Vision of Love (3 page)

She walks to me and I stare at her body and the little clothing she has on.
Damn
. “Hey! I’m Karly. Alexis told me about you.”

“Nicholas,” I respond, “I uh sorry I didn’t know you were gonna be here?”

“Yeah I’m her new roommate. You’re staying here too for a while?” I nod. “Cool. Go sit down with Neil. I’m almost done making breakfast.” She walks back to the kitchen and I swear
my dick is awoken just by the sound of her sweet voice.

I
watch her from where I’m sitting and notice how relaxed and carefree she is. It’s been a while since I’ve been around a normal woman. Most of them had a stick up their ass and walked around like their shit didn’t stink. Karly’s a breath of fresh air and there’s an ache that I wanted to fill, but I brush away those thoughts. If there’s something I’m good at in life it’s pushing people away and protecting my heart along with Emma’s. Having a woman in my life, regardless of her beauty, will cause shit I don’t need to deal with.

Neil comes to sit down with me, passing me over a glass of orange juice. “Figured you needed this after what you went through last night.”

“Damn I’m sorry,” I run my hands through my hair. “It was my first night back home and my friends threw me a little welcome home party.”

Before Neil says anything Karly comes over, putting down plates of eggs, sausage and pancakes. Everything looks amazing.

“Yeah you’re def not easy to lift!” She giggles. “Oh and ha you tried getting me in your bed!”

Holy shit. What the fuck did I do last night?
“Wow I’m really sorry.”

Karly nudges Neil in the stomach laughing while I’m sitting here looking like an asshole. “Don’t worry about it,” she winks, turning back to her breakfast.

I gu
ess he’s not her boyfriend.
I grin turning my attention to the feast right in front of me. It’s nice waking up to a home cooked meal. Back in California we mostly lived on take out and going out to eat. Taking a bite of the pancakes, shit, and my mouth waters. All I know is having her living here will make for some great meals.

I feel her looking at me. Those eyes like nothing that I’ve never seen before. There’s something about her that’s pulling me in, but I remind myself to fight it. No one needs to be added to my equation of disaster. Just looking at her I can tell she’s innocent and inexperienced. The way she smiles and laughs it screams innocent while I’m the tainted beast.

When we’re done with breakfast Daniel comes up to the apartment with my things. I help him grab the suitcases and boxes. Most of our things are in storage for the time being.

“Is there anything else you’ll need sir?”

“No I think I’m good. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Daniel smiles. I know he’s happy to spend time with his family. “Have a good day, sir. Will chat tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.”

Getting things in the room set up, hanging and folding Emma’s clothes, I sit on the bedroom floor and look through my daughter’s things.
It’s crazy how fast she’s growing. Turning five in six months then it’ll be kindergarten then she’ll be graduating high school and I’ll be sitting there in the audience proud. I pick up my phone and call my mom and let her know to get Emma ready.

The drive to my parent’s house is quiet and quick. The winding roads and passing trees bring back memories of growing up. That’s the great thing about Wilmington; it’s slower paced and peaceful unlike California where everyone’s on the run.

W
hen I get to my parent’s house, dad and Emma are in the yard lying down on the grass, looking up at the sky. Seeing the image in front of me reaffirms my decision to come back home. The laughs roar through the air. Emma’s jumping up and down, pulling her grandpa up.

“Having fun?” I walk over and pick Emma up. “I missed you Princess.”

She giggles, “You too Daddy.”

Dad gets up and shakes my hand. “Good to see you back son.”

“Good to be back.”

We head inside and have lunch together. My parents gush over Emma and how big she is. Emma, my little diva Princess, loves all the attention she’s getting, as if she doesn’t get enough. The smile on her face is a smile I never want to take away. My guilt of taking her away from California subsides. The rumble of laughter fills the room and my heart. The time with my parents is needed for both of us. Sitting on the deck with my dad and watching Emma run around the yard freely with my mom is everything I need to stay happy. Being a parent doesn’t mean putting your life on hold, it means ensuring your child’s happiness and that’s what I’m doing. I’m choosing not to date and have women in my life. It’s not fair to Emma to see different women come and go. What example would I be setting?

