What Remains (17 page)

Their eyes locked in mutual contempt and hurt feelings, neither of them willing to back down or apologize.

“Is this really about my car, or the fact I come home late?”

Seth dropped his eyes briefly and sneered, “Look, you’re welcome to sleep with every young man at UMass, if that’s what you want, I really don’t care.  I just don’t
want to be the one who has to call your family and tell them their mother has been in an accident because her breaks gave out, or her car blew up on the freeway.”

“You’re such an asshole,” Tessa said calmly, even though repressed anger was causing her whole body to tremble.

“Yes, I am—an asshole who wants to keep you safe.”

The sweetness of his statement took some of the indignation out of Tessa’s tirade, and Seth must have seen it in her expression, because he grinned and took a step toward her.  First looking at the car, and then back at him, Tessa crossed her arms and shook her head in defeat.

“Thank you,” she told him.  “But you have to stop doing these things; you make me feel like a charity case.”

Taking her head in his hands, Seth tilted it back, forcing her to look at him.

“I just want to help,” he scolded soothingly.

Tessa s
neered, “Is this a tax write off, too?”

“Absolutely.”

Knowing that she was going to have to face Gregory in a few hours with the memory of their make out session still fresh in her mind, helped keep some of Tessa’s
focus off the fact that she was about to teach her first class as a post grad.  As the freshmen filed into her room and found their seats, she sat at her desk wondering how she could face him without becoming a basket case of nerves.  What could she have possibly been thinking?  Yes, she had missed being intimate with a man, after all it had been years.  But now that she had a taste of what it was like to be to be touched, to feel wanted, she knew it may very well be impossible to say no next time.   Just thinking about his hands on her body caused her to react.  And imagining what would most likely happen the next time they were alone made her cheeks flush with warmth.

A loud clearing of a throat brought Tessa back to the task at hand; introducing herself to the class.  There would be plenty of time to fanaticize later.

Walking to the front of her desk, she leaned against it casually.  Facing a classroom of young people seemed suddenly less intimidating than the thoughts running through her head.

“Good morning, I’m Ms. Maguire, and this is English 125, Intro to the American Novel, section 01.”

A hand popped up in the back of the class.  Tessa leaned to her left in order to see who it belonged to, and called on the young man who vied for her attention.

“Yes?”

“You mean this isn’t Communications?”

Tessa picked up one of the syllabi and pretended she was reading it, and then offering him an apologetic smile, she shook her head while the rest of the class laughed. 
“Uh, no, apparently not.  I’m sorry.”

Embarrassed, the teenager gathered his books and headed toward the door, with three other classmates following him. 

“I think Communication is on the second floor,” she advised softly as the young man passed by, hoping he would find his way without too much difficulty.  Because she knew all too well just how much first days sucked, no matter how old you were.

“Thanks,” he replied with a curt nod.

When the exodus ended, Tessa turned toward the remaining students and grinned.  “I’m assuming the rest of you are in the right class.”

When no one else made a move to leave, she knew it was time to begin.

“Okay, well the first thing we’ll do is go over the syllabus.  It’s posted on the web page, but I also made hard copies for anyone who would like one.  Just give me a show of hands, and I’ll pass them out to you.”

When nearly everyone raised their hands, Tessa gave the first student in every row a stack and asked them to pass them back.  This took several minutes since it was a rather large class of fifty, which gave her time to try and calm her jitters with a cleansing breath.

“As you can see, the list of required texts is at the top.  I know how expensive they are here on campus, so if you would rather order them off line that’s fine, as long as you have them before we read them in class.  This first week we’re simply going over the elements that make up a novel, as well as discuss the different genres and compare the writing styles of some of the authors we’ll be reading this semester.”

A massive young man in a football jersey raised his hand.

“Yes, do you have a question?”

“Yeah, I was wondering, are we going to have to do a lot of reading in this class?”

“What’s your name?”

“Isaac.”

“Thank you for your question, Isaac.  And the answer is yes.  This is a literature class, so there will be a considerable amount of required reading as homework, and also you will be expected read aloud in class.”

A collective groan filled the room.  Tessa laughed.  Already they were beginning to turn on her.

“Sorry, it’s the nature of the beast.”

“Do we have to write about them, too?” a feminine voice asked, though Tessa wasn’t sure where it came from.

“Who asked the question?”

A young woman near the front raised her hand timidly.

“You are?”

“
Yasmine.”

