Unsound: A Horizons Book (19 page)

Jason’s hand clapped my back, nodding back to the boys cabin, jogging me once again to reality. I just nodded; scared of the noise that would come out if I opened my mouth.

We walked back to the cabin in silence, and I tossed and turned all night. Thinking about Julie. I thought about her body pressed against mine, her stomach, her long legs, her lips and the little smile she had when she snuggled against me.

But then I thought of her frown as I watched Marie. That was like getting doused with cold water each time it ran through my mind. And that was the loop that haunted me until dawn.

*  *  *

The next morning was sluggish. As happy as we were to finally not have the robot babies, it was a miserable, cold, rainy Saturday. Thoughts from the previous night continued, distracting me. It only helped the hangover act.

I had to pretend I was hungover with the rest of the group so that I didn’t have to admit I just hadn’t slept. Mindy and Jason were fine and I’m glad they didn’t bring anything up. I didn’t want to explain what happened with Julie. I didn’t understand it.

It was really early when I made my way to the mess hall for breakfast. I was surprised to see Julie already at the Mountain Climber table. She looked miserable and beautiful. I grabbed a plate of food, with some extra toast for her. I got her a water too as I made my way over.

As I got closer, I saw that her hands were shaking. I remembered that she had only recently finished her detox. She shouldn’t have drunk anything after her body went through such an intense detox. Her head rested on the table, rubbing her scalp, and she didn’t seem to register me slide onto the bench next to her.

I reached over and replaced her hands with mine, gently rubbing her scalp and her neck to relieve the pressure in her head.

I saw Julie’s body relax, which made me smile. I liked making her feel better. I hoped that she knew it was me rubbing her head, even though she hadn’t looked over at me yet. Julie turned her head to look at me and smiled, causing my heart to stop for a moment.

“I thought that was you,” she said quietly before closing her eyes again. My heart beat again full force.

“How you feeling?” I asked after a beat, using both hands to tilt her head so I could gently rub her temples. A small groan escaped her throat. I forced myself to concentrate on my hands and counted to a hundred in an attempt to ignore my blood pumping south.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” Julie murmured, slowly sitting up.

“What?” I asked, not having heard Julie since I was up to 54 on my count to calm my raging hormones.

“I shouldn’t have had anything to drink yesterday. I’ve been shaking all day, threw up a couple of times.”

I finally looked at Julie again and put my arm around her shoulders.

“I know, Julie. You’ll be okay,” I pulled her into my side. Julie pressed back into me for a second, and then lowered her head down into my lap. I felt my body stiffen and I start counting again, trying not to think about where her head was. Julie pulled her legs up on the bench and that’s when I could actually feel her body shake.
She must feel terrible
, I thought as I started rubbing Julie’s back with one hand, placing the other back on her head.

Eventually I felt her body stop shaking, which calmed me also. We sat like that for a while, until the mess hall started to fill with students and teachers. I pushed my plate to Julie and told her to start eating, then went to get more food and water for her. It was my mission to cure her from her hangover.

Chapter Five

Julie

It was unseasonably warm for Washington—even for August. For a school so north of the equator, this heat wave was as foreign to the locals of Washington as the 30” of snow was to Georgia in 2011. Because the school was so unprepared for the heat classes were being cut early, trust activities were being replaced by therapy sessions—which were cut early, and all physical activities were switched to water activities. So basically, Mountain Peak turned into summer camp.

It was so hot out, that teachers stopped telling the boys to put their shirts on and the girls to cover up.

The heat heightened laziness, but it also heightened emotion. The air was electric; the girls were lying out in next to nothing in an attempt to cool off and even out their tans. The boys were topless for the same affect.

This heat was nothing more than an aphrodisiac to me. I set my target: Jon.

We had been playing cat and mouse for weeks now that the baby project was over. We hung out and we flirted, but it never went passed innocent.

I was lying on my back in the sun. It was strong and taking me over, making my daydream feel real. I could smell the sweat on my skin, and I imagined the sun’s warmth was actually Jon’s body heat emanating as he hovered above me – waiting to kiss me.

That’s all I could think about as I baked in the sun. I pictured Jon’s tan, muscular body, I imagined his touch, and I let the image take over me.

JON

In the dark cool of the cabin, I laid on my back in bed… the fan hitting me directly as I stared up at the ceiling. The heat made me (more) irritable, (more) angry, and (more readily) ready to snap at any moment.

Ever since I was young, I hated the humid heat of summer—it was uncomfortable and hot, and in turn, that always made me cranky and hard to be around. While this anger helped me out on the football field during those early games of the season, or those long baseball games in the spring, it didn’t make me pleasant in any other setting.

This was something Claire knew. But she used the heat to her advantage, used it to prove to me how great of a stepmother she was….

