What a Boy Wants (19 page)

The anger in her eyes when she admitted she really wanted Mattie. I didn’t get it—why or how I’d somehow hurt her when she knew she was about to rip my heart out, but that smile—it almost made me forget it all. Everything inside me told me to stand up and go talk to her. That rush of adrenaline was back. Leaning over to Crystal, I started, “I’ll be.” The ‘right back’ died in my throat when Mattie walked up beside Aspen.

He put his hand on the small of her back and I tensed. I could have sworn she did at the same time. Was he touching her when she didn’t want to be touched? Aspen smiled again, but this one not as big as she put an arm around Pris. The movement pulled her away from Mattie, but then she crooked her finger for him to follow them.

“I’m sorry…” Crystal fidgeted in her seat.

“No biggie.” But it was. We both knew it. How did everything get so screwed up?

I watched them as they sat at a table. It was kind of perfect, like the crowds of people parted so I had them in perfect view. Pris and Aspen were talking all animated like they always did, their hands moving just as fast as their mouths. Mattie looked a little out of the loop, sitting across the table, but me, I just liked watching them. Sure, I was pretty much crossing the line between crush and creepy stalker, but no one knew that. Well, except Crystal.

I snickered when Aspen made a weird face, scrunching up her eyes and frowning when Mattie said something. Yeah, she didn’t like whatever he said. I could tell. So, I know this made me sound like a sap, but as I kept my eyes trained on them, watching that happiness and excitement, the heaviness in my chest eased up. I didn’t feel so weighed down. Crazy the power girls had over us and they didn’t even know it.

Leaning back in my seat, I slid my arm behind Crystal on the top of the seat. I wasn’t touching her, just stretching as I made myself comfortable, and it was at that exact moment that her eyes wandered to me. My arm jerked, like it automatically wanted to pull away, but I fought to keep it there. Suddenly, the idea of making her jealous made my gut churn, but I’d already started. Might as well see it through, right?

But she just looked away and finished her conversation.

No pause, no eyes looking at me like she wanted me the way I wanted her. Nothing. Ice pricked across my skin, making me uncomfortable. “I gotta go.” I was done. I couldn’t spend the whole night watching her with Mattie, sitting here with Crystal, when I really wanted to be with Aspen.

Once more, I glanced at their table, only to see it one person less.

“Outside. Now, Bastian.” I froze at the sound of Pris’s voice. She was pissed and a pissed off Pris scared even me.

Shaking my head, I followed her retreating figure with Crystal right behind me. My life was a mess. I lost my girl, and now I was about to get my ass kicked by another one. Great.

As soon as we stepped into the hot, black night Pris turned on me. “What the hell, Sebastian? You said she was different. You said you loved her. I should kick your ass right now. What were you thinking?! How could you have done this to her?” Her black hair was curly and swinging as she spoke erratically to me.

I rubbed my head, a little irritated she was acting like this was all
my
fault. I wasn’t the one who contacted me to hook-up with Mattie. I wasn’t the one sitting in there with him right now. Well, that’s because Crystal was with me, but that was different. “Um, I’m not really sure which one of those questions you expect me to answer first.”

Wrong. Thing. To. Say. I dodged her fist that flew at me. “What the hell, Pris?”

“You stupid jerk! Do you have any brains in that head of yours? Idiot.” She swung again, her words as wild as her fists. “Loser.
Es stupido
.”

“Stop.” I caught her hand. “Why is everyone so mad at me? She’s the one who moved on to Mattie in like two seconds.”

“What? Did you expect her to hang around and wait for you? You’re the one who dumped her, Bastian. One day you told her she was different and the next you kicked her to the curb. And I thought
you
were different.” Pris huffed and walked away, her last words hitting me in the chest. I was different. I didn’t go around playing girls. They all knew I didn’t do the relationship thing from the beginning and with Aspen, I thought I would. That didn’t make me like them, did it? The kind of guys who broke my mom’s heart all those times.