“Thank you.  After we finish each novel, you will be required to write a five to seven page paper on it, yes.  I will offer several topics you can write about.  They will make up one half of your final grade.  The other half will be based on exam scores and class participation and preparedness.”

Yet another question came from somewhere over in the far corner.  But this time when Tessa called on them, they offered their name before stating their question.  It was an older student, probably in his mid-twenties, and from his appearance, probably in the military, or had recently gotten out.

“David.  When you say preparedness, do you mean pop quizzes?”

“Excellent question, David; and the answer is again, yes, that’s exactly what it means, and questions on the pop quizzes will come directly from things we discuss in class, so attendance will play a huge part in how well you do on them.”

Tessa waited for another round of grumblings, but it never came.  Instead, most everyone just looked down nervously at the syllabus in their hands.  She had forgotten what it was like to be a freshman.  The first semester of college always seemed so
overwhelming.  Her first instinct was to mother them, and reassure them it wasn’t going to be that difficult of a class, but she thought better of it.  There was no greater teacher than forced responsibility.  If she wanted them to succeed, she had to expect nothing less than their best.

“Okay, well, let’s get started on our first assignment.  Pull out your pencils and paper and write a few paragraphs about your favorite novel, and tell me why it’s your favorite.  Don’t forget to include your names, along with the name of the class and the section number.”

As the class grew quiet after an initial barrage of backpacks being opened and pencils falling, Tessa took her seat and berated herself for having allowed her fears to get the better of her in regards to teaching.  It actually felt quite natural.

A great many things were becoming natural for her, things that two months ago she would have thought were impossible; like having enough money in her bank account to be able to send her children a little bit every two weeks to help buy things they needed, or just to blow on something fun if they wanted to.   Lord knows it still was not as much as she wished she could send, but at least it was something.  Of course, they would never fail to call and berate her for it, claiming they did not want her wasting her hard earned money on them, they would rather her save it and buy things she needed.  But that was just the kind of children they were, selfless to a fault.

Another surprising thing that was becoming natural for her was the leisure time to actually sit down and write.  For years she had been working on a manuscript
, King Coal
, based on her maternal grandfather’s life, the one who had fought for social and economic justice in the coal mine wars.  The topic would never interest anyone but herself, today’s generation simply did not care about the struggles of the past, but the satisfaction she derived from just sitting down and putting it to paper was immense.  Tess also knew that somewhere, her grandfather and her mother was looking down on her with pride, and guiding her memory and her thoughts as she wrote.

The rough draft had been completed at least five years ago, but upon reading it again after so much time had passed, she attacked the manuscript with new vigor, and the second and third drafts were coming along quickly.  Hopefully by the following year, it would be polished and ready to submit to a small publishing house.  It simply didn’t matter to her how many copies were sold, one or one thousand, the only thing important to her was that her grandfather’s memory was honored.  The mere thought of it made her smile.

Chapter Thirteen

Seth had given Tess permission to invite Gregory over for their foreign films night that had become a weekly Wednesday night occurrence for the past six months.  Yet, she could not help but to be somewhat uneasy about the decision.  She enjoyed the privacy they had at Greg’s small apartment.  Not that Seth was going to be home until the weekend.  Still, it was his house, and it just didn’t seem appropriate.  But with Gregory’s DVD player on the blitz, they had no other choice, unless they simply cancelled their weekly ritual, which he insisted was not going to happen, even if it meant moving it to the Collin’s Estate.  While he seemed excited about the idea, Tessa remained hesitant, but unwilling to voice her concerns.

When she had assured Seth that they would not go beyond her own apartment, he chastised her for being ridiculous, considering the fact he had a one hundred and twenty five inch home theater in his living room.  So with both men prompting her to simply relax and enjoy herself, Tessa gave in and accepted the defeat with a nagging intuition the night would result in too much anxiety to be able to do that.

Why she was so uncomfortable with idea?  It wasn’t as if they planned to throw a frat party in his absence, but the thought of her two worlds colliding frightened her. 

Donning one of the half dozen aprons Seth had given her, Tess began the preparations for dinner.  Gregory had decided several months ago, it would be fun to make a meal that corresponded with whatever country was represented in their foreign film of the week.  Which was an awesome idea, but also very time consuming and somewhat expensive for Tessa.  She was glad that he chose a movie from Germany this time.  The recipes she found were not only similar to some of the dishes her mother often made, but they were easier to prepare, and their ingredients were less costly.

