To Forgive & Hold Safe (The Broken Men Chronicles Book 4) (24 page)

We spent the rest of the day lazing about.

Deidra stopped by with the baby.  She and Blake had a girl.  Mary Jane.  She was a beautiful little angel with a head of whitish blond hair and obsidian eyes.  At two months old, I could already tell that the new parents would have their hands full chasing the boys away in later years.

A moment of embarrassment hit Hannah when MJ started rooting at her breast while she held her.  Her milk had let up with the stimulation and soaked through her shirt, causing Deidra and I to laugh.  To say my woman was annoyed at me would have been an understatement.

I tried to apologize to her, but I ended up feeding MJ a bottle as the two women went upstairs.  The fact that Hannah preferred her best friend to me stung.  I should have known better than to have found humor in a humiliating situation.

I was stuck on MJ and watching her facials change as she slept in my arms when I finally looked up and saw my woman dressed in one of the pregnancy dresses I had bought her a few weeks back.  She’d called them tents and told me to return them, but I hung them up in the closet instead.  Could you blame me for wanting to see more of my woman’s legs instead of her wearing my t-shirts? She’d even begun to highjack my boxers because, and I quote, “They’re comfier than all my other clothes”.

The dress Hannah wore was white and ended above the knee.  It was one of those baby-doll type numbers with spaghetti straps.  Perfect for the late spring heat wave we were having.  It was snug at the bust and flared the rest of the way down.  Deidra had even done her hair, pining half of it up and out of her face.

On an exhale, I said, “You look beautiful.” I didn’t even realize that Deidra had taken her newborn daughter away, but when I did, I shot up to my feet.

Hannah blushed at my breathless statement.  When I was halfway to her, I froze.  A tremendous amount of fluid gushed out from between her legs and onto the hardwood floor.

Holy fuck!

Apparently my vulgar thought had been verbalized time and again for the next five minutes.  To be honest, I can’t quite remember the words, but what I do recall is Hannah’s eyes meeting mine in a wide and frightened gaze.

After that look, I was useless, frozen in panic, until the lights went out.

It could have been seconds like it could have been minutes when I heard Deidra make the call to nine-one-one.  Darkness kept creeping in and the last I heard was my fiancée’s best friend asking her a series of questions while Hannah answered and followed each one with a “Please tell me I just peed myself and I’m not in labor.”

Consciousness came with a sting to my cheek.

When I opened my eyes, Mom was crouched down in front of me.

“Mom?”

“Get up off your lazy ass and tend to your woman, you fool,” she scolded.  “You need to get to the hospital and fast.”

“The ambulance is coming,” I said, my mind still hazy, but recalling Deidra being on the phone before I lost my faculties.

The moment I heard Hannah crying out in pain, I jumped to my feet and rushed toward her.  She had her arms braced on Dad’s shoulders while Dad held her hips, urging her to swing them from side to side, coaching her on her breathing.

If I had time to think about the comical look of it all, I’d say they looked like awkward teenagers dancing at a school function.

“Her parents will meet us at the hospital,” Deidra said.  “I have to go, but I’ll be there when Blake gets home to take care of MJ.  Take care of her, Ben.”

I nodded.

“Oh fucking sweet baby Jesus this fucking hurts!” Hannah yelled out.  “Christ!  I’m sorry Roz… Doug.”

Mom looked at Hannah with a humoured look. “It’s okay, sweetie. I’ve heard worse from these two.”

Enough! 
I snapped to action.  “Mom, I need her bag packed upstairs.  We started but never finished, do you think you could do that?  Oh!  And can you grab the baby’s bag from the nursery?” After Mom nodded, I turned to my father.  “Dad, I’ve got it from here.”

“No!” Hannah stared Dad down like she was the devil incarnate.  The woman’s voice was like something out of the
Exorcist
– she was scary as all get out. “Don’t you fucking let me go, Doug.  Ben, get behind me, my back is killing me.”

So I did what she requested.

When my hands connected with her lower back and my thumbs started to dig in, she pushed back into me.  I leaned forward into her and rubbed the side of her face with my cheek, cooing words of praise and reminding her of how much I love her.

“God that feels so good,” she said in an almost orgasmic way, which made my hands still.  “Don’t stop, Ben!”

Dad was trying not to laugh, but his face showed a picture of a losing battle with how red it was getting.  Within seconds, the man exploded in laughter.

“You’re not helping, Dad,” I said through gritted teeth.

“I’m sorry,” he said around the same time Hannah let out another cry of pain.

Where the fuck are the EMTs?

The doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it,” Dad said and made sure that Hannah was holding onto my arms, as she was leaning fully into my chest, and my hands rested on her belly.  The thing felt as hard as a rock.

When the next contraction hit, her nails dug deep into my forearms, but I dared not make a noise.  I could take it.  She was clearly in worse pain than I was.

“How are you, darlin’?” the EMT asked.

“Having a party in my uterus, want to join?” Her rhetorical words came through clenched teeth.  Her head arched back onto my shoulder and she let out another cry of pain.

“Craig?” I groaned.  “You mind rushing this?”

“Holy shit, Ben!” the man said and paused to look between Hannah and me.  “You…you mean-?”

“Not now, idiot,” Mom said walking by him, smacking him in the back of the head.

“Mom, I don’t think you want to do that to a man who carries tranquilizers around in the back of that rig of his.”

“Would you all fucking just shut up and get my fat cow ass up into the back of that thing so I can push this devil child of yours out?” Hannah growled, and after a few breaths she added in desperation, “
Please
!”

Craig looked right at me.  “Since you asked so nicely, ma’am.”

“Don’t call me ma’am,” she snarled.  “You’re making me feel old.  It’s Hannah!”

“Hold my hands, Hannah,” he said.  “We’ll walk slowly.”

“Ben!” I could sense her panic.  “Don’t leave me.”  She let go of one of Craig’s hands and reached behind her blindly feeling for me.

“Never, baby.” I moved to stay pressed against her back.  “I’m right here.  I’m not going anywhere without you.”

I cursed out the doctor when we arrived as he wanted to take Hannah into examination without me.  It was a good thing that Marie caught us arguing and assured the doctor that I wouldn’t pose a disruption.  By the looks of things, Hannah would have caused an even bigger one had they not given in.

The next best look of shock I received that day, aside from Craig’s at the house, was Marie’s.

By the time she was examined, Hannah was begging for an epidural.  My worst nightmare came when the doctor announced that she was fully dilated and there was no time for the pain medication.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Her jaw clenched as she squeezed the shit out of my hand.  If any bones weren’t crumbled to dust by the end of this experience, it would be a miracle.

“You can do this, baby, I know you can.”

“You try and push something the size of a golf ball out or your cock and tell me how you feel,” she spat on a wince as the health professionals readied the stir-ups and the rest of their equipment for delivery.

“Okay, we need you to calm down, Hannah.  Your blood pressure is climbing too high.  The baby’s having a hard time,” the doctor said.  “Daddy, why don’t you get in bed behind her?  You can help massage the base of her back since it seems like that’s where it hurts most, right, Hannah?”  She nodded.

My do the tides change rapidly!  One minute she was fine with the idea and when it came time for her to move and allow me to sneak in behind her, I got a, “Don’t you fucking touch me!” and a, “You did this to me!” before she clutched at her belly with an, “Ah!”

“Sweetheart, I’ll make it feel better, I promise.  You want me to make it better, right?”

She nodded feebly and I could see the tears in her eyes.  “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, sweetheart.  Calm down, and let’s do this.”

“Make it go away.  Please make the pain go away.”

“We’ll do just that, sweetheart.” I finally managed to squeeze in behind her.  Hannah leaned back, leaving me with enough room to wedge a hand between us and massage her lower back.  I never thought that she’d relax that much.

“I love you so fucking much, Benjamin Carpenter,” she said mid-contraction.

I couldn’t help the chuckle.  “I love you too, soon-to-be Mrs. Benjamin Carpenter.”

“Okay, you two,” the doctor said as he looked up at us from between my woman’s legs with a smile.  “It’s time.”

“Let’s meet our boy,” I whispered in her ear, then kissed Hannah’s temple.

After twenty-three minutes of pushing, Julian Doug Carpenter was born healthy, slightly under-weight, but with one hell of a set of lungs.

I was distracted, watching the nurses cart him away as they cleaned him up.  I just wanted to see him up close again and kiss him, just like I knew his mother wanted to do.

It was Hannah’s body’s sudden shaking that brought my attention back to her.  At first, it felt like a chill, but then it progressively got more severe, and before I knew it, I saw the crash cart get wheeled toward us, felt a porter pulling me from behind her and heard a shit load of yelling. The only thing I registered beyond the names of drugs called was the doctor’s words. “She’s seizing!”

I stayed rooted to my spot on the floor, the porter holding me back, as I watched from the foot of the bed while they did everything they could.

“Please save her,” I heard myself say.  “I can’t live without her.”

Within the blink of an eye, Hannah was wheeled off to surgery as the porter guided me to sit in a chair, and the nurse hunched down in front of me.

