To Honor (8 page)

“It seems Dr. Sherman has taken it upon himself to move forward with steps that I advised against.” Dr. Williams’ voice was calm despite his glare.

Evelyn allowed a frown to form on her lips at his words. “I don’t know what you mean.”

He tapped the paper on his desk, his facial features scrunching further into an angry face. “He has been allowing you to dine with your husband during lunch hours in the cafeteria, yes?”

She nodded, uncertain how this was a bad thing. Her lunches the past couple of days were going well. Derek was opening up to her and discussing things that he’d kept a tight lid on for so long. Sorrow, fear, disappointment—emotions Evelyn thought herself alone in feeling until recently. These discussions affected her on a deeper level than she believed Derek understood. No longer was she the stranger he lived with, but the woman he married. It gave her hope that their marriage was on the path to recovery.

“Apparently you now have grounds privileges, unsupervised.”

With effort, Evelyn ignored the disgust in Dr. Williams’ voice and concentrated on the words. Grounds privileges? Meaning outside? It seemed forever since she’d felt the cool wind on her face, the spongy grass under her feet, the sun kissing her skin.

“I’m going to petition the board to have it revoked. I don’t think you are ready to be out in the elements. Personally, I don’t think you have healed enough to even be in the dining hall. Since I highly regard my colleague, I will let that one go. But this…” He paused and tapped his finger against the paper work again. “I don’t support this move at all. There’s too many risk factors for you to try to kill yourself again.”

Evelyn suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. She knew it would only result in a lecture on how she was unable to control her emotions. An argument right now was the last thing she needed. Instead she stood and beamed her warmest, friendliest, fake smile at him.

“Well, I suppose if you’re going to have it revoked, I’d better hurry outside and enjoy it while I can. Have a wonderful day, Dr. Williams.” Evelyn’s voice dripped with honey-sweet venom.

Before he could protest, she slipped out the door and headed for her room to fetch her sneakers.

* * * *

Derek frowned as he watched Evelyn shuffle along the walkway that meandered through the gardens of R&R. Her gait, completely at odds with the smile on her face, caused his gaze to stray to her on a regular basis. He attempted to study her discretely, trying to find the source of her odd walk. After about ten minutes of her walking like the living dead, he could take no more.

“Are you hurt?”

“Huh?” She stopped, mid-shuffle, and stared up at him. “What do you mean hurt?”

“Have you sprained an ankle or fallen recently?” Derek let his gaze rove over her again.

Evelyn frowned and he noticed that she was nibbling on her bottom lip. She only did that when something was on her mind. “No…Why?”

He decided it was better to be blunt, especially considering her nervous lip-chewing. “You are walking strange.”

Her eyes darted from side to side, and a faint flush traveled across her cheeks. “I’m not hurt.”

That wasn’t an answer and Derek wasn’t about to drop it. Something about the conversation, most likely the source of her strange stride, had her on edge. It made him more determined to get to the bottom of it. “Why are you walking like that then?”

Silence met his question as Evelyn started walking down the path again.

Oh, this is not going to fly.
Derek lengthened his pace to catch up to the retreating woman. “Evelyn Astrid Moore!” Her shoulder muscles tensed under his fingertips as she flinched. He knew she didn’t like hearing her middle name, not since Astridea had passed.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she muttered.

Derek pressed his lips together as he bit back the retort that came to mind. Instead, he tried a diplomatic approach. “If it’s bothering you, then it should be talked about. There is something wrong and I’m not a good husband if I don’t find out what it is and try to fix it.”

Her shoulder trembled under his palm, though she didn’t pull away. “You wouldn’t understand.” The words came out so whisper soft that he nearly missed them.

“Try me.” He stepped around Evelyn until he could meet her gaze directly. In an attempt to soothe her, Derek traced a finger along her jaw line.

“It’s my shoes.” Her tone was so low he had to lean forward to catch the words. He glanced down at her feet, puzzled by her answer. Though he could only see the toes peeking out from her baggy pants, they looked normal enough.

“What’s wrong with them? Are they broken?” Derek kept his voice neutral.

She shook her head, then let out a heavy sigh. “They aren’t broken, per se. I don’t have the shoe laces in them and when I try to walk, they fall off. So I have to walk like this. I hate it, but it is what it is.”

He tilted his head as he glanced down at her feet again. “Why aren’t you wearing them with the shoe laces in, sweetheart?”

Evelyn covered her face with her palms and released an agonized-sounding groan. “I can’t!”

Derek clasped her hands in his as he tried to make sense of the entire situation. “Eva?” He chose his words with care, certain he was on dangerous ground. “Why can’t you?”

“Because I’m a lunatic.” She wailed and tried to jerk away from his grasp.

Realization dawned on him at her words. Derek became very aware of the wedding rings that hung alongside the dog tags on his neck. Evelyn’s wedding rings, that they’d taken from her when she’d checked in to R&R Resort. “Oh, Evelyn, they took your shoe laces, didn’t they?”

She ceased struggling and looked up at him with liquid-filled eyes. “Uh huh. They said my laces were a danger because…because…”

He held a finger near her lips, effectively hushing her. “I understand, sweetheart. You don’t have to explain further. Why didn’t you just say so?”

