Twin Ties 2: Twin Affairs (28 page)

The rest of the meal went relatively smoothly, as each of the four younger men shared select pieces of who they were, what they’d been doing, and their plans for the future with the highly inquisitive elder Savage. But, Evan’s preoccupation was with everyone’s reactions to one another, to his father’s responses to Alek, Luka and Brennan and the contrast between what he knew or suspected, and what was being presented as fact. The game of it all distracted him almost enough to keep his mind off the cigarettes. Whenever he got a whiff of smoke from another table, Evan looked to Alek, who shot him a lightning quick, incredibly sharp look of warning that effectively dulled Evan’s craving with fantasies of the promised punishment Evan hoped was coming his way soon.

As everyone finished their lunches and emptied their glasses, Evan’s focus shifted to his twin. He tried to gauge how Brennan felt, to read his mind and his heart, sure if he concentrated enough, he could do it. At first, seeing Brennan’s expression was untroubled and less guarded, Evan thought he had gotten away with observing Brennan undetected.

He found out he was wrong when, mid-sentence in response to their father asking about Brennan’s propensity to cook them all dinner, Brennan caught Evan’s gaze and smiled at him with only his eyes. They shone brightly with amusement, a knowing twinkle, deep-seated love and the barest hint of intimate warmth. It made Evan smile helplessly, which he tried to hide behind his cup.

After that, it became quickly clear to Evan Brennan’s spirit had been buoyed by Charlie’s earnest curiosity regarding their lives and his patience with the limited answers he received. Having control over what Charlie knew about who Brennan was made Brennan feel more powerful and less subjected to helplessness by his fate. Once in a while Brennan would let some small truth go, handing it over to their father. The more tidbits he gave away, the clearer it was knowing aspects of Brennan’s identity was in no way a free pass to claim the right to continue to become closer to him. If it was what Brennan wanted or needed, he could put a stop to Charlie’s hope to be in his life. So it continued to be a dance between them. Brennan gave a little, Charlie tried for more and Brennan got to decide whether to give it to him.

They all pushed back from the table once Charlie paid the bill, and headed back to the parking lot. At the sidewalk, Charlie patted down his pockets, searching for something he feared he might have dropped. Excusing himself, Charlie went back to the table to look for it while the four younger men continued on.

Their vehicles were parked on the far side of a long aisle filled with cars. Once they got to them, with Charlie safely out of sight, Alek pulled Brennan aside and quickly, tenderly kissed him, saying, “See? There was nothing to worry about. Everything will be fine.”

Meanwhile, Luka nearly bowled Evan over in a bear hug, kissing the top of his head and groaning in relief. They’d done it. They survived the dreaded initial encounter. It had gone off without a hitch. Each of them brightened a little, smiling and chuckling, the weight of worry momentarily lessened with the perceived victory.

Inside the café, at quite a distance but with sharpened gaze, Charlie looked on from the shadows, biding his time. He hadn’t forgotten anything at the table; he just wanted a chance to see the boys with their guards down.

Alek’s lips locked on to Brennan’s like it was the most natural thing in the world. Evan smiled bashfully at Luka, sinking deeply into his arms. Charlie wasn’t surprised, not by a long-shot, but the finality of the visual evidence still stung. Part of him wanted to murder Alek and Luka where they stood for the gall of what they’d done to his children, luring them into such a twisted kind of arrangement. Part of him wanted to scream at Evan and Brennan, demanding they explain themselves and such behavior. Part of him, though, was simply very disappointed and intensely weary, knowing what this all meant. The lies and charade would either continue on indefinitely, or he would have to confront them and admit to what he knew. There would be the aftermath of that revelation. He’d probably wind up pushing his boys further away. He might even lose both of them forever, or he would be forced to find a way to be okay with this lifestyle they’d found themselves entangled in. Each option was its own hell.

Charlie watched Alek’s hand caress down Brennan’s lower back to his backside, groping him right out in the open, with no thought for acting with respect and decency. Luka leaned in to Evan’s ear, but it wasn’t to whisper. He sucked at the side of Evan’s neck, right under his jaw. The sight of it paralyzed Charlie, knotting his stomach in a way that seeing Alek kiss Evan outright did not. He wondered how Jimmy had done it for so long, being around the four of them and acting like the deceptive, wanton behavior on display was morally acceptable in his eyes and didn’t anger him. Charlie ripped his gaze away and waited for his fists to unclench before attempting to rejoin his family.

The afternoon found Charlie alone with his boys. The three of them sat down by the stream running through the woods not far from their home, trying to fish though the pickings were slim in those shallow waters. Alek and Luka had bid their goodbyes in order to allow Charlie some one-on-one time with his sons.

Since being left to themselves, the air between the three had been slightly strained for a reason Evan couldn’t quite figure out. Charlie had been quiet after returning from lunch. Now, sitting on folding chairs by the bank, fishing rods in hand, Evan and Brennan were asked a question which made them both groan loudly, in unison, in protest.

