Unsound: A Horizons Book (21 page)

“You have no reason to be scared with me,” I said quietly, wanting to put Jeff at ease, “I’m interested. Your past isn’t going to scare me off.”

“I hope nothing scares you off,” Jeff quietly commented back. I took another gulp of wine and hoped that Jeff didn’t notice my blush or quickened breathing. I wasn’t sure if I should be bothered by his admission, but I wasn’t. I only felt closer to him. I only wanted to be with him more.

Jeff

Our dates up to this point were incredible and there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted things to be more serious with Lena. It went beyond the physical. But at that moment, I wanted the physical.

I dropped my head and claimed her mouth. Thunder sounded and a flash of lightening brightened the room, reminding me once again that she had jumped into Jon’s arms and he kissed her. This time, as she looked into my eyes, Lena wasn’t scared. She saw my possessiveness, saw my need and want for her. I saw her expression change as her own desire built to match mine.

My hands found their way to her ass, gripping it, squeezing her up my body so she could straddle me and wrap her legs around my waist. 

We didn’t talk, we didn’t need to.

JONATHAN

The moment I touched Julie’s skin, felt her lips and her tongue against mine, everything ignited in me. But hearing Lena’s voice around the corner was like getting doused in an ice bath after a game. I knew she was about to tell Jeff about me.

I was relieved when Julie didn’t ask questions. She simply followed me out the back door to the building and into the rain.

We entered my cabin, dripping wet and quickly took off our jackets and wet shoes. I looked over at Julie as she shook her hair out. The rain curled it into soft waves. I had always thought she was hot, but sometimes it struck me just how stunning she really was.

I thought about her warm lips against mine, I wanted to feel them again. I needed to feel her skin under my fingertips. I started to move towards her, but Julie walked further into the cabin, unaware of my advance.

“Which one’s yours?” she asked, oblivious to my hunger for her as she moved deeper into the cabin.

“Second one, right there,” I said pointing, trying to pull my thoughts away from her skin and her mouth and back into the moment.

Julie walked up to the bed and saw a book siting on the nightstand. She picked it up, tilting it towards the faint light from the window to read the cover.

“I’m impressed, leisurely reading
A Prayer for Owen Meany
I see.”

“Yeah,” I said, scratching my head. We shared a moment, discussing the book I just finished and I explained how my mom sent them out to me. I admitted that I liked to read not knowing that Julie had already paid note to the constant book in my hand. I didn’t realize how closely Julie paid attention to me. I always thought it was me studying details about her.

Then there was an awkward silence. Neither of us knew what to say, which was admittedly weird for us. I looked at Julie and hesitated for a moment before I moved in closer. Two seconds later my lips were on hers.

At first, the kiss was unsure and tender. I was soft and careful as I moved my lips against Julie’s. She opened her mouth again, allowing me to deepen our kiss. A groan escaped my throat as Julie’s tongue brushed against mine. I ran my hands through her hair and kissed her harder. I ran my hands slowly down her back, to her waist and pulled her closer to me.

I had wanted this moment for a long time, even if I didn’t want to admit it. I couldn’t believe I finally had Julie in my arms.

We had gotten close to this moment, imagined what it would be like, and now, the only thought in my mind was Julie. I could feel the electricity between us; every sense was heightened. I could almost feel her heart beating in her chest, beating at the same pace as mine. I couldn’t stop touching Julie, her skin made my fingertips tingle, and I imagined her skin felt the same way where I touched her.

Julie suddenly pulled away from me, panting.

Julie

I sat back from Jon, not wanting to look at him. My mind flashed to me and Chris earlier that evening. A strong sense of guilt that I had never felt before settled over me.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Jon asked, panting too. If he noticed the endearment leaving his lips or my eyes widen from hearing it, I couldn’t tell.

Question unanswered, I just moved to straddle him. I made my mind stop thinking about Jon and it all became mechanical. Two guys in a night was unfortunately not a new concept for me.

JONATHAN

All I wanted was to keep touching her; I wanted her warmth on my fingertips, the wet heat from her mouth on mine. I didn’t want to ever stop kissing this girl. My hands worked their way up Julie’s back, back into her hair, wrapping her long blonde mane around my hands.

I slowly unwrapped my right hand from Julie’s hair, and touched her face, caressing her cheek before cupping it and pulling her tighter. It took a moment for my senses to snap on high alert.

My fingertips were wet. It seemed like she was having difficulty breathing. This time, I pulled back and looked at Julie, immediately regretting it. Tears streaked her face, her eyes were closed and she wouldn’t look at me. She wasn’t having a hard time breathing, she was trying to hold back her tears.

“Julie…” I stammered, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what happened.

“I’m… sorry,” Julie choked out. She opened her eyes, but she wouldn’t look at me, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Julie kept choking out.

I didn’t know what else to do, so I wrapped my arms around her and rocked her back and forth as she cried, “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.” When her breathing returned to normal, I pulled back and looked at her again. She looked weak, vulnerable, and scared, but she was still the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.

I reached up and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. She still wouldn’t look me in the eye. My heart twisted at the thought of her shutting me out. She was in pain. I wanted to fix it. Whatever it was.

Julie

I didn’t know what happened. Jon didn’t know what happened. He was unaware of what I did with Chris earlier and had no idea that waves of guilt were crashing over me. I wished I hadn’t had sex with Chris. Not after Jon kissed me like that. He was right earlier, I was a slut.

I was used to being coveted, lusted after, even as a prostitute. But Jon’s kiss seemed like so much more. It was a promise of so much more. The way he called me baby. It was so natural. It felt so good. Too good. I didn’t deserve that.

