Unforgivably Broken (The Broken Series Book Two) (14 page)

“So
, will you come with me?” he asked, breaking my train of thought.

“I don’t really know how much help I’d be. I don’t know anything about looking for apartments,” I answered honestly, trying to keep my internal struggle from my tone.

“Well, I want it to be somewhere you’ll be happy with,” he said. I glanced over at where he was leaning against the marble top of the island with his hips. The heels of his hands rested on either side of him and it pulled the shirt tight over his shoulders and chest. It was completely unfair that he could look so attractive while making cryptic statements like that.

“What?”

He pulled up a hand, running it across the back of his neck as he lowered his eyes to the floor for a moment. “I want to make sure you’ll be happy there,” he said, glancing up at me cautiously.

“Are you…” I started, turning toward the doorway partly before turning back to face him. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

He shrugged a shoulder, glancing at me and then away again nervously. “I guess… yeah.”

I frowned and went back to sweeping for a moment. Well,
more like just moving the same pile of spilled food around the floor. “You realize how crazy that sounds, right? I mean, we’ve been together less than two months and most of that time was spent in a hospital bed—”

“And all of that time has been spent sleeping next to you,” he cut me off, making his own point clear. “Stop trying to compare us to the standards of other people. We’re not other couples. We’re not like any of them. We’re different. We were always meant to end up
here, we just… took our time.” He gave me a small smile and the question still lingered in his eyes.

“Okay. Maybe,” I said after another moment of silence, returning his smile. “But it’d better be an amazing damn apartment.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at Lili’s comment. I’d been a wreck this morning wondering if she would freak out when I mentioned the thought of her moving in with me but she was making jokes.

“Well, if you’re going to make demands, you should definitely come with me,” I said, walking over to stand in front of her. “Otherwise you could end up living in some seedy apartment above a strip club. Although
, that could work out to my advantage…” I trailed off, glancing up as I pretended to be lost in thought.

“Jerk,” she said, using her palm to shove my chest. I made a face, pulling in a sharp breath at the small burst of pain caused by the motion. She immediately clamped a hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I brushed off her concern, not wanting her to worry. I reached for the broom. “Let me finish this. You go get ready.”

She handed me the broom and started to head out of the kitchen, still clearly feeling guilty for hurting me.
Leaning the broom against the table, I grabbed her hand to stop her and tugged her against me. I stared down at her before taking her face in both of my hands and pressing my lips to hers. I felt her body melt into mine as her lips parted and her hands moved to my hips, like she was trying to keep herself steady. I pushed harder, kissing her deeper as I lost myself in my attempt to reassure her I was fine.

The small moan she released into my mouth had the rest of my body wanting to join in the fun. I abruptly pulled back, clearing my throat as I tried in vain to get
myself under control. We couldn’t start this now and after everything she had told me last night, I wasn’t sure how to approach this with her at all.

“Go get ready before my less responsible self decides we should just stay here today,” I said, knowing my voice was rough with untamed need. She let out her breath in a rush and I bent to kiss the top of her head, slowly taking a step away from her and turning toward the table to grab the broom. After another moment, I heard her finally move and her footsteps faded into the hallway. Once I heard the bathroom door close, I carefully readjusted myself. Blue balls my ass. I was starting to think it was going to shrivel up and fall off from this shit.

I sighed and finished cleaning up the mess from breakfast, trying not to dwell on how long it had been. Maybe I should’ve just taken care of business myself in the shower. Between the length of time and Lili’s ability to make me lose all sense of myself in the moment, I probably should or our first time won’t last more than two seconds.

When I put up the broom, I turned to take the last few dishes to the sink. I spotted Tish’s sketchpad on the counter. He rarely left it behind when he went to work but since he was watching Conner today, maybe he’d forgotten it. My mind drifted back to last night when I found him sketching in it.

By the time I’d gotten Conner to sleep, the regret I’d felt for the way I left the room was nearly choking me. The selfishness of my reaction in the face of Lili’s confession was gnawing at me. I had the sudden need to touch her, hold her, apologize to her.

When I opened the door, I noticed the lights in the living room were off. I hadn’t realized how long I had been in the bedroom. A light from the corner of my eye caught my attention and I glanced
in the other direction, spotting Tish as he stood at the kitchen counter. He was drawing on his sketchpad, using his cell phone like a flashlight. He glanced up when I shut my door and the look he gave me was hard but not cold. He was disappointed but he wasn’t judging me. I understood.