“It matters, Sebastian. I never would have done this with you if I would have known you’re the one who broke her heart. I have to go.” She frowned like I’d let her down.

For the third time in one night, someone I considered a friend turned their back on me and walked away. “She didn’t want me! She was trying to get him the whole time! Why don’t you guys understand that?” I yelled at her, but she didn’t turn around. I leaned against the wall, elbows on my knees and my head in my hand. For the first time in my life, I was alone. This answered the question I’d asked Mom. No, love wasn’t worth it. And now it was pretty clear, I definitely didn’t know what I was doing.

Chapter Fifteen

I looked around my bedroom. It was official. I was depressed. Weird, considering I’d never dealt with it before. I had a pretty good life. Sure, I got upset about the crap with my mom, wondered about my dad and all that stuff like every other teenager, but I’d always been happy. I had my friends who I could always count on and girls when I wanted them. My pride was a big one. Knowledge because I’d been pretty sure I knew everything. Now…I wasn’t so sure. All these dinged my pride. I was confused as hell and I missed my friends.

Jaden, who I wanted to pop upside the head half the time, but who was always down for anything and when push came to shove, he was really like a brother to me. He was much more than just a friend. I hated having him mad at me.

Pris with her attitude and sharp tongue, but who I would do anything for. And Aspen. Man, I missed her. Not just the kissing and touching that I’d gotten pretty hooked on last weekend, but
her
. Her tornado of smiles, snark, and sweetness.

I was no longer whipped, I’d turned into a sappy punk, because all this had me so emo I feared someone might need to step in with an intervention.

Except there was no one to step in, because I’d pissed them all off.

Bored, I pulled my laptop off my bed and into my lap. Knowing there wouldn’t be anything there—well at least not from the person I wanted to contact me—I logged into my Hook-up Doctor account. My pulse spiked when it said I had one new message, but plummeted just as quickly when I realized it wasn’t from PA Rocks. What did that name mean anyway? I let myself wonder why she picked it while clicking on the new email. It was probably a new client, but I couldn’t even find it in myself to care. What was the point?

Without viewing the message I closed down my email when I heard a soft rapping on my door. “Yeah.” It had to be Mom, because she was the only person still talking to me. “Hey, Ma,” I said to her as she slipped inside.

“Hey, kiddo. How ya doing?” She sat on my bed next to me. I shrugged, wondering how she knew anything was wrong. I definitely hadn’t told her. “You seem down. Is everything okay with you? I haven’t seen the gang around lately.”

I groaned, really annoyed with the whole mom sixth sense thing. Of course, I’d hardly left my house for two days, which had to tell her something. Oh, and did I mentioned I lost my job, too? Well, I guess lost isn’t the right word since I’d just stopped showing up. “Its fine, Ma. Everyone’s just busy.” I stood up and slipped my shoes on. I
so
wasn’t in the mood to do this. “I think I’m going to go for a ride.” Picking up my skateboard, I headed for my bedroom door.

“Bastian?” she called after me.

“Yeah.”

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Mom was still sitting on my bed, looking like she hoped I would come back. But I didn’t. Part of me wanted to, but I couldn’t. I ran a hand through my hair, talking to her as I walked out.

“Nothing to talk about, Ma. I’ll see you soon.” With that I was gone.

I ended up back at the park. It was one of the only places close enough for me to walk or ride to. I took a few trips around, jumped a few ramps, but being as I had turned into Mr. Emo, I decided to sulk around the park instead. By now, I knew I’d screwed up. I’d pretty much taken ownership of the shit I was in, but there was that part of me, too, that felt betrayed. They’d all turned their backs on me, like it was all my fault. I couldn’t understand why Jaden, Pris and Aspen had to make such a big deal out of all of this.

Weaving my way through the park, my feet rooted to the ground like the trees beside me when I saw
them
. Aspen and Mattie. Then, like the stalker I was becoming, I ducked behind one of those trees, putting my Bond skills to use.

