To Forgive & Hold Safe (The Broken Men Chronicles Book 4) (17 page)

By the time we reached my car, I realized something was absent from all of my other visits. My usual dark cloud of grief had disappeared.  I felt lighter, albeit still slightly drained by emotions.

Is that how it felt to know that you’d moved on?

We drove to my place in silence, exchanging glances here and there whenever we stopped at a light.  Hannah’s hand held mine, her thumb rubbing the top of it in a soothing manner.

When we arrived, I let her precede me.

I dropped her bag of clothing she’d packed up this morning to the floor before closing the door.

Hannah slid her heels off of her feet and I walked up to her.  Grabbing her roughly around the waist with one hand, she dropped her shoes as I cradled the back of her head with my other.  “I’m so proud of you,” I said before crushing my lips to hers.

“I embarrassed myself, is what I did,” she said when I pulled away.

“Oh, sweetheart, you didn’t.  You kept your cool.  You were calm, polite, composed and graceful.  You made Lois look like The Wicked Witch of the West.  You’re amazing!  How can you not see what I see?”

“Funny.” She gave me a small smile, her hands coming up to caress the sides of my face. “I wonder the same thing about you, Ben.  I meant what I said by their graves.  You would have been a fantastic father, and I’m sure you will be some day.”

“And what about the other stuff?” I smirked down at her.

“I…” Her face went from nervous to mischievous.  “I do think you’re amazing.  In every way.”  I pressed my lips to hers lightly and pulled back to let her continue.  “I plan on taking care of you for as long as you’ll let me.”

I kissed her again. “And what about-?”

“Shut up and make love to me, Ben.”

“I can’t do that,” I deadpanned. “You don’t love me back.”

“But you never…” Her voice trailed off.  “Hold on.”  Her eyebrows knitted together before they rose up toward her hairline.  “Y-you love me?”

I nodded.  “Wholly.  Irrevocably. There’s not a doubt in my heart and mind, Hannah.  I swore that if life ever led me to a moment where I felt this way again, that I wouldn’t hold back, that I’d say something.  I don’t want you to-”

Her lips crashed to mine feverishly before she pulled away too soon.  “Don’t even finish that sentence, you crazy man.” Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, her lips quirking up with a subtle tremble.  “I’m completely, wholeheartedly, and without a doubt in love with you too, Benjamin.”

“I knew, but I didn’t know how I felt until you were standing there in front of Candace’s plot. I couldn’t help but think I had a new lease on life and found myself wondering what I’d do if you were in Candace’s place right now, if I’d lost you that night before finding what we have.”

“Kind of morbid don’t you think?”

“Let me finish.” She nodded for me to continue.  “I thought about it, and as broken as I’ve been over Candace, I know I was on my way to finding myself again.  The journals sped things up, thankfully.  Hannah, the thought of you being in her place makes it hard for me to breathe.  If it were you, I don’t think-”

Her fingertips feathered over my lips.  “I’m not going anywhere, Ben.”

I’d taken Hannah to my bed and made love to her, turning my cell off because of its incessant ringing.  We spent the entirety of that afternoon lounging in bed until dinnertime.

In the midst of cooking dinner, the doorbell rang.

One look at Hannah, who was leaning back against the counter wearing my dress shirt, gave answer as to who was presentable enough to greet our unannounced guest.

“You stay here.” I zipped my pants before making for the door, our sexy interlude to dinner-making now delayed.

Hannah grabbed hold of my belt loops quicker than I could get away, and pulled me back to her.

“You’re not answering that, baby.”  She bit my bottom lip before sucking it into her mouth, then released it.  “You started something and you’re going to finish it.”

I growled as I crushed my lips to hers.  “You’re right.” My lips trailed a combination of nips and kisses along her collarbone.  “If it’s that important, they’ll come back.”

“Probably some door-to-door salesman anyway.”  She panted, her fingers releasing the button and lowering the zip on my trousers.

My pants pooled at my feet as I sat her up on my kitchen island.  She hissed at the coolness of the granite.

In one swift thrust, I was inside her, her legs pulling me closer while wrapped around my waist.  Her lips were trapped by mine, my hands fisting her hair, keeping her where I wanted her, while her fingernails scraped at my back, digging into my flesh at an almost painful intensity.  The bite of her nails only fed me with more lust.

I tilted Hannah’s head back with a tug of her tresses and began to ravage the sensitive skin of her neck.

“Fuck that’s hot!”

Hannah jumped in my arms, clinging to me so tight that she’d buried my face in her breasts.

“Nikki?” Hannah squeaked.

“You might want to let him up for air there, sweetie.” I could tell that our guest was amused.

Hannah did just that, and I turned to face Nicole, heat suffusing my face.

“I never knew that a surprise like that awaited me when I rang,” Nicole said.  “Seeing something like that definitely gets the juices flowing, doesn’t it, Ben?”

I groaned at the memory and Hannah tilted my head so my eyes met hers, and she gave me an inquiring look.

“Long story.” I gave her a quick peck.  “I’ll tell you later.”

