Valentine's Day Is Killing Me (18 page)

“Huh?” Her gaze collided with his. She saw the satisfaction flaring in his dark, slumberous eyes. For the night that lay ahead of him?

She hurriedly looked away and pressed her lips together.
Remain calm. Walk to the nearest exit. Do not run…This is not a drill…

“Say something?” Shanna pulled a box off the shelf in front of her. “Me? No.” She snatched a bag of something dangling at eye level. “But wow”—she grabbed for a tube of this and a bottle of that—“my lunch hour is almost over. I better get going.”

“Big night planned?”

She stilled as her hands clenched around a tube she pulled off the shelf. Shanna was surprised she didn’t squeeze the cream out of it. “What?” She looked down at the boxes, bottles, and bags in her arms. “Yeah, well. Valentine’s Day, you know.”

“Uh-huh,” he said. Something different edged his voice. Like he understood. But how could he? Unless…

“Valentine’s plans?” She barely managed to choke out the words. Shanna nodded at the box in his hand.
So help me, if you made V-Day plans with another woman, I will not be held accountable for my actions.

“Me?” He frowned at the thought. “Hell, no.”

No. She felt a moment of absolute relief. Pain followed up so fast she thought she was going to be sick. That meant that the box was for incredible weeknight lovemaking. The kind of hot sex that had them instinctively searching for each other throughout the night. The kind that made her fall asleep at work the next day.

Somehow she felt worse. She needed to remember how many of those nights he worked late, how often he wasn’t around. Of the many nights she fell asleep alone. Only to have Calder gently wake her up, cradling her spine against his chest and sharing his heat, his hands gliding down her abdomen…

Shanna clenched her thighs. She had to get out of the store. Right now. She grabbed a pump bottle. “Gotta go.”

“I’ll see you later, Shanna,” Calder said as he reached for another box.

She couldn’t move. Another box? Extra large? Fiery jealousy whooshed through her, leaving nothing but cinders. Shanna couldn’t take it. She dipped her head and rushed to the cashier, her actions on autopilot.

Move on. Adapt. Any of this ring a bell?
The words bounced around her chaotic mind as she waited in line. It didn’t matter whose nerve endings he pleasured on a Wednesday night. Not at all.

By the time she reached the cash register, her arms ached and her heart felt like it was going to shatter. It took all of her willpower not to stomp back, tape off the contraceptive aisle, and direct Calder away from the scene.

Shanna dumped her purchases on the counter and ignored the cashier giving furtive glances under her lashes. What was she going to do with all this stuff? Shanna wondered as she opened her purse. At least the money she had saved for the salon was being put to good use.

Good use. Yeah, right. Who was she kidding? She hadn’t even kissed Dominic. What made her think she was ready for a sex marathon?

She had a feeling half of the lubes and condom stuff was like swimwear; it was nonreturnable once you stepped out of the store. But she had too much pride to go back and return the items while Calder was there. She might as well consider it an investment in her future dating life. Whoo. Hoo. Keep her feet from dancing.

“Do you know the price for these?”

Shanna stopped hunting through her purse and looked up. The cashier held up the dental dams. “Uh, no.”

The woman picked up the intercom. “Price check for dental dams. Price check on dental dams.”

Those dental dams were out to haunt her. What were they for, anyway? Shanna leaned over and read the box.

Use these latex barriers for safe oral and anal sex. Available in a variety of flavors. Now in cherry!

Shanna felt the blush creep through her face. Her skin felt hot. Scalding. When she got back to the office, she was definitely going to check her horoscope. She had a feeling it was going to mention something about the Fates laughing their asses off at her.

From where he stood, Calder could see Shanna getting flustered at the register. He wondered what could have possibly rattled her. As far as he knew, only he had that power over her poise. Was he losing that, too?

He gripped the box tightly in his hand, the hard edges digging into his palm. He looked down at the box and smiled. The possessiveness flashing in Shanna’s eyes was all he needed to see.

Relief flooded through him. The way she was going after the Valentine’s Day date with that loser had him worried. He knew that she didn’t
really
want Dominic, but rather a date for Valentine’s.

