To Forgive & Hold Safe (The Broken Men Chronicles Book 4) (18 page)

By the end of the night, everyone was having a good time. Much to some guests’ amazement, Paxton and Theo behaved like they hadn’t swung punches at each other only an hour before.  Those two would have a lot to sit and discuss in the upcoming hours, days, weeks, well, you get it.

Chris had disappeared prior to the fight.  It seems that Mike had noticed him and had given the man the boot.

The crowd had considerably thinned as the night grew late, but the sound of laughter and enjoyment gave me a sense of peace.  It eased the remainder of the tension in my body from earlier, and I found myself enjoying myself a hell of a lot more than I had in years.

The ladies were sitting in a corner talking amongst themselves and I couldn’t help but wonder what they were up to since every few minutes, one of them would lift their heads, their gazes aimed at our group of men.

I excused myself from the guys and headed off to relieve myself.  With a hand against the men’s room door, my movements halted as I heard a feminine giggle through the metal panel.

“Allie.” Paxton groaned.  “Baby, let’s just go home, then you can have your way with me.”

“Oh, I’ll have my way, baby, but I want it now.  Just shut up and let me…”

“Fuck, Allie!”  He moaned.

I shook my head, turning to the ladies’ room to take my leak instead.

Those two and their tendencies to lose their heads when the mood struck had me smiling this time instead of feeling envious.  They’re little foray in the barn at Nicole’s and Mike’s wedding had become somewhat of a legend in our circle.  After a year of marriage, the two still ran hot.  It filled me with hope that maybe the flame didn’t extinguish itself through time, provided one was with the right person.

Leaving the stall door open, I was relieving myself when I heard the door open and shut.  It wasn’t until I had zipped my jeans up and turned to wash my hands that I saw Hannah leaning against the restroom’s door with a smirk.

“Quite an interesting show next door.  I think Allie has the right idea.”

My brow arched.  “Does she now?” I approached her after drying my hands.  I was right thinking that the girls were up to no good.  “Turn around,” I ordered her.  When she didn’t move fast enough, I turned her myself so her back was against my front.  “Do you want to hear about
my
idea?”  I slid my hand down from the bottom of her ribcage to fan my fingers over her abdomen.

“Please,” she said, a little breathless.

I grabbed a fistful of her hair in my hand and pulled back so she looked at me.  She gasped but it was out of enjoyment, the lust in her eyes having given her away.

“I plan on hearing a lot of those noises when we get home.”

“Ben-”

“But I think I need to make it clear about who’s in charge tonight.” I nipped the tendon in her neck.

She braced her hands on the bathroom’s door as my hands went down to hike her dress up to her hips.  I was in the shock of my life when I saw that her underwear was missing.

“Baby.” I groaned.  “That’s got to be the best sight ever.”  I unbuckled my pants and dropped trou.  “Now spread ‘em.”

Hannah shivered under my touch as she conformed.  My hand ran down to her pussy, feeling her juices start to leak out of her with a fingertip.  She arched her ass into my crotch.

“Please, Ben.”  She moaned.  “I need you in me now.”

I thrust into her hard, eliciting a loud cry from both of us, which also served as a reminder of where we were.  And for the first time in my life, the idea of being heard made me keep my pace instead of slowing down.

“Fuck, how I love the way you feel without the rubbers.” I pulled out and slammed back in.

“Baby!” she cried out.

“Be quiet, or I’ll fuck you harder and really give you a reason to be heard.”  She moaned.

I plowed into her and she kept our agreement.  Somewhat.  Well, at least until she came all over my aching cock, crying my name and a series of profanities, causing me to follow her over the edge.

“Hey, man,” Jake said through the door.  “I don’t know if this is a competition, but next time, leave one of the restrooms available.  By the way, that was better than porn!”

My head hit Hannah’s shoulder as I fought for breath.  The woman’s body was racked with silent giggles.  “Blame the women,” I called through our barrier.

“Fucking right!” Paxton shouted out and I could hear Danica, Nicole and Mia cheering.

I was never one for exhibitionism, but I can honestly say that my first bout of it with Hannah had been far more than enjoyable.

To say we avoided embarrassment upon exiting the women’s washroom would have been a dream come true, but then again, Hannah and I weren’t alone in our humiliation.