“It’s not a long story at all, Benny-boy,” Nicole cajoled.  “Ben walked in on Mike and me one night.  The end.”

“If what you saw got you so hot and bothered, why aren’t you trying to get home to your husband?” I asked. 
I can’t believe I forgot to lock the fucking door.

“Relax, Casanova,” Nicole said. “I was in the neighborhood so I figured I’d stop by to give Hannah the details to our girls’ night on Friday since you haven’t been picking up the phone.  We’re still on, right?”

“Y-yeah,” Hannah said.  “Is Mike still driving us?”

“Yeah.”  She smiled mischievously.  “I’m thinking some dancing somewhere and I like your idea of stopping in at
Fairfax
for a nightcap before our men hunt us down.”

“Sounds good.”

“Good!  By the way, I think you need to take care of big guy here,” Nicole said.  “Seeing as you two are busy, I’ll call later with the rest of the details and the decision on the club.”

“And leave a message next time!” I grumbled.

Nicole rolled her eyes.  “I’m out of here, lovers!  And you’re right, Hannah, he does have a tight ass.”  The damn woman had the audacity to wink at me before she turned and strolled out of my kitchen, the front door slamming shut in her wake.

After a moment of silence, I turned to my woman and smirked.  “You talk about my ass?”

Hannah shrugged her shoulders.  “She just asked me if it looked as good naked as it did in your jeans.”

“And what did you tell her?”

Her mischievous grin said enough.  “I told her it was way better naked.”

Good thing Derek was at
Fairfax
to greet everyone and that the place had been closed to the public.  Friday had arrived and I should have been back at the pub fifteen minutes ago, but I wanted to see Hannah before her night of wild fun with the girls.  And ‘wild’ was a fitting descriptor when Nicole and Danica were concerned.

When Hannah came downstairs decked out in a sexy strapless black dress that hugged her curves in all the right places, showing off some leg where her knee-high stiletto boots didn’t cover, I wanted to beg off our prior engagements.

“You’re killing me.” I pulled on my shirt collar for added effect.

She laughed.  “You’re looking pretty damn sexy yourself.”  Leaning against me, her lips met mine in a sensual dance.

The doorbell interrupted our kiss and Mike helped himself in with an impressively dressed Nicole at his side.

“Damn,” he said as he eyed Hannah from top to bottom.  “Honey, we need to get you some boots like those.”

“I think we need to impose a curfew,” was my rebuttal as I held Hannah’s back against my front.

“And I think it’s time to get going,” Hannah turned to face me.  “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah.” I kissed her chastely.  “Have fun.”

The party was well under way, the whole gang having shown up with a few sets of parents and family members added to the mix.  My phone signaled an incoming text and when I looked at it, my heart leapt in my chest.

We’re on our way.
I read.

Why so early?
I texted back.

Allie’s friend Mia got caught up with some creep, and we got kicked out since said creep is the owner’s brother.

How far out are you ladies?
I asked.

Five minutes.  We’re walking.

“Guys,” I shouted to the room.  “Get ready, they’re here in five!”

To say Nicole was floored with her surprise would be an understatement.  I never thought a woman could jump that high in heels.

Hannah had gone off to the bar to get herself a drink with a few of the ladies, while I mixed and mingled.

I turned to find a few men surrounding her and Alissa’s friend Mia.

Maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t had my dose of Hannah for the day, but I headed toward them and wrapped my arms around her from behind, effectively erasing the sudden pang of neglect I felt.

“Hey, baby,” Hannah said and squeezed her arms over mine.

I looked up at the guys surrounding us and my eyes widened when they landed on a familiar face that made me growl.  “You’ve got real nerve showing up here, asshole.”  Hannah stiffened.  “This is a private party.”

“One I’ve been invited to,” he said.

“Hannah, let’s go,” I said and pulled her away by her hand.

“Save me a dance there, Hannah.”

“Her card’s full up,” I snapped without giving him a backward glance.

I pulled Hannah to my office, slammed the door and locked it.

“What the hell was that all about?” she asked, hands fisted on her hips.

I leaned on the ledge of my desk, pinching the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger, trying to get my breathing under control. All I had to say was one word, and I watched as her face fell with what I’d implied.

“Chris?  As in…?” I nodded.  “What the hell is he doing here?”

“He said he was invited.”

“I heard that, but why the hell would he show when he knows this is your place of business?”

That was a really good question.

My fists clenched and my body shook with anger.  I had wanted to wipe that smug look off the man’s face, but it wasn’t worth ruining the evening.

A soft hand on my cheek brought me back to reality, but it was already too late.  The memories of what I’d read were all too fresh.  All I could see in my mind’s eye were pictures of Candace and him together.  Intimate ones.  I shuddered before pulling Hannah into my arms.

The door vibrated with a knock.  “Buddy, it’s not the time to get it on with your woman.”

“Shut up, Mike.” I nuzzled Hannah’s nose, seeking the comfort she offered.

“All right, man, but you’re missing one hell of a show out here.”

The sound of breaking glass – and not just a small amount – had my brows knitting together. 
What the hell?

“Do your friends always get this rowdy?” Hannah asked before something else crashed, entirely different from glass.  If it were my guess, it had to be wood.