A buzzing zapped through my body, echoing in my ears and pushing the blood through my veins with the force of a river’s rapids. Man she was gorgeous, wearing a fitting pair of blue jeans that hugged her body, a pink shirt and her hair in a simple pony tail that I used to want to pull just to annoy her. Now, I wanted to run my fingers through it because the soft strands felt so much better when I buried my hand in them rather than trying to make her mad.

I was still mad at her, but it felt different when I could see her than when I couldn’t. Watching her took some of that anger away.
God, I am lame.

She shook her head at Mattie, crossing her arms over her chest. Oh, I knew that look! Her eyes were squinty, her body straight. “Ha, ha, Mattie. How does it feel to have her mad at you?” I whispered.

This time he shook his head as he said something to her. I couldn’t hear them, but knew I needed to say a prayer for my awesome eyesight because I could see them so well. Aspen’s arms flew in the air like she was at a loss as she said something. Mattie replied and she definitely didn’t like it. I felt butterflies—yeah, I said it—butterflies in my stomach, half of me happy they were fighting, but the other half, the one that kept pushing over and covering up the happy part, felt guilty. I hated the guy, but if she liked him, well, I didn’t want her to hurt, either. Better me than her, right? At least until I found the proof that he was a douche.

Mattie reached out for her. Something inside me flared when she backed away. If she didn’t want to be touched, the jerk better keep his hands off her. He stepped closer and she took a step back, giving her head another shake. As I walked around the tree, no longer willing to hide in the corner in case she needed me, Mattie did us both a favor and walked away.

The opposite direction.

Score.

Because I had to see how she was doing. Her shoulders were hunched over and she looked… defeated. I hated seeing her that way. It killed me that
he
could cause her pain. That had to mean she really cared about him, right?

Taking a deep breath, I pushed those feelings aside, and trudged over to her. “Woodstock?”

Her head snapped up, tree-green eyes meeting mine. We held each other there, our sight grasping one another as tightly as my arms held her last weekend. It was in that moment, with all that pain swirling around in her eyes, the feel of her gaze as it wrapped around me that I wanted to tell her. It didn’t matter that we wouldn’t last. That love always fell apart and someone got hurt. I didn’t care that she had feelings for Mattie, because I loved her, and that was supposed to be enough, right? You hear that all the time, love conquers all, but I’d never seen it, so I kept my mouth shut.

If she looked like that because of Mattie, then how I felt about her didn’t matter. But making her feel better still did. “Are you okay? Need me to mess someone up for you? You know, my ninja skills and all.” I tried for a joke, hoping that a flash of who we’d been would help us get there again.

If anything, it made things worse. The pain on her face multiplied and if I saw what I thought I did, a flash of anger sparked, too. “Ha. I doubt you could kick the butt of the person who made me feel like this.”

That little dent in my pride smashed in completely and it shattered. Not only did she like Mattie, she thought I couldn’t take him? “Whatever. I was just trying to help. I should beat his ass just to prove a point though.”

“I’d like to see you try that one,” she snapped back. Her eyes started getting watery and I was trapped between telling her off for taking his side and trying to kiss those tears away.

“I’m just trying to help. I can see I’m not needed though.” I leaned against a tree, trying to look like I didn’t really care. “Lover’s fight?” Her chin started to shake and I felt that vibration inside me. I stepped toward her, ready to throw all my anger out the window if it made her feel better. It was like a need I felt inside me, pushing me to do whatever I could for her. “Baby, don’t—”

She held up her hand, cutting off my “cry”. “Don’t call me that. I don’t think your little girlfriend would appreciate it. Don’t try to be smooth with me. You forget, I know your tricks. You’re The Hook-up Doctor. You know all the best lines. All the right games to play, don’t you? I’m done. You can take all your skills, Mr. Know-It-All and use them on someone else!”