on the counter top. His entire body trembled. Briefly, all of his strength left him and he nearly fell over. After a moment he recovered his strength. Anger swept over him. He turned on the water at full blast, found a wash cloth to clench between his teeth, wrapped a hand towel around his fist, and proceeded to pummel the only thing that wouldn’t make an obvious sound, his thigh. He had not had an outburst like that since he broke the window of his car the first time he realized that this life was not a surreal dream. Then, as he regained his composure, he was grateful for having enough self-control not to have smashed the mirror.

After a couple of minutes, he returned to his room, and Alicia, and they went to dinner. This would be the last time Alicia expressed anything more than a passing interest in him. Apparently, all she needed was an explanation for his rebuffs so she could move on.

*****

On top of his depression, Lovelle now carried a tremendous guilt and a feeling of self-loathing. He was the architect of his own trouble and he knew it. And that was how he lived the remainder of that semester. He was a miserable wreck. Life now droned on miserably, punctuated by occasional phone calls from his beloved, where he held onto a glimmer of hope that Dave would still have his head turned by some vamp. But, each call only confirmed the solidity of their relationship.

Christmas break came, and Lovelle went home. He arranged to see Katie for lunch on the day after New Years. He had wanted to see her sooner so that he might spend more time with her, but, any other time would have meant being with Dave as well. As it was, he arranged to meet her at a restaurant so he wouldn’t risk running in to him. Lovelle arrived early to get the table and sat waiting for what seemed like forever. Finally he saw her walk in with the biggest grin on her face. For a moment he thought that maybe she was really excited to see him. Then she held up her hand and waved her glittering new engagement ring at him. Through sheer force of will he kept the smile on his face. As she sat down he congratulated her, and without hesitation she launched into the tale of her romantic New Years Eve, and Dave’s proposal at the stroke of twelve.

As she spoke, Lovelle’s mouth began to dry and his palms began to sweat. He had to pull his hands off of the table when they started shaking. He was having a small panic attack. When she had finished her story, and took what seemed to be her first breath in five minutes, she looked at him, puzzled. “Are you all right Curtis? You look a little out of it.”

“I’m okay,” he lied, trying to seem like he was.

She wasn’t buying it, “Come on. Something’s bothering you.”

“Girl trouble.” he confessed.

“Aww… you still haven’t hooked up with your dream girl?”

“No. She’s taken. I got shot out of the water.” he selectively told her the truth.

“Oh sweetie,” she said sympathetically. “I’m sorry.”

He nodded and shrugged. “What are ya gonna do?” He said, and then thought,
Other than
stick your head in an oven
.

“I guess it’s a good time for you to move on. You deserve to be happy. You’re such a loyal guy. You’re gonna be an awesome husband for whoever is lucky enough to get you.”

Katie was just so nice to him, which only made him hurt more.

“I don’t know if I can move on. I’ve been living my life around the idea of being with her for so long now.”

“How long have you known her?”

“More years than I can remember.”

*****

Lovelle cried himself to sleep that night, and a lot of nights after that. Back at school, Trina noticed that he had taken a turn for the worse and immediately lifted her embargo on affection towards him. But, she was only minimally helpful. He spilled his guts and told her that he was in love with an unavailable woman. She never said as much to Lovelle, but she assumed that he was in love with the idea of Katie. What else could someone be in love with in a person they had never dated? Had never shared their intimate thoughts with. Had never been intimate with. What else could Trina have thought? He could never tell her that their love was tested and true and precious and all that he wanted in life, and that he wanted to curse whoever or whatever it was that had taken her from him.

Katie tried to be supportive from afar. In any other circumstance she would have been the ideal person to help him. She had been his rock of support so many times before. But now, she was simply salt in his wounds. He loved her for caring for him. But, if he couldn’t have her, then he couldn’t tolerate talking to her. Yet he couldn’t cut off contact with her because she had done nothing wrong. In fact, she was doing everything a good friend should do. All he could do was selectively screen his calls to keep the torture to a minimum.

