Twell and the Rebellion (20 page)

“
We don’t have much time,
so I’ll keep this brief.” His voice was so pained and unhappy I
felt my heart sinking heavily into the base of my
stomach.

“
I need to know what
you’re up to, Twell. The simple truth. Now.”

I looked into his disapproving
dark eyes and felt a sudden flash of annoyance. “I can’t.” My own
voice sounded brittle with tension, but inside I was trembling. “I
don’t want to implicate you. Just…just trust I know what I’m
doing.”

“
I do trust you, Twell…but
I told you that Shanna was trouble.” Jonaz’s tone was laced with
anxiety as his eyes searched mine. “I’m worried she’s influenced
you when I can’t be there to stop her.”

“You don’t
need
to be
there to stop her,” I retorted. “Not if you trust me. I have my own
brains, my own judgement. I don’t need her or you to think for
me!”

“I want to protect you!”
Jonaz hissed. “I’m going crazy not seeing you. I just need to know
what’s going on!”

“
You’re right,” I
conceded, suddenly ashamed. “Just give me a minute to
explain.”

His expression softened at first
as he listened. But gradually, Jonaz’s hands gripped harder and
tighter over my shoulders while I stammered and stuttered though my
explanation. The more I tried to justify it, the worse it sounded.
Jonaz dropped his hands and stepped back in the cubicle, regarding
me through the misty air. His dark hair clung damply to his scalp
and I thought he’d never looked more appealing. I yearned to reach
out and touch him, but his stony expression conveyed his fury and
my hands stayed empty at my sides.

“
Please, tell me you
understand why.” I battled to stay composed.

“
I understand, but I don’t
agree with it,” Jonaz replied tersely. “You’re putting yourself in
too much danger. I want you to stay away from Shanna and the
others.”

“
Are you telling me what
to do?” I shot back a little too loudly. “You don’t get to control
me. We’re equals and I won’t allow you to dictate what I
do.”

Jonaz’s eyes widened for a
second, his jaw clenching in frustration before he took a deep
breath to calm his anger. I watched warily as the wild look in his
eye changed to one that had far more effect on me. It was fear. I
could see he was simply afraid of losing me. I reached out and
lightly brushed his arm, trying to re-establish the connection
between us.

“
I’m trying to stand up
for our beliefs in a way I hope will make a difference. I just want
us to have the choice to be together.” I held his dark gaze
earnestly. “Avin will never be my choice. I don’t want him that way
and he knows it.” As the words left my mouth, I felt the dirty
little twisting sensation one feels when uttering a lie. But I
pushed the thought away because Jonaz’s features had softened and
he was closing the space between us. I gasped as his body pressed
firmly against mine, the heat of his skin seeping through my damp
clothes. My heart thudded hard against my ribs as his warm hands
gently pushed back my hair and cupped my face.

“I miss you,” Jonaz said
hoarsely. His gaze was so intense elation and desire coursed
through my veins, mixed with panicky fear. This was ridiculously
taboo, and again, definitely not the right time to explore our
feelings. We would be
beyond
expelled if we were
caught, the consequences clear. But the feeling of Jonaz’s skin
against mine awoke a desire in me so strong it left me breathless,
his touch reminding me how much I wanted him.

Jonaz’s mouth was inches from
mine, yet he held back, his fingers winding into my hair as I
fought every instinct within me to close the gap. The intensity of
it turned my bones to liquid as my body relaxed and moulded against
his. Lost in the fire of his eyes, I felt I might soon melt away,
simply dissolve and disappear though the drains in the floor. Jonaz
groaned, soft and low, and my heartbeat hammered so loud in
response I was sure people in the cubicles around us would hear it.
But the water was loud enough to conceal any sound we made as Jonaz
held me tighter against him.

Just when I thought I couldn’t
take any more without crying out, or kissing him, Jonaz broke off,
pulling away. His eyes were dark with desire and he was breathing
hard, as if stepping back had been a great effort. As I regained my
senses, I realized I felt afraid of the unknown direction his body
and mine seemed to want to take.

