To Dream Anew (26 page)

“You going to keep moping?” Morgan asked Angelina as they rode the valley in search of horses. Angelina’s father wanted Morgan to pick them up a string of horses from the Diamond V. They needed to be swift and strong, as Marley wanted to make a fast trip to Utah, where supplies were awaiting them at the Corrine depot. They needed to make the trip and be back to the Diamond V before the heavy snows fell in the mountain passes.

“I asked if you were going to keep moping.”

“I heard you.”

Morgan turned and shrugged. “Well, you didn’t say anything, and for all that your father has taught me, mind reading isn’t on the list of accomplishments.”

She frowned. “How can you act like this? Your brother is dead. Tragically gunned down. How can you pretend that nothing is wrong?”

Morgan swallowed hard. He couldn’t bear lying to Angelina. He wanted to marry her—he loved her more than he’d ever loved anyone or anything. Including his freedom.

“Trenton wouldn’t want us to grieve. He was a man who enjoyed life.”

Angelina looked away quickly and Morgan was certain she was crying again. For several minutes neither of them said anything.

Morgan hated that he couldn’t be honest with her about Trenton. He wanted to tell her the truth at least a dozen times a day, and if it weren’t for the possibility of the killer finding out that Trenton was alive, he might have broken the silence.

But I can’t tell her. Not without first talking to Dianne. I promised I wouldn’t say anything, and it’s got to stay that way
.

“When I wake up in the morning, he’s the first one I think of,” Angelina finally said, her voice barely a whisper. “Then as I pass through the day, I can’t help but remember things about him. Little silly things.” She dabbed at her eyes with her gloved hand. “Then when I find the end of the day has come, I feel worse than ever. I think of how we sometimes played a game of chess or checkers. I can almost hear Trenton talking about breaking one horse or another. I’m so grateful for the time we shared—the winter we spent on the Diamond V—but it wasn’t enough.”

“I guess it never is.”
Just like my love for you isn’t enough to wipe out Trenton’s memory
. Morgan shook his head.
But how could she love me when I’d lie to her about something like this? I thought maybe with Trenton gone she’d realize it was really me she loved, but instead she only misses him more and more. How can I keep lying about it?

“I never meant for you to get hurt, Morgan,” she said softly.

That only made it worse. Morgan turned his horse. “I think we should check over there.” He urged the horse to a trot, not bothering to look back. He knew Angelina would follow—sooner or later.

That evening after completing their selection of stock, Morgan and Angelina joined the family at the dinner table. He was surprised to hear his sister chiding Angelina for her sadness. It wasn’t like Dianne to be so hardhearted.

“Life is difficult at best in these parts. You need to recognize that—maybe even return to Chicago, where the world is more civilized.”

“I can’t bear Chicago. My mother would only attempt to marry me off to yet another suitor.”

“Maybe that would be for the best,” Dianne replied.

Morgan toyed with the silver fork. His sister set a nice table—almost as fancy as the hotels they’d stayed in once when they’d gone to Denver.

Angelina got to her feet, bringing every gaze to settle on her. “I don’t know how you can all just sit here feeling right as rain. Trenton is gone, and while that may be easy enough for you to overcome, I find it a tiny bit difficult.” Her sarcasm was not lost on anyone.

“No one is pretending that having Trenton gone is easy,” Cole said. “He was better at breaking horses than anyone I’ve ever known—myself included. He was also one of the best people to sit and talk to. I could bring him an idea and he was always good at listening and figuring out if it might work.”

“I miss him too,” Ardith said softly. “I would love for him to watch Winona grow up.”

“We all miss him,” Dianne said, looking most uncomfortable. “But he’s gone, and the last thing he would want would be for any of us to give up living. We must go on—if for no other reason than to honor his life.”

Angelina lowered her head. “I go on living, but not because I want to.” She left the room without waiting for a response, and Morgan knew he had to get Dianne’s permission to tell Angelina the truth.

“Dianne, I want to talk to you—now.”

His sister looked up. “We’re still eating.”

“It’s important or I wouldn’t take you away.”

Dianne looked to Cole and then back to Morgan. “Can’t it wait?”

“No. Please.”

“Go ahead,” Cole said, nudging her toward the door. “I’ll see to the boys.”

“I’ll help him,” Ardith offered.

Morgan took Dianne by the arm. “Come on.”

They walked outside, the darkness wrapping itself around them like a shawl. There was no moon and very little light. Morgan was almost glad. He didn’t want to have to look Dianne in the eye and lose his nerve. She was always so sensible, so capable. He had always found it difficult to exist in her shadow. He knew she’d never understand that, but even their trip west had proven her abilities more so than his own. She was strong in so many ways where he failed. But of course, that conversation needed to wait until another day. Right now he really needed to get her to understand the importance of coming clean with Angelina.

“We have to tell Angelina the truth.”

“No. It would only jeopardize Trenton.”

“She’s half sick with grief. It’s not getting any better. Every day I have to live with the fact that she’s bearing such sorrow—sorrow enough to put her in the ground.”

