Tragic Renewal (4 page)

Harper slammed the passenger door shut after tossing her suitcase on the seat. She hurried to the driver’s door anxious to get out of the brisk morning air. A heavy fog encased the landscape in a chilly dew and sprinkled her car’s red exterior in a sheen of fine droplets. She rubbed her hands together as she waited for the car to warm up, regretting not starting it earlier.

Moving to a cooler climate would take some time to get used to, no more flip flops in February. She wiggled her toes, safe and warm encased in socks and sneakers. The warmth began to permeate the car after a few minutes. With a sigh she backed from the parking spot and pulled from Dusty’s Sleep Shack, relieved to leave it behind. She gave a short wave to the manager’s office as she drove by, on the off chance that Dusty was around. The office had been empty when she went to check out. Her Room 5 key now rested somewhere on the bottom of the early checkout drop box.

The tires chirped on damp pavement as she left the parking lot and turned left, heading back to I-55 North. Before long the sun burned off the remaining fog and she was able to increase her speed. With luck she would arrive at Smoth and Associates sometime around noon. After she met with them she would decide what her next step would be.

She tugged her sunglasses from their holder on the visor and slid them on. Once her cool quotient got a small boost she cranked up the radio and gave a repeat performance of the day before. Her hands drummed the wheel as the miles flew by under her trusty chariot carrying her to a whole new life. Winter bare farm fields and an occasional patch of dirty snow flashed by as she drove farther north. The radio began to cut out losing reception in the long stretches of lightly populated towns. She reached over and flipped it off, content to let her own thoughts room to breathe without distraction.

Cara’s face bubbled into her mind. Harper fought the memories nibbling on her mind. She wasn’t ready to envision Cara and the pain surrounding her death. Thoughts continued to filter into consciousness as though they came from a bubble bar in a fish tank. A fine curtain of tiny memories filtered in without her permission before she had a chance to fight off the tenacious reminiscence they were there beyond her control.

***

Harper walked a speed walker’s pace, her bent arms swinging the small weights gripped in her hands. Legs stretched to their full extension as her hips popped with the force of each step. She passed other walkers, as though they were out for a Sunday stroll, on the macadam walking track. The morning air was frigid and her breath huffed out with each exhalation. Her trim body struggled with the punishing final lap of her daily routine.

Each morning after Scott left for work she made her way to Otter Lake for a speed walking session. New snow covered the small lake’s icy surface in a downy layer of soft sugar-like crystals. The city kept the popular walking track clear for those crazy people, like her, that found the need to exercise even in the most extreme weather.

Her breath fogged back into her face as a brisk shot of wind found it and flung it back at her. She wiped her hand over the moisture and as she did a person sitting on one of the benches caught her attention. The person, whom she couldn’t quite identify as male or female, sat hunched over. He or she was wearing a thick black winter coat with the fur lined hood snugged tight over an obscured head. Harper stopped, something about the form called to her. She made her cautious way closer. Her ears perked as sobs drifted toward her eliminating her doubt as to the sex of the person. The woman was sobbing, a fierce pathetic squeak that broke Harper’s heart.

Harper sidled closer, unsure how the woman would react to an unexpected intrusion. She announced her presence in an attempt to keep from startling her. “Excuse me. Are you okay?”

The woman jumped then scrambled to wipe her face before turning to Harper.

Harper drew in a sharp breath. Even in her obvious distress the woman, a very young woman, was beautiful. Her tears had magnified the clear blue of her eyes and the cold air accentuated a light dusting of freckles. The fur lined hood covered her hair, but Harper guessed it must be a light blond if it matched her eyebrows.

“I’m not okay, but I will be. I’ve had a really rough morning.”

“Do you need someone to talk to? I’m Harper, by the way,” she said, as she reached her gloved hand toward the seated woman.

“Nice to meet you, Harper, I really like that name by the way. I’m Cara.” She grasped Harper’s hand with a fierce double handed grip, tight even through two layers of gloves.