As I pulled my girlfriend behind me and exited, a beet red Paxton and smug-looking Alissa were already poised outside of the men’s room.

The men held their silence, but their smirks said more than enough.  When I looked down at Hannah, to gauge her level of embarrassment, I found her and Alissa grinning, Paxton’s wife nodding her approval.

“I think we need to put a stop to this,” Jake said as Alissa and Hannah both went to join the circle of women who were now throwing appreciative glances at each of their men.

“I agree,” I said.

“I told you they’d be trouble together,” Mike added.

“I’m not complaining after that,” Paxton said.

“I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it either.”  I patted the man on the back. 
But payback will be sweet later
.

If Hannah was in the mood for frisky she was bound to get a good dose of it when we got home.

Satisfied with my plan, I smiled, my eyes glued to Hannah’s ass.  The knowledge of her parading around without underwear had me aching for more already.  My eyes rose to find Danica and Nicole eying me, their cheeks flushed.

Huh!

When Hannah turned to see what had the two women’s attention, she winked at me.

Grinning, I called the boys up to the bar for another round.  “Men,” I began, “do me a favor and whoop your woman’s ass a little extra tonight.  I think they’ve been feeding each other ideas.”

Mike laughed.  “What makes you think I wasn’t planning on it?”  Jake nodded, Paxton smirked, and Theo groaned.

Morning came, and despite last night’s exhaustion and our inebriated states, I barely managed to sleep a wink thanks to too much silence after Hannah had fallen asleep in my arms.

The fact that Chris had been at the party bothered me, but I could overlook that fact, if it weren’t that he had come off a little too interested in Hannah for my liking.

Being left alone with those thoughts for too long had insecurity warring within me.  After all, the man had already succeeded in winning one of my women’s hearts.  What if Hannah saw the same appeal in him that my wife had?

Disgusted with my train of thoughts, I got up, letting Hannah sleep in.  Pulling my boxer briefs and jeans on, I headed toward the kitchen to get a start on breakfast.

Fifteen minutes later, a set of arms surrounded me and hands palmed my chest, while a set of lips pressed against the skin between my shoulder-blades.

“I missed you up there,” she said with a sleep-roughened voice.  “I thought we were cooking breakfast together this morning.  Why are you out of bed?”

“I figured…” I sighed.  “I figured I’d handle it.”

Her arms instantly fell away from me and I felt her body retract.  “What’s going on?  Is it because of what we did last night?”

“No.  It’s nothing.”  I set the knife on the cutting board and wiped the fruit juices off of my hands.  Instead of turning to face her, I walked further away and poured us each a cup of coffee.  I opted to leave mine black and took a sip.  I spat it out in the sink, my temper flaring.  “Fucking shit tastes like tar!”  I dumped my cup in the sink and went back to chopping the fruit, albeit a little violently.

“If it’s not me and last night,” I could feel her eyes boring into my back, “then what’s going on, Ben?”  Her warm hand landed on my bicep. I shocked myself when I pulled my arm away from her as if she’d burned me.  “Right…” her voice cracked.  “It’s not me at all.”  Hannah set her cup in the sink and walked away, her bare feet marching up the stairs.

Was she going to leave?  Panic overwhelmed me at the possibility and I found myself rushing for my bedroom.

Something about the shower running in my en suite relaxed me as I entered the room.  I knocked on the en suite’s door.

“Go away!” Those words conveyed Hannah’s bitterness.  God, how I wished I’d reacted differently to her last approach.

I peeled away my clothes, letting them drop to the floor and was glad I found the door unlocked as I slid quietly into the room.  Her back was to me and it was evident that she wasn’t doing much but standing under the showerhead.  My feet landed in front of the shower door and I let myself in.  I wrapped my arms around Hannah’s waist, making her jump in fright.

“Son of a bitch!  Are you trying to give me a coronary?”

“It’s not what I meant,” I said into, then kissed her shoulder.  “I’m trying to apologize.  I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and I took it out on the one person who didn’t deserve it.”

“Mind telling me what that was all about?”

I turned her to face me.  “Am I forgiven?”

“I think I can let it slide only because I love you,” she said on a small smile.  “Now, out with it.”

I kissed her hard and it wasn’t as if I’d planned for her to forget her question – and I doubt that it was the case – but judging at how she pulled me to her, and how much her body seemed to cling to mine, it was as if she was postponing the inquisition for the time being.