“Please tell me she’ll be okay,” I pleaded.

I know the nurse tried to tell me something, but all I could do was repeat the same line over and over again.  I was in shock.

Next thing I knew, my parents and Hannah’s were in the room with me.

It was when Julian began to cry that I finally snapped out of it.  The nurse brought him straight to me.  “We’re doing everything we can, sir.  Why don’t you try feeding him?  He’s hungry and with his weight, he needs as much as you can give him.”  She handed me a bottle of ready-mixed formula.

“Your mommy should be doing this right now, buddy,” I said to him, “but she’ll be back to take over.”

I wished I felt as certain as my words sounded.

I fed Julian, burped him, then held him until he settled into sleep.

My son looked so much like his mother, except for his head of light brown hair, which was all me.  I hadn’t said anything to my parents or Hannah’s as of yet.  I was off in my own little world with my boy.

After an hour, Mom finally convinced me to lay my baby boy in his bassinet.  As I did just that, the doctor that had been with us for the delivery walked in.  It took everything I had not to jump the man for answers.

“How is she?” Adam and Anne both said at the same time as me.

“She’s in recovery,” the doctor said and turned to me.  “She’s lost a lot of blood.  Part of the placenta ruptured, which sent her into shock. We found some scar tissue.  Has she had a D&C before?”  I nodded.  “We think it might have caused the rupture.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“For all intents and purposes, she’ll recover and be fine.  However, I do have to say that with the extensive rupture and the amount of new scar tissue that will be forming, future pregnancies will be difficult to maintain.”

I walked to the chair I had been sitting in moments before and let my ass fall to the seat.  That wasn’t so bad, right?  Hannah was okay, Julian, aside from a low birth-weight, was fine, alive, and healthy…  But why did I feel like my heart was breaking?  “We can still have more kids, right?”  The doctor hesitated so I pushed. “Right?”

The man sighed and met my gaze.  “If she heals as we hope, yes.  But that’s not the hard part.  As I’ve said before, maintaining the pregnancy is the problem.  With Hannah’s current bout of pre-term issues, I’d have to advise against it.  I’m truly sorry.”

“But the books say that each pregnancy is different.  Is there nothing that can be done?”

I knew that Hannah didn’t want to stop with the one child, and I would fight this doctor and find the answers that would satisfy both of us if it were at all possible.  Hannah deserved the family she’d always dreamed about, and dammit, so did I.

“We have specialists that deal with this sort of issue, yes,” he said.

“Then I want names and numbers.  If anything can be done so Hannah can have more kids safely, she gets it.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Something in the way he said this made me feel like he disagreed with our entertaining the notion of having more children.

I ignored that feeling and asked, “Can I see her?”

“I can only allow one of you to go in, the baby is the exception,” he said before showing me the way.

The rhythmic beeping of machines surrounded me, filling me with relief with its steady rhythm.  I wheeled Julian’s bassinet next to Hannah’s bed where she slept.

She didn’t look as pale as when they’d wheeled her out, and for that, I was optimistic.

I took the hand that was free of wires and probes and clutched it in mine, kissing it before leaning over her face.

“I thought I lost you.  Wake up, please wake up, baby.  Let me see those bright green eyes.  Baby, Julian is waiting to meet his mommy.  He looks so much like you, sweetheart.”

“Baby,” Hannah mumbled as her eyes began to flutter open.

“That’s right, baby.” I smiled.  “Our boy is here.”

Hannah’s eyes opened wide and the smile that took over her face made me so happy I could cry.

“I’m so sorry, Ben.” Both her hands came up to cup my face, then pull it down.  It was a quick kiss but one that showed me how much love she held for me.  “I was such a bitch.”

“Don’t worry about it.  I’m just happy you’re okay and Julian’s fine.  He’s right here, sleeping.”

I picked up our tiny bundle of joy and brought him to his mother.  I laid him on her chest, supporting him with one hand, and leaned over to kiss her forehead.  “You did good, sweetheart,” I whispered.

“No, we did great,” she corrected, smiling up at me.  “Now give me another kiss.  He’s so handsome like his father.  I love you so much… the both of you.”

“We love you too, baby.  Please don’t ever leave us.  You scared the shit out of me.”

“I did say I’d never leave you.”

The events of the day had taken their toll on me and I broke down in tears.  I gently wrapped my arms around her and our son and buried my face in her neck, taking in her familiar scent and letting it calm me, along with the one hand she had fanned through my hair, massaging my scalp.  She always knew what to do to make things better.  Julian sure had one hell of a mother.