Unsuitable (25 page)

“Are
you sure you should be drinking that?” He dropped his shoe and pulled the sock
off.

She
shrugged. “Probably not.”

He
tackled the other shoe, bending over to reach it, the muscles across his back
flaring. She took another swig, the liquid in the bottle sloshed; it didn’t
burn going down this time.

He
had the bottle out of her hand, he had her bent backwards, he had her lips
claimed before she could think about taking a more sensible approach to
apologising for how things were.

He
kissed with the fury of a cyclone, his lips tight on hers, his tongue swirling,
tasting, blowing all reason, scattering all thought. He hugged her so close her
feet came off the ground and she wrapped them around his waist. He straightened
up and took a drag from the bottle, attacked her lips again. The kisses burned
and blurred and intoxicated. She would find a way to keep him close, find a way
not to let him get hurt by the demands of her life that would rob him of making
his.

He
lowered her feet to the ground. “Strip for me.”

That
made her uncomfortable, but she’d started this and he wanted it and she owed
him more than her tears. He sat on the bed with the bottle in his hand. He took
another slug and she watched his throat work while she took her cardigan off. He
focused in on her when she took her shirt off, lifting it over her head,
shivering when the air met her skin, but more from the emotional than physical
exposure. He wasn’t smiling.

“Give
me your foot.” He patted his leg. He meant to undo her shoes. He put the bottle
between his thighs. She put her foot to his knee and he undid her laces, got
rid of her shoe and sock, gestured for the other leg. His hair was wet and he’d
lost his sunshine, he’d run headfirst into a storm. It was the first time she’d
seen this edgy emotion in him. She put her hand to his shoulder to balance
while he took off her other shoe and sock. She didn’t know how to make this
sexy. She had her underwear and her jeans on. He had thunder caped about him
and he wanted her to be his sheet of lightning.

She
stepped back and opened the top of her jeans. He took another swig. She pushed
them down her legs and kicked them aside.

“You
know I think you’re beautiful.” He twirled his hand. He wanted her to turn
around. “Slowly.” He tipped the bottle up and drank again.

He
was making her nervous. She reached for the bottle and he handed it over. She
gulped and coughed and turned in a slow circle, her feet feeling five times too
big, almost tripping her up.

“I
get to the do the rest. Come here.”

She
put the bottle on the dresser and went to him. He looked older and more tired
than she’d ever seen him. He drew her between his knees and pressed his face to
her chest. All the air came out of him. “I’m sorry.” He slumped into her arms.

She
encircled his shoulders, folded over him. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
She stroked her hands over his back. Her giant; her gentle man. Tonight he
seemed to fear his own strength, his very capability to be anything but gentle.

“I’m
putting pressure on you.”

She
unfolded and climbed across his lap. “I can take it.”

He
looked up, taking her measure, the conflict in him a heaviness like humidity,
hanging between them. “I trust you.”

“What
do you need from me?”

He
dragged her bra straps down her arms, till her nipples were only just covered. “I
need you writhing under me. I need you out of control. I need you needing me.”

“Take
it.”

He
tugged and her nipples lifted free and his mouth came down, hot and insistent. She
surged up against him and he lifted her, put her down on her back on the bed.

The
first time they’d had sex with him above her she’d understood why he wanted her
to ride him, the night she’d gone to him in silk and lace, full of rude nerves
and hopeful lust, that close to out of date condom clutched in her hand.

Above
her, the sheer size and power of him was impossible to deny. He could break her
neck, her back, a dozen of her limbs without popping a sweat. He could also
make her feel so impossibly cherished, so unalterably loved. They’d worked
their way around each other’s bodies, an exploration that mapped their
favourite touches, ones that made them lose breath, shy away or crave more, so
that the first time he braced above her, she was shaking with the need of him.

He
wanted her that way now. He wanted to lose himself in her. He tasted of whiskey
and disappointment and she thought of chocolate, of all the things he said he
wanted. He was wrong about not offering enough. He offered too much and she
dared not take it, hold him to promises; forever and stepfatherhood, he
couldn’t fully understand.

He
kissed every secret place that made her pulse leap. He got rid of her underwear
and his own remaining clothes. He was edgy and unlike himself and she gave
herself over to his impatience.

He
used his hands and mouth on her. “I want to be inside you without the rubber. I
want to feel you.”

They’d
had this discussion, they were safe and she still wasn’t ovulating. There was
no risk, even if he didn’t pull out in time. She wanted it too. She didn’t
hesitate, she curled her hand around him and guided him inside.

“Holy
fuck, Audrey.”

He
closed his eyes tight. He couldn’t stop his hips from pumping. His jaw was clenched,
his spine flexed, but rigid. “You feel so mad good.”

She
arched up to kiss him and got his whiskey lips and tongue and wrapped her legs
around him.

He
groaned, “No, I won’t want to stop.”

He
put his weight on his knees, took hers in his hands and pushed them to her
chest. He got her writhing, he got her desperate. He pulled the thread of her
and unspooled her all across the sky, and when she was still unravelling, he withdrew,
sliding down the bed, grunting his own release, cupping her belly in his hands
and pressing his face to her hip.

They
could’ve avoided that wet patch by going to her bed, but he was sensitive about
that. Neither of them wanted to have to explain that to Mia. She knew not to
come into Reece’s room and couldn’t reach the door handle to let herself in. And
there was no way either of them wanted to move anyway.

They
kissed each other down and next thing Audrey knew he was kissing her awake. He
whistled in the shower, his clement weather after his unlikely squall restored.
He made pancakes for breakfast and Mia asked him if he was still sad.

“How
could I be sad today? Birds are singing. It’s kindy gym day and Mia loves me.”