He knew that, but still…How was he going to keep Shanna from going out on Valentine’s Day? He could go the easy route and do exactly what was on Shanna’s list, but that would make his feelings a lie.

And he wanted her to understand that. He thought she would have by now. But Heather was right; it was time to reel Shanna Murphy in.

Calder replaced the box on the shelves. He still had the ones he bought while dating. If all worked out, he would use those condoms for their original purpose before their expiration date.

Valentine’s Day

Shanna quietly sat down next to her sister on the morning express bus. Heather cast a cautious sideways glance. “How’s it going?” her twin asked.

Shanna stared straight ahead, right at the skinny guy’s bald spot. She decided that it was as good a view as any. “He didn’t call back.”

“Who didn’t?”

She swallowed hard. “Dominic.”

“Ah.” Her sister closed the newspaper.

Shanna blinked when the bald spot started to rotate like a kaleidoscope. “I left messages all day yesterday and he didn’t return any of them.”

Heather stopped folding the paper. “How many messages? Enough to qualify as a stalker?”

Most likely. “His cell phone was out of range,” she said by way of an explanation. Shanna turned to her sister and made a helpless gesture with her hands. “Where could he be?”

Heather hunched her shoulders. “I dunno.”

“What could send him out of range unexpectedly?”

Her sister’s shoulders reached ear level. “Dunno.”

“Do you think he would have the decency to let me know?”

“One can only hope.”

Shanna chewed on the corner of her bottom lip. “Maybe he’s looking for the perfect Valentine’s Day card.”

Heather arched an eyebrow. “And the quest took him to Canada?”

“Yeah, I thought that might be stretching it, too.” The theory sounded better at four in the morning. Shanna returned her attention to the skinny guy’s head. “I guess it’s official.”

“What is?”

Shanna exhaled shakily. “I ran my Valentine’s date out of the country.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“Heather, if your date doesn’t even try to contact you on Valentine’s Eve—”

“Oh,
God
,” Heather muttered.

“Then he’s probably dumping you and trying to lay low in another country so you don’t hunt him down.”

Heather rolled her eyes. “Try not to take the dramatic option for once in your life. He could be sick. Or dealing with an emergency.”

Shanna folded her arms across her chest. “He had better be in the hospital suffering from amnesia.”

“Your concern for him is overwhelming.”

“I ran off another guy,” Shanna said, slouching in her seat. “And I was so close. Right up until Valentine’s Eve.”

“For. The. Last. Time. There. Is. No. Such. Thing.”

“And now look at me. I’m all dressed up and nowhere to go.” She had picked out the chunky red sweater, long, flowing black skirt with a heart design, and black ankle boots specifically for the holiday. Early this morning she had to upturn her jewelry box to hunt for her diamond heart earrings. It had been that long since she had a reason to dress for a romantic occasion.

“Cute outfit,” Heather said. “Not like I would want to borrow it or anything.”

“But it’s all a waste. And do you know why? Because I have no date,” Shanna said, as she started ticking her list off with her fingers. “No dinner at a restaurant, and I can safely assume no dozen roses.”

“Okay, so what are you going to do?” Heather asked with a hint of exasperation. “Go home, put on your old sweats and sulk? Eat a quart of ice cream and watch
Casablanca
for the five-hundredth time?”

“Maybe.” She thought she had good cause for it. “Why do these things always happen to me? Why can’t the forces of nature go my way for once?”

Heather paused. “Have you ever thought that this might be of your own making?”

Shanna flinched. “Say
what
?”

“Let me ask you something,” Heather turned and faced Shanna. “With all this planning you did for the perfect V-Day, what did you plan to do for Dominic?”

“I—” Shanna blinked rapidly. “Well, I—” Somehow he-gets-to-find-my-G-spot wasn’t the right answer.

“Yep, that’s what I thought.”

“You don’t understand. This day was supposed to be about
me
.” She thumped her palm against her chest. “Focused solely on
me
. Make
me
the center of attention and have my fantasy come to life.”

“Hmm.”

“Don’t
hmm
me. Yes, I know that it sounds selfish and grabby. That’s because it is! It’s the one holiday designed for women to feel loved and appreciated.”

