Unforgivably Broken (The Broken Series Book Two) (10 page)

“Let’s stop and think about this. You’re clearly emotional right no—” Marna started, but I cut her off.

“Stop and think about what?
The fact that my son could’ve been killed today because his mother didn’t care enough to put in him in the fucking car seat? He could’ve died. He—” I stopped, feeling the eyes of my family on me. I took a breath to calm myself, but never glanced their way. “I’ve seen kids die. I’ve had to pull their bodies out of cars. I won’t let Conner be one of them. Not if I can protect him.” I knew I was being graphic but I was making a point. “I’m not taking him from your lives completely. He needs his grandparents and I understand that. But if you fight me, it will only make this worse.”

They both looked crushed and I stepped back, glancing at Conner who was sitting on
Lili’s lap now, still chatting away.

“We’ll be at the house,”
Marna said as she moved toward Conner. She was fighting tears and a part of me hated being so direct but I’d trusted them to protect him and they let him in a car with Lizzie who, though I hadn’t seen a tox screen yet, had probably been high. And if she had, that meant that she was endangering two children today, not just one. I silently fumed as I hugged Conner carefully, letting him know I would be picking him up later so he could come stay with me.

Once Tom and
Marna left with him, I turned to face the rest of my family.

“You’re going for custody?” Tish asked, verifying what he assumed from what he’d overheard. My eyes flicked to
Lili and she smiled, reaching out to twist her fingers into mine.

“Yeah.
She… she didn’t even have him in a car seat. I can’t… he’s not safe with her and I need…” I swallowed but I didn’t have to finish. They’d all been waiting for this to happen. I choked back the emotion as they all told me they were behind me. They thought this was the best thing for Conner and they would do whatever it took to help me. Having the support of my family was what I needed right now but it didn’t stop the fear that flooded my veins.

If I lost, I would most likely lose what rights I had over Conner now.

I would lose him completely.

I couldn’t lose.

I tried to st
ifle the feeling of jealousy when Zane went back to find out how Lizzie was doing. He didn’t ask me but I knew he could see how much I hated it. I hadn’t once asked about her but neither had anyone else. Before he left, I could tell he was concerned. I slumped in the chair, pulling one knee up and dangling my foot over the armrest of the chair beside me as I stared blankly at the television mounted in the corner of the waiting room.

I hated hospitals. I hated Lizzie for being irresponsible. I hated myself for the spiteful thoughts I was having about Lizzie, knowing that her being in pain was hurting Zane.

What’s worse was I didn’t even have my phone to help occupy my time. Sighing, I tried to focus on the boring news report but the insipid voice of the newscaster only brought its own flood of memories and I quickly tuned her out. I didn’t want to think about Hunter right now. Actually, I’d been doing well with not thinking about him at all before Kaitlyn showed up. Now he seemed to be rooting himself in my brain, stretching out like a weed, poisoning my thoughts, choking out my confidence.

“Lee?” I started at Tish’s voice, swallowing and blinking as I realized I must have fallen asleep. “Hey, Zane just called and they’re about to release Lizzie so we’re going to head out. You
coming?”

My heart was pounding as I grasped at the tiny fragments of the dream in my mind, reaching as they slipped through my fingers. What had I been dreaming that had me so scared? I wiped my palms along my jeans and shook my head, letting out a long breath as I steadied myself. I needed Zane. “No. I’m going to wait for Zane.”

“You okay?” Kas asked.

I spotted Paige standing near the door looking exhausted. She’d been uncharacteristically quiet through
out all of this and I wondered briefly if she was just waiting for the right moment to make another dig at me. I didn’t think I could take it on top of everything else that had happened today. I really wasn’t going with them now.

I pushed myself to my feet, brushing my hair off my forehead as I tried to discreetly wipe away the sweat. The feeling of terror still lingered in my bones but I brushed it aside, knowing it was just the effects of the nightmare. I hadn’t had one in weeks and I hated that I’d become so accustom to sleeping beside Zane that the first time he wasn’t there, they came back.

“I’m fine. I’ll see you guys at the house,” I said, not giving them a chance to argue over my obvious lie before I headed down the hall. I had to stop and ask what room Lizzie was in, pretending to be a visitor, and it made my stomach churn.

As I approached the door, it opened and Lizzie laughed at something. Zane looked up from where he was holding the door for her, the smile sliding from his face when he spotted me.

“Hey,” he said as they stepped out into the hall. Lizzie was back in her street clothes, holding papers that I assumed were for her release.

“I…” I glanced over my shoulder, suddenly wishing I had just left with Tish. Dealing with Paige would’ve been easier than seeing them actually happy together. “I just…”

“Did Tish wait? I told him I would see you guys at the house,” Zane said, glancing down the hall, clearly confused.

