Trigger (17 page)

At least an hour and now she’s stuck. She can’t put
enough weight on her feet to walk to the bed and call a nurse.
She’s afraid she’ll become unbalanced and tip over her walker
crashing her and it to the floor. She’ll just have to hold on until
someone comes in.

Hold on, hold on is now all she can think about.
Breathe in and out. With her weight on her arms, her broken ribs,
arm and sternum are throbbing. Hold on, hold on. Simon will
come.

Now she’s sweating and getting chilled. She’s
starting to tremble. “Help.” She can’t get any volume. “Help.”
There’s no way she can get down to the floor without falling. Her
back is cramping and her hands are sweating so much, they’re
starting to slip. “Help.” Her arms are shaking badly and she knows
she’s got only minutes until she meets the hard floor up close and
personal. “Help.”

“Oh my God, Judy.” She barely hears the voice before
she passes out.

Whispers . . . she can’t hear what’s being said, but
she’s in bed and warm. “Simon.” She reaches out but no one takes
it. “Simon.”

“Simon’s not here Judy.” Steven’s voice sounds
off.

She’s suddenly scared. “Simon.” She reaches out and
waves her hand for Simon to take it. Nothing but air. “When is he
coming Steven?” Her voice is shaking so badly, she can barely
understand what she said.

Steven is holding her and he’s crying.

“When is Simon coming Steven?”

“He’s not coming, Judy?”

“Why?”

Steven is sobbing now.

“Why isn’t he coming Steven?”

“Simon . . . Simon is dead Judy.”

“Dr. Harter, she won’t
see you. Please stop coming. It upsets her.” Becky walks out of the
Judy’s condo into the hallway and closes it behind her.

“She’s getting along better. She’s on the walking
track one or two hours or more a day. She’s swimming a hundred laps
now and spends the rest of the time working.

“She still won’t go outside, but Charles, Charlotte
and DeShaun are here everyday for work meetings. Stan Renick comes
after that and they work on the shooting ranges and clubs. She
doesn’t sleep much and eats less. I hear her on the track in the
middle of the night. Sometimes she walks and cries but that’s
usually after a nightmare. They’re terrible. She gets through
them.

“She’s still refusing all medication. Not even a
Tylenol. She’s still blind. There’s been no change and I check her
couple of times a day. But with that photographic memory of hers,
if you didn’t know she was blind, you’d never notice.

“Dr. Harter, there’s really not much left of her. To
be honest, she’s in a place where she can deal. The companies are
growing and that seems to be all she’s interested in.”

“Where is she now?”

“Henrietta has taken her to the pool. Please don’t
bother her. She’s so much better than she was. Another set back and
I don’t think she make it through.”

“Is she suicidal?”

“No. She wouldn’t but she would give up.”

“Did she pay attention to the trials of her Dad and
brother?”

“No.”

“Does she ever mention me?”

“No.”

“In her nightmares, Dr. Harter, she sees Simon in
the alley and covered with blood like her mother. I believe she
thinks it was her destiny to have the same fate as her mother.
Simon was killed in her place. In her mind, he suffered her fate.
By doing that, Simon forfeited both their lives, his and hers.”

“She needs psychiatric help, Becky, you know
that.”

“Yes, but she won’t. We talk about it but she waves
me off and shuts down. I’m afraid she doesn’t want to live, Dr.
Harter. She’s obsessed with building that new program for abused
children. Except for money for this place and me and Harriet,
everything she makes she puts into that. She hasn’t bought anything
for herself, since she left the hospital over a year now. Her
clothes are nothing but rags. I buy her things, but she won’t wear
them, and tells me to donate them to the children’s program.

“Dr. Harter the program is almost finished. After
that’s done . . .”

“I’ve got to do something, Becky. I promised Simon
I’d take care of her. I can’t live with myself, if I walk away, and
to be honest I miss her. Can’t you help me reach her? She loved me
once, did you know that? Something happened and I didn’t fight for
her and just let her go. She never forgave me.

“Simon knew about us, of course and I stepped aside
because I knew how much he loved her. They were perfect for each
other and very happy together, but she and I were good together
too.

“If I could have time with her, maybe . . . if she
could talk to me about Simon and feel good about him again, maybe
just maybe there is a chance to save her.”