Emma and I make our way back to our temporary home. We pass by our new house and Emma squeals with excitement. Everything looks great from what I can see. They’re telling us we’ll be able to move in a few short weeks. The drive is quiet and with Emma falling asleep, it’s just me and the road. I look in the rearview mirror, glad that she’s happy

When we make it back I put Emma to bed and head into the empty living room. Things are quiet. I wonder where Karly and Neil are. I pull out my laptop, check my emails and see one from Jamie.

Hello from Italy!

I hope that you and Emma are doing well. Things are good over on my end. I miss you guys.

Nicky, I meant what I said. Be happy and live your life k? I’ll try and Skype later this week. Just wanted to check in.

Love you both!

Jamie <3

Thoughts of Jamie flood my mind.

I
married the love of my life right after college, and then had Emma. The love of my life walked out on us. Depression and self-loathing; almost losing Emma due to my addiction of drinking. Cleaned up and tried to get Jamie back. Got to California, she yelled and told me to leave. She wouldn’t look at Emma; our daughter. After a few days I tried again and we attempted being a family, but we weren’t meant for each other.

Saying bye to my best friend is the hardest thing I’ve had to do. He puts down his carry on and messenger bag and looks at me. It sucks. It really does. Watching him get everything together this morning broke my heart. Maybe I’ll always love Neil, but I can’t hold him back. How can I let go of the glue that held me together for so long? It’s because of Neil I can breathe again. His love and support is the main reason why I’m here. My heart breaks in a million pieces. It’s like a vice is squeezing my heart and I’m about to burst.

“Come here,” he wraps his arms around me and brings me into his body. The warmth radiates onto me and I breathe him in again. “I’m gonna miss you too.”

I break down sobbing. “I don’t want you to go.” I know I’m being selfish and if I asked him to stay he would. This is his dream and I need to support him. “Please be safe, okay?” I hold him tighter. I’m not ready to let go. Not yet.

“I promise baby girl. We’ll talk all the time. It’ll be like I never left.” I nod my head and we stay like this for a few more minutes. Before I know it he has to leave. “Listen,” he starts to say, holding my hand. “I’m really gonna miss you. This is hard on me too and if you need me to come back for anything please let me know, okay?” I nod again not being able to talk. “I love you.” He brings me in for another hug.

“I love you too,” I finally manage to say. He kisses me on my forehead and walks away giving me one last smile and wink. Watching him walk through security and through the doors is hard. No one prepares you for saying bye to the person who means the most to you.

I get home after an emotionally draining trip. I turn my key in the door and walk in. Nicholas is sitting on the couch with his back to me.
Wow he’s so hot
. Instantly my mood from emotionally drained turns to physically frustrated.
Ugh
. Why’s my body reacting to him like this? Fucking traitor! I don’t need this distraction.
Focus Karly,
I keep thinking, but my eyes can’t turn away from him. I’m dreaming. There’s no way a sexy as hell guy is here…With me…While I’m standing in my black yoga pants and my PINK hoodie. I look down at my clothes and feel my face flush. Carefully checking out his sexy body my mouth starts to water and my eyes go wide. This man is so perfect! I love a guy with muscles, not too bulky though, and Nicholas has what I love-just enough to carry me through the house and up the stairs.
Oh shit! Oh shit! Karly Erikson, stop!
He’s off limits! He’s your best friend’s brother! But I can’t look away! This man is the definition of perfection.

After
Neil, I didn’t want to date and I focused on the last placement of my student teaching. It was hard; Gail made me work and I appreciated her constant pushing. I didn’t have time for anyone except for my students. I was okay with being single at least I thought I was until tonight. Do you know that feeling of being in someone’s arms and knowing how much they love you? I miss that feeling. I miss knowing that someone misses me; that someone wants me.

One moment with Nicholas changes it all. There’s something about him and I can’t help but fall in love with his smile, those dimples and the deepness of his voice. All man. I’m amazed at my instant feelings for him. I can’t help but look at his body and think about licking him. I had to tell myself over and over to calm down so I didn’t fall apart when standing in front of him.

Still standing in the middle of the room I contemplate my next move. Maybe I can slip in my room without getting his attention. I’m exhausted from the crying and saying bye to Neil. Quietly I peek over and wonder why he hasn’t turned around.
Thankfully he has headphones in his ear. I head to my room, close the door and slide into bed. I close my eyes and remember those deep and sexy brown eyes staring at me from when we first met. I remember the look of shock on his face when he saw my scars.