Oh,
Audrey loved him too. Loved, loved how he made her feel. Loved the beautiful
person he was. Loved what he’d brought to this family and how he made Mia
happy. She left the table and went to him, pulled his head down to kiss him. She
loved him too much to tell him.

“Eurgh.
Kissing is yuck,” said Mia.

“I’d
come with you to kindy gym again today, but I’m going in to work for a
meeting.” Chris had responded. He had time at 2pm and would love to catch up
with her.

Reece
frowned. She shook her head. “Don’t worry. It’s a meeting I set up. We’ll see
what I can find out.”

“I
have a meeting too,” said Mia.

“You
have a meeting with more pancakes,” said Reece.

When
the pancake gobbler and her minder had gone off to kindy gym, Audrey got
dressed in one of her suits. The skirt dragged on her hips and the jacket
didn’t fit as it should. She could’ve worn a whole size smaller. But she looked
healthy. She looked fit enough to be returning to work in two weeks. If she had
Dr Barber’s clearance she could go back now. But no one wanted to risk a
relapse, so this extra time was more of a precaution.

She
met Les for lunch at midday. Les waited till their sandwiches and coffees were
delivered and then said casually, as if it was a pass the sugar. “He loved the
lingerie. But it didn’t stay on.”

Audrey
gagged, a piece of fancy lettuce getting stuck in the back of her throat. Les
leaned across and thumped her on the back and her eyes teared up as she coughed
and coughed. A sip of water later she was able to speak. “You’re still
together?”

Les
laughed. “Miracles do happen.”

“Tell
me all about it.”

“A
lady wouldn’t kiss and tell.” Les waved a hand, a very Hollywood gesture. “But
Audrey. Oh. My. God. The man has some moves, and the only thing that’s been
humiliating is realising how little I thought of him.”

“You?”

Les
nodded around a mouthful. “I just assumed he’d be all, she’s a lard arse, she’s
not desirable, she’s just sport. He never did a single thing to suggest he’d treat
me that way, but I treated him like every other guy who did. We almost broke up
over me being so insistent about him being a bastard.”

Audrey
leant forward and kept her voice low. “You had sex.”

“No,
we had SEX,” Les yelled.

Half
the patrons and staff in the cafe froze in place. One wit said into the
silence. “I’ll have what she’s having,” and there was a ripple of laughter and
groans. Audrey nearly choked again, but this time on embarrassment and humour.

“We
have sex all the time. We can’t stop. It’s fantastic. If I wasn’t having lunch
with you, I could be having a quickie.”

“I
don’t know what to say.”

“Tell
me I’m an idiot for hesitating. For damning the poor guy because he looks like
the kind of person who’d sooner tell a fat joke than want to friend a fat person.
Aud, he wants to know me. I mean he really wants to know me. He knows I don’t
like Chinese cuts of chicken and the whole zombie thing makes me squeamish. He
knows my favourite songs and how I get frustrated by supermarket advertising,
and he’s never once laughed unkindly at me.”

“This
sounds serious.”

Les
shook her head. “It’s not like we’re going to be forever or anything. He’s not
what I want in a partner long-term and I’m not what he wants, but I never
thought I’d be saying the words, ‘what I want in a partner’. Never thought I’d
have a choice in the matter that wasn’t lose weight and get cosmetic surgery,
be alone, or settle for whoever would have me.”

“Oh,
Les.”

“It’s
true. I thought those were my best options. Same as you thought having Mia
alone was yours. But Polly’s given me confidence. He’s given me other things
too, lots of things that start with the letter O and I’m not going to settle
now. I’m going to treat myself with a little more respect, just like he does.”

“Having
Mia alone was my best option.” Nothing was surer than that. Audrey raised her
eyes to the waitress. She needed more coffee. There was an email in her box
from Barrett she hadn’t opened yet but the subject line was ‘Sydney Bound’. It
would be good to see him again. “And I’m so happy for you.”

“Forget
me, what about you? You look well. I know you keep telling me you are, but now
I see it. Too skinny still.” Les mouthed the word ‘bitch’.

“I
feel good. No more headaches, no more tingling. I don’t get so tired anymore.”

“And?”

“And
what? I’m worried about losing my job.”

“Don’t
make me ask out loud, if you’re having,” Les sucked in a breath and Audrey
leapt in to stop her making them the centre of attention again.

“Yes,
okay, yes.”

“And.”

“Now
I’m supposed to kiss and tell.”

“I
just spilled my lard like guts on the table.” Les made a come on gesture. “Give.”

“Yes,
we’re sleeping together, and well, you’ve seen him. He knows how to use what he
was blessed with.”

Les
clapped and gave the come on gesture again.

“It’s
good. It’s great. We’re having fun.”

“That’s
it?” Les waved. “Hi, I’m Les. You know, your very good friend. What don’t you
want me to know?”

“Nothing.”
Audrey saw the waitress approaching, with luck that would interrupt Les. “It’s
like you and Polly. He’s great for my health.”

“Bullshit.”

The
waitress stopped at their table. She looked at Les. “You’re a feisty one.” She
looked at Audrey and rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry we don’t serve alcohol.”

Audrey
settled on a latte then turned her attention back to Les. “I’m in too deep with
him.”

Les’
mouth made an O, but no sound came out.

“If
I’d have found Reece four years ago, before Mia, before the decision to have
Mia, before Barrett, I’d have wanted to keep him.”

“But?”

“I
can’t keep him.”

“Does
he want to be kept?”

Audrey
looked away. Her latte was on its way across the cafe. He wanted to marry her. Last
night that’d seemed an immense thing, monstrous, a huge mistake. This morning
it didn’t have the same capacity to scare her and yet her career was probably
bust and her life set to change all over again.