“Thanks, my mom is a big Valerie Harper fan, so much so she gave me her name. Last Christmas I got her the entire seven season set of Mary Tyler Moore shows. Mom delayed Christmas dinner so she could watch the entire first season without interruption. Sorry, I’m talking too much. Nice to meet you, Cara. Wanna talk about whatever’s bothering you?”

Cara’s head hung as she considered. “I could use a friend right now. Feel like walking over to the coffee shop over on Central so we can get out of the cold?” She hesitated for a moment before continuing. “Sorry, I’m assuming you have time to listen to a stranger spill her guts.”

Harper smiled. “The good news for you is that I’m a great listener, and I have nowhere to be this morning. A cup of coffee will really hit the spot right now.”

They spent two hours in the coffee shop, the delicious aromas of fresh baked goods, coffee, and cinnamon swirled through the homey atmosphere. Harper listened without interruption as Cara spilled her pain.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell my family that I’m gay. I’ve known since I was much younger, but have been in denial. They are ultra-conservative and are openly against gays, but I hoped my admission would change their minds.” She paused and drew a deep gulp of hot coffee. Her hands shook as she brought the heavy mug to her lips. Fine blond hair stuck up in static raised clumps from when she pushed her hood down and removed her coat. Harper wanted to straighten it but left it alone.

Early that morning Cara finally found the nerve to tell her family she was gay. On the way to her parents’ she stopped and picked up fresh cinnamon rolls from the Cinna Monster on 3
rd
Avenue. A tradition in their family included celebrating special occasions with cinnamon rolls.

***

Cara walked through the front door bringing a blast of frigid air with her.

“Mom, Dad, Christy, I’m home and I have a surprise.”

A family of early risers her mom, dad, and sister sat around the kitchen table. The enticing aroma of coffee wafted to her nose as she entered the kitchen holding the Cinna Monster box.

“Morning sweetie.” Cara’s mom rushed to her and enveloped her in a tight hug. “Where’ve you been, we haven’t seen you in a few days.”

“You know, around.” Cara gave a nonchalant shrug.

Christy rushed to Cara, leaned over and pecked her on the cheek, all while stealthily wiggling their breakfast treats from Cara’s hands. Cara and her seventeen year old sister, Christy, were replicas of their mom, Denise. “So, sis, what’s the special occasion anyway?”

“How about we eat first then I’ll tell you.” Cara’s hands were beginning to sweat and dampness soaked her armpits. Her fear and insecurities were causing her to become tense. She sensed a headache trying to squirm its way into her temple. She pressed her fingers into her temples and rubbed trying to stamp it out before it took hold. No one noticed her discomfort as they were all busy grabbing rolls from the box.

Cara dug through the upper cabinet and found a glass for milk forgoing coffee, unwilling to add any more fidgety energy to her already amped up mind.

They ate the entire box of rolls, then proceeded to groan about how full they were. Cara smiled at the requisite groans, a familiar routine giving her a small measure of comfort to bolster her for what she was waiting to tell them. “Alright guys, here goes.”

They watched her waiting for happy news. Her parents had been hounding her to find a boyfriend, they all expected the news she was holding would include a man.

Cara gulped, trying to swallow the tennis ball sized lump now stuck in her throat. She tossed the rest of the milk back like she was taking a shot.

She looked to each of their faces. Her mom a slightly weathered version of her and her sister a teenage version, it was like seeing older and younger pictures of the same person. Her dad with his brown hair and hazel eyes had missed his mark in the gene pool with his daughters.

As they began getting impatient with the wait, she blurted it out. “I’m gay, that’s my news.”

Air rushed from the room in a vortex of silence. The clock on the wall, a sledgehammer against rock. Tick, tick, tick, tick. An eternity passed before anyone spoke.

Her dad, in a calm tone and low voice said. “Get out of my house and don’t ever come back. We raised you right, how dare you bring that vile, evil stuff into our home.”

