Uncle John’s Unsinkable Bathroom Reader (2 page)

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Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute

BOOK: Uncle John’s Unsinkable Bathroom Reader
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Weird Canada

Long

*The Snowmobile

CREATURE FEATURES

Short

In Hog We Trust

Man’s Best Friend

Weird Animal News

Medium

The Mysterious Eel

Cows on the Run

Owney Goes Postal

POLITICS

Short

The Commander Guy

Poli-talks

Nixonia

First Lady Firsts

Medium

Political Animals

Govern-Mental

More Political Animals

Long

The Magna Carta

*World Politics

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Short

Cheesey Does It

Tequila Mockingbird

The Last Meal

Junk Food Recipes

Medium

Regional Treats

Founding Food-ers

Founding Food-ers

Long

Seafaring Food in the
Age of Sail

The Joy of Cookbooks

*Layers of the Onion

*The Kitchen Olympics

GAMES & AMUSEMENTS

Short

Blokus, Anyone?

Medium

Duck…Duck…Goose!

The World of War Games

Weird Video Games

Long

The First War Game

Roll the Dice

The Original Dungeon
Masters, Part I

*The Original Dungeon
Masters, Part II

LAW & ORDER

Short

Court Transquips

Law and Order:
Special Pants Unit

Looney Laws

Medium

The Big Brother Files

Dumb Crooks

Strange Lawsuits

AROUND THE HOUSE

Short

Hats Incredible

Bedtime Stories

Medium

Uncle John Cleans
Your Kitchen

Bathroom Feng Shui

Out, Darn Spot!

How to Have a Yard Sale

Bathroom Feng Shui,
Part II

The Yard Sale
Shopper’s Guide

PUBLIC LIVES

Short

Celebrity Eats

Famous
and
Smart

Medium

Harlem Globe-trivia

Long

The Piano Man

INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS

Short

Make a White Cabbage

There’s No Place
Like Zamunda

Medium

Assassinated!

Bizarre Brazil

Spotted Dick With a
Side of Neeps

Seven (Underwater) Places
to See Before You Die

WORDPLAY

Short

Pro-nun-ci-a-tion

Tom Swifties

A Brief Life

Pop Culture Anagrams

The Collectors

Instant Classic

Kissy Face

Medium

Leave Ready Zagromyhat
to Us!

REEL LIFE

Short

Sincerely, Steven

Hollywood Speak

Reel Dumb

Medium

Classroom Films

(Not) Coming to a
Theater Near You

Making a Movie, Part I

Based on a “True” Story

Video Treasures

Long

Making a Movie, Part II:
The Producers

Making a Movie, Part III:
Preproduction

Making a Movie, Part IV:
Photography

*Making a Movie, Part V:
Postproduction

THE PRINTED WORD

Short

Flubbed Headlines

Park on an Angel

Leading Ledes

Suits Suck

Honk if You Love
Bumper Stickers

Medium

Comical Comics

Banned Books

The Funny Pages

MOUTHING OFF

Short

Laugh Lines

Modern Wisdom

Don’t…

Reality Bites

That’s Funny

Chanel No. 1

Tropic of Miller

Great Scott

Random Thoughts

MYTHS & LEGENDS

Short

Myth-Conceptions

Medium

The Wisdom
of the Gypsies

Pablo and the Pumpkin

Long

It’s in the Cards

It’s in the Cards, Part II

AMERICANA

Medium

City of Superlatives

Escape from America

Long

The Last Double Eagle,
Part I

State Quarters

The Last Double Eagle,
Part II

THAT’S DEATH

Short

Thy Will Be Done

Final Thoughts

Medium

What a Way to Go

Unlikely Benefactors

Ashes to Ashes,
Weird to Weirder

Death on the Set

WORD & PHRASE ORIGINS

Short

The Word Farm

Medium

Familiar Phrases

Word Origins

SCAMS & HOAXES

Medium

Caught in the Act

Bad News Bared

We’re Under Attack!

Caught in the Act

BUSINE$$

Short

Doing Business

“Stronger Than Dirt”

Medium

The Best Deal
in $ports History

Doing a Ratner

Whatever Happened To

Simple Success Stories

The Complaint Desk

Long

*“We’re Looking for People
Who Like to Draw”

TV OR NOT TV

Short

“Probably Wife #2”

The Boob Tube

Medium

Unseen TV

Cable Pioneers

Life Imitates Bart

Video Pirates

Long

The
CSI
Effect

POP-POURRI

Short

You’re My Inspiration

Uncle John’s Page of Lists

Exercise Your Brain

Odd Superheroes

Medium

Let’s Go Streaking

Ol’ Jay’s Brainteasers

44 Things You Can Do
with a Coconut

Sold!

Answer Pages

WHAT’S IN A (OW!) NAME?

In October 2007, Jacqueline Holmes of West Palm Beach, Florida, filed a lawsuit against a local nightclub after its disco ball fell from the ceiling and hit her on the head. (She was not badly injured.) The name of the nightclub: the Coco Bongo.

INTRO-DUCK-TION

W
elcome back!
Here we are again with our 21st edition,
Uncle John’s Unsinkable Bathroom Reader
! As I sit here writing this intro in my office—surrounded by a gallery of 1950s kitsch and a flock of rubber duckies—our incredible team of editors, writers, researchers, and designers is downstairs at the Bathroom Readers’ Institute, putting the finishing touches on yet another amazing book. And I realize just how fortunate I am (and you are) to have such a dedicated staff of kooks and assorted nuts putting their hearts and souls into this job.

And what does that mean for you, our equally dedicated readers? A book like no other on the market. Some examples:


History that never came to be.
A rocket powered by hundreds of atomic bombs, the Russians’ plans to land a man on the Moon, and the secret plot to overthrow the U.S. government (it failed).


History you didn’t know.
The car designer who was more influential than Henry Ford, the forgotten American colony, and the legendary silver mine that gave and gave…and then took it all back.


The answers to life’s most persistent questions:
Why are snooze buttons always set to nine minutes? Whatever happened to milkmen? And is “either” pronounced “ee-ther” or “ay-ther”?


Foodstuffs.
Many things have been described as “the best thing since sliced bread.” Now you’ll know who’s responsible for sliced bread! Plus, the spirited history of cocktails, famous cookbooks, and for you junk-food fanatics—a recipe for sushi Twinkies.


Pop Science:
All about constellations and meteors, getting to know your knuckles, self-cleaning underwear, the baby girl that was born twice, and a porky page of pig facts.


Wordplay, wordplay, wordplay!
Bumper stickers, idioms in other languages, flubbed headlines, and one of our weirdest pages ever: “Leave Ready Zagromyhat to Us!” (or, what happens when a bored writer has too much fun on Internet translation sites).


Speaking of weird
, there’s “Vrillon of the Ashtar Galactic Command,” Communist Smurfs, the tapeworm diet, people who drill holes in their heads, and the great sport of mullet tossing.


Lots of great how-to tips.
Increase the flow (of ch’i) in your bathroom and increase the flow of gas in your car’s tank. How to wash your washing machine, how to shop at (and have) a yard sale, and how to make a $200-million movie.


Calling all nerds!
(Or is the correct term “geeks”?) We’ve got a lot about comic books and superheros (my favorite: an Indonesian Aquaman who shoots rainbows from his belt). And you’ll find the origins of World of Warcraft and Dungeons & Dragons.

It all starts on the very next page…but before we get on with the show, I’d like to give a big THANK YOU to the great BRI staff:

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Checked by Jennifer Jamelli