I shook my head. “No, they just headed out. I was going to wait for you.”

Zane frowned, glancing sideways at Lizzie who was silently watching us, obviously enjoying my discomfort. “You should go catch them. I’m going to get her settled in at home.”

My breath caught briefly at the way he said
home,
like it was something they shared. He wasn’t supposed to drive but he didn’t seem to care about that and I couldn’t make myself say it because I knew he’d find an excuse. He was clearly dismissing me and I felt ridiculous for having let myself need him today. I straightened, not allowing myself to be vulnerable in front of either of them.

“Right.
Okay,” I said, giving him a smile I didn’t feel as I pretended the rejection rolled off me rather than impaling me through the chest. I couldn’t breathe and I needed to get away. I tossed him his keys and walked past him toward the side parking lot where Tish had headed.

“
Lili,” Zane called out to me and I closed my eyes, swallowing before I turned back. I hated that he’d just called me Lili. I was pretty sure I hated him more when he held up my phone.

I took the few steps back to him and grabbed it, trying for a grateful smile. He caught me as I turned away again. I glanced down at his hand covering mine before looking up into his eyes. I couldn’t hold back my anger but just as I was about to yank free, he squeezed my fingers.

“My heart,” he said, his voice sincere. He ran his thumb across my wrist as the honesty in his eyes chipped away at the sharp edge of my anger. This was his reminder to me of our earlier conversation; his way of telling me that he was mine and mine alone. And he was doing it in front of Lizzie.

“Mine, too,” I replied, my voice trembling slightly as I returned the pressure of his hand.
My reminder that he could hurt me; my hope that he wouldn’t.

Tish had just gotten to the car when I called so they pulled around to pick me up at the side entrance. I stayed quiet on the ride back to the house, trying not to think about what Lizzie had found funny in their situation or what they might be talking about now. I trusted him.

Didn’t I?

Wasn’t this exactly what I knew was going to happen? If I stayed with him, I’d have to get used to this.
If?
The word, even though I’d only thought it, stopped me cold. There was no if. Not for me. I’d told him this morning that he owned every piece of my heart and I meant that.

When we got to the house, Paige dropped into the recliner in the living room and I headed back to the bedroom Zane and I shared. Apparently, I’d be moving again. I wasn’t sure where I’d sleep but I wasn’t comfortable sharing a bed with Zane while Conner was in the same room
. Zane probably wouldn’t be either. I had thrown things around and hadn’t really taken the time to unpack anything from his hospital stay anyway.

At least it would be something to do to keep my mind occupied. I silently worked, starting a load of laundry and packing my things back into my bag before stashing it in Zane’s closet. I pulled his bag off Conner’s bed and started putting his things away next, making sure both beds were made.

By the time I changed the laundry loads, I’d run out of things to do. I was going to clean the bathroom but I dropped onto the foot of the bed instead. I needed to grab a pillow and blanket from the hall closet but doing that meant honestly facing a night without Zane and the memory of the fear I felt today burned almost as much as the fear itself. No doubt I would have nightmares, but that wasn’t his problem, it was mine.

“Lee?” Tish tapped on the wall beside the open door. I could still see the cracks in the wood around the latch where
Kas had broken it. Fuck, we really seemed to be destroying this house recently. “You good?”

“Yeah, just about to grab a pillow and blanket for the couch,” I said with a smile. I didn’t know why I bothered. I didn’t want to lie to Zane but I couldn’t lie to Tish. He moved into the room, sitting beside me on the foot of the bed.

“It’ll mean a lot of changes, you know. You okay with that?” he asked and I knew right away he meant Conner living here full time. I didn’t hesitate.

“He’s worth it.”

“Conner or Zane?”

“Both of them.
They’re worth it,” I answered, realizing I should’ve said that the first time.

Tish nodded but didn’t get up to leave the room. He seemed to hesitate, which was unlike him, and I worried about what he was trying to build up to.

“What?” I finally asked, tired of the anxiety.

“You do know that in order for him to start this trial, the lawyers will run background checks on anyone living in the household where Conner will be residing, right?”
he asked, but it wasn’t really a question because he knew the answer.

My body
turned cold at the thought and I shook my head, not sure what to say. Even if I’d known what to say, I’m not sure I could remember how to speak.

“Hey.
It’s okay, Lee.” Tish grabbed my shoulders, making me look at him. I could feel the panic and I knew it was written all over my face. “Listen, he already knows your name isn’t Lili. The rest of it, whatever it is, he’ll help you deal with it. You know that. We’ll all help you.”