Out of everything I hate about life, there’s only one thing that I can’t stand. I hate when people see my scars and feel sorry for me. The look of sadness and “awe what happened to you” on their face pisses me off. I know that they mean well and are concerned but I don’t want anyone’s pity. The scars on my face don’t represent me. I’m a better person now. My scars will always stand as a reminder of what I went through
, but also serve as my strength for not giving up.

I wake up from a knock on my door. Throwing the blanket off me, I check the time and see it’s almost seven in the evening. “Alexis?” I yawn getting out of bed. When I open it Nicholas is standing in front of me looking like sex on a freaking stick.

“Oh hey.”

“Hey. I ordered pizza. Alexis is stuck in Texas and won’t be home until tomorrow so I figured we could have dinner and get to know each other.”

Why does he want to get to know me? A man as sexy as him doesn’t
need
to get to know a simple girl like me. The fact that he states what he wants without even asking; rude, but still sexy. He cocks his eyebrow, waiting for my answer.

“Thanks that’s really nice of you, but I’m not that hungry.”

“You sure?” He steps a little closer to me.
Oh damn he smells really good.
I nod. “I’ve been out in the living room all day and haven’t seen you come out of you room. You haven’t eaten all day. I’d like for you to come and have pizza with me and Emma.” His eyes lock on mine as if he’s trying to possess me and make me say yes to his every command. “Come on,” he extends his hand reaching for mine. Suddenly feeling really small, I take his hand against my better judgment and follow him as he leads the way to the dining room.

“Emma,” he yells out, “D
inner Princess.”

I’ve seen pictures and heard stories of little Miss Emma. Alexis adores her and from the pictures I’ve seen, this little girl is absolutely adorable. A little blonde, curly hair girl emerges from the hall and stops to look at me.

“Hi! I’m Emma Grace,” she smiles.

“Well hello Emma Grace! I’m Karly Lynn!” I move my hair out of my eyes, and proceed to kneel in front of her.

“Whoa what’s that on your face?”

“Emma!” Nicholas yells out.

I put my hand up letting him know it’s okay. “I got into an accident Emma but I’m okay.”

“Oh whew. Glad you’re okay.” We head back to the kitchen table grabbing a few slices of pizza and pouring soda in our cups.

“Sorry again about the other night.”

“It’s alright,” I take a bite of my pizza and let out a soft moan. God pizza is the best invention!

Dinner goes by fairly well. Emma sure can talk. She tells me about her life in California and her
super model mother!
I’m not jealous or anything, I mean why would I be?

Sure he’s beautiful and sexy, and I’ll be living with him for a while, that doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean anything that I dream
ed about him the other night, and wonder how his lips will feel on mine. Nope. Doesn’t matter.

“Alright Princess time to get ready for bed. Why don’t you hop in the shower and then when you’re done I’ll read you a story.”

“Okay daddy! Night Karly!”

“Night Emma!”

Nicholas starts clearing the table and I help. He doesn’t look at me and when our hands touch I swear his body gets tense. Geeze am I that repulsive? Do I smell?

“Emma’s so cute! Oh my gosh.” I state needing to change
my thought process. Nicholas’ body relaxes, but he doesn’t look at me.

“Yeah she’s fun,” he laughs, turning on the faucet. Nicholas doesn’t say too much more. We clean the kitchen in silence before I head to my room for the night. It’s still pretty early but I can’t be around him any longer. I need space. I need to
think. How’s it possible that I’m starting to like him? We
just
met. I pull out my Kindle and start reading again. It looks like it’s another night with me and my book boyfriends.

* * * * *

The door slams shut. I quickly wake up and grab my field hockey stick.
Shit where’s Nicholas?
I open my door and look at his room. His door’s closed, so shit there’s someone else in the apartment. I creep down the hall with the hockey stick in the air ready to hit someone. I see movement and instantly feel scared.

“Whoever you are stop what you’re doing…NOW!” The person stops moving and holds up their hands.
What the fuck?

I walk closer to this mystery person ready to knock them out and call the cops. Just as I’m about to hit him he turns around causing me to scream.

“Nicholas! What the fuck!”