I moved off of Jon’s lap and sat next to him. It was easier for me not to look at him. Jon got up quickly and walked into the bathroom. I knew that was it, I screwed up my chance with Jon by acting nuts.

Jon walked back in with a glass of water and offered it to me.

I looked up at him, confused, but took the cup.

Jon sat on the bed across from me. He watched me sit on his bed, holding the cup in both hands, staring down at it.

I didn’t want to look up at Jon, “I’m sorry, I feel really silly.”

“Don’t feel silly… I just…” Jon stopped himself.

“It’s not your fault,” I said looking up, but still not looking into Jon’s eyes, which were wide with surprise that I answered his unasked question. He got up and sat next to me again. It was obvious that I didn’t want him looking at me. Not then.

“You always seem to know what
I’m
thinking… but somehow, you never let me in. I never know what’s going on in there,” Jon said, lightly tapping my temple.

I finally turned and looked into his eyes.

“I was thinking about… you. Your body, your hands touching me,” I felt a blush start to creep up my neck and I looked down at the cup in my hands. I had never spoken like this to anyone before, “your lips. I’ve… I’ve just never been kissed like that. It… made me feel bad.”

“Ouch… that’s a little harsh, Jules,” Jon said with a wince.

“I’m not saying that in a mean way, Jon,” despite my embarrassment, I made myself look him in the eyes again, “that was the sweetest kiss anyone has ever given me. You made me feel… I don’t know…. Special? I don’t deserve that. And that’s what made me feel really…bad about myself.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me. There’s a lot that I regret,” I said, looking down again, “and maybe I’m also just confused. Earlier when you said—”

“Julie, there’s a lot we all regret,” Jon cut me off as he gently lifted my chin with his fingers so I looked at him again, “and what I said to you earlier? I regret that. A lot. I wasn’t…myself earlier today. But you brought me back.

“We’ve all gone through a lot of shit. I don’t think you should punish yourself for being happy or feeling good. You feeling happy shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself,” Jon moved his hand to cup my cheek.

“I know,” I said with a nod, “I guess I have something new to talk about in my therapy sessions,” I tried to laugh.

JONATHAN

I looked into her eyes, trying to search for something. I just wanted to understand her, to help her. I wanted this girl to feel more special than anyone else in the world. I wish I hadn’t snapped at her earlier. The heat was a trigger for me but I needed to control the lingering anger and resentment about Claire.

I pushed my remaining thoughts of Claire to the back of my mind. I didn’t want her to taint these moments with Julie. All I wanted was Julie. I wanted to make her feel better and I wanted her pain to be gone. Her pain hurt my heart.

Julie’s eyes peered into mine as I leaned in close to her, wanting to taste her again. But I pulled back.

“What’s wrong?” Julie asked, a look of disappointment flashed across her face.

I smirked, “I just don’t want you to cry every time I kiss you. It may hurt my ego.”

Julie grinned and I felt my breath hitch. She was literally breathtaking.

Then she kissed me.

The intensity may not have been at the level it was earlier, but by no means was there lack of emotion behind this kiss. I knew she felt it too. That pull. I was more attracted to this girl than ever before.

*  *  *

It was much after curfew when we climbed through a back window and snuck into our sleeping bags. We lay down facing each other.

Not ready to stop touching her, I rubbed Julie’s head as she drifted off to sleep. Eventually sleep took me too, my hand cradling the back of her neck.

  *  *  *

The next morning dawned grey and dreary. People started slowly waking up around me. Everyone seemed groggy, but I was wired and alert. Actually, I was on edge, knowing that I had to speak with Jeff. I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to say to him. How much I wanted to reveal. In the back of my mind, I saw my dad’s face. I couldn’t disappoint him. I couldn’t ruin his life.

I knew I couldn’t tell Jeff the whole truth.

Julie stirred and I looked down at her. Her hair was wild as she slowly opened her eyes. She looked at me and smiled. I was done for. I knew I was going to need her around all the time. She was going to become my new addiction in the best possible way.

“Hey, good morning,” she said quietly.

“Morning, beautiful,” I responded with a smile. I brushed her hair off of her face, the gesture made her blush.

“You’ve been up for a while?” she asked as she stretched.

“Just a few minutes. Listen, I’ll meet you at breakfast in a bit. I need to talk to Jeff,” I said. I figured it was best to confront the situation head on. Get it over with, so I could spend the rest of the day attached to Julie.

She searched my eyes, but didn’t ask any questions, “’Kay.”

I winked at her as I stood and sought out Jeff for my punishment.

His door was open and he sat at his desk finishing a call. He motioned for me to come in so I closed the door behind me and sat. His call ended and he hung up.

“Need to get someone out here to look at the trees,” he explained, “some went over in the storm, need to make sure everything is safe. So….”

Jeff wanted me to explain. He obviously knew about last night, but he wanted to hear it from me.

“I don’t know where to start. I really don’t know what happened,” I admitted. I closed my eyes and scrubbed a hand over my face, “I know I fucked up big time. I mean, I kissed your girlfriend, man. It’s like, I was there, but nothing was right. I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff lately. Stuff that happened in the past couple of years.”

“Why do you think it’s been on your mind?” Jeff asked.

“Julie,” I said quietly, “that project we just did. I told her about some stuff I’ve… been through. I guess that opened Pandora’s Box. I’m just not sure how ready I am to discuss some of that shit.”

“With me,” Jeff clarified. I nodded, feelings of guilt bubbling in my stomach. “So what else do you have to say about last night?” Jeff prompted. I stared at him. I wasn’t sure what he was getting at.