Unsound: A Horizons Book (24 page)

She was weak.

The waiter came around the take orders and I took a chance to lean into Jon and whisper in his ear, “How you holding up, big guy?”

“Better with you next to me. Don’t leave,” I nodded my response. It was exactly the sentiment I wanted to say to him. He couldn’t leave me.

After the orders were taken, Claire leaned over to speak quietly to Mike. I watched her out of my peripheral. She apparently wasn’t feeling well and wanted to go home. Jeff picked up on this interaction and I couldn’t be happier that he interjected himself.

“What’s up?” Jeff said. I could only see his profile from my seat, but something told me that he knew. He had watched the interaction and knew exactly what was going on.

“Claire-Bear isn’t feeling too hot,” Mike said, wrapping his arm around his wife’s shoulders and pulling her into his side, “she probably caught something from the flight.”

“That’s too bad,” Jeff said, “you think you can stick around for dinner?”

“I, uh, I’m not sure. I was hoping Mikey would take me back to the hotel.”

“You know what?” Jeff started as he folded his napkin and placed it in front of him on the table, “I’ll take you back. I know these roads a lot better than Mike, so I can drop you back at the hotel and be back here before dinner is over. I wouldn’t want you to miss out on time with Jon,” Jeff finished, redirecting his gaze onto Mike.

“That’s not a bad idea,” Mike said, scratching his head, “You okay with that, Claire-Bear?”

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to suppress a groan and an eye roll as I watched the snake charm Jon’s dad. She definitely didn’t want him out of her sight, but I could see that she was trapped. She couldn’t be too obvious, especially since she wasn’t actually sick.

Mike walked Claire and Jeff out to his rental, saying it made more sense than driving her back in the van. If anyone noticed Jon’s silence, it went unspoken. It also went unspoken how his demeanor warmed up as Mike came back to dinner alone. It was nice getting to know Mike, to see Jon interact with him and see a glimpse of the childhood he may have once had.

Claire leaving did this trick, Jon temporarily forgot about running. Claire was already out of the picture. Safely away in a hotel. They were leaving tomorrow. If Jon could just keep her out of his head until then, then I could keep him. I knew it was selfish. But I didn’t want to lose him. Not yet.

JONATHAN

Dinner finished smoothly and I was happy and content when Julie slipped into the back of the van with me. No one else joined our row and I took advantage of the dark and quiet to pull Julie close and hold her hand.

I didn't know what I wanted. Dinner deflated my panic. I knew that running wouldn't have been the right solution; what was I going to do for the rest of my life?

I had always planned on heading to the East Coast for college. During my early years of high school, I knew I may have a chance to play ball somewhere and knew the East Coast held good possibilities for me; colleges liked kids from out-of-state with talent. I also liked the idea of being closer to my mom and eventually that translated into being as far from Claire as I could get.

Once I was out East, California wouldn't be my life anymore and I always assumed I could find ways to avoid Claire to keep her out of my life forever.

My arm was wrapped around Julie's waist and she snuggled closer into me, resting her head on my shoulder. Thoughts of Claire left my head. It wasn't worth it. Even if I managed to get all the way to my mom in Boston. What then? I would just get dragged back… if I was allowed to come back.

I held Julie tight and laid my head back on the car seat. I decided to stop being a pussy. It was time to man up and avoid this situation head on. I'm not saying it was the most mature, manly plan, but at least I was making a conscious effort to not want to run. I was going to stay and deal and maybe eventually work through the shit that happened, but in the meantime, I was going to avoid it.

My dad followed us back for some more quality time with me since it was early. I was surprised that he wanted to spend the extra time with me. I hate to admit that it choked me up a little. Because I was such a piece of shit when I came to Horizons, I didn't think my dad missed me that much.

Julie said that I needed some bonding male time with my father and the guys, so she said goodnight. My dad gave her a huge hug and she went off to bed with the other girls. I wished I could give her a hug and kiss goodbye, but I had to settle for a wave like the other guys. Jay and Tony sat with us for a bit and we talked about high school and my dad told them about some of my crowning glory football moments. I had to admit that it felt nice having my father brag about me.

The guys said their goodnights after a while, but my father and I sat for a bit longer talking about sports. Football was definitely out of my grasp, but maybe I could still make something out of the whole boxing thing. We talked about that and I could sense some relief along with general happiness that I was getting involved in sports again.

It didn't mean everything to my father, but it was definitely something he saw for me. I was a natural athlete and he wanted me to reach my goals. Sure they were goals he instilled in me, but they were also goals that I chose.

"You know dad, I'm really beat. I had a long workout earlier with Jeff. You think we can call it a night?"

"Of course, son," my dad said as he stood and stretched, "I should really get back and check on Claire. It was just good seeing you. You really look great, Jon. You're back. I can see it."

"Thanks, dad," I said quietly, choking on my words again. It hadn't even been 24 hours but the roller coaster of emotions was far more than I ever expected.

Julie

It was still early but I was getting ready to meet Jon before breakfast. I wanted to see how he was doing and how the rest of his night went. I hated knowing he was worried and stressed. I just wanted him to be happy and content and here with me. I wanted to be selfish when it came to Jon.

From the bathroom I heard the knock on the cabin door. The other girls weren't up yet, so I hurried to see who it was before they knocked again. When I opened the door, I saw Jeff standing on the other side of the screen. He looked terrible, like he hadn't slept all night.

He nodded with his head for me to come out so I slipped on some Uggs and slipped out of the cabin, following him to a picnic table.

"Hey Jules, you were up already?" he started.