“She won’t kill herself—she’s much too strong for that.”

“Listen to yourself.” Morgan took hold of her shoulders. “Angelina is a good woman. She won’t cause Trenton any trouble, but she very well may die from a broken heart. Could you live with yourself if that happened? I know I couldn’t.”

“Morgan, don’t go on so. Angelina is strong—you’ll see.

She’ll be fine.”

“Dianne, I’ve tried hard not to go against you, no matter the decision or choice. You’ve always seemed to know the right thing to do, and I’ve respected you for that. But I won’t do this anymore. Either you go with me to tell her the truth—or I’m going to her alone.”

He felt his sister’s shoulders slump. “But it might cause all kinds of problems. Have you thought of that? Because I have.”

“I’ve thought of the possibility—no, the probability that she’ll want to find him.”

“And what if she does? How will you adjust to losing her, loving her as you do?”

Morgan dropped his hold. Her words stung him and for a moment he wanted only to walk away and forget the conversation. But instead, he stood his ground. “You can’t lose what you never had.”

Dianne could not persuade Morgan to let the matter drop, and after a brief discussion with Cole, they agreed that it would be best to explain the situation to Angelina. Dianne worried at what the young woman’s reaction might be. There would be no simple way to tell her the news, and she would be incensed at their deception.

When Morgan appeared with Angelina, Dianne wanted to call the whole thing off. She worried that even one more person knowing the truth might very well mean Portia Langford would learn it as well.

“Morgan said you had something to tell me?” Angelina questioned.

“Yes, please sit here beside me,” Dianne said, pointing to the opposite end of the settee. “I hardly know where to begin.”

Morgan took the chair opposite them, and Dianne could see in his eyes that there was a mixture of regret and relief. She felt so sorry for him. He’d loved Angelina from first glance. But for equally as long, Angelina had loved Trenton and had made no pretense of anything else.

“Sometimes things aren’t as they seem, and we make them that way in order to keep something worse from happening,” Dianne began. “I made the decision to do something in order to keep something worse from happening.”

Angelina shook her head. “What are you talking about?”

Dianne bit at her lower lip, uncertain as to how she should proceed.

“Trenton isn’t dead,” Morgan blurted.

Angelina turned ashen and looked to Morgan and then Dianne. “What?” She was barely able to croak out the word.

“What my brother is trying to say is that because of the attempt on Trenton’s life, and with reason to believe that further attempts would come, we let most everyone believe the attack had been successful. As you know, Trenton’s injuries were so extreme the men who found him didn’t realize he was alive. But he healed quickly and we got him to safety.”

Angelina jumped to her feet. “How could you keep this from me? You know that I love him. You know that I only desired to marry him!”

Dianne nodded. “I know how you feel about my brother, but isn’t it better knowing that he’s alive? He isn’t dead, as you’ve believed. Let it comfort you, and then go forward with your life.”

“Not without him. I want to go to him.” Angelina turned and paced the room. Each time she turned, her burgundy gown swirled out behind her in a dramatic flare. “Where is he?”

“I can’t tell you where he is. I’m not completely sure myself. It’s for his safety that we made this arrangement.”

“I won’t just stay here and do nothing. I want to be with him.”

“But he doesn’t want you to be with him,” Dianne said.

Angelina stopped in midstep. “What are you saying?”

“I wanted to tell you the truth from the very beginning. I thought he’d want you to know that he was alive, but Trenton wouldn’t let me.” She saw Angelina’s expression fall. “Listen to me. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with Trenton. He did some things before he came to Montana that he’s deeply ashamed of—things that have left him on the wrong side of the law.”

Angelina shook her head. “I don’t want to live without him,” she cried emotionally. “I know what the sheriff said, but I don’t care what he did in the past—I only want his future. What’s done is done, but I know that together we could have a beautiful life.”

Dianne knew the woman was sincere, and a part of her felt confident that Trenton would be blessed to have Angelina in his life. But another part of her worried, wondering what kind of life it would be for Angelina.

“You wouldn’t be able to use his real name or live your life without constantly looking over your shoulder. You would never be able to live your life fully.”

“I can’t live it this way either,” Angelina said. She threw herself at Dianne’s knee. “Please. Please don’t do this to me. Don’t give me back hope and then keep me from him. You’ve no idea how hard I’ve prayed that something like this might be the truth. You’ve no idea how hard it’s been. You’ve known that he was alive and you could console your heart with the fact that you might one day see him again—but I didn’t have that. Now I do, and you want to take it away from me.”

“I only want his safety. I only want him to be able to live to be an old, old man,” Dianne said, knowing she was losing the battle.

“And I want to grow old with him.”

Dianne shook her head. “Who would take you? It’s a long way, and a woman certainly cannot travel alone.”

“I’ll take her,” Morgan said without hesitation.

Both women turned to look at him. The woman Morgan loved wanted only his brother. He wouldn’t recover this loss easily.

“If that’s the way you want it,” Dianne said, finally relenting.

Morgan smiled sadly. “It’s what she wants that matters most.”