Tonight’s menu was simple enough.  Buletten; which was a German variation of meatballs, and Kartoffelpuffers; that were nothing more than good old fashion potato fritters.   It was the Japanese and Baliwood nights that took the biggest bite out of her strict budget.  Next week, she would be able to try her hand at something of her own choosing, for she had finally won the coin toss to see who would decide what they watched.

Considering the storm brewing outside, she was relieved when she heard the roar of Greg’s motorcycle as it approached the mansion.  The unusually mild weather they had enjoyed throughout fall had allowed him another few months to enjoy it, though she wondered what he was going to do once the snow started flying.

Running frantically to the gilded mirror hanging in the dining room, Tessa checked her appearance.  Not too bad.  No, it was more than not bad; she actually looked kind of pretty, and that wasn’t an easy thing for her to say about herself.  After spending hours combing the aisles of the three separate consignment shops, she finally found the perfect dress.  It was more of a summer dress of white cotton with tiny blue rosebuds, but by adding a thin white sweater, she didn’t really think it mattered, especially with the weather still being so unseasonably warm. 

The buttons down the front helped her control the amount of skin she wanted to show.  With a little bit of cleavage, and a little thigh displayed, she felt
feminine without appearing too exposed.  Her image in one of those dreaded three-sided mirrors in the shop’s dressing rooms helped her decide.  If it looked good on her in front of one of those things, it was a must buy.

Although vanity had never been one of her many faults, having a romantic interest in her life, had Tess wanting to take more interest in her personal appearance.  After all, what was wrong with her wanting to look pretty once in a while?   Sometimes, the way Gregory looked her when she put forth an effort, made her pulse quicken.  After years of being told no one else would ever want her, it was nice to have a man find her desirable.

Her hair, which she actually took the time to curl, was left down, which was a rare decision.  Perhaps she should have done more with it.  But it was simply too much effort to try and fix now at the length it was at, falling somewhere around her waist.  The only decision she questioned was the new pushup bra she purchased on a whim.  Maybe it was too much?  It
really
emphasized the only thing about her body that she didn’t have an issue with being too large.  Tessa had inherited her mother’s bosom, so it was hard for her to criticize them.  Besides, the way the dress was tailored, the size of her chest helped show off the fact that she again had a waist.  A fact she
was
very pleased with.  Since arriving at the Collins’ Estate, she had lost the last ten pounds of her depression weight, accrediting it to her vacation at Martha’s Vineyard when she began running again.

The sound of the chimes, whose specific ring denoted it came from the kitchen door, forced Tessa to abandon her reflection and scurry to let him in.  The gleam in Gregory’s eyes pleased her, but her sense of pride was brought down a notch or two when he sniffed the aroma of the
Buletten and his smile broadened.  Oh well, it was hard for a girl to compete with the smell of fried ground round.  Besides, he saw females on campus half her age, with far better figures, wearing far less, everyday. 

The sudden realization of this fact helped vanish her fear of appearing too risqué in her pushup, and the anxiety that came from her decision to finally sleep with him tonight.  It was time.  For she instinctively knew from his slight emotional withdraw from her that if she did not consummate their relationship soon, she would lose him.  He was growing weary from their nights of heavy petting that resulted in a lot of sexual frustration and cold showers for both of them.

“Wow, I can’t believe you live here.  It must be nice,” Gregory commented as she had him help carry their evening’s meal to her apartment.  She would have prepared it there, but the main kitchen was far better equipped and ventilated. The smell of paprika would have lingered in her apartment for weeks.  And she happened to like the way it smelled now, of roses that grew outside her windows.

“It’s a little ostentatious for my tastes, but it’s starting to grow on me, I guess.”

“Yeah, but what I wouldn’t give to live like this.  How many rooms does it have?”

Shrugging off the question with indifference, Tessa answered, “I don’t know exactly.”

Passing through the library, Gregory’s first reaction was the same as hers had been; one of admiration, and curiosity.  But unlike Tessa, he refused to deny his curiosity and piled the containers of food down one of the tables in order to begin exploring the thousands of volumes housed in the two stories of shelves.

Not wanting to insinuate that he was forbidden to satisfy his need to rummage through the Collins’ Estate library, Tessa stood idly by and gave him free reign to hurry from shelf to shelf, and up the spiral iron staircase to inspect the massive collection of literature.  Every few seconds, he was calling out to her excitedly about titles he was finding that were first editions or extremely rare.