“I have to go,” Jonaz
said. Grabbing me by the waist, he lifted me, swinging me around so
he was at the door. “You’re right. I can’t tell you what to do,
Twell. But I can ask you to be careful…if not for yourself then for
me, like you asked of me before we came here.”

“
Do you think the feelings
I have are wrong?” I held his gaze while holding my breath. Jonaz
hesitated a long while, his expression serious, deliberating a
careful reply.

“
You know I agree with you
about the partnering,” Jonaz replied levelly. “But my feelings have
changed on how and when we fight for what we believe. I don’t feel
this is the time or place to make trouble. You need to prioritize
what’s important right now and that’s the coming war.”

I knew he was right. Just as
Brazin was right. But the fire Shanna had successfully lit in me
was simmering away and it didn’t seem to care about timing.

“
I know. I’ll try my best
to be good.” I smiled shyly at him. The thrill of seeing, touching,
and smelling him again was still making my skin tingle. I saw with
new eyes how handsome he was, all chiselled features and intense
mocking eyes. Usually they were full of mirth, but today I saw too
many emotions to begin counting and none of them were
light-hearted.

“I’ll see you again soon,”
Jonaz promised. “Please, just stay safe. I don’t want anything else
to happen to you.”

“
Okay. I’ll be careful,” I
conceded with a sigh. He smiled at me wistfully before turning to
open the door. Slipping out soundlessly, I shut the door behind him
and locked it. I didn’t hear any screams in the next few minutes,
so I figured he’d somehow made it safely out. Turning on the mist I
leaned shakily against the door with my eyes closed, shivering
despite the warmth of the water covering my skin. Then I shook my
head, as if shaking off a dream as I finished my shower. I felt
light. As light as air. More carefree than I had in days. And with
the world changing as fast as it was, it was something to be
savoured.

Chapter
Nine

The
feeling didn’t last, instead followed by the heaviest of
dreams. Always I was in the cave, my eyes blinded by the thick
black nothingness, the damp smell of earth sharp in my nostrils.
And always, always came the white face in the dark, the deathly
claw like fingers reaching out to scratch the flesh from my body
while I stood frozen and helpless, unable to even scream. It was
only when somebody shook me awake that I realized I was screaming
aloud. I’d always thought it was the Abwarzians in my nightmares,
until Raze had tried to kill me. Now I didn’t know who it was who
came for me most nights in my sleep. Maybe it was part Raze, part
Abwarzian…a mixture of my deepest fears. And always in the
awakening of dawn, when I awoke twisted and damp in my sheets, came
the understanding that I’d buried any further knowledge of my
parents when I’d buried Raze.

The horrible truth sank
over me as heavy as if I was being buried alive. Crushed by the
rubble of realization, I felt the tears leak from my eyes and
trickle silently down my cheeks, wetting my pillow. It was always
the moment when I felt most alone, hopeless and afraid. On this
particular morning, I’d managed to wake my entire room and most
likely, the rest of the female quarter as well. Kina shook me until
I opened my eyes and I stared through salty tears at her as she
hovered over my head, worry etched all over her face.

“
Twell, it’s only a dream,
it’s okay,” Lavi piped up unhelpfully from the end of my
bed.

“Yeah, toughen up, Twell,
even in your dreams you love the
drama,”
Shanna snorted from her side of the room. I found a pillow and
launched it at her half-heartedly with my mind, which was still
only half-awake. Raising her leg she gave a powerful kick that sent
it flying back at my head. Stopping it just before it hit me in the
face, I sat up.

“
Good morning to you,
too.”

Kina and Lavi backed away, still
regarding me as if I might relapse into a screaming heap at any
moment.

“
Sorry,” I mumbled. “I
have nightmares sometimes.”

“
We noticed,” Kina
sniffed.

“
Do you want to talk about
it?” Lavi asked.

“Ohhhhh noooooo.” Shanna
clapped her hands over her ears and rolled her eyes. “If you’re
going to
analyze
her stupid dream, I’m
out of here.”

