Unsuitable (21 page)

“You’ve
gone very pale, Aud.”

“I’m
thinking about what’s in the bank and how generous the retrenchment package
might be.” She was thinking about how soon she’d need to say goodbye to Reece
and how Mia would hate that. And how that was worse even than the fear of
losing her job. She shook her head. There was nothing she could do about this
threat until it realised.

“Tell
me what’s different about you? There’s something.”

Les
flushed. “I’m seeing someone.”

“Wow.”
There was a jolt of pure happiness for Les. “When did this happen?”

“Around
the time you got sick.”

“Where
did you meet this someone?”

“The
first time with you. The second time at your front door. I’m seeing Marcus
Pollidore.”

“Reece’s
flatmate, Polly? Faux Mo who fixed my door?”

Les
was an unhealthy shade of pink. “It’s a bit of madness and it’s bound to end
badly and I’ll be suicidal. But Aud, I really like him and I’m so totally acting
like a teenager, not a grown-up with her own property portfolio. He’s so unsuitable.
I mean really. He never went to uni. He’s barely read a book in his life. He used
to organise street fights, illegal street fights for God’s sake.”

Audrey
blinked at Les in amazement.

“But
you kissed Reece and when I knew that, I forgot to be shy with Polly.”

Another
jolt, this time an unpleasant shock. Was Reece boasting about kissing her? She
felt a wave of nausea. “How do you know that? Who else knows?”

Les
winced. “It came out at the hospital. They wanted to know how close the contact
the two of you had to assess his risk of contagion. He had to say it and we were
all standing there. He tried so hard not to.” Les’ eyes flicked to the ceiling
as Audrey’s stomach roiled. “It was so awkward.”

“Esther.
Oh my God.”

“No,
no, before Esther arrived.”

That
was a kindness. It was hard to conceive how hateful Esther might’ve been
towards Reece had she witnessed him admitting to that kind of intimacy.

“Are
you, you know, are you and Reece?” Les was asking the haircut question. Without
the haircut.

Audrey
shook her head. She was concerned about people knowing how she felt about
Reece. But Merrill would’ve picked up on it too. Esther certainly had. She went
to the kettle, filled it and turned it on. “Oh God, Les. We’ve kissed, we’ve
made out, but that’s all. It’s not appropriate, it’s not.”

It
was incendiary. It was rearranging her biology to resist him any longer. She
wanted him in her bed. Preferably when Mia was safely in her own. He’d been
reluctant about getting into bed with her while Mia slept. It was a testament
of her trust in him that it’d simply felt loving.

“He
kisses me like he’s never going to kiss anyone else ever again. He’s so totally
amazing with Mia and I’ve needed the support and he’s been here, and I’m making
excuses. I am so deep in lust with him I can hardly stand it.”

Les
clapped her hands and bounced on the stool.

“He
let Mia watch him shave this morning and I had this uncontrollable urge to ring
around the playgroup gang and farm Mia out so I could take him to bed and keep
him there all day.”

“What’s
stopping you?”

“Everything.
Nothing. Mia. My health. My mother in my head. Are you sleeping with Polly?”

“Not
yet, and that’s because I haven’t worked out how I want my heart broken, before
or after he sees me naked. I’ve only got one shot at this.” Les flicked her
fingers at the cake box. “Pass me another tart.”

“Oh,
Les.”

“I
know I know, two is enough.”

Audrey
passed the box. “Have the tart. What does Polly say?”

“He
says he likes me the way I am, but you’ve seen him. He’s like this.” Les held
up the tart. “Melt in the mouth flaky pastry and too good to be fat free
custard. Totally delicious and incredibly popular. There’s no way this is anything
but a scam for him. I don’t know, a walk on the lard side. I am going to get so
dumped, but I’d like to avoid getting humiliated in the process.” She bit into
the tart and moaned her satisfaction.

“You
can’t sleep with a guy you think is going to humiliate you.”

“I
can. I will, eventually. Because I’m never going to get offered anything as
prime as his rib again and I want that, just the once, and I’ll get over it. Better
to have, etcetera, etcetera.”

“Are
you sure?

“You
do remember what he looks like? The bad boy groove, those tatts, the hair, the
muscles. He’s big enough to make me feel small. And he’s funny. We enjoy
hanging out together. I lay shit on him and he bats it straight back. He says
I’m different. He’s taught me how to play Mortal Combat, World of Warcraft and
Halo, and I can wop his very fine arse at all of them. But at the end of the
day I am fat old Les the lawyer and he is the spunky part owner in his own
building company, who’s had more sexual conquests than Mortal Combat has
fatalities. Polly and I—we are not a match. But you and Reece. Audrey, he
fought for you and Mia. When we didn’t know what was best for you, he did. And
we were too up ourselves to listen to him.”

Audrey’s
tea had gone cold, right as her brain went hot. “I can’t sleep with my nanny.” Why
did the stunning clarity of that knowledge make her miserable?

“Why
not?”

“Mia.
Power. Gender politics. Age difference. It’s not right for Reece. The fact that
I’ve been thinking about doing it means I’m still not in my right mind. They
told me my emotions would be all over the place. I can’t make any decisions
that would have lasting consequences right now.”

Les’
eyes went lawyer mode. She narrowed them as she focused her argument. “Lasting
consequences? You’re talking about sex, really great sex, not marriage. Neither
of you would do anything to hurt Mia. You both know how to use discretion, and
you can palm her off on Merrill or playgroup, or me, worst case. Power is an
issue. You’re his employer. There’s even an issue about the whole sexual
favours for money—”

“—Don’t
say—”

“Prostitution.”

Audrey
put her face in her hands. She had to ask Reece to move out tonight. She didn’t
trust herself when he was around. She was confused about her moral obligations,
her responsibilities. This was just a version of cabin fever, being contained
in the house with only Reece for adult company.