“You boys’re bein’ safe, aren’tcha? You using condoms?”

“Dad, for Christ’s sake,” Evan complained.

“That’s not an answer, Evan,” Charlie frowned.

Brennan spoke up. The look on his face startled Evan. He knew that look.

With a cocky little flip of his hair, Brennan said, “We were tested for STDs months ago at the local clinic. We’re in committed relationships. We’re being safe. Don’t worry.”

“So, that’s a no,” Charlie managed through gritted teeth.

“Dad…” Evan tried, feeling nauseous.

“Condoms aren’t foolproof,” Brennan retorted. “They break.”

“
Trust
ain’t foolproof either,” Charlie challenged.

“Can we
please
stop talking about this?” Evan whined.

“You’re gonna trust your life with them?” Charlie continued, “All it takes is one time, one slip up and you’ve got herpes or gonorrhea or HIV—”

“It’s my body,” Brennan interrupted. “I know who I trust with it.”

“Dad,” Evan shouted. “Lay off. Hell, Bren’s gonna be a nurse! He gets it, okay?”

“Yeah,” Charlie squinted. “And what about you, boy? You lettin’ him screw you without even bothering with a rubber?”

“I-I can’t believe you just asked me that.” Evan gaped with astonishment, turning crimson. Without looking at his father, he shook his head and tried not to implode from seething embarrassment.

“Look, Charlie,” Brennan said severely. “We honestly are doing everything we can to be safe. We may be young, but we’re not stupid.”

Quiet descended in the woods; the only sounds were the burbling of water over rocks and the twittering of birds in the treetops. Evan refused to meet Charlie’s gaze.

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” Charlie said, sighing, after he couldn’t stand it anymore. “I just don’t want anything bad to happen to you. You’ve gotta admit you’ve got damn questionable luck when it comes to your health.”

Evan didn’t react, just recast his line. Brennan held his tongue, glancing between them.

“I’m trying here, all right?” Charlie said to Evan. “I don’t care one way or the other if you’re gay. But I do care about you making an effort to watch your ass.”

“So to speak,” Brennan murmured through a chuckle.

Evan shot him a sharp, disbelieving glare. Charlie laughed with Brennan and Evan scowled, “You’re both sick.”

On the way back to the house, Evan went on ahead while Charlie and Brennan lagged behind. Pulling Brennan aside, Charlie said to him solemnly, “I’ve been trying my damnedest to think of all the things I’ve wanted to say to you, everything that hasn’t been said and should’ve been long ago. There’s so much to get past with us, and it kills me, so I’m trying to look ahead, to what’s still to come, instead of looking back.

“What I’ve come up with is this. I think you should concentrate on yourself for a while, your future. It’s important and you finally have a chance to be selfish. You don’t have anyone to take care of or worry about. I know you’re dealing with a lot of change right now, what with being in a new state, a new town, with new people, missin’ yer mom and your friends, your old life, but school would be good for ya. Might take your mind off of things and set you on a good path toward having a real career. I want that for you. Dating, relationships, that’ll still be there later.”

Brennan didn’t respond initially as he picked his way over fallen branches and hollow dips in the forest floor. He mulled over what Charlie said and why he thought he might have said it.

It had been nice to not have to be responsible for a change, to laze around and screw around and not have important life-or-death tasks waiting, other than to watch out for his brother. It had been like reclaiming some of his adolescence, being a stupid kid for a little longer before diving headfirst into the process of becoming a man.

Charlie added, “You’d be a great nurse. If you need any help with tuition, I’ll take care of that. You don’t need to use your savings. I want to contribute.”

Nodding, Brennan tried on a smile and warmed to the idea that his father was finally interested in participating in a concrete way in his life.

“It’s hard for me to talk about when you and Evan were youngsters, growing up, and all the fighting with your mom. That’s part of why I never was able to tell Evan about it. But I don’t want you to think I didn’t care. She offered, you know, to visit or even just to send me pictures and letters about you. She did send some, once in a while, even when I specifically asked her not to. But….”

Charlie shook his head, his expression clouding over. “God damn, it was hard seeing those. It just reminded me of what I was missing out on. And she would never have come back for good. She flat-out refused. If we tried to do shared custody, we’d have been fighting every time we came near one another and we wanted to spare you boys that. I do have a few pictures of you, though. In one of ‘em you’re five and at the beach with your shiny blond hair, wearin’ these baggy red trunks and a big goofy smile on your face. It’s the cutest thing in the world, but it tears me apart inside to see it. You’re my
son
, Brennan. I’ve loved you since before you were even born, and I need you to know you were always in my heart, even if I wasn’t able to be in your life.”

Charlie sniffed and dragged the back of a hand over his eye when a tear slipped out. Brennan made a small hurt sound and stopped dead in his tracks. After a beat he turned to Charlie and threw his arms around him in a loose hug, the fishing pole clattering to the ground at their feet.

Charlie sighed and held his long lost child tightly, like it would make the wasted years fall away. “I love you,” Charlie said again. “And I’m damn proud of you.”