Trina was fully aware of what he was going through. She told him time and again that he needed to tell Katie. That he would have to get it out in the open so that she would leave him alone, and he could move on. And as the semester ended and they prepared to go home, she could see that he was getting worse. The thought of facing Katie was overwhelming him. So Trina did what she shouldn’t have, but, what needed doing. She stole Katie’s number from his phone book and told her everything she knew.

Then she confessed what she had done.

“You did what?” Lovelle could barely contain his rage. “What gives you the right?”

Trina stood her ground. “You weren’t going to do it and it had to be done.” She answered him calmly. He had never yelled at her before, and she didn’t want to give him any extra reason to do so. “She said that she would take your call whenever you were ready.”

That was a call he wasn’t sure he could ever make. And Katie didn’t call him anymore.

*****

With Katie no longer the preoccupation of his life, Lovelle was finally able to function again. He was still plenty miserable, but, he was now functionally miserable. He looked over the past year and was amazed at how thoroughly he had screwed up nearly every plan he had set into motion, and in such a short span of time. Not only had he destroyed his personal life, but he had lost sight of his professional goal. He had spent three years trying to position himself for a career in the FBI. Then, over the last year, he had done nothing to further that goal. It was his junior year and he should have been intensifying his efforts. Instead, he was just coasting academically, not bothering in any way to do, or even to find out, what was necessary to become a candidate.

His grades had suffered, but, taken as a whole with his other years at State, he still had a strong academic record to stand on. He just had to re-engage and put himself back on the right track. He set everything else aside and buckled down in his final year. While everyone around him seemed to be on a five year plan, Lovelle would graduate precisely on time, and with a solid final year behind him.

Lovelle knew that joining the FBI was not just as simple as doing well in school and then letting the doors just swing open for him. They had very particular qualifications they looked for in a candidate, and they were not necessarily what one might expect. Academically they were primarily interested in accountants and people with higher degrees, particularly lawyers. Criminal justice, which was his major, did not show up on their list. He had known all this, but he was not simply looking for a career with the bureau. He was aiming for a very specific type of assignment that he didn’t see an accountant’s degree getting for him. The other avenues for people with undergraduate degrees included work experience, and language skills.

He had discovered this anomaly pretty early on in his college career, so he tried to set himself up as the ideal non-traditional candidate. He took four years of Arabic and became moderately proficient at it. And, he minored in Accounting for good measure. If that didn’t work, he just figured that he would transition to plan B. That would mean getting some experience as a police officer. It would slow him down, but, it still seemed like a workable plan. So he gathered up all of his records, and applied.

Lovelle expected the process would take several months, so he went back to living life as best he could. He got his old summer sales job back and tried not to dwell too much on losing Katie.

That summer he took an unplanned break from his goal driven existence. For nearly six years he had made almost every decision in light of how it would affect his future with either Katie or the Bureau. Suddenly, both of these things were out of his hands. This was simultaneously depressing and liberating. Each time he found himself feeling a sense of relief from all of the pressure, he felt tremendous guilt. He told himself that it was completely natural to feel that way, but, to no avail.

He took the opportunity to stop and assess his situation. The conclusion he came to was that he had effectively isolated himself. Other than Trina, and for a time Katie, he had allowed himself nothing more than casual friendships with anyone. And as those friends transitioned into couples, he was no longer able to lean on them. Trina was his sole confidant, and he couldn’t be sure how long that would last. She was in a committed relationship with a guy who tolerated their friendship. But he suspected that she was giving her boyfriend no choice simply because she knew how much Lovelle needed her. But she wouldn’t be able to ask her man to ignore him forever. And Lovelle knew that he could not expect to come out on top if he ever made her choose. She loved him probably about as much as one friend can love another. She had not only told him that in so many words, but had shown him many times over. But he had long ago given up any right to expect her to put him ahead of another man, one who was willing to give her his heart, as Lovelle had refused to do.