“I don’t know. She’ll just fire me and get someone
else who doesn’t know you.”

“All I’m asking is that you don’t make it easy for
her to ignore me. Make her tell me herself that she doesn’t want to
see me or hear from me. She was wary to say the least about Simon.
It took a near death experience for her to even be civil to
him.”

“I thought they loved each other for years?”

“They did, but they were never together. In the
hospital Simon told her that he was almost glad she had that
accident because she was too hurt to run away from him
anymore.”

“No!”

“Yes.”

“Simon was my best friend and like my brother. We
were like that since we were kids. I think because Simon and I were
so close, a little bit of him rubbed off on me and a little bit of
me picked up Simon’s ways. Judy has loved us both and that confuses
her. Simon and I talked about that a lot. I got to him just before
he died, Becky, the last thing he said was for me to take care of
Judy.

“I’ve given her enough time to mourn for Simon. All
I’m asking you to do is not to intercede in her behalf. Make her
face me herself. Will you do that, Becky?”

“So you think she still loves you?”

“Yes.”

“But I thought you were going to marry Deidre.”

“We tried. We’ve been friends, medical partners and
sexual partners for years and I love her dearly, but more didn’t
work for either of us. I still love Judy. Deidre knows that and
she’s been after me to do something about Judy. Judy’s only
twenty-eight years old. We can’t just let her waste away or die
before she’s even lived!”

“Okay, Dr. Harter, I’ll do my best. She’s wonderful
and was beautiful and was full of amazing life once, do you think
she’ll ever come back?”

“I have to try. I have to try.”

Steven watches from the doorway to the pool. Judy is
thinner than any human he’s ever seen. Her hair is limp and dull
and her skin is shallow. Every stroke she takes must be
excruciating from her massive injuries, but she’s fighting the
water hard. Always a fighter, she would expect nothing less from
someone she loves.

“Harriett, that’s one hundred and two. Better than
before. Help me out will you, I’m so tired I don’t think I can
walk.”

Steven watches as Judy’s helped into a wheelchair.
“Thanks that’s nice of you.”

Even her voice sounds thin and weak. He’s let this
go on too long. Maybe it’s too late.”No,” he yells forgetting where
he is.

“Did you say something, Harriett?”

“No ma’am.”

“Must have been an echo from somewhere, oh well, can
you help me get a bubble bath when we get back?”

“Becky, what’s
this?”

“Where?”

“This box on my desk, did you put it here?”

“No. I haven’t seen it before. There’s nothing on
the outside. There’s no name or anything. Open it. Maybe that’ll
tell us where it came from.”

“You do it.”

“I’ve got something on the stove, Judy. You do it,
or it’ll have to wait.”

Weird. Maybe Charles or Charlotte left it yesterday
and she didn’t see it. She laughs. See it! Funny! She decides to
leave it for Becky. She pushes it aside so she can get to her
laptop.

She’s finished speaking her last email and reaches
for her bottle of water and knocks the box on the floor. “Damn it.
No one is supposed to put things where they’re not supposed to be
or move the furniture without telling me or put strange boxes in my
way. I’m blind for God’s sake!”

“Did you say something, Judy?”

“Yes! This box is in my way.”

“I’ll get it out of your way in awhile.”

Judy grabs the box and feels it to see how it opens.
There’s only one strip of tape on the top. “Whoever packaged this
didn’t mean for it to hold together for delivery or they are just
inept or stupid.”

She rips off the tape and opens the box. She smells
it to check if it’s dangerous. It smells familiar but she can’t
quite place the scent.

“No way.” She pushes it away. She’s trembling and
that scares her more than what she knows is in the box.

“Lunch is ready, Judy. Come and eat while it’s
hot.”

“Not hungry.”

Judy reaches in the box and pulls out her old boxing
gloves, the ones she used at Steven’s club. She smells them and can
smell her own sweat. Steven must have brought them by. Becky
wouldn’t take anything from him. How did they get here? She looks
around the room, smelling and listening for any sound. Usually she
can hear a fly land. Nothing.

“I don’t care if you aren’t hungry. You are going to
eat or I’m going to force feed you. What’s that?”

“My old boxing gloves.”

“Where did they come from?”

“I don’t know. You’re the one who can see.”