“Now,
gender politics and age difference. You have looked at that man? You do know
how he looks at you? He should carry a warning label. Liable to cause heart
palpitations. Do not place near monitoring equipment. In the hospital I thought
he might blow things up just the way he looked at you. I kept expecting crash
carts to appear. So if you think age difference is a real thing, I need to hit
you with something hard. And gender politics.” Les took a breath, she was
nowhere near done. Audrey assumed a crash position, folding her arms in front
of her face. It had no effect on Les.

“What
you do in the bedroom, or the kitchen or the bathroom, or any room you feel
like doing the deed in with that beautiful man, is your own goddamn business. But
I have every intention of making it my business if you wuss out for the wrong
reasons.”

Audrey
brought her arms down. She was confused. She’d expected Les to side with her
sensible self, warn her off with pragmatism and a wistful lament for
possibilities gone to waste. They’d drink more tea, regret the tarts, and
gossip about Reece. It would feel very schoolgirl and non-threatening, and
Audrey would square her shoulders, be an adult about it all and stop mucking
around with Reece’s affections. Somehow.

But
this Les, playing computer games with another significantly younger and equally
unsuitable man, and ready to risk her heart on him, was an unexpected
phenomenon, like a storm front she hadn’t battened down for. Audrey was fast
getting swept away.

“What’s
the right reason?” she said, confused, miserable and frustrated.

Les
grinned. “You aren’t absolutely dying to have his hands on you. To climb up
that great tree trunk of a body, suck that delicious mouth and cling like a
koala while he eviscerates any memory you’ve ever had of seriously hot sex.”

Audrey
collapsed into a kitchen chair. She couldn’t look at Les. She was a woman on
the edge. On the edge of regaining her health, on the edge of losing her job,
on the edge of her first orgasm in too long to remember. Did she even remember
how to do sex? She’d totally flaked out in the fairy palace. And it wasn’t
going to be sex for comfort or thanksgiving, proximity or absence. If she went
to Reece she wasn’t going as his boss or his pay cheque, his girlfriend or his
mother. She was going because she’d started to touch herself in the shower
wishing it was his big, warm hand on her thigh, his thick fingers stroking her
open, because she couldn’t look at him without wanting him, because being near
him made her body feel renewed after feeling so dreadful, and because he’d
given her permission, and showed her he wanted her too.

But
it could only be once. One night. One encounter to clear the air, straighten
things out between them and then end it, before things went too deep.

She
lifted her head. Les had reboiled the kettle and was making a new pot of tea. “I
bet Polly would go for lingerie.”

Les
scrunched her face.

“I’m
thinking something silky and pretty.”

“You
might be right.” Les’ eyes popped wide as she caught on. “I might not need to
get so—”

“Naked.”

“Right.”

“Unless
you wanted to.”

“Unless.
Oh shit, Aud. I really want to get naked with Polly. That whole koala thing, I
was talking about me.”

They
laughed. They drank tea. They spoke in cartoon Spanish accents and didn’t
regret the Portuguese tarts. Audrey took a nap when Les left, falling asleep
easily, staying there willingly. She had a sex dream. Reece was in the shower
with her. Everything was slippery and he left her in the water to bring a
rubber mat so they wouldn’t fall and she laughed in the dream because that’s so
what he would do.

She
was out of her head over this man.

She
woke when Mia and Reece came home and lay listening to them trying to be quiet.
Reece bundled Mia onto the lounge for a story. He read
Where the Wild Things
Are
, but he changed Max to Mia. He described Mia’s bedroom as a lush
jungle. He built her an imaginary boat to sail away on from made-up furniture, and
he crowned her Queen of the Wild Things. He quadrupled the length of the story,
adding in all kinds of invented details, ridiculously daft monsters and Mia’s
favourite foods, and every time he said Mia’s name she giggled, and every time
that happened, Audrey fell more under his enchantment.

“Read
it again,” Mia said when he’d stopped.

“No,
my turn, you read me a story.”

Mia
laughed. “I can’t read all the words yet, silly sausage.” Audrey pressed her
hand over her mouth so not to laugh aloud. .

Reece
did laugh. “I didn’t read that story, I made it up. You can make a story up for
me.”

“What
will I make up?”

“Hmm.
How about funny monsters?”

“Okay,
like this. One day Princess Mia,” Mia stopped and considered. “A different
Princess Mia, not me.”

Reece
said, “Not you,” and Audrey wished she could see how they were sitting
together. Was Mia in his lap? She liked to do that when he read to her.

“One
day Princess Mia went to bed, and in her room there were monsters.”

“What
kind of monsters?”

“Stinky
ones.”

“What
did they do?”

“They
took Princess Mia’s mum away.”

Audrey
sat up. Mia was talking about her nightmare.

“What
did Princess Mia do?”

“She
was scared, because her nanna is mean and Mum was gone for a long time and when
she came back she was sad.”

“But
Mum’s not sad now. And monsters are only made-up.”

“But
there are real monsters.” There was a wobble to Mia’s voice. Audrey held her
breath. She should’ve sent Esther home, not let her near Mia.

“No
real monsters, Mia. I chased them all away for you.”

“You
can’t do that.”

Reece
growled like a bear. “Yes, I can.” He’d have pulled a face too.

“How?
Will it be magic? Do you need to borrow Polly’s magic pencil?”

“No,
I have my own magic. See these arms.”

“Strong.”

“See
these eyes.”

“Black.”

“They’re
not black.” He laughed. “I’ll find any monster who makes you feel scared and
I’ll chase them away. Always Mia. I will always do that for you. You don’t need
to be afraid any more. No monsters will come in the night to get you, or Mum or
anyone else.”

“They
might.”