Void (19 page)

I reared back and slapped him across the face. I’d never been so upset that I had hit a man, or anyone for that matter, before and it had my hands coming up to cover my mouth in shock.

I needed to get out of there.

Without a backwards glance, I raced out of his office and out of the building. I don’t remember hailing a cab and riding all the way to my apartment. My head was in a jealous and confused fog. I do remember however bursting into my apartment, slamming the door and marching down the hall toward my room where I did something I had done only once or twice in my life.

I cried.

I WANTED TO CHASE after Nicola. I wanted to tell her that every time I drove into the fucking bag of bones that was Barbie Cardinelli, it was her that I was thinking of. It was her that I imagined beneath me. But I couldn’t because my next patient was due in fifteen minutes.

I knew I shouldn’t have kissed her. Especially not in my office, but I couldn’t control myself. I couldn’t control the need that rose in me to show her how much I wanted her. I didn’t think I would be able to hold back anymore and watch as Link fucked her. I knew that my jealousy was becoming an issue, just as hers had reared its ugly head when she found out about Barbie. In a sick, sardonic way, it was a comfort to me because it showed that she did care. I made a woman, who had previously been void of emotions, feel something for me. It was a reward and a burden at the same time because I knew inevitably, that either Link or I would destroy her. Possibly both of us.

I made it through my next four appointments in record time. Offering solutions to the patient or just listening to their concerns. Trying to keep a clear mind and not focusing on Nicola was proving to be a difficult task. I had been so career-driven in my early life that I had no desire to settle down and have a relationship. They were just a distraction from the perfection that my father, and soon myself, came to expect from me. I had dated, but nothing serious. Now that Nicola had come barreling into my life, suddenly the thought wasn’t so atrocious.

The fucked up thing about it? She was my patient. The other fucked up thing? I was just as fucked up in the head as she was. I was a conundrum, a fucking hypocrite to my own profession.

But all I knew was that I needed her. I needed to be the one to divulge in her body, to lose myself inside of her so that I could release my demons and help her release hers. I just had to get Link on board.

Andris:
The car will be there at 8pm. Be ready.

I stared at that damn text message for what seemed like an hour. I never used to have to deal with this shit. I never used to get nervous, or even excited about having to see a client. But ever since the day I took over for Kiki, my head has been all sorts of fucked up.

I now wonder when he will call. I wonder what Andris and I will talk about in my sessions. I wonder how it would feel to touch Link, or what it would feel like to have Andris inside of me while Link watched.

I threw the phone onto my bed, frustration getting the better of me, and rose to go and comb through my closet to find something to wear. I was still angry, jealous, and disgusted by the fact that Andris fucked Barbie Cardinelli. If he had her on the side, then what the hell did he need me for? Technically, Link was the one who fucked and paid me for my services, even though all I did was pretty much bend over and take whatever Link gave to me.

I wanted Andris to feel some of the hurt I was feeling.

Yes. I was
feeling
hurt, and it fucking sucked.

It was this experience that made me want to go back into that dark place I had been in most my life. I had never imagined what this would actually feel like to experience, and I wasn’t liking it one bit. The thing is, Andris and I weren’t in a relationship. He was my damn doctor for Christ’s sake! Not once had he ever given me any reason to think that things between us would be anything but professional, even with the contract.

But I saw it in his eyes. I felt it in the heat of his body whenever we were close to each other. There was no way that I could imagine that. I never felt that with any one of my clients before. Over the years, I had fucked politicians, high profiled people, even celebrities. None of them had ever had the impact of the two men who now consumed nearly all of my thoughts.

I sorted through my collection of lingerie with new determination. Was I a bitch for wanting Andris to feel even a small amount of jealousy I was feeling? Yes, maybe, but it wasn’t going to stop me. I couldn’t go back on the terms of the contract or risk losing the money, so I was going to have to get to him the only way that I could.

Through Link.

NICOLA CAME WALKING out of her building at precisely eight o’clock. Her normally long, flowing hair was pulled up with just a few ringlets that cascaded down to frame her gorgeous face. Her makeup was minimal, more natural than I had seen before and it only aided in capturing the vastness of her beauty. My eyes raked her trench coat clad body, trying my best to use my head and imagine what it was she could be wearing underneath. My cock was instantly hard, begging to be eased of the pressure she created just from being in the same place she was. My heart beat triple time in my chest, and even though it was damn near below freezing outside, I felt sweat bead and roll down my spine.

She didn’t look in my direction, nor meet my eyes as I held the door to the town car open for her. She brushed past me, the smell of honeysuckle filtering through the air in her wake had me closing my eyes and inhaling the addicting floral scent. It took all the strength I could conjure to shut that door behind her and not follow her into the back of the car and pound the fuck out of her with my cock right there on the busy New York street.

I put the partition up between us after making sure she secured the blindfold over her eyes before I pulled out into traffic. I knew she was still angry with me. She was giving me the silent treatment and I was okay with that, because I knew that by the end of the night she would be very
vocal
.

Fucking butterflies danced in my belly and I gripped the steering wheel tighter as I drove through town to the apartment. Whether Link was fully on board with what I had planned for tonight, I wasn’t sure. He damned well better be because tonight, I was making Nicola mine. I would have her. I wanted it to be me who drove her to the edge. I wanted it to be me who filled her thoughts, her actions and her little pussy until she had nothing else to do but take all of me.

The drive to the apartment seemed to take forever. Traffic was stop and go and it only made my anxiety grow as we finally reached our destination.

You’re not good enough for her, Andris. You will be a failure at fucking her and giving her pleasure, just like you fuck up everything else in your life. You are a sad excuse for a fucking human being. You will never be good enough.

My father’s ghost filled my thoughts, creating the fears inside of me as he always did only this time, he was making me doubt my ability to be with Nicola. He did that whenever I got enough nerve to go after what I wanted. It was the same way his father was with him and my uncle. No one was good enough. They always saw me as this royal fuck up. Someone who didn’t have the balls to go after what he wanted in life.

Well, I was going to prove them wrong. I wanted to show them that I could have anything I wanted. I would prove to my father that I could be everything Nicola needed and more.

All I needed to do was convince myself first. Especially living in the shadows of the man who
could
give her what she wanted.

Pulling up to the apartment, I turned and looked up at the immaculate building. There were six apartments inside, the top two having been renovated into one large one. It was an investment I had made not long after I joined the clinic after college. It wasn’t my home, but instead my escape. It was a place of refuge whenever I was stressed or needed to vanish from life if only for a few hours. It is where I left my father’s nagging, insulting voice at the door and could be Sinclaire, the man who controlled everything and who aided Link in his own perusal of demon banishing.