"Yeah. What's going on, Jeff?" I asked, getting right down to it. All my senses were on high alert. Something bad had happened.

"I just wanted to talk to you a little bit," Jeff started again. He lifted his worn baseball hat off his head and ran a hand through his hair before refitting the hat back on. I knew he was searching for words, but my anxiety was peaked. I took a deep breath so I didn't snap.

"I sensed some tension during dinner last night. I've, uh, noticed that you and Jon have gotten really close, and I'm not sure what you two have talked about, but I think you know a lot more than I do.

"I offered to drive Claire back to the hotel because I wanted to have a chat with her. Something just felt… off. She was even a little… twitchy in the car, for lack of a better word. I noticed that you followed her into the bathroom. Can you tell me what happened, Julie?"

I remained silent. I was scared to even look Jeff in the eye. This wasn't my secret to tell, "I'm sorry, Jeff. But… I can't," I said as I stared at my hands.

"I didn't think you would say anything," Jeff said with a sigh. I looked up at him finally, "I just need to know that my gut is right. I know something happened with Jon and Claire. Things are making a little more sense to me now; incidents that are adding up. I want to be wrong, but I don't think that I am and I think that you know what happened. I want to talk to Mike about this today. In person before he takes off.

"Julie, I'm not asking you break Jon's trust. But before I talk to Mike later… am I wrong?" I looked Jeff in the eye. I wasn't going to say a word but I turned my head in an infinitesimal shake no. I hoped that he took that as a confirmation. I didn't know what happened on the drive home but Jeff was smart and whatever incidents he mentioned, dinner was clearly the final puzzle piece.

"Thanks Julie," he said with a nod as he stood up. He clearly got what he needed from me and I felt a sense of dread fill the pit of my stomach. I had betrayed Jon and I didn't like that feeling.

Mindy

After breakfast, Julie pulled me into the pantry. She clearly needed someone to talk to and I knew there had to be a reason she couldn't talk to Jon.

"What's up, Jules?" I asked warily, “you done kissing Jon and looking to make out with me now?”

"I think I fucked up," Julie admitted, pacing back and forth and ignoring my joke.

I allowed her to pace and clear her mind as I walked over to a crate to settle in for the impending rant.

"I didn't say anything. But I didn't
not
say anything either. My silence was the same as telling, I shouldn't have done that. Even if I was protecting him, it's not my secret to tell."

I let her pace and form her thoughts. It wasn't hard to decipher that this rant was about Jon.

"I shouldn't have said anything," Julie muttered.

"You said you didn't say anything?" I asked, this story was getting a little harder to follow.

"I didn't say anything to Jeff," Julie quickly clarified, "But I did say something…." I nodded slowly, pretending to follow. I literally had no idea what she was talking about anymore.

"I don't want to pry, but if there's anyway to give me a
little
more info here. Maybe then I can reach into my depths of wisdom and help you," I tried.

Julie looked at me and stopped pacing. She nodded slightly to herself as if deciding on something, "I don't want to get too far into it. But, I had a conversation with Claire… in the bathroom of the restaurant."

"Claire, Jon's stepmom?"

"She's not his stepmom," Julie quickly corrected me, "Anyway… I think she's a little sick in the head. Okay, I know she's a little sick in the head. I think I scared her a little," Julie finished.

"Okay," I started slowly, willing the wheels to spin faster in my brain, "and then Jeff had a chat with you, after he drove her home." I nodded again. I didn't want to follow the breadcrumbs to the end of this horrid tale but I could definitely glimpse the end of the road. I suppressed a shiver.

"Listen," I started slowly again, "I can kinda see where this is going and I can see the guilt all over your face."

"You can?" Julie looked at me incredulously.

I smirked, "not really. You can pretty much train all emotion off of your face like a robot. But I know you feel like you ratted Jon out. Told on him and exposed whatever secret he's holding close to the vest. Whatever you're thinking, you have to stop. You did nothing bad."

"How do you know?" Julie asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"I don't. But I know you said nothing to Jeff. Whatever you said to Claire, well… I know you. I know you're not malicious. You're just. Whatever you said to that woman, you felt justified doing it. I know that you want to take responsibility, but it seems like Jeff saw something too. Let him be the adult. Let him take the fallout."

Julie

I nodded again.

Mindy made a good point. Jeff was the adult.
Adults in charge
. That was the way it was supposed to be but it was something I had long forgotten. All the adults in my life hurt me. They left. In one way or another, they did wrong by me and abandoned me. I hadn't felt safe relying on adults in many years. Until I came here. Until I met Jeff and understood he was someone I could rely on.

He’s going to make this better.

That's when I knew I was right. A good feeling spread throughout my gut. There was a calmness I felt knowing that it was better. Jon had so many people to help him build the pieces back up. Jon had both parents on his side. They would always love him. This was all going to be fixed. It was all going to be okay.

I nodded again.

Claire going to the bathroom was pure luck. It was a window I had hoped for, but couldn't guarantee. It happened for a reason, and now Jeff was going to come in and help. Because of that, I knew this was going to work out for Jon, and maybe one day I could free all the skeletons from my closet. One day maybe I would be able to start over too.

"You good now?" Mindy said with another smirk.

"Yeah," I said with a laugh, "you're wise beyond your years, Davies."

"Don't I know it? It's both a blessing and a curse." Mindy laughed with me and we walked out of the pantry.

*  *  *

"Jeff knew. He said he had a feeling. Something was off for him and he knew," Jon said to me later that day.

No guilt,
I told myself. Jon didn't have to know about my conversation with Claire or my lack of conversation with Jeff. I just had to be there for him. Help him through this.