“Dad.” Cara whispered his name. She knew when he said something there was no turning back, he’d never changed his mind about anything in all her memories growing up.

Her head swiveled left as she tried to catch her mom or sister’s eyes. Neither would look at her. Both kept their heads down, even as tears streamed from their eyes. Cara ran from the house and never looked back.

***

Harper reached across the table to grasp Cara’s trembling hands, feeling a deep bond with this veritable stranger.

“I ran to the park where you found me, my car is still at their house and I’m afraid to go back for it.”

Harper sat in stunned silence knowing she heard the abbreviated version of the story. Her imagination filled in the blanks with all the things Cara didn’t say. She was unable to comprehend how a parent could be so cruel. Her heart ripped for Cara, it bled tears of sympathy for the discarded girl that sat across from her. “I know this is inadequate for what you went through, but is there anything I can do to help?”

“Sit here and talk to me for a while longer, then give me a ride over there so I can get my car. After that I won’t be returning.”

“There’s no chance he’ll change his mind?”

Cara’s eyes welled with briny tears pooling on her lower lids, when she shook her head a single tear broke from its dam and made its salty way down her cheek. “He won’t change his mind. When his mind is made up he never changes it. My family now considers me dead, and I will remain that way. Right now Mom is probably ridding the house of any evidence of a child gone wrong.”

A tear streaked down Harper’s face at the bittersweet memory of the start of her and Cara’s friendship. Fate helped them find each other that day, and their bond grew with each day that followed. Through breakups, miscarriages, and infidelity each always stood as the one person the other could turn to without judgment.

An announcement from her phone’s GPS, pulled her back to the task at hand. At least an hour had passed while she was lost in the deep well that was Cara.

“In one mile take Exit 150, on right.”

Harper chewed her bottom lip in a fierce dissection of movement in an effort to distract herself from the intersection as she passed through. A few stray crumbles of glass lay next to the curb, and a small memorial with faded flowers stood in front of the library. 5
th
and Main would be forever burned into her memory as the intersection from hell, the place that stole her best friend. The few seconds it took for the light to change were tortuous. She kept her eyes straight forward, but her peripheral vision refused to ignore the leftover signs of the tragedy that befell this small town.

Her breath burst with rapid fire exhalation as the light turned green and she could move from the visions that raced through her head. If she stayed in this town, she would find a way to avoid ever crossing 5
th
and Main again. As she entered the round about that represented the center of town she spotted the store front sign for Smoth and Associates. The small town vibe of the unassuming store front gave her a sense of unexplainable comfort knowing this was the place Cara chose to follow her dreams.

Harper found a place to park and made her way across the street where little traffic flowed. She sucked in a deep lungful of the clean crisp air, tinged with a light topping of wood smoke. Her mind envisioned houses with real fireplaces and happy families including the requisite Mom, Dad, two point five kids, and a dog stretched in front of the fire. A scene of contentment she hoped was true.

The small bell attached to the door jangled a pleasant announcement when she entered the office. Behind the desk sat a plump woman with a girlish grin, chipmunk cheeks, and a mass of red curls. Her smile widened as she studied Harper. “You must be Harper, I’m so excited to meet you.” Her high trilling voice rang out in the small office as it bounced around the walls.

She stood her bulk from her chair and rushed to Harper with open arms, enveloping her in a smothering hug. “I’m Brianna Smoth, and I’m jumping joyously happy meet you. I’ve been watching the street all day, hoping you would show up today.”

Harper, startled at first, took a moment to hug her back finding comfort in the boisterous welcome. Her senses overwhelmed with the soft arms and heavy dousing of perfume that surrounded Brianna.

Brianna pulled back and looked at Harper’s face. “I remember you from the funeral, but I don’t think you noticed anyone else. You were in and out so fast no one had time to say much to you. Though,” she grasped Harper’s chin and moved her head back and forth “you look better than you did last time. It looks like you’ve gotten some sleep.”