Her gaze fell and she stared at the ground. “I look stupid.” Evelyn’s voice had returned to the quiet tone of before.

His heart broke in a thousand pieces at her words. Suddenly, he understood the entire situation with far more capability than earlier. Evelyn was embarrassed. To her, the shoes were a constant reminder of how others must view her—someone mentally unstable.

“Poor Eva,” he murmured as he drew her close. “My poor, beautiful lady. You aren’t crazy, you just had a moment where the world wore you down. If I’d been by your side and helping you, as I should have been, you wouldn’t be like this. I’m so sorry.”

“It was my choice to take the pills. My choice to die,” she argued.

“Only because I made you feel like you weren’t wanted anymore. That you weren’t precious to me.” Derek placed a gentle kiss against her forehead and inhaled the scent of her. “I love you, Evelyn.”

Before she could reply, he lifted her chin and pressed his lips to hers. What meant the most was not the fact that she didn’t pull away, nor the she melted into his arms. It was the soft whisper of “I love you too” that she said when the kiss was over.

Chapter Eleven

Evelyn clasped her hands together in her lap as she tried to control her shaking. “I’m ready to go home,” she announced. She hurried on when she saw Dr. William’s stunned expression. “My husband has already arranged for me to continue with weekly therapy at a well-known facility closer to home. I’ll be on medication until such time as my therapist deems it no longer necessary. I’ve been on ground’s privileges for a week now, and my entire stay here has been without incident.”

She held her breath, anxiety causing her palms to sweat, as she waited for his verdict. When he steepled his fingers and rested his elbows on the desk, Evelyn’s heart sank. He’d made his dislike of her clear during her entire stay at the facility. She wasn’t sure what she’d done that made him fight every step she took forward, but she knew he was going to use his power to trump her now.

“Mrs. Moore,” he began, his tone causing her to envision a child being scolded by a teacher. “You’ve only been at the facility a mere month. Though you’ve been productive and are well on the way to becoming a healthy member of society, I just don’t think you are ready to go yet. Your past…issues aren’t solved that easily. A backslide is too big of a risk.”

With effort, Evelyn held her temper and her tongue. She chewed on her bottom lip as she went over his words. “Issues?” she finally asked. “What past issues?”

“Well, aside from your obvious suicide attempt, there is the problem with your drug addiction and overdose.” He smiled at her, his features serene as he dropped the bomb.

“Drug addiction?” She fought to control her volume, and lost. “What drug addiction? I’ve never taken any drugs in my life.”

Dr. Williams shuffled through the papers on his desk before holding one up in particular. “It says right here that you were hospitalized, via emergency room, for drug overdose.”

The room shifted around Evelyn, and everything seemed to spin and weave. “It was over the counter medication, not anything illegal. One cannot possibly be considered a drug addict if they’ve only done something once.”

“Mrs. Moore, the evidence is in my hands. Overdosing is a common thing among drug addicts. If the shoe fits, we must wear it, even if we don’t like it.” He replaced the paper in the stack before smiling at her again. “I’d be glad to arrange therapy with our therapist who specializes in drug addiction.”

“And if I were to start going, how much longer would it be before I could get discharged to go home?” Evelyn kept her voice quiet, hoping that if she didn’t fight him on this, he’d be more likely to give her a quick time frame.

“Oh.” He leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling, as if mentally contemplating the process. “I’d say once you’ve attended therapy with them as well, and continued to show improvement, we could evaluate you for possible discharge in about a month.”

“Another month?” Evelyn physically gagged at the idea as she tried not to throw up. Her nerves were causing her stomach to perform a mamba that didn’t sit well with her lunch. “I can’t deal with being here another month.”

“There, there. Listen to yourself.” Dr. Williams leaned forward, viewing her with a raised eyebrow. “See, right there, you just admitted your coping skills still need work and that means you aren’t stable enough to rejoin the rest of the world. You’re a danger to yourself and others.”

Without another word, she stood up and began pulling her shoes off. One, and then the other, hit the carpeted floor with a soft thud. When she picked them up and walked towards his desk, Dr. Williams stood up, an alarmed look on his face.

“What are you doing?” His hand hovered over the intercom button on his phone.

“You said if the shoe fits, wear it. Well, I’m throwing these shoes away. Since I’ve been here, they don’t fit anymore.” With that, Evelyn dropped her sneakers into the trash can. She took pleasure in the loud noise the made as the landed in the metal container.

“This is not behavior conducive to—“

“Dr. Williams, you’re fired.” Evelyn crossed her arms as she glared down at him.

He glared back, his lips pressed in a firm, disapproving line. “Excuse me? You don’t have that authority. You are a patient at a mental health clinic.”

“No, sir, I don’t. But my husband, who has complete power of attorney over me, is capable of that authority. He will be requesting that I am reassigned to a new psychiatrist this afternoon. Your methods of behavioral therapy are not best for my mental health. I feel threatened by you and discriminated against, and I will no longer tolerate it.”

His face turned red as he listened to her words. “If you think this will get you sent home faster, missy, then you are deluded. Evidence of your drug addiction will be brought forward and the board will hear about your little temper tantrum.”