The last few days at Horizons were excruciating. The combination of the hot humidity plus my Pandora’s Box of baggage opened by Julie a couple of weeks ago forced me to remember the things I regretted the most. 

I was haunted everywhere I went. Seeing so many girls outside, wearing next to nothing brought constant flashes of her bare skin. I would lick my lips and taste the salt on her skin, remembering the sound of her moan as I kissed her neck. I was having trouble sleeping because I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I hated her, I hated that she filled my every thought. 

Mostly I felt guilt. 
Was I not over her? Was this my brain telling me that I needed her? Needed to see her?  Needed her to touch me again?

I jumped out of bed, “Fuck this,” I muttered to myself.

One thing that always helped clear my mind was running. If I were stressed, I would go on a long run—the longer the better. It cleared my mind, made me focus, and obviously improved my endurance, which only helped my ability on the field.

I threw a pair of gym shorts over my boxers, then socks and finally laced up my sneakers. I didn’t care what the temperature was, I would rather pass out unconscious from the heat at this point then to have thoughts of my father’s wife floating around my brain. I figured if I exhausted my body, my brain would follow suit.

Jeff

“Hey, anything to break this heat is fine by me,” I said, reclining in my office chair. I leaned my head back and shut my eyes. I hoped the gesture looked like I was tired from the heat—but I was really forcing myself from looking at the beads of sweat on Lena’s chest. This heat had gone straight to my head and I couldn’t stop thinking about doing very naughty things to my favorite teacher.

“Jeff, come’on, wake up. I heard this is going to be really bad. Flooding, downed trees, power outages.  They’re expecting a tornado to come through the area,” Lena pleaded with me.

“Okay, okay. I’ll get Gary in here; he and I will rope off a few areas where I know the trees have more chance of coming up. We already trimmed most of them back and the big branches are already taken care of so we should be fine. You can go check the shed and just make sure we have all the flashlights out, lanterns, batteries. All that good stuff. Does that help, babe?”

Lena nodded her head but there was a frightened look in her eyes, “you know that we’re prepared for stuff like this, right? I mean… as it is, we pretty much live on the bare minimum out here. What’s wrong?”

“I just…” a look of embarrassment flashed across Lena’s face for a second, “I’m just scared of… lightning, and thunder… and you know… storms. No big deal.”

I couldn’t help but smile, “Lena, there’s nothing to be nervous about, you’re in one of the safest, most prepared places.  And a rain storm is barely a situation.”

“I know… I’m not worried… storms just scare me. Like the during… you know, the flashes of lightning and the thunder…. Anyway,” she stood and I checked out her legs, “I’ll go find Gary and send him over to you.”

Lena was clearly unaware of my lust because she simply waved and left in search of Gary. I almost felt a twinge of jealousy that she was out looking for another man instead of in my lap.

“Get a grip,” I told myself, as I checked my email.

JON

It took me a bit to hit my stride. The heat and humidity made the air thick and hard to breathe. I had to stop a few times to slow down and catch my breath, but every time I stopped, I pictured that first time with Claire.

I was only 15-years-old and I had already been through a handful of girlfriends. A tribute to good looks, I always had some girl (or girls) chasing after me. But none of them held my interest for too long for one reason or another, mostly because I found them boring. I always felt that they acted so young; they couldn’t keep me interested. Maybe I wasn’t like other high school football stars who just wanted to bone the hottest girl in school. I started to think that there might be something wrong with me.

That’s when she showed up in my life. Beautiful yes, but there was something else about her too. A look in her eye, a poise and confidence to her whole demeanor that had to come with age. 

Was it wrong to want my father’s new bride? Definitely. But I couldn’t help it. And I was fifteen. It was only natural for a 15-year-old boy to want a hot 27-year-old woman. There was nothing wrong with that.

But it was wrong for her to want me back.

Claire and I immediately got along. She was young, she was cool, she was smart. She had gone to U Conn, which is where I dreamed of going to play football. I often cancelled plans with my friends or current girlfriends to stay home and hang out. 

My dad was an accountant with crazy hours, not just during tax season. My dad thought it was great that I wanted to make Claire feel at home. He thought it was great that I was happy my old man had moved on and found someone new.

At first Claire cared about the long hours and the missed weekends; she resented how much her husband worked. She was young and wanted what every newlywed friend of hers had. She wanted constant attention. She wanted constant sex. Instead she got a brooding, hormonal teenager.

She could tell immediately what I thought about her. It was obvious the way I followed her around, hung out with her, stayed home with her instead of going out to parties. To some women, it may have made them uncomfortable, but she told me once that she found it intoxicating that I thought about her sexually. She got off knowing that I wanted her.

There were a couple of weeks where my dad lived at a hotel in Connecticut to service a client. One night, Claire couldn’t sleep. It was 1:00a.m., her husband was across the country and she was horny and lonely. She heard a door close. She knew that I was still awake.