“I know,” I said in a low, resolved voice. “I panicked. I’m going to fix it.”

Tish just nodded, shutting his sketchpad with the pencil still inside. He got up, flipping off the light on his phone as he entered the hallway with me. He paused before he passed me. “She hasn’t changed. She’s still everything you fell for. You have secrets too, Zane. Remember that. Think about how you’d want
her
to react. Because you know she’ll find out one day.”

I frowned and dropped my head, hating myself even more when I realized how right he was.
Lili would one day be faced with having to deal with the emotions that came with my dark history and after the way I’d treated her tonight, there was no doubt in my mind that she should tear me down when it happened. But I knew she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t hold my past against me and I was disgusted with myself for having made her feel, even for a second, that I thought less of her. “I love her,” I finally said, as if he needed reassurance.

“I’m not the one you need to convince.” He patted my shoulder as he started to pass. “Hang in there, bro.”

Last night, I had wondered what had been said after I left the room but the larger part of me didn’t want to know. I was curious about what the evening had sparked for Tish creatively, though. He only sketched late at night if something came to him and he wanted to get it down. Otherwise, he would’ve been in bed at that hour.

Grabbing the front pages, I found the pencil and flipped the pad open to the sheet he’d been working on. There were several designs covering the two pages. I started at the top, seeing a common tattoo I’d seen in the shop several times. It was a dandelion fluff expelling seeds as if it w
ere being blown. Mixed between the floating seeds were the words ‘let it go’. The next was a design of chains over a heart, seeming to be almost pull it down with the weight of the huge padlock on the right.

The one that held my attention was a heart that
, at first glance, seemed to be full of flames. As I studied it, the shape of a wing came into view. And then another. I squinted, trying to imagine where he was going with this one and what it would look like in color. It came to me suddenly when I read the words beneath it. “Let love heal,” I said out loud and when I glanced up at the heart, I saw the body attached to the wings. A phoenix.

The
theme of the others were more of the same. Quotes in different styles about healing and scars and the weight of the past. His concerns and worries always came out in his work and apparently, last night was no different.

“The view is fabulous in the morning. Facing
east gives you a perfect view of the sunrise over the mountains. And this balcony…” Shelly ranted, moving toward the sliding doors. This was the second apartment we’d looked at today and it was by far the nicest one I had on the list.

It was also the most expensive. And well out of my price range.

“You have to take a look at the size of this balcony.” Shelly opened the door and stood close, brushing against me for what had to be the third or fourth time since we arrived. She was being obvious about her flirting, seeming completely oblivious to the fact that Lili hovered behind us somewhere, seething. I could feel her animosity toward Shelly from across the room and I was honestly surprised she hadn’t said anything.

When we stopped at the edge of the balcony, Shelly took a step closer to me as I stared out at the view. I subtly turned away, glancing back at
Lili. Her impassive expression didn’t fool me. I walked back inside, wrapped both arms around Lili’s waist, and kissed her softly.

“What do you think?” I asked, making a third attempt to let Shelly know I wasn’t available. You would’ve thought the fact that I’d been holding
Lili’s hand all the way up here, or that I mentioned the size of the closet in
our
bedroom would’ve been enough. Apparently, this woman was completely obtuse. Or she just didn’t care. Either way, I was done with her.

Lili
stared into my eyes for a moment and the hint of a smile crept onto her face. It was the kind of smile that I knew meant trouble. She stepped away from me and looked up at the ceiling of the apartment. She stepped around me, moving to have a view of Shelly where she stood near the sliding doors.

“Are there support beams in the ceiling?”
Lili asked Shelly directly. Shelly looked confused, glancing up and then back to Lili.

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“I mean, are there support beams. Like, in the master bedroom, or in this general area somewhere.” She waved a hand toward a corner of the living room. When Shelly’s expression didn’t change, Lili sighed in exasperation. “I need to know that we have somewhere to anchor a pole with enough space around it for movement. I’d prefer it be in the bedroom but if it has to be in the living room, I just need to know ahead of time.”

I scratched my jaw with my thumb, trying to hide my smile as Shelly’s face turned a deep shade of red.
Lili’s posture was relaxed but I couldn’t see her face. I was willing to bet the look she gave Shelly was anything but pleasant.

“I… I’m not sure. I’d have to check…” Shelly stumbled over the words and
Lili nodded at her.