What a Boy Wants (22 page)

The even cooler part is somehow, through it all, I love her more. I also realize that loving her is worth whatever happens (yeah, my girl is that cool). Even if she can’t forgive me for playing games, and not treating her the way I should have, I’m not sorry I fell for her. What I’m feeling is more real than anything else out there. It’s better than hook-ups, and scoping girls out at the mall, and flirting and all that other stuff I used to live for.

And even though I know there are no guarantees in life, I’ll risk the possible pain and the possibility that some day it could end, if she’ll give me a chance now. What’s the point in protecting yourself when it keeps you from feeling anything? That’s what I realized. Without her, I wasn’t really feeling.

So, as I say goodbye to all the readers out there, I hope you’ll consider what I’ve said. Believe me; I know what I’m talking about. I said that before, but this time it’s for real. And if she’s reading this, I’m going to make it up to you. Even if it’s too late, I have to tell you how I feel. You know me. I have a knack for getting what I want, so you should just give in now. ;)

Not really, but honestly, I’m sorry I screwed up and I’m going to tell you in person. I just hope I don’t break my neck in the progress. Oh, and if I do, I’m going to tell you now, I love you.

S.

***

The night after writing my blog, I stood on the side of Aspen’s house, looking up at the mountain of a climb I had in front of me. Okay, so it wasn’t a mountain, but standing under her window, it definitely felt like one. I shook my hands and exhaled, grabbed the lattice, and pulled myself up. I took it slowly, hoping the thing was really as heavy as it looked. Following what I’d always heard, I didn’t look down as I climbed higher and higher.

The thing is, the real reason I never would climb through her damn window, no matter how many time she asked me, was because I wasn’t real fond of heights. The one time with Alex’s window, it had been the climb or her dad and a baseball bat. Plus, I didn’t really have much time to think about it. Now, I had plenty of time, but I kept going. And I really,
really
hoped she was in her room. Alone. Oh, and while I was hoping, I also prayed she saw my blog post from last night.

Before I knew it, I was two stories up and outside her bedroom window. My first instinct was to open the dumb thing and jump inside. The faster I could get in, the safer I would be, but decided I better knock because, knowing my luck, she’d be in there getting dressed or with Mattie or something. The last thing I needed was to get in a fight with her boyfriend after sneaking in her bedroom or look like I was trying to get an eyeful.

Before I could chicken out, I held on tight with my right hand and knocked on her window with my left. I counted to five, and knocked again. Yeah, I knew I wasn’t being very patient, but I was the one hanging two stories in the air here.

The curtains slid open and green eyes met mine. My heart immediately starting pounding away. And then she slid the window open and walked away. “Here goes nothing,” I whispered to myself before pulling my way inside. “Hey.”
Totally lame, Bastian.

My heart raced and I was scared to death, but I came here to do something and no matter what happened, I’d see through to my side of it. “My mom told me to go with the big, grand gesture. I wracked my mind trying to think of something perfect to do, but I just couldn’t come up with anything. All that stuff…it’s not really
you.
You’re real and I wanted to do something that was real. Not really for show, you know? Something simple that I knew would mean something to you. So, yeah, hence the window. I hope it’s okay.”

For the first time since I came into her room, she looked at me. I mean, really looked at me and those zaps and sparks went off beneath my skin. But still, she didn’t speak.

“I never meant for things to turn out the way they did, Woodstock. That weekend at the beach? It was perfect and then Mom called and told me her and Roger broke up and it scared the shit out of me. I’m not going to pretend that’s an excuse, because it’s not. I should have trusted you. Trusted
us
and not assumed we’d end up like them, but I did and I’m sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do is walk away from you, but I’m human and I screwed up. Big time. I tried to tell myself I was protecting you, but I was really protecting me.”

I stepped closer to her, but stopped. I didn’t want to push things. “Not very noble of me, I know. You had the ability to pulverize me and so I bailed and it was wrong. And Crystal?” I ran a hand through my hair and sighed in frustration. “That was a big screw up, but I swear to you, there was nothing going on with us. She’s in love with some other guy and we were talking and ended up at the mall together and then I saw you with Mattie, and I knew what my mom felt like all those times she’d had her heart broken. It was dumb, but I just reacted and grabbed her hand, but I wanted it to be you. It felt wrong touching someone else like that, Woodstock.”

I took a couple breaths, giving her the time to speak.
Willing
her to say something, but she didn’t so I kept going. This time, I didn’t hold myself back. I walked up to her and kneeled on the ground between her legs. “I know I’m probably too late. That you’re with Mattie and if he makes you happy, I want that for you, but I had to tell you, I love you. Being the Hook-up Doctor, I thought I knew everything. I was wrong. I prided myself on knowing what I wanted, when I never really did. Now I know what I want. It’s you. Only you. Even if you don’t really want me that way and I’m too late, I need to know you forgive me, Woodstock. You’re my best friend.” I didn’t stop there. I wasn’t going to hold anything back from her.

“But I gotta say. I really freakin’ hope you love me, too. Oh, and if you do, I’d love it if you gave me permission to kick Mattie’s ass. I think that would help me heal.” With that one, I got the response I wanted. Her lips stretched into a smirk. It wasn’t a real smile, but it was a start.

