Unforgivably Broken (The Broken Series Book Two) (12 page)

“I called for a ride,
but my parents couldn’t be bothered. They sent the housekeeper after me. When I got home, I told my parents what happened. They surprised me by acting almost concerned and immediately calling the coach. He came to our house. It was late and they went into my father’s study. Kaitlyn tried to talk to me about it but I didn’t… I couldn’t. I waited, expecting to hear yelling or cursing coming from the office but what seemed like only a few minutes later, they all three came back out into the hall. Once they walked Coach to the door, they came into my room. They brought Kaitlyn in, too. They told us that after talking to Coach, they decided that they would let him handle his, Hunter’s, punishment.” She stumbled over his name and I noticed she was rocking a little as she spoke, seeming to come back from wherever she’d disappeared to. I had to look away then, dropping my eyes to my fingers as they restlessly tapped against my legs. “They said ‘your gym is your family and you handle family problems as a family.’ I knew that actually meant ‘you keep your mouth shut and hope he doesn’t do it again.’”

My chest seemed to burn as the tears of those around me and
Lili’s hollow voice continued. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t seem to find and catch ahold of a single thought outside of the numbers that were keeping me from losing it.

“My parents forced me to go to practice the next day. I was terrified to see him. They told me I didn’t have to stay late but I did have to go because it would look bad if I didn’t. When Kaitlyn and I walked in, Hunter was walking out of Coach’s office. He paused beside the mats, in almost the exact spot where he’d…
and he looked over his shoulder at me and winked. I turned and ran out the doors. I don’t remember going home but I didn’t go to the gym after that. I didn’t even get out of bed. I didn’t want to. Kaitlyn came in to talk to me but I didn’t say anything to her. She tried to support me as best she could but… we were fourteen.” Her voice caught on the word. I heard Paige’s sob and Kas’ gasp at the same time but neither drew my attention. My focus was solely on Lili and the single number she’d spoken. I was somewhere in the hundreds with my counting but it was lost by the fourteen.

Fourteen.
Fourteen?

“We were fourteen and we didn’t know what the right thing to do was. I didn’t eat dinner. I didn’t come out of my room at all the next day.
Or the next. I didn’t want to go anywhere. I stopped talking to Kaitlyn when she came in and… by the end of the week, I stopped wanting to live.”

I thought about the emptiness in
Lili’s face, in her words, and my body ached to hold her. I couldn’t fathom it. Not in any life could I imagine not hunting down anyone who hurt my son.

“My parents offered to get me help
, brought in a therapist. I wouldn’t talk. I didn’t want to. It didn’t matter by that point. I just wanted to sleep and forget the pain for those small bits of time. Sometimes I had nightmares but usually the worst of my ghosts were around when I was awake. Dreams were easier to deal with than memories.”

I remembered something
Lili said to me not too long ago when we were talking about Conner. She said she knew what it was like to have shitty parents and I could see exactly what she meant. What kind of parent would allow their child to fade away in front of them? And all for what? To avoid bad press? Did the coach pay them? It didn’t matter. Nothing could make this right.

“About ten days after the…” she trailed off, seeming to choke on the word. “After that night, I was sitting on the edge of my bathtub with a razor, seriously considering it. After a while, I decided
that I could end my suffering right then and there and let them all get away with it, or I could get my revenge. I chose revenge.” Her eyes were less hollow now and something in the way she shifted told me she was uncomfortable with what she was saying.

“I’m not proud of what I did but it happened. I made a plan. Getting even with
him
wasn’t really an option because I was terrified to go anywhere near him. But I could get even with my coach. And my family. So I snuck into the gym, stole the coach’s phone, and took naked pictures of myself. I had a few fading bruises still but that wasn’t why I did it. I packed a bag and planted the phone back in Coach’s desk before calling the police to report it. I took what money I could find at the house and I never looked back.”

She wasn’t looking at me but the way her head tilted in my direction told me she was trying to see me. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, working the hoop nervously. Now she was concerned and I knew she was waiting for us to judge her.
My brain was starting to function but speech still eluded me. She rose, quickly standing and wiping her hands on her pants. She started talking before I could find words.

“That was about five years ago.” I could see the mix of pain and fear in her face. Then
, the number hit me. Five. Five years?

“You’re only nineteen?” My voice came out sounding incredulous and almost horrified before I could even process what I was saying. She was only nineteen.
Which means, when she moved in, when I moved home, she was only seventeen.

Lili’s
eyes finally met mine and though the rest of her demeanor showed no signs of pain at my words, her eyes told me the truth. She was crushed. She’d hoped for a different response and while I tried to work one out in my mind, I could only come back to the same three words.
She’s only nineteen.

Conner’s voice calling for me broke the rapidly building tension in the room. He was crying and probably in pain. I stood, not looking at
Lili or anyone else as I headed straight back to my room. My mind and stomach were in knots, trying to make sense of the moment.

“Hey, bud. I’m right here,” I said as I closed the door behind me. My voice still sounded strained and I tried to push everything outside of this room aside to comfort my son.