Her lips were soft but demanding.  Her fingernails dug wherever they touched: back, shoulders, scalp.  It was an erotic punishment of sorts for my crass behavior, but what a great way to be taught a lesson!

Before I knew it, the shower was cut and I was carrying a dripping Hannah to my bed.  I covered her body with mine and gazed into her fiery eyes.

“Say you love me.”

“I love you, Ben.”

“How much?”

“Ben…?”

“How much do you love me, Hannah?”

She grabbed the sides of my face.  “Where’s this coming from?”

I sighed and instead of pushing for her answer, I went in for her lips.  I didn’t count on her holding me back, though.  “Ben,” she said with sternness, “what the fuck is going on?  What’s gotten into you?”

I leaned my forehead on her shoulder and closed my eyes.

All I could see was Chris’ smug look from last night, replays of graphic sex scenes between Candace and him where sickeningly, Candace morphed into Hannah.  It was an utter waking nightmare.

“Ben, you need to talk to me.” Hannah’s hands went around my head and she cradled me to her bosom.  “You’re scaring me, baby.  What’s wrong?”

The room filled with silence and after a few minutes, I tried to pull away, but Hannah wouldn’t let me.

“Let go, Hannah.”

“No.  I love you and I’m not letting this go until you tell me what’s bothering you.  You say that it isn’t me, yet you won’t talk.  How am I supposed to take that?”

Hannah did let me go, but only after a long moment, where I maintained my silence.  She scurried off the bed and tried to make her way past me to get to her clothes.

I grabbed her wrist with a firm hand and she paused to look at me with wounded eyes.  In essence, me not saying anything implied that I didn’t trust her, and if I didn’t trust her, was my love for her real?

Fuck me!

I knew what I had to do, but she already had me figured out.  “This has something to do with Chris, doesn’t it?” My silence was answer enough for her.  “I’m not her, Ben, and I won’t let you think of me that way.”  She ripped her wrist from my hand and proceeded to put on the change of clothes she had left behind on her last visit.  “I will never be her, and if that’s what you’re looking for, then I can’t compete with the image of your dead wife.  I’m not a replacement.  I think this might have been a mistake.  I love you, but I can’t let you do this to me.  I’ve been hurt too many times.”

I stood there gobsmacked as she walked out of my bedroom.  How could I have fucked up twice within the few hours of starting the day?

I caught up to her as her hand was on the front door’s knob, in nothing but my underwear.  “I know you’re not Candace, and thank God for that.”  She froze but didn’t turn to face me, so I made to approach her like I would a skittish animal.  “I love
you
, Hannah.  I need you. 
Only
you.”

By the time I finished, I was a few feet from her.  She behaved almost as if she hadn’t heard me. When I reached out for the hand that sat on the knob and turned her so she faced me, tears were running down her face.  “Then why won’t you trust me?  How can you say you love me when you can’t trust-?”

I shut her up with my mouth, and clicked the deadbolt into the locked position again.  Her hands wrapped themselves on either side of my neck.

“Why didn’t I just tell you?” My lips brushed hers again.  “I love you so much, Hannah.  So fucking much that it terrifies the living daylights out of me.”

“Then tell me, Ben.  What’s got you so terrified that you can’t tell me?”

“It’s pathetic, really.” 
A moment of temporary insanity is more like it.

“It’s not if it’s got you this bent out of shape.  What about that asshole?”

The weight that had settled in my gut since last night lifted.  “Thank you for calling him that.” A small smile made its way onto my lips.  “There’s just something about the way he behaved last night.  I can’t quite pin-point it.”

“Like he was after me?”

My eyes widened.  “So I wasn’t imagining that?”

“No, I picked up on it too.  He gave me the creeps before I knew who he was.”

“It’s just-”

Her hands moved from my neck to either side of my face.  “You’ve been burned bad.  And I’m going to answer your earlier question; not because you asked me to, but because I know you need to hear it.  I’ll paint you a picture so you can’t doubt where my heart is, where my loyalty lies, or where I want to be.”

After making me put a shirt on and refusing to come back to the bedroom to talk, she made me sit on the living room sofa.

“You’re putting up walls, sweetheart,” I said.