She smiled again. Reaching up, she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “I didn’t either. Kiss Matt, I mean. I was hurt and I used him to try and get over it. See, I can’t really be mad at you about the whole Crystal thing, because I did the same thing with Matt. I mean, it wasn’t like I really set out to make you jealous, but I used him to get over you.”

Thump. Thump. Thump.
I could hardly hear her over the blood pulsing in my ears. “Did you? Get over me?”

Aspen chuckled. “Sebastian, I’ve loved you since we were five years old and you downed the whole glass of soy milk, pretending to like it just so you didn’t hurt my feelings.”

I’m not afraid to admit it, I pretty much saw stars at that moment. She loved me and nothing was taking that away from me.

“After a while, I never thought you would feel the same. You were always going for girls like Alex the tramp, so I pretty much gave up. I really did contact The Hook-up Doctor to help me get with Matt. I figured if you didn’t need me, I’d find a way not to need you. But then things got weird. When you took care of me at the party, and the night in my room. My brain started to get all fuzzy and I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. I was scared to hope you were starting to feel the same, but it was also like things shifted for us, ya know?”

Ah, so that’s what the second thoughts thing in her messages had been about. Silently, I thanked God. I rubbed my thumb over her cheek. I’d forgotten how soft her skin was. “Yeah, I know. That’s how I felt when I realized I was falling for you, too. Like things shifted.”

“I invited Matt over yesterday.” My hand stilled.
Please let this go my way.
“I admitted to him that I was in love with you. It didn’t feel right and I wanted to call it off.”
Exhale breath.
“He was okay with it and admitted he was seeing someone else anyway. Guess you were right about him. Wasn’t like I could be mad, since it made my skin crawl when he tried to hold my hand. We hugged and agreed to go our separate ways.”

That’s
what the hug had been! I couldn’t help it. I laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Aspen asked.

“I’ve been driving myself crazy. I saw you guys. I used my ninja skills I’m always telling you about and kind of spied on you. From my porch. While I laid on my stomach, peeking through the railing.” Wow, that sounded even lamer out loud than it felt when I’d done it.

Aspen laughed, too. One of her hands came up and ran through my hair, the way only she could. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Hmmm.” I smiled. “Forgive me? Love me? Kiss me?”

“Are you sure you want to? I mean, my parents
are
considering the move to a hippie commune. I’m not sure they’ll let me date you since you don’t live in an energy efficient house. Maybe after my dad hypnotizes you during meditation, he’ll change his mind.”

Aspen licked her lips and I could have sworn I felt it. “I don’t know. You’re The Hook-up Doctor. Aren’t you supposed to be, like, all knowing?”

“I don’t know anything except that I love you. Oh, and that I want to be your boyfriend and I’m still kind of holding out that you’ll let me beat up Mattie.”

“I love you, too. Yes and no.”

“I can handle two out of three.” Then I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers and it felt as good as I thought I would. Our lips moved together perfectly. A perfect match. Because we had skills like that.

Epilogue

I slid my finger in the collar of my shirt and tugged. “I feel like a friggin’ idiot.” I groaned. “Seriously, this shit is choking me. Want to go upstairs with me and help me out of my shirt?” Smirking, I looked down at Aspen, tucked against my side. She rolled her eyes, obviously not thinking my little stripping idea was as good as I did.

“Bastian! It’s your mom’s engagement party.” She licked her lips and I couldn’t help but lean forward and press a kiss to them.

“Yeah,
her
engagement party. Not mine. Why do I have to get all dressed up too?” I’d vetoed the whole suit thing, but somehow got roped into slacks and a white, button-up dress shirt. If I had to wear this for the party, I knew there was no way I could get out of a tux for the wedding.

Aspen slid out from under my arm to stand in front of me. She wrapped her arms around my waist. “Hmm, well I think you look pretty hot.”

“Don’t I always look hot?” I linked my hands together behind her neck. She was wearing a really sexy skirt. It hung right above her knees, not showing too much skin, but enough to drive me wild. Aspen always drove me wild. In more ways than one. In the month since we’d gotten together, I’d realized just how much work relationships could be, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. She was my girl and I loved her.

“You’re so conceited.” She chuckled.

“Yeah, but you love me anyway. Feel free to tell me how sexy I am any time though. A guy can never hear it enough—ouch! You pinched me.”

She nodded her head. Our arms switched places, hers weaving around my neck and mine wrapped around her waist as we started to sway to the music. I heard a loud, familiar laugh and looked over to see Roger dipping my mom.

“She’s so happy, Bastian. I’ve never seen her like this.” Aspen gave me a squeeze before leaning her head against my chest.

“Yeah, she is, huh?” I smiled at Mom even though she wasn’t looking my way. It felt so damn good to see her so happy. The weight I’d carried in my chest for so long was gone now. “You know, I’ll never admit it, but I actually like Roger. He’s a good guy and I really think he loves her. Of course, I still have my eye on him. If he breaks her heart I’ll break his nose, but,” I shrugged, “everything just kind of feels like it’s going to be okay now, ya know?”