“
I love you too, moga,” I
muttered as I rose and dressed.

“
Ignore her,” Kina replied
primly. “You can tell us if you want to.”

“
Thanks, Kina, but I’d
rather just forget about it.” I smiled apologetically.

Kina shrugged and
continued to brush her already orderly hair. Not one flyaway did
that girl have. At least Lavi understood the trauma of
tangles.

Once I was dressed, we walked
together to the hall. To my relief there were no guards waiting for
me. Nor had there been once I’d dared to emerge from the hygiene
block the night before. I couldn’t understand how Jonaz had managed
to sneak in unseen and I fervently hoped he’d managed to get back
to the male quarters without being caught. I supposed I would know
about it soon enough if he had.

Morning meal passed
without any incident. I began to feel like I could breathe again
for the first time in days, the relaxed breathing of a person who
was not currently doing the wrong thing, or that is to say,
plotting to rebel against their government. I found myself smiling,
even laughing during breakfast and it seemed my light heartedness
was infectious, warming the mood of everyone at our table until
everyone was being quite silly. Our chatter and laughter rose to
such a din the officers stood up and folded their arms, the
universal speak for ‘
whatever
it is you are doing, stop it now!’

I was still riding on the high
of seeing Jonaz, still blushing whenever I thought of the way he’d
touched me. Only Avin, who had come to stubbornly sit with me
despite Shanna’s excessive eye rolling, did not seem as jovial as
everyone else. He stared quizzically at me until I began to feel
annoyed.

“
What?” I finally snapped.
Avin flinched and I instantly regretted my
insensitivity.

“
Just wondering what’s up
with you, that’s all.” Avin’s gaze was troubled and I tried
desperately to look anywhere but at him.

“Nothing’s up,” I
mumbled
. His eyes trapped mine across the
table, locking them to his. Unable to move forwards or backwards I
scowled at him, hating he could do that to me without even
trying.

“
Okay, fine.” Avin’s
features darkened in frustration. Shoving his meal away, he rose
abruptly, striding stiffly from the hall. I stared after him,
opened mouthed and resenting the guilt stabbing at my
conscience.

“
Something you said?”
Shanna baited, throwing an empty supplement vial at me.

“
I have no idea,” I
protested irritably.

“
Yes you do.” Shanna
sneered. “Don’t play dumb, it’s boring.”

“
What are you on about?” I
twirled the little vial mid-air, focusing on it as if it was taking
far more concentration than it actually was.

“
Oh, come on, it’s obvious
you saw Jonah somehow. It’s written all over your blushing
tell-tale face.” Righteous approval was plastered all over her own
smug face and it made me instantly mad.

“
It’s Jonaz! And so what
if I did?”

“Are you a few
s
tars short of a galaxy?” Shanna laughed
gratingly. “You can’t seriously think the realization would have
Avin performing a happy dance with you.”

I was speechless while Shanna’s
eyes gleamed with the satisfaction of knowing I had no defence.

“
Yeah, that’s right,” she
said, smirking. “Even you couldn’t be that stupid.”

As much as I wanted to kick
Shanna at that moment, I knew she was right. My good mood deflated
like a desert flower touched by the evening frost. How long did I
think I could ignore Avin’s feelings and pretend Jonaz’s and mine
were the only ones that mattered? Not only was it causing Avin
pain, I knew in my heart I hadn’t been entirely truthful with
Jonaz. I was in love with Jonaz. I knew it with total certainly.
But I also knew there was a connection between Avin and I that I
was fighting to deny.

“
Well. What do you suggest
I do about it, Miss Has To Be Right?” I snapped at Shanna who was
now using her own powers to shoot down my vial with her protein
pellets.

“
Tell Avin to get lost.
Hook up with Jonaz. Shove it in the G.B.’s face. Duh.” Shanna’s
face shone with the ever-present fire of her
convictions.

“Why don’t
you
do it,
if you so desperately want to make a statement?” I retorted,
beginning to lose my patience.