Uncle John’s 24-Karat Gold Bathroom Reader® (13 page)

GREENLAND

In 1945 Secretary of State James Byrnes offered Denmark $100 million for the gigantic, ice-covered Arctic island. Why? For its strategic location. This was at the very beginning of the Cold War, and Greenland was situated much closer to the Soviet Union’s major cities than any current U.S. land, making it an ideal place for a missile-defense system. The Danish government did not entertain the offer.

FRANKLIN

When the United States established its Constitution in 1787, the 13 former colonies became the new nation’s first states. There could have been 14. In 1785 a group of citizens in an isolated, sparsely populated mountainous region of western North Carolina proposed creating their own state, predicated on one idea: that doctors and lawyers were too highbrow, not representative of the common man, and thus unfit to serve in the legislature. Despite that weird premise for independence, 7 out of 13 states voted yes. Franklin was denied statehood, but by only two votes. Nevertheless, Franklin’s leading proponents acted like they
had
been granted statehood and proceeded to form a basic government: electing lawmakers (no doctors or lawyers), establishing a court system, and assembling a small militia. All that local power wasn’t enough to prevent attacks from local Indian tribes, who saw Franklin residents as easy targets. Because they’d behaved like a rogue state, North Carolina and the federal government left them to their own devices and offered no protection. In 1796 “Franklin” was absorbed into Tennessee.

On average, Americans in 2001 bought seven times more fireworks than they did in 1976.

JACINTO

When the independent republic of Texas was annexed by the U.S. in 1845, it retained a right to split into as many as five separate states whenever and for whatever reason the state government saw fit. The Texas legislature entertained the idea in 1850, when the state’s congressional delegation introduced a bill to divide the state in two, right along the Brazos River. The western portion would still be called Texas, while the eastern part was to be named Jacinto, commemorating the 1836 Battle of San Jacinto, which was decisive in Texas gaining its independence from Mexico (and lasted only 18 minutes). The bill never got enough support to make it to a vote, but the idea of partitioning Texas wouldn’t go away—it resurfaced six more times over the 120 years.

GREAT BRITAIN

In the peacetime years that followed World War II, Senator Richard Russell Jr. of Georgia made a bizarre proposal to the news media: The United States should annex England, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales—at the time, the whole of Great Britain—as four new states. Why? The British were ravaged by the war, and the U.S. needed some strategically located sites in Europe. Russell reasoned that the U.S. getting military bases and the U.K. receiving an influx of American revenue would be good for both countries. The British government quickly dismissed the idea, noting that Russell’s home state of Georgia still owed England money it had borrowed during the Civil War.

Bugsy Siegel named his Las Vegas casino the Flamingo for his leggy girlfriend, Virginia Hill.

THE BRIGHT SIDE
OF THE MOON

Unless you’re an astronomy buff (or a werewolf), you don’t keep track of full moons and you’ve probably never heard of a “waning gibbous.” But you might still wonder why sometimes you can see the whole moon, and other times you can’t see any of it
.

W
HEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE
It takes about a month—technically 29.5305882 days—for the moon to go through one
synodic period
, the cycle in which we see it go through its phases of full, half, crescent, and “new,” or invisible, and then back to full again. But the moon really doesn’t go anywhere—it’s always orbiting Earth, and always has the same side facing Earth, due to the powerful gravitational pull the planet has on its satellite. The lunar phases we see are created by the changing angles and positions of Earth, sun, and moon in relation to each other. Moonlight is really just reflected sunlight, so when the moon looks different, it’s only because part of it isn’t visible from Earth—that part is shrouded in the moon’s own shadow. (But even that dark part isn’t really invisible; you can often see it, dimly, through a telescope or good pair of binoculars.) Here’s a scientific look at where these celestial bodies have to be positioned to make the moon look the way it does on any given night.