“I’m not.  I can’t think clearly with you being half naked.  This is already going to be hard to tell you without wanting to show you.”

“Show me?” My brow arched and my grin made an appearance.  “I’d like to sign up for the show and tell if it’s up for grabs.”

“Benjamin.” She sighed. “I’m being serious.”

“All right, sweetheart.”

I was shocked when instead of sitting next to me, she straddled my thighs, and then I realized why that was – we were at perfect eye level.  I went to wrap my arms around her but she lifted her hands to halt me.

“No funny business.  I need you to keep your hands to yourself until I’m done talking.  I need this closeness as much as you do, but I can’t get what I need to get out if you’re-”

“Distracting you?”  She nodded.  It amazed me how much I could affect the woman.

“So you wanted to know how much I love you.  What I’ll tell you next will help answer that question.”  She paused long enough to take a deep breath.  “When I think of being yours and you being mine, this is what I see…  I see happiness, laughter and peace.  I see myself free to be exactly who I am, and I know that you’ll love me for it, even my insecurities and quirks, and yes, I have insecurities, Ben.

“When I think about our future, I can promise you that I would be in it for the long-haul.  I don’t believe in the whole love them and leave them bullshit.  I see kids, marriage, the big house with the white picket fence, the pool and the trampoline out back.  I see vacations and large gatherings with our friends and family, celebrating each birthday, each milestone…everything.

“I’ve never been able to see all of that with Lee,” she said with chagrin.  “I think we were so wrapped up in dealing with his alcoholism that we never had a chance to really look that far ahead.  With you, the past is in the present for both of us, yet I can still see the future, and it’s what I’ve always wanted.

“I would never betray you because your heart is the other half of mine.  Without you, I can’t fully be me,” she said.  “You told me a few days ago that you wouldn’t want to live if I wasn’t around.  I believed you.  I still do.  What I never mentioned was that I felt the same.

“I would never leave you for another because you and I run deeper than any physical connection.  I love you, Benjamin Carpenter, and it’s not something I can just turn on and off like a light switch.  It just
is
.  Candace might have been able to do that, and if that’s the case, then she never loved you.  She loved the idea of you because from where I’m sitting, you’re perfect; insecurities, idiosyncrasies, and all.”

When Hannah finished her diatribe, she sat there in silence, her gaze averted from mine. 
You’re such a schmuck, Carpenter
.

I didn’t ask if I could touch her, somehow knowing that I could, more importantly, that I should.  My hand clasped one of hers.  “You’ve thought that far ahead?” Hannah didn’t look at me, but she nodded.  “I’m such an idiot.”

“Yes, you are.” Her eyes snapped to mine. “But you’re my idiot.  I should have known that I’d have to set you straight at some point.  You were too perfect.”

“Still…”

“Never mind.”  She freed one of her hands to cup my cheek.  “As much as you want to admit that you’re done with the grief and everything, I know you’re not, and you won’t be for a while.  Loving you is not all about sharing the good, Ben, it’s about being able to share the bad and get each other through it like we have since we’ve met.”

“You’re right.”

“I know I’m right.” She smirked.  “I’m right about other things too.”

My brows arched.  “Oh, really?”

Hannah was right about being right about a lot of things, as it turns out.  She began proving it to me within seconds of her statement and continued to do so throughout the day.

“How am I not boring you to death?” I asked.  “I mean, it’s been four weeks and you already know me so well that you can tell me what I’ll do next.”

“I may have said I’m right about a lot of things, but for all your predictability, I enjoy your unpredictability even more.”  She rested her head on my shoulder.

“Unpredictable, huh?” I asked.  “You mean like what you pulled on me last night?”

“Oh!” Her body quivered. “I love it when you get all bossy like that.”

I laughed.  “I gathered as much.  Maybe it’s also time for me to let you know that I’m right about a lot of things too.”

Her head lifted, the side of her mouth quirking up.  “Oh, yeah?”

I nodded.  It was time to have a little fun with this one.  “For instance,” I began, “I know that you’re about to roll onto your back, spread your legs wide, and beg me to take you nice and slow, even though I know you really want it hard.”

She giggled and did exactly what I told her she’d do, minus the verbal request.

“What will I do next?” she asked as I rolled over her and slid inside her heated folds.  I watched as her eyes glazed over and my name came out in a breathless plea.