He breaks out in a laugh and nearly falls to the ground. “I’m sorry! I went for a run tonight and didn’t know I slammed the door.” He stops talking and looks at me, his eyes roaming my body. I follow his eyes and notice that I’m in my black, shorty shorts and a skimpy tank top. Great.

“So ah yeah I’m sorry I ahem didn’t mean to scare you but why the hell are you out here? You shouldn’t do this.” He takes my stick from my hands and turns back around.

“And you shouldn’t be slamming doors and scaring the shit outta people!” Really? Who does this annoying man think he is? Forget about sexy, he’s now on my annoying list.

He smirks, “Well since your awake now wanna play a game?”

I cross my arms and glare at him.
“What are we five or something?”

Nicholas cocks his head to the left and gives me that damn smirk again. I swear this man is getting on my last nerve with his annoyingness and smirk! “Come sit down with me.”

“Ooookay.”

We sit down on the couch, facing one another, as he takes out a quarter from his pocket.

“Since we’re gonna be living together I thought it’d be fun to get to know each other.” He plays with the quarter in his hands and I wonder what he’s up to. “Heads or tails?”

“Heads.”

His eyes widen and turn dark. Did I say something wrong? “Alright so when I toss the coin if it lands on heads then I get to ask you anything and if it lands on tails you get to ask me something.”

Why do I feel like this is going to be a dangerous game? “And you’re gonna be honest?”

“Will you be honest?” I nod. “Then I’ll be honest too.”

Nicholas flips the coin and of course…Heads.

“I’ll go easy on you. Did you and Neil date?”

I nod. “We met at UNC my sophomore year and dated, but we broke up. It was mutual. We both will always love each other, but not in that way. He’s my best friend.”

Seeming satisfied with my answer I flip the quarter. Heads. What the fuck?

“How’d you and Alexis meet and why are you living here in Wilmington?”

“Rude,” I huff. “She was my mentor while I was student teaching. We spent a lot of time together and she helped me with a lot. I told her I didn’t wanna go back to Boston, and the schools I applied to in Chapel Hill weren’t working out so Alexis said to move here and she’ll help me.”

“That’s Alexis for you. She’s always helping people and making sure they’re happy. You’re lucky to have someone like her in your life. Honestly, putting the fact that she’s my sister aside, she’s the best person I know.”

“Agree. I don’t have a lot of friends; just Neil and Alexis.”

Nicholas puts his hand on his heart leaning back with a frown on his face. “What about me?”

“What about you?” I laugh, throwing a pillow at his face. “We just met and right now you’re on my annoying list for waking me up!” I grab the quarter from the table. “My turn to flip! Somehow you’re cheating.” This causes him to let out a full blown laugh.

I flip the coin and yet
again
it’s heads! “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mutter.

“So since I’m on your annoying list maybe my next question will put me on your shit list and I’m okay with that.” He pauses and I’m scared. “How many guys have you slept with?”

Keep your cool Erikson. He wants to get a rise out of you. Don’t show him! For the love of everything good and pretty don’t do it!
“None. I’m a proud virgin.”

Nicholas doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even look at me! Is it such a bad thing to be a virgin?

He flips the coin again and thank God it lands on tails.

“Why are you really back in Wilmington?”

“When Emma was just born Jamie walked out on us. It put me in a dark place. I almost lost her.” He pauses looking at his hands, “When she was one I packed up everything and we went to California to get Jamie back. She didn’t wanna see us at first, but, after a while we tried being a family. Jamie and I tried making it work. We were in love for so long before but our story’s over. So she landed a new job and so did I.” He pauses again and I know there’s more to the story that he’s not sharing. I put my hand on his and smile. “After Jamie and dating a few other women I stopped. Nothing else mattered except Emma.”

“I’m really sorry about you and Jamie.” My heart breaks listening to his story. I can’t believe a mother would walk out on her child. How can you do that? I’m not the one to judge, but I’m judging Jamie pretty hard. Flashes of my own mother come to mind. Even though she didn’t protect me from my dad she still tried to give me everything. Maybe Jamie thought that leaving would be best. Sometimes people make the wrong decisions, but in their mind it’s the right thing
to do. That’s the crazy thing about life
.
You have to make mistakes in order to realize the mistakes help you learn, before making things right
.