“Give him time,” Tish’s voice broke through my thoughts. I blinked and slowly turned away from the hallway where Zane had just disappeared.

“He probably doesn’t even know how he’s feeling right now,” Paige said and the compassion in her tone left me speechless. I glanced at her and her eyes matched the tone of her voice. It wasn’t pity.
Not at all. It was almost… empathy? Understanding? She shifted a little under my stare before standing. “I’m going to bed.” She started to walk away but she paused, glancing over her shoulder to meet my eyes. “You’re gonna be okay,” she stated. There was a certainty in the words that was undeniable. She wasn’t asking and she didn’t wait for a response before continuing down the hall.

I tried to take a breath but it caught in my chest, seeming to snag on the sharp slivers of my heart as I tried not to break down.

“Hey,” Tish said. I looked up, not really knowing how I had ended up kneeling on the floor. I saw Kas disappearing around the corner toward Tish’s bedroom, the sound of her sniffles echoing in my head. It registered somewhere in the back of my mind that Tish should go comfort her. But I didn’t say that. I didn’t say anything.

I was afraid before I told them but I never thought Zane would just walk away. Every time I needed
the strength to keep going, to keep talking, I remembered what he said to me in the hospital.
“It won’t matter to me. I love you, Lili. Nothing will change that.”

Apparently, love has a breaking point.

At the feel of a large hand on my shoulder, I jumped, letting out a small squeak of surprise. I blinked, clearing the tears from my eyes to see a shocked Tish standing a few steps away, both hands raised.

“Sorry. I’m sorry,” he said, looking heartbreakingly guilty. I let out a long breath and shook my head, trying to convey that he didn’t do anything wrong without words. My mouth still felt too dry to speak. I started to push up off the floor and Tish, taking care to move slowly, offered his hand to me. I accepted his help, still feeling unsteady as I rose. I tried to arrange my face into some sort of grateful expression but it was a pathetic attempt.

He guided me to the couch and sat me down, taking a seat beside me but keeping his distance, trying not to be obvious as he ensured our bodies weren’t touching. Shame washed through me and the tears that were brimming spilled to my cheeks as I looked down at my lap. I hated that he knew. I hated that they all knew. I wished I could somehow scrub away the disgust. The terror and agony of that night were a distant nightmare I’d stuffed away. Right now, they were nothing compared to how I felt knowing the only people I’d honestly cared enough to let into my life since then knew just how tainted I truly was.

“Stop it.” I swallowed and looked over at Tish. “I can tell what you’re thinking and you need to stop. No one thinks less of you.” My eyes automatically flicked in the direction of the hallway and back to him as I silently disagreed.

“I fucking… hate being treated like a victim,” I said, having to pause to clear my still dry throat.

Tish leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs as he scrubbed his hands over his nearly buzzed hair. “Nobody here thinks of you that way, Lee. You’re not a victim. You’re a survivor. You were
strong enough to take control of your life. What you told us tonight, it doesn’t change who you are.”

Again, my eyes found the hallway.

It did change things.

Possibly irrevocably.

After another moment of silence between us, Tish spoke again. “What about your sister?”

Looking sideways at him, I took another shaky breath. “What about her?”

“Well, you seemed pretty shocked to see her so I’m assuming you didn’t tell her where you were. Do you know how she found you?”

I sighed and pulled my feet up, resting my chin on my knees. “My family started this whole search when I disappeared. Given my family’s status and my father’s business ties, they thought I m
ay have been kidnapped. There was a whole movement. It was all over the news,” I explained, swallowing because I knew once I said it, he would probably remember having heard about it. “Bring Kylee Home. There was even a website for anonymous tips.” I could see Tish nodding and I looked over at him.

“They found me once, about a year or so after I left.
I was in LA, sleeping on a park bench and dancing as a street performer for enough money for food. I had my hair shaved short and dyed red then. I was smart but it never occurred to me that the people who would video my performances would post them online. I never thought about the fact that my family might see them. I was almost sixteen by then and they tried to drag me back home. I managed, just barely, to get away and disappear again. I hopped on a bus and headed toward the east coast but when the bus stopped in Vegas, I decided to stay for a while. I thought I could make some good money in a city this size, even though street performing was no longer an option. You know how that worked out.” I shrugged and rested my chin back on my knees. “Someone sent a video from Lust the night of Zane’s birthday to the Bring Kylee Home website. Apparently, I have a few family members who still check it and when Kaitlyn saw it, even though it was a grainy cell phone video, she knew it was me.”

“She…” I paused, not sure I could continue. “She came because what happened to me happened to another girl. I don’t know if she told anyone but she left it in her…
her suicide note.” I stumbled over the word, still feeling the deep ache of guilt. “He… Hunter was arrested last year. I guess the prosecutor came to the gym and talked to the girls. He said that if anyone else had been attacked, their testimony could help prevent another girl from going through this as well. Kaitlyn told them about me but without me there, it would only be hearsay. They… they want me to go home to testify.”