“Well put them down and come to lunch. I made
homemade pizza, just like you like it.”

“In a minute.”

Judy sits in her chair and holds the gloves. She
always loved putting them on after Steven wrapped her hands. Solid,
they made her feel protected and invincible at least until she took
a shot at Steven. He’d block her and knock her on her butt. In all
those years, she never landed one punch on his face and she tried
hard.

Unable to resist, Judy puts them on and smiles.
They’re a comforting reminder of one of the good times in her life.
They feel the same. Looser maybe, but then her body isn’t the same
as it was then.

She stands and her body remembers the stance. A
quick combination comes out of nowhere. It feels good. Another
combination and a sharp pain stabs her shoulders, chest, back and
butt. She breaks out in instant sweat.

“Damn,” she sees the deep crease of disapproval
between Steven’s eyes as he turns and walks away shaking his
head.

“Damn you Steven. I don’t need this shit.” She
quickly takes the gloves off and throws them in the box. She
carries it to the kitchen and dumps it in the garbage can.

“Why are you doing that? They’re nice.” Becky yells
at her.

“Leave it alone, Becky. Throw them away.”

“No. They’re too nice to throw away. I’ll give them
to the children’s shelter, if you don’t want them. They need all
the equipment they can get. Some kid would really like these.”

“Put them in my room, then. I’ll get Travis to take
them, next time he comes.”

Judy has a headache, because she couldn’t get any
sleep. The smell of the boxing gloves got stronger and stronger and
stronger as the night wore on. She finally got up and threw them in
her closet and shut the door. It helped but she could still smell
them.

“Miss Mason?”

“Yes.” She’s startled that someone is in the pool
area, when she’s here. She pays for this time and no one is allowed
in. Where in the Hell is Harriett?

“I’m supposed to give this to you, when you are
finished swimming. Are you finished?” His voice is young. Early
teen’s maybe.

“No. I have twenty-three more laps.”

“Ok, I’ll wait.”

“You’re going to wait while I finish my swim?”

“Yes ma’am that’s what I’m paid to do.”

“Shit. I can’t relax and swim with you here. I’m
blind. I don’t know you.” She calls out for Harriet but there’s no
answer. “Can you see if a woman is here?”

“I don’t see anyone but you and me.”

“Do you see my towel anywhere?”

“Yes ma’am.”

She hears him moving around and then a towel touches
her hand. “Here it is.”

“Just lay it down, please.” She climbs out of the
water, and sits on the edge with her feet in the water and wraps
the towel around her shoulders. “Okay, I’m out. What is it?”

“I’m not sure ma’am. I’ve never seen anything like
it?”

“What does it look like?”

“I think it’s a drink or something, but it’s kind of
greenish or maybe grayish and it’s thick. It looks awful, ma’am.
I’m supposed to stand here and wait until you drink every drop and
then I’m supposed to take the empty glass back. That’s my orders.
Here, take it, I’ve opened the top.”

“Who are you going to send it back to?”

“Boss. You’d better drink it or I’ll get in trouble
and this is my first day on this job.”

How old are you?”

“Sixteen and I need this job, ma’am. I take care of
my sister. Please drink it.”

“Just pour it out.”

“That would be cheating. I’m no cheater.”

“Maybe it’s poison and if I drink it I will die. You
would be an accessory to murder.”

She waits while the boy thinks about it.

“I don’t think so ma’am. If someone was going to
poison you, they’d put the poison in something that tastes and
looks good so you wouldn’t have a problem drinking it. No one in
their right mind would want to drink that. Plus Boss is a really
good guy and he wouldn’t do anything like that.”

Judy laughs and admires his reasoning. “But I don’t
want to drink it now, maybe later.”

“That’s okay by me. I get paid by the hour. I’ll
wait. This is a nice place anyway.”

“What’s your name?”

“Michael.”

“Michael what?”

“Just Michael ma’am.”

She’s startled at his answer, because it was the
same with her when she was sixteen and on her own and hiding from
her Dad and brothers. Mr. Chung gave her a job at his store,
because he hated her Dad and brothers and knew what they did to her
Mom and to her. He let her sleep in the back until she could save
enough to get a place. He always told her to never tell anyone her
name and it would never get back to her Dad where she was.