NEW MOON (DAY 1):
In most cultures, the beginning of the moon’s cycle is marked by the new moon. You can tell it’s a new moon if you can’t find the moon anywhere in the sky, day or night. That’s because a new moon is virtually invisible—it hangs between Earth and the sun, with all three more or less in alignment, so the moon’s far side is illuminated and the dark side faces us. (On the rare occasions when all three are in
exact
alignment, the moon hangs directly between Earth and sun, causing a solar eclipse.)

WAXING CRESCENT (DAY 5):
In this “fingernail” phase, the moon appears as a small sliver, with the long curve toward the right-hand side. “Waxing” means growing, so this means the moon is emerging from shadow and the lighted part will become larger—less shrouded in darkness—in the coming nights.

Largest gold coin ever minted: The Canadian $1 million Maple Leaf (diameter: about 20 in.).

FIRST QUARTER (DAY 8):
The name says “quarter,” but really half of the moon is now visible, with the curve on the right, resembling a big letter “D.” The moon is at a 90-degree angle in relation to Earth and the sun, leaving exactly half of the moon illuminated and the other half of it in shadow.

WAXING GIBBOUS (DAY 11):
Again, the moon is waxing (growing), so the lighted part is getting bigger. The word
gibbous
, derived from Latin, means “more than half.” In this case, it means that the moon is about three-quarters illuminated, with only a small portion on its left side still stuck in the shadows.

FULL MOON (DAY 15):
Just as with a new moon, all three bodies are in near-alignment, but this time the moon is on the opposite side of Earth from where it was during the new moon. So the entire sunlight-illuminated part of the moon now faces Earth. The shadowed portion of the moon is on the far side, hidden from view. As with the new moon, on rare occasions the three bodies align perfectly, causing an eclipse—in the this case, a lunar eclipse, when Earth’s shadow crosses the moon.

WANING GIBBOUS (DAY 21):
After a full moon, the moon appears to “shrink” or recede into the shadows.
Waning
means the opposite of waxing, so in this phase, the moon is once again three-quarters visible and illuminated, but now its right side is the portion that is obscured.

THIRD QUARTER (DAY 23):
This phase is similar to the first quarter: Half of the moon is visible, and half is obscured. But since the moon is now completing its cycle, the sides are reversed: The left side is illuminated; the right side is obscured.

WANING CRESCENT (DAY 26):
Another crescent moon, in which there’s a small sliver of moon in the sky, but now the curve is on the left.

And then it’s the new moon again.

Long-term parking: There are 3 lunar rovers still on the moon.

VIRAL VIDEOS

You probably already know that pop superstar Justin Bieber’s career was launched when his mother posted some home movies on YouTube. Here’s a look at some other folks who found fame—or infamy—when their videos went viral
.

I
nternet Star:
Dave Carroll, a Canadian country singer
Better Known As:
The “United Breaks Guitars” guy
The Story:
In March 2008, Carroll and his band were seated aboard a United Airlines plane at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport when they and other passengers saw the airline’s baggage handlers throwing the band’s instrument cases around on the tarmac. When Carroll retrieved his $3,500 Taylor guitar at the end of the flight, the neck had been broken off. United refused to replace the guitar or pay for repairs, even after Carroll pursued the matter for nine months. Rather than accept defeat, he decided to make a music video about the experience and post it on YouTube.

What Happened:
Carroll uploaded the video, “United Breaks Guitars,” onto YouTube on July 6, 2009. By the end of the day it had received 150,000 hits. That got United’s attention, but Carroll wasn’t interested anymore. When the airline offered to buy him a new guitar, he told them to give the money to charity instead. As of March 2011, “United Breaks Guitars” had been seen more than 10 million times, making it the most successful song of Carroll’s career. (Believe it or not, he still flies United.) The airline uses the video as a training tool.