Images of my pub being torn to shreds invaded my mind.  Holding her upper arms, I pushed her away from me. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I need to get out there, Chris or no Chris.”

She grabbed my hand and I proceeded to pull her along.

Two men were on the floor, tumbling.  I saw a broken table and a few broken chairs and stools, along with lots of glass.  I couldn’t make out who was on the floor as the fists that swung blurred my sight.

“You fucking left!” one of them shouted, and I heard the sickening sound of skin against skin accompanied by a groan.  “Do you have any idea what that did to Mom?”  Another hit.  “We thought you were dead!”

“We can’t pull them apart,” Mike said at my side with Nicole at his other, wincing with every hit.

I turned to find Danica holding on to a crying Alissa.

My brows furrowed.  “Where’s Pax, and why is Allie crying?”

Jake’s gaze went straight to the two that were pummelling each other on the floor.  My eyes widened. 
What the fuck?

We waited it out until they seemed to have lost some energy, and that’s when Jake, Mike, and I jumped in to put a stop to it all.

“Get the fuck out of here!” Paxton yelled to the other man.

My eyes took in Paxton’s opponent as I held on to his arms and my breath caught. 
It can’t be!

“I just got back and that’s all you have to say?” he asked.  “The least I deserve is a chance to explain.”

“For what?  So you can leave again? We thought we buried you!” he yelled.  “Theo, we thought…”

Oh fuck! It is him!

“I’m sorry,” Theo said and looked down, shaking my hands off of him before meeting my eyes with a double-take of recognition.  “I’m cool.”  I let the man go as he turned back to his brother.  “I couldn’t do anything about it.  It was work.”

Hushed whispers could be heard all around about people wondering who Theo was, and what was going on.

I’ve known Theo since my high school days.  He was a trouble maker, but Paxton and he were the best at throwing parties back then, the closest of brothers I ever knew, too.

When Theo got a drunk driving charge, his parents had put him in military school.  They just never expected him to like it so much that the man would make a career out of the armed forces.

I remembered the day we all found out that Theo had gone missing and was presumed dead.

Seeing the man standing before us filled me with relief that he was safe but I couldn’t begin to wonder how Paxton felt about his brother’s sudden return from the dead.

“What happened to you, man?” Those words were out of my mouth long before I could stop them.

He gave me a quick glance and then aimed his eyes back to his brother.  Then he set off to give us the Cliff’s notes version, leaving any sensitive information out of where he’d been, what had happened to him.

“And you couldn’t be bothered to let us know you were okay?” Paxton asked, his breathing still ragged once his older brother was done explaining.

“It would have been too risky for you, Mom, and Dad.  You have no-”

“Don’t tell me I have no idea. 
You
have no idea of the shit we’ve been through.”

“Pax?” Alissa approached her husband.

“Don’t!  His own nephew nearly died and he wasn’t here.  He hasn’t even met his niece.  He knows nothing of our lives and he expects us to welcome him back with open arms?”  Paxton lifted his head, and his eyes bore into his brother’s, the look of betrayal hard to miss.  “You deserted me!”

Theo wore a tortured expression.  “I knew.”

Paxton froze.  “What?”

“I knew that you and Julie didn’t work out, and about the divorce.  I know what happened with Jasper, and when that beautiful little princess of yours was born.  Just because I didn’t stay in touch doesn’t mean I don’t care.  I’ve kept tabs on my family the entire time I was away because that’s the only thing they allowed me to do.  I don’t think I would have survived if they hadn’t given me that much.”

“I believe you.” Paxton sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger as if trying to rid himself of a sudden headache.  “I need a drink.”  He headed toward the bar and paused mid-step.  “Want one?  It’s the least I can do for that busted lip.  When did your face get so hard?”

Theo laughed as he walked at his brother’s side.  “Training.  By the way, your left hook could use some practise.”

“Are these two for real?” Hannah asked, her arms surrounding my waist.

I slung an arm over her shoulders and hugged her to me on a chuckle.

Jake was the one to answer.  “They fought like that over girls back in the day.  I sure as hell didn’t think I’d see Pax swinging like that again.”

After watching the two men sit at the bar and have Derek pour them a few shots, I looked over at Hannah, who was busy making Alissa laugh the remainder of the stress of the latest Lowell squabble away.  I smiled as I approached her.

“Looks like someone’s looking for a good time,” Alissa said, which made Hannah turn to face me.

“Dance with me,” I said to my girlfriend.

“Ladies, I will see you later.  My man is in need of my services.”

“I’d like to know what services those entail.” Nicole giggled with Danica.

“Believe me, Nikki,” Hannah said, “what you walked in on the other day was nothing.”

“You dirty minx!” Danica harrumphed.  “I’m sure Ben won’t complain about what you have planned.”

I watched as Hannah put her index over her lips to hush the hens up before turning to me, setting a hand on my chest.  She pushed me back toward the space I’d cleared for a dance floor.  “I believe I owe you a dance.”

“What was that about?”

She bit her bottom lip, and shrugged her shoulders.  “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”