After quite some time had passed, Tessa decided to take the food back to her apartment without his assistance, rather than hamper his childish enthusiasm, which she found very cute, but also a little disheartening considering the fact she had assumed he was coming to spend the evening with her.  Not only that, but it seemed very much like an invasion of Seth’s privacy.  How would Gregory react to someone going into his apartment and rummaging through his belongings?  He had been very gracious in allowing her to have guests come into his home.  She did not want to take advantage of his generosity or his trust.

Hoping that Gregory would soon grow bored with the activity, Tessa took her time setting the table at her breakfast nook and lighting the candles she had bought to try and make a meal of meat and potatoes more romantic.  It was going to be a special evening, and she wanted everything to be perfect.  Which reminded her, she wanted to put on the expensive perfume she had spent two days agonizing over whether she could afford. 

Spraying just a small bit of it into the air, Tessa swirled under it so as not to waste even the tiniest amount.  Glancing briefly in the mirror as she exited the bathroom, and seeing the wild sense of hope in her own eyes, she became aware of just how much Gregory’s attention meant to her.  By morning, maybe he would finally realize that his patience with her had not gone unnoticed or appreciated.  She wanted so much to be worth the wait, and hoped she hadn’t forgotten how to seduce or satisfy a man.

Now standing at the entrance of the library, Tessa smiled as she watched him, completely lost in his excitement.

“Dinner is getting cold,” she called out to him where he stood on the second level of shelves.

Grinning cheerfully, he took the time to reshelf the book currently in his hands and leaned over the banister.

“You know, I’ve always had this crazy fantasy about making out in a library.”

Standing there in a white tee-shirt that showed off the tattoos on his muscular arm
s, and a pair of faded jeans that drew her attention to the fact that he was a young man well-endowed in several areas of his life, Tessa sighed inwardly.  She had never had such a fantasy before, but she definitely did now.

“Oh yeah, I have a library fantasy, too,” she grinned.  “But mine is about actually returning my books on time for a change.”

“You know what my fantasy is?” Seth grumbled as he made his presence known when he walked into the room from the opposite end of the library.  “To have a housekeeper who actually answers the phone when I’m trying to call.”

If Tess could have found away to disappear, she surely would have.  The humiliation of having him overhear a very private conversation caused her to feel as if she was going to spontaneously combust there on the spot where she stood motionless.

“I’ve been outside most of the day with the dogs.”

“We have an answering machine.”

“Yes, I know,” she said softly, sensing darkness in his mood that she hadn’t seen since their argument the day he came home and found her missing.

“Then I suggest you start using it.”

“Yes, sir.”

Tessa was not only embarrassed but hurt by his remarks, so she remained subdued as she made the introductions. 

“Gregory, this is Seth Richards.  Seth this is Gregory.”

When Greg’s friendly wave from the balcony drew no reaction from Seth, she smiled up at him, and silently implored him to come down, which he did.  Offering her a playful wink as he descended the stairs, he approached Seth with his hand extended and a gracious smile.

“It’s nice to finally get to meet you, Mr. Richards.”

“Same here,” Seth remarked, though it sounded forced.

Up to that point, she hadn’t realized that Mr. Richards had brought home a guest.  Kristen.  And by the way he ignored her, Tess would say her presence there was not due to the fact that she had been invited; it seemed to be more of a case that she had invited herself.  Maybe the cold shoulder she was getting from her self-proclaimed fiancé was what prompted her to cast all of her attention on to Gregory. 

“Seth, aren’t you going to introduce me,” the young woman asked, coming from around his back where she had been hidden from view.

“Gregory, Kristen—Kristen, Gregory,” he muttered.

Kristen smiled brightly as she offered Gregory her hand, looking stunning in her snug fitting blouse that was unbuttoned to her sternum and tight black leather pants. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Gregory.”

By the expression on Gregory’s face, Tess could tell that the feeling was mutual.  And why wouldn’t it be?  Kristen was a very attractive young woman, and by the way she was looking at him, it was obvious that she appreciated his appearance as well.   He looked extremely virile and masculine standing there inked up with primal tribal markings.

After watching the exchange between them, Tessa’s first instinct was to run and change, feeling utterly ridiculous in her pathetic second-hand dress, looking more like a Sunday school teacher than a seductress.  And to think she had been so proud of herself for finally losing the muffin top.  Kristen didn’t even have an abdomen for god’s sake.  The young woman was so thin that even her B-cup breasts seemed huge and disproportionate with the rest of her body.

Memo to self:  Next time—screw it and wear the damn sweat pants
.