“No, it’s not. Valentine’s Day is an excuse to have sex. As long as the guy romanticizes it, he’s guaranteed to get laid.”

Shanna’s jaw dropped as she stared at her sister. “I can’t believe you said that. To my face.”

“If you think about it, V-Day is a lot like prom night.”

The skinny guy in front briefly turned around to stare at Heather with disbelief. Shanna ignored him. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“As long as he dresses up, gives you flowers, plies you with alcohol, and doesn’t buckle under the high expectations…”

“Valentine’s Day,” Shanna said through clenched teeth, “is supposed to be about showing love and appreciation.”

“Nuh-uh.” Heather turned and gave her a sly look. “You just said it was about a woman having her romantic fantasies fulfilled.”

Shanna growled. “Oh, shut up. What about all the other days when I show love and affection? When I give and give and nothing comes back? I wanted one day when it comes back to me, and I wanted to
wallow
in it.”

Heather arched her eyebrow. “You wanted it from Dominic?”

“Sure, if he was the only guy who was going to give it to me.” Shanna sighed and wearily closed her eyes. “I wanted to be the center of a guy’s existence for once in my life. It didn’t matter that it was fake. I just wanted to know what it felt like.”

“Well, don’t give up hope.” Heather patted Shanna’s arm. “It still might happen. Dominic hasn’t officially bailed.”

“Yet.” Shanna added and opened her eyes. She knew the signs of a potential dump, and it was just a matter of time. Shanna stared at the skinny guy’s bald spot, wishing it would pull her in. She didn’t think she had the strength to face yet another sucky Valentine’s Day.

Shanna breathed a sigh of relief when she walked into her department and noticed she was the first one there. She hurried to her cubicle and stumbled to a stop. Her desk was dripping wet.

Paper was plastered against the desk surface. Droplets of water dripped from the edge of her desk. Shanna glanced up, but saw no brown spots or other telltale signs of a leaky ceiling.

She walked toward her desk with trepidation. What the hell happened? Sweeping the sodden papers to the side, she grabbed a handful of tissues and mopped up some of the water. Where did all this water come from? Shanna wondered, just as she lifted her vase that felt suspiciously light.

No.
Her eyes widened as she stared at the vase. She noticed the crack that started from the scalloped edge to the flat base.
Noooo.
“Cheap piece of—”

She gritted her teeth.
Don’t lose it. Do not lose it. Your coworkers are going to arrive any minute
.

That reminder was enough to force her into action. Shanna clenched her fingers around the vase and marched straight to the women’s restroom.

This was
not
an omen, she reminded herself, barely noticing the other employees milling around the hallways. It was
not
a punishment for putting herself first.

Shanna swung open the door to the restroom.
All that effort…
She tossed the traitorous crystal vase into the trash.
All that money. And for what?
She glared at the seesawing trash lid.
Nothing.

Shanna grabbed a handful of paper towels as the tears pricked the back of her eyes.
Don’t cry. Not now. Wait until you get home. You can do it.

When she marched back to her cubicle, she saw Megan and Kerry had just arrived. Shanna mumbled something that resembled a greeting and set to work at mopping her desk as the other two women compared their Valentine plans. Shanna tried to block out the discussion, but the phrases “spa getaway” and “birthstone tennis bracelet” kept filtering through.

And all she had asked for was dinner, roses, and Valentine sex. She couldn’t even get that. It wasn’t fair. Shanna glared accusingly at the Valentine’s Day decorations strung along her cubicle, fighting the urge to tear them down and rip them into itty-bitty pieces.

“Cupcake?”

Shanna flinched and glanced up. Megan had reached over the wall adjoining their workspaces and offered a plastic tray of pink-frosted cupcakes with heart-shaped sprinkles.

Shanna really didn’t want one, but she took a cupcake in the name of office diplomacy. Anyway, her stomach was grumbling. “Thanks.”

“Morning, girls,” Angie greeted as she strolled into the department, wearing a sophisticated ruby-red pantsuit. Up until that moment, Shanna thought her own outfit had looked pretty good. That was until Angie’s attire practically screamed
Sexy!
while hers was more of a hoarse
Nice try!

