Unforgivably Broken (The Broken Series Book Two) (2 page)

From the terror of seeing the gun pointed at Lili, the burning pain of the bullet when it entered, the panic of not being able to breathe, to the moment I was sure I was going to die, I could remember every tortuous second. I could still see Lili’s face, terrified, covered in tears and blood. I’d wanted so badly in that moment to tell her I loved her. I’d been so certain of my death, but I couldn’t seem to make my body cooperate enough speak.

Shoving the memories aside, I released
Lili and made my way over to the bed. She put the laptop on my dresser before climbing in beside me, situating the blankets and pillows around us in the way we perfected during the weeks in the hospital.

She curled into me, resting her head against my chest while I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. Her small frame made it easy to hold her tight. It still felt surreal to have her with me; to know she was mine. The way it felt to hold her, the ease at which we found this peaceful spot together, made it feel like there had never been anyone else.

And, in all honesty, there hadn’t.

“Do you need another pill?”
Lili asked, lifting her chin to allow her eyes to search my face. I shook my head, already fighting sleep as my body relaxed with her weight against me.

“I love you,” I said through a yawn, pressing my lips to her forehead.

“I love you, too.”

“I was her mentor,”
Lili whispered. At least, I thought she did. I blinked slowly, unsure if I had fallen asleep or how long the silence had stretched between us. It took a moment before my brain started repeating her words, trying to make sense of them. “Coach gave us each one of the younger kids. Teamed us up with them so they could see what it would be like if they decided to really fight to become an elite gymnast.”

I still wasn’t following but I didn’t want her to stop talking. I stroked her hair slowly, letting her know I was listening.

“Brooke Hansen. She was eight and a pain in my ass.” Lili let out a harsh laugh but I could feel the tremors starting to take over her body. I recognized the last name then. Hansen was the girl who had written the suicide note. “She never wanted to learn from me. She thought she knew everything. She was cocky and I didn’t really want to be there anyway.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that. I didn’t know what to say at all. I had learned so much about
Lili in the last twenty-four hours that I wasn’t really sure where to start. Honestly, I was afraid if I spoke, all the questions that were building up, multiplying with every new bit of information I learned, would come pouring out. I didn’t want that. I took a deep breath, determined to find something to say.

“Do you think he did it?”

So much for not asking questions.

She tensed, immediately causing the guilt to bubble up inside
of me. Even her breathing paused while the weight of that question pinned us both down. Out of all the questions I had, I wasn’t sure why
that
was the one I had decided to ask. My mind seemed to be stuck on the fact that she was talking about the girl but her sister had come to tell her about the trial. I wanted to know more about that.

“I know he did.” I waited for more but she was silent again. I felt the catch in her breath and instantly knew she was crying. I pulled her tighter to me as I listened to her pain, letting those four words settle around us slowly. It took longer than it should
have for the meaning behind them and her breakdown to register in my foggy, medicated mind.

She knew he did it.

She trembled against my chest and I tried to regulate my own breathing, keep myself calm as I forced down the rage at my realization. Closing my eyes, I repeated to myself that she was in my arms and she needed me. She needed me to be calm. I couldn’t lose it over this right now. I couldn’t even be sure I was right and there was no chance I would
ever
ask her that.

But if I found out I was right…

Lili squirmed, making me realize my hold on her was tighter than I intended it to be. I loosened my grip, pressing my lips into her hair as I took two more deep breaths. Ignoring the ache in my chest, I let the flow of extra oxygen help to clear my head. I focused my mind on relaxing my muscles. The shock of her statement — or was it a confession? — had adrenaline rushing through my veins, keeping the pain at bay. I knew if I tensed up, the ache would be tremendous once the natural pain relief burned itself out.

I could feel her shaking, her shallow breaths telling me more than any words could. She tried more than once to speak, her face buried in the crook of my shoulder as she quietly sobbed. I’d rarely seen
Lili cry, but full blown sobbing? It practically ripped me in two. Seeing her in so much pain ramped up my anger but it also subdued my temper, keeping me grounded in her and this moment. I repeated my mantra. She needed me right now but she needed me calm.

Finally, once I could breathe evenly, I reached across my body. Using the side of my finger, I lifted her chin so I could see her beautiful face. I studied her eyes
. Even without my glasses, I could see how much darker they were when they were full of tears. There was pain in them but it was the uncertainty I saw that finally helped me find my voice. “I told you before. I love you. Nothing will change that. You don’t have to tell me anything.” I wiped at the tears on her cheek with my thumb, hating that something I couldn’t fix — some invisible demon from her past — was causing her this much pain. “I’m right here, Pix. I’m not going anywhere.”