She didn’t need time to think about it, she knew what she wanted. She liked the idea of me: someone young, someone who would do what she wanted. Someone who would listen to her. Someone who looked up to her for a change. She slid out of bed, slithered over to my room and opened the bedroom door. 

I saw the door open, I thought I was dreaming when I saw her standing there. But I realized that in all of my dreams, she appeared naked or in some slutty lingerie. Right now, she was dressed in one of my dad’s old college t-shirts.

“Anything wrong?” I choked out.

She shook her head, but had a pout on her face, “I’m just… you know, sleeping in that bed by myself. It’s just so hard sometimes. You wouldn’t mind if I just sat in here for a little while?”  I could only shake my head as she approached the foot of the bed and sat.

“I heard you get up. I couldn’t sleep,” she said, looking at me.

“Yeah, I had to uh, go to the bathroom,” I said. My palms were sweaty knowing she was so close. I prayed she couldn’t tell I had just jerked off before cleaning up in the bathroom.

After that, I can only remember bits and pieces. I can’t remember the sequence of events that led me to having sex with Claire. I think after time, my mind blocked it out like a trauma. She came into my bed multiple times that summer, when my dad was away on business. By the middle of the summer, I was already using.

There was one memory I couldn’t forget. It continued to haunt me. It was her whisper to me as she slipped out of bed after the first time: “Johnny boy, you’re going to keep this between us, right? Our little secret?”

“Of course,” I choked out. How could I tell anyone about this? How could I have done this? Why did I promise that?

The air was starting to change and the sky was changing color. I turned back and pushed my speed back to campus.

Julie

The sun slowly started to make its journey down but the heat certainly wasn’t ready to surrender. At least that’s what I thought until I saw the flash through my closed eyelids. A storm was coming—so maybe the heat was preparing to make an exit.

I thought it was time to get inside and shower off. I was a little woozy from the sun and heat and was ready to be stuck inside due to the Washington rains. I spotted Jon running out of the woods towards me—well towards the cabins. But images of daydream still flashed across my eyes.

I wanted him to run over to me and undress me. I wanted to smell his sweat and feel the muscles in his arms pull me close to him. I snapped myself back to reality. He had passed me. I didn’t know if he even looked at me. I rolled my eyes and walked back to the girls’ cabin.

“Hey girl,” Michelle greeted me as I entered. She was posting a flyer on the bulletin board.

“Hey, what’s up? Is anyone here? I need a shower,” I passed Michelle and started stripping down.

“Yeah… you do. Damn, how long have you been sweating your ass off in the sun?” Michelle asked, “You stink!”

I laughed, “Yeah yeah, we all stink at this point. What’s that?”

“A bad storm is coming. Jeff wants everyone to sleep in the common room tonight. So shower, and then pack an overnight bag and I guess your sleeping bag and shit.”

“Okay, you headed over there now?” I grabbed my towel and walked towards the bathroom.

“Yeah, but I need to head into town with Gary. Looks like Jeff isn’t as prepared as he pretends to be. He just wants a few more boxes of batteries and some more water. I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s just rain.”

“Hey, if it breaks this heat, I almost wouldn’t care if it was snow,” I said over my shoulder, “see ya later!”

“Be there by six!” Michelle shouted back, then grabbed her own supplies and headed for the main cabin to drop her stuff and find Gary.

*  *  *

The Mountain Climbers were in the kitchen for chores. I walked in with a stack of dishes from the mess hall and was happy to see Jon standing at the sink.

“So Johnny Boy,” I started off, unaware that I sent a shiver up Jon’s spine in a bad way, “while everyone’s busy roasting marshmallow’s in the common room… let’s say you and I sneak off for a little while. I’ve been having some urges lately due to this heat… and I really think that you are just the man to quench those for me.”

Jon turned around to look at me. His eyes were cold and distant. I felt myself rear back.

“When I get to the end of my rope where I’m desperate to feel another body pressing up against mine,” Jon got close to me, close enough for me to feel the heat from his body, smell the woodsy scent of his body wash. The smell of his musk went straight to my head sending me spinning with lust. I wanted him, “I still wouldn’t come looking for your slutty ass.”

Jon walked away from the sink to get more dishes. Leaving me… unsettled. I couldn’t figure out what I felt. Was it disappointment?
No… that’s not what it was.

I couldn’t put her finger on it, so I brushed the interaction off. I tossed my hair back and forced a laugh. It sounded like a cough. I decided to leave the kitchen for a smoke break to calm the voice in my head.

I looked over my shoulder, no one was looking at me so I turned and snuck out.

I walked outside to catch some of the first raindrops falling. They were big fat drops that sometimes come before a big storm. I didn’t care. I walked to the back of the building and pulled out a cigarette when I got under the awning. I thought the burst of nicotine would set me straight and make me feel right again. But it didn’t quite have the effect that I wanted.