“Hi, Angie,” Megan bubbled in the only way Megan could. She approached their boss and offered a cupcake naked of frosting. “Here, I made this especially for you.”

Shanna held her breath as Angie frowned at the dessert.
Yessss!
Megan overplayed her hand. No way would refined-sugar-is-evil Angie accept it.

“It’s low-fat, low-carb,” Megan added. “Not to mention organic.”

Ugh. Shanna wrinkled her nose and gave a suspicious look at her own treat, wondering if there was something nutritious lurking under the mound of pink icing.

“Why, thank you, Megan.” Angie smiled big and accepted the cupcake. “That’s thoughtful of you.”

Shanna set her cupcake down with a thump and twirled around to face her computer. There really was no justice in the world.

Or maybe she wasn’t doing it right. As much as Shanna was reluctant to admit it—and no way would she say it out loud—her sister had made a valid point. She hadn’t thought of others on this holiday.

Not that she felt guilty about ignoring her coworkers. Wasn’t it enough that they grazed from her candy dish? They didn’t deserve baked goods. Yet, Megan was thinking of others on V-Day. Sure, for her own gain, but it worked.

She did, however, feel a pang of guilt about Dominic. Why hadn’t she even considered doing something for him? Was she that out of practice? Come to think of it, when was the last romantic thing she did for someone else?

But that was different, Shanna decided, as she booted up her computer. Calder hadn’t been into romance. She showed her love in other ways. And she did it every day. But she would have done them anyway.

Except for one. Shanna winced as the regret welled up in her chest and pressed against her ribs. She would have told Calder that she loved him.

Instead, she held out on him. She secretly tested him, waiting for a sign in the form of a romantic gesture. She had thought that would have been enough proof that he loved her. She had thought wrong.

Shanna sighed, wondering if she did anything right when it came to Calder Smith. And was there any way she could make things right? Probably not, considering he was buying condoms in bulk to use with someone else.

She swallowed back the bile-green jealousy and clicked onto her e-mail. Scanning through the multitude of spam, Shanna’s attention zoomed in on one sender: Dominic.

Her stomach pinched. Her hand hovered over the mouse. Dread, thick and hot, spread through her as she clicked open the e-mail.

Can’t make it tonight. Some other time.

That was
it
? Shanna shook her head sharply and read it again. That’s all he had to say when he sends it at—she glanced up at the time of the e-mail—1:30 this morning? He didn’t even
sign
it.

Her fingers itched to type a reply that would place a curse on a certain part of his anatomy. No, she decided, and swiftly deleted the e-mail. She’d wasted enough time on the louse.
There’s a reserved spot for you in hell, Dominic.

But that didn’t explain the sense of relief washing over her. She couldn’t possibly be happy about getting dumped on Valentine’s Day.

Okay, okay. Shanna rolled her eyes. So maybe she wasn’t so happy about going out with Dominic. She really didn’t want him. He was, after all, a slut.

She wanted Calder. She still did, with or without the romantic wrappings. She wanted him more than anything, now that she knew what it was to be without him.

But she’d blown it, and had wasted too much time not fixing it. No, instead she’d busied herself on the perfect V-Day project that was destined to fail.

She needed to make up for her mistakes. She had to do it now. Do it before she talked herself out of it.

Shanna pushed away from the computer and stood up. Her Valentine’s Day wasn’t going as planned, but if she was lucky, it would be better than expected. Who would have thought Dominic’s chickenshit cowardice would have been a good thing?

Calder stood at the whiteboard hanging in his office designing an algorithm, when he felt Shanna’s presence. He tensed as his mind went blank. Today was not a good day to see her. He didn’t want to see men with ulterior motives giving her gifts.

Why you couldn’t give her a dozen roses remains a mystery.
Heather’s comment managed to dig under his skin and he couldn’t shake it free. Yeah, he’d been wondering about that, too.

“Calder?”

Her soft, clear voice washed over him. He glanced up, bracing himself for the impact of seeing Shanna. His chest tightened as he took it all in: her long, red hair that always felt soft under his fingers, blue eyes that had the power to turn his mind into mush, and the sweater and skirt hiding her beautiful and surprisingly flexible body that haunted him in his sleep.