Internet Star:
Ardi Rizal, 2, the son of Indonesian street vendors

Better Known As:
“The Smoking Baby”

The Story:
Indonesia is well known as being a nation of smokers—one in three Indonesians smokes 12 or more cigarettes a day—and many of the smokers are children. But Ardi Rizal got an earlier start than most: When he was about 18 months old, his father let him smoke a cigarette. The toddler took to the habit quickly, and his parents were happy to let him smoke because it kept him occupied while they worked long hours in their street stall. By the spring of 2010, two-year-old Ardi was smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. That was when a reporter filmed the toddler puffing away like a pro. The video found its way onto the Internet; by the summer of 2010, millions of people had seen it.

More than 25% of Arizona is designated as Native American lands, the most of any state.

What Happened:
By then Ardi was hooked on smokes, and his parents could not get him to quit. “He’s totally addicted,” his mother told reporters. “If he doesn’t get cigarettes, he gets angry and bangs his head against the wall.” Luckily for Ardi, the story embarrassed the Indonesian government, and they arranged for him to be treated in a clinic in the capital city of Jakarta. They even promised to buy the Rizals a car if their boy kicked the habit. After a month of “play therapy,” in which Ardi was distracted with toys and lots of attention from therapists and playmates, he quit smoking. (No word on whether his parents got their car.)

Internet Star:
Jack Rebney, an on-air pitchman and producer of industrial videos in the 1980s

Better Known As:
“The Winnebago Man” and “The Angriest Man in the World”

The Story:
In the summer of 1989, Rebney filmed a sales training video for Winnebago Industries, the motor-home company. It was a difficult shoot in hot, humid weather, and Rebney was foulmouthed and irate as he flubbed one take after another. The camera crew was so annoyed with his antics that they assembled a videotape of his outbursts and used it to get him fired. That was the last Rebney knew of the tape for nearly 20 years.

What Happened:
Today anyone with Internet access can view a video clip or recommend it to friends with a couple of keystrokes, but the Winnebago Man phenomenon predates YouTube by more than a decade. Rebney’s obscene rants were so compelling that people made bootleg copies of the VHS tape and circulated them
by hand
for more than 15 years before YouTube came along in 2005 and Rebney became one of the site’s earliest stars. Since then his outtakes have been seen by more than 20 million people.

Update:
Rebney’s fans have long wondered what happened to him, as he seemed to have disappeared from the face of the Earth. A documentary filmmaker named Ben Steinbauer finally tracked him down with the help of a private detective. Rebney, now in his 80s, lives a hermitic existence on top of a mountain in Northern California. The search for Rebney is the subject of the 2009 documentary
Winnebago Man
.

In 2006 a London fashion show called “Naked Fragrance” had nude models wearing different brands of perfume, walking in front of a blindfolded audience.

Internet Star:
Ghyslain Raza, 15, a Canadian high-school junior

Better Known As:
“The Star Wars Kid”

The Story:
In November 2002, Raza made a video of himself in his school’s video lab swinging a golf-ball retriever like a
Star Wars
lightsaber. Some classmates found the tape and e-mailed it to their friends; it bounced around a small circle of kids until April 2003, when someone posted it on the Internet. Since then it has been viewed more than a billion times, making it perhaps the most-watched video of all time.

What Happened:
Raza was humiliated by his sudden fame. He couldn’t step into the hallway at school without his classmates chanting “
Star Wars
kid!
Star Wars
kid!” and had to drop out of school. He was treated for depression, and his parents sued three of his classmates for $250,000 in damages. The term “cyberbullying” was coined with him specifically in mind.

Update:
Raza eventually overcame his humiliation, and his parents’ lawsuit even helped him settle on a career: At last report he was studying law at McGill University in Montreal.

Internet Star:
Casey Heynes, an Australian high-school student

Better Known as:
“Casey the Punisher”

The Story:
In March 2011, a kid named Ritchard Gale picked a fight with Casey at school while a third kid filmed the fight. In the video, Ritchard is clearly the aggressor as he punches Casey in the face. Casey fends off several blows then suddenly grabs Ritchard, lifts him over his shoulder, and slams him to the ground. Casey then walks off in triumph as Ritchard, injured, staggers away.