Brianna released Harper and toddled back to her desk with more energy than someone her size should have. As she settled back in front of her desk she spoke again. “I’m the Associate part of our name by the way. My husband is the lawyer and I’m the secretary. I know, predictable right? Well, it works for us. How was your trip? I see you have a hauler, I’m guess you’re moving here?”

“My trip wasn’t too bad I started late yesterday, so I stopped at about the halfway point then finished up this morning. I don’t know where I’m moving I decided it’s time for a change… and this is the time to make that change.”

“That’s great! I’m sure you’ve had a rough time recently with losing your friend. I talked to Cara a few times. She worked right across the street.” Brianna pointed at the small hospital across the street where Cara had worked as a physical therapist. “She was always so happy and sweet. Though… warning gossiping here… Susan was using her. Susan moved here years ago and has gone through pretty much every new guy and girl (if that was her thing) since. Sorry, I probably should’ve kept that to myself.”

Harper shook her head, enjoying the openness of Brianna and not offended by the gossip. “I thought the same thing of Susan even though I never met her. Cara told me a few things that made me suspicious that Susan wasn’t all that great. But I don’t want to speak ill of the dead so I’ll leave it alone.”

“I agree. Ready to get down to business? My husband would normally be here to read this to you, but he was called away on an emergency. His brother got into some trouble so he had to leave to rescue him… again. Who says there’s no drama in small towns?”

A nervous twinge pinged Harper’s mind at the thought of hearing Cara’s will, though curious at what it might contain, the finality was devastating. Any doubt that she was gone would be wiped away with the first words. “I’m ready.” She clenched her hands together and settled further into the hard wooden seat.

“Okay. I can give this to you in legal words, or tell you the gist since I’ve already reviewed everything. Which do you prefer?”

“Gist is fine with me.”

Brianna cleared her throat and began.

“Cara must have loved you very much. On this date February 2nd in the year 2015 you are now the owner of a one hundred acre farm which includes one farmhouse, one barn, one truck, two horses, one dog, and any belongings therein. When Cara applied for a mortgage she also signed up for instant mortgage payoff in the event of her death, so the property is paid in full. She also had life insurance, which after death taxes, will leave you with $110 thousand – you will be responsible for ensuring federal taxes are paid. Since you are down as her sole heir you will also get a payout after insurance settlement of the crash. Susan’s family has chosen payout, but you still have the option of suing for wrongful death if you decide you’d rather pursue more than they offer. My husband can advise you on that if you so choose.”

When Brianna finished, Harper sat in stunned silence processing the glut of information. “I… I… figured it was something about scattering her ashes. I had no idea it would be something like this.”

“Take a walk, let it sink in. And remember since the will contained no stipulation otherwise, you have the right to sell the property, if that’s the route you’d like to go.”

Harper shook her head. “I’m not sure what I want to do, this is all so shocking.”

“Tell you what. Why don’t you take a walk while I get a few things together? After I talked to you a couple of days ago, I took the liberty of driving out to the property and looking around. When you return we can go over what I found.”

Harper nodded her head and walked from the office without a word. Her mind filled with warring visions of living Cara’s dream in her memory or living her own muddled dreams of a fresh start. Harper’s feet beat a steady rhythm on the sidewalk as her lungs sucked in cold air. She considered going in Cara’s workplace, but changed her mind before she could talk herself into crossing the street and confronting more memories.

She paused when she reached a park with a large pond in the middle. A walking track lay in an oval around the pond and benches faced the water at regular intervals. Harper’s heart sped up and her breathing stopped as she took in the sight. The resemblance to where she and Cara first met was unmistakable. A sudden expulsion of air rocketed from her lungs and tears streaked down her face in a release of pent up emotions. Harper walked with a stilted gait as she made her slow way to a bench.

For an hour she sat on the bench watching the water and listening to the cries of seagulls far from their ocean homes. Though the water in this pond never froze like the one where she met Cara, it tugged at the long ago memories still fresh from her earlier reminiscing. The water lapped at the shoreline and an occasional fish rippled the surface. Ducks swam in a huddle on the far shore and somewhere far off a dog barked.