Rolling onto my side, I ignored the stab of panic at the lowered capacity of my lung. The scar tissue made it more difficult to breath at this angle but as I pulled her to my chest, feeling her cling to me as though I was a life preserver, I knew I would deal with whatever pain came from this moment. If my physical pain could
help remove a part of whatever emotional turmoil she was dealing with, I would take it.

I woke slowly, finding myself muddled in that place between awake and asleep
. Feeling fingers on the bare flesh of my side near my hip, I let out a gasp. The memories rocked me to my soul and I slid away, hearing Zane’s hand land heavily on the sheets. I blinked to clear my eyes, clenching my jaw while I worked through the panic and remembered where I was. Zane. Zane’s hand. Not Hunter’s. I was safe here. Even waking up in Zane’s arms couldn’t hold the unease at bay for long.

I used the heels of both hands to rub at my eyes, ignoring the trembling in my body as I got myself back under control. My body had finally healed from
Jordan’s attacks and my spirit was on its way there as well, thanks in large part to Zane. But, Kaitlyn’s arrival had added more pressure against the dam holding back my past.

Zane inhaled and I looked over, seeing his hand stretch across the sheets, obviously looking for me. His eyelids fluttered but didn’t fully open and I reached over, locking my fingers with his. His body relaxed against the bed again and I watched as his breathing evened back out. He worried about me, even in his sleep. The thought brought back a small piece of the security I always felt in his presence.

Once I was sure he was asleep, I grabbed my phone and pulled my robe on, deciding I needed to do something to get my mind off everything that had happened. I slipped into the hallway, frowning when I heard sounds coming from the kitchen. Fuck. Apparently, it was later than I thought. Getting any sort of privacy in this house was going to be impossible. I tried the bathroom but the door was locked. That meant Paige was up.

A part of me, the vindictive and bitchy part, wanted to go into my room — her room — and lock the door to make this phone call
, but I knew it would only cause more issues. Instead, I moved to the other end of the hallway, leaning against the wall near the living room as I dialed Shannon’s number.

“Well
, what do we have here? You finally ready to come back to work, slacker?” She laughed through her question and I sighed at the utter normalcy of the conversation. She asked me this every time I called.

“Actually, yeah.
That’s exactly what I need.”

There was silence for a second and then she laughed again. “Perfect! Nikki
is off tonight and my new girl could use all the help she can get.”

Relieved
, I dropped my head back against the wall. “Thanks, Shannon. And thanks for holding the job for me. I promise things are getting back to normal now.”

“Hey, I told you to stop thanking me. I’ve had my string of assholes and I know what it’s like to need someone to give you a break.” Shannon’s voice took on the mothering tone she used when she came to the hospital while Zane was hurt. Nikki had filled her in on the things that
had happened in the few weeks before and Shannon took it upon herself to make sure I was taking care of myself during all of it.

“I’ll see you in a few hours then,” I answered, unable to help the relief I felt. It’s not that I wanted to be away from Zane, I just
needed to get back some sense of normalcy in my life. I had to work on locking everything away again in order to move forward.

I headed toward the kitchen, hoping to have a few minutes with
Kas. But as soon as I entered, I saw Paige dropping into a chair at the table with her breakfast. I steeled myself for the barrage of her nasty comments, knowing there was nothing I could do about it. I grabbed a glass, wanting to just get some orange juice and head back to the bedroom, but Kas called me over to the table. After the understanding all of them, other than Paige, showed with Kaitlyn’s arrival, I knew I owed her some answers if that’s what she was looking for.

I just didn’t know if they’d be the answers she wanted to hear.

“Did you get any sleep?” Kas asked, shoving a plate of waffles toward me. I frowned, not feeling hungry in the slightest.

“Not really,” I answered honestly. Just as I was about to continue, I was interrupted by Paige.

“You know, my brother needs his rest while he’s healing. You really need to get your shit figured out or stay away from him until you do. He doesn’t need to be woken up for late night chats in the kitchen.”

I stiffened at the realization that she probably eavesdropped on our conversation. I clenched my jaw, scowling at the table as I refused to raise my eyes to meet Paige. It was bad enough that she knew she was bothering me. I didn’t think I could control my temper if I saw her smug fucking expression on top of it.