Unchecked tears dripped from Harper’s chin. She didn’t notice the steady flow as her mind wandered trying to grasp an elusive thought. Her entire life had been turned upside down in a short span of time and with the help of fate and Cara’s planning Harper was here in the small town in the middle of nowhere. Slowly the drip of liquid emotions tapered off still unnoticed by Harper. Her mind chewed and gnawed at the thought she couldn’t quite grip between the teeth of grief running her thoughts and emotions.

Harper didn’t notice the truck that puttered along the road that ran behind the park. Her back was to the road as she faced the pond with her undammed grief. The man driving the truck noticed her sitting hunched over with a pain no medicine could cure. He slowed to watch her, then realized how it would look if anyone saw him, and stalker he was not. With a push of his foot he moved the truck toward his destination. His heart ached for the woman on the bench. Everyone in town knew who she was, small town gossips spread news faster than a wildfire in a tinder dry forest. Cara was his neighbor, and he sensed a kinship with Harper even though they’d never met. The light that shined in Cara’s eyes anytime she had spoken Harper’s name made him want to meet this amazing woman. A woman beat down by life now dragged further into a personal inferno by fate’s cruel designs.

His quiet getaway was interrupted by a backfire from his old work truck. He pounded his hand on the steering wheel in frustration as his face turned red with embarrassment. The rear-view mirror revealed Harper hadn’t moved from her balled up stance. He wiped an invisible bead of sweat from his forehead and continued on to finish his morning errands.

Harper heard the loud noise, she assumed a backfire, behind her but didn’t turn to acknowledge it. She was too busy searching for a cathartic solution to her sudden new life. As she sat lost in thought a seagull crept closer to the squawking person on the bench. Gulls are opportunistic wily birds and will snatch food wherever it may fall and humans are frequently the source of falling food. They are drawn to bodies of water and didn’t seem to care that this particular body has no salt like the water in their native range. The bold gull hopped onto the arm of the bench where Harper sat and watched the person with keen interest, trying to determine if food was forthcoming.

When Harper continued to ignore the unnoticed bird, it let out a loud screech that resonated in her ears. She jumped but clamped her hand over her mouth before the building scream escaped. Instead, she looked at the gray and white intruder with beady little eyes and a yellow beak, and allowed a smile to stretch her cheeks.

She plopped her heavy purse onto her lap and began digging through its contents. From the very bottom she pulled a half smashed cereal bar and a not quite intact packet of Saltines. The gull watched as she ripped the crackers open and dumped their contents on the ground in front of her feet. Wasting no time, the gull pounced on the crackers like it had been stalking the salty snack and now grasped slippery prey in its greedy jaws. As it snagged the biggest piece a loud cry issued from its throat, calling its comrades to the paltry feast. Harper laughed as several more gulls showed up to fight over the few remaining crumbs.

She ripped open the cereal bar and dumped its contents alongside the white cracker bits. The gulls fought and postured to snag the biggest pieces each taking flight as soon as they were satisfied with their haul. Before long the only remaining evidence of the bird snacks were the crumpled packets in her hand. With a laugh she stood to find a trash can.

As she walked she reached inside her purse and searched for her wallet. She pulled the laminated card with
Get a Life
stenciled in a lead frame of pencil rubs. Her hand tightened around the card as her feet carried her around the pond’s perimeter. If Cara were around they would be throwing out scenarios of what she could do and how it would end up. Harper reached to rub her aching heart, missing Cara with every step.

By the end of the second circuit she knew what she had to do. She returned the card to her wallet and scrounged for tissue to dry her face. The waterfall of tears dried and her emotions in check, Harper knew the answer to what she had to do in Cara’s memory.

With a determined stride and answers settled in her mind she walked back to Smoth and Associates. The bell jangled as she pushed through the door announcing her presence to Brianna and signifying another new start in her life.