What Remains (22 page)

Chapter Seventeen

“I love you Mom,” Lynn whispered, giving her mother one last embrace before boarding.

Tessa’s heart was breaking, it was evident, but Seth could tell she refused to end their happy reunion on a sad note.  So with one last squeeze, she forced herself to let go and say goodbye with a smile on her face.

“I love you too, angel.  I’ll see you in a few months.”

“Yep, that’s right, you promised—you’re spending spring break with me.”

“I’ll be there.”

After another round of embraces and sincere thank yous aimed at Seth, the six of them waved to one another for the last time, leaving Tessa and Seth to watch as they disappeared through the bridge.  They stood together as they watched the plane maneuver away from the terminal, heading for the runway. Within the few minutes, it began to accelerate and took off.  Neither Seth nor Tessa moved until it was out of sight.

Placing a supportive arm around Tess’ shoulders, he whispered, “Come on, let’s go home.”

Tessa nodded in agreement, still unable to speak for fear of loosing control over the sobs she held at bay.

The drive back to Amherst was spent in silence for the most part; Tessa, because she was obviously already missing her children, and Seth, because he had no idea how to handle his feelings for his housekeeper. 

When they finally arrived home, Seth let the dogs out of the vehicle and allowed them to run free, which they were more than happy to do; chasing one another through the snow at full speed and tumbling in their joy.  Watching their antics finally caused both of their moods to brighten a bit, and when he reached over and embraced her tightly, Tessa rested her head against him as if she welcomed his supportive gesture.

Both of them remained lost in their own thoughts throughout the evening meal and during the clean up afterwards.  It wasn’t until they retired to the sofa with a cup of tea that they finally looked at each other and started laughing at their own moroseness.

“Is it always this hard when they leave?” Seth chuckled, rolling his head toward her as it rested on the back of the sofa.

“Always,” she smiled.

“I don’t know how you do it.  I feel like I’m going through empty nest syndrome, and they’re not even mine.”

“That’s sweet of you to say.  Thank you.”

“I’m not just saying it, I mean it.”

Tessa grinned, and gave him a brief kiss to the cheek.  In response, Seth reached over and stroked her face with the back of his fingers.  They stared at each other knowingly.

“Tessa, I’ve wanted to talk to you about something for a few weeks now.”

Giving him her full attention, Tessa sat sideways and nodded.

“Of course.”

Seth grinned, “I mentioned this before, but I think it’s time we discuss it a little further.  And I hoping you would give me some honest feedback.”

“I always do.”

“And I’ve come to rely on it.”

“Okay, so stop stalling and tell me.”

“Well, I guess I’ll start at the beginning.  As you know, when my grandfather died he left me everything under the stipulation that I take over the firm.  I would also be responsible for the distribution of a small trust he left my mother, to ensure that my old man didn’t whittle it away.” 

“Yeah, I remember you saying something about it.  Don’t get me wrong, it was very generous of your grandfather, but why didn’t he just divide things up among all of you?  That way there wouldn’t be any hurt feelings?”

“My old man and my grandfather hated each other.  Pops only gave him a job because my mother pleaded with him.  I guess there wasn’t a law firm in the country at the time that would touch him because of some trouble he was in with government.   And Pops sure as hell wasn’t about to leave anything to her while she was still married to him; so if I hadn’t agreed to the terms of the will, it would have been sold and my mother and father would have been left with nothing.  As it stands now, my father still has a job, and I’m able to give my mother a percentage of her trust every month as long as it stays in my hands.”  

“But?”
  Tessa asked, taking up his hand that rested on her knee.

“But,” he continued, smiling nervously, “I’m miserable.  I’ve been waiting for twenty years for one of my sisters’ children to take over so that I can retire, but they’re not interested, especially since they’re still pissed at Pops for not leaving them an inheritance.”

“Why would he put you in such a difficult position?  Didn’t he realize how much resentment it would cause?”

“I don’t know,” Seth shrugged.  “He always claimed my mother and sisters were spoiled and ungrateful.  He felt that no matter what he did or how much he gave, it was never enough.  And he was right.  Pops might have been a hard man, but he was a good man.”

“So why are you telling me this, Seth?”

When he searched her eyes, they were full of patience and understanding.  He had been waiting a long time to have someone in his life he could to talk to about this, now that she sat there beside him, Seth wasn’t sure if could.

“I’ve decided to give it all up.  I don’t want any of it.  I’ve been going back and forth about this for a couple years, but this isn’t what I want.  It isn’t me…it never has been.”

“Then what’s the problem, just
do it?”

“I’ll be letting my family down.  If I walk away they’ll lose everything.”

“Just give it to them.  It’s yours now, right?”

“Legally, I can’t do that.  And even if I could, I made a promise to a dying old man, and I’m not about to go back on it.  Everything will go to charity.  I think in a lot of ways, he resented his money as much as I do.”

Tessa offered him a reassuring smile and squeezed his hand.  “Seth, you need to do what is right for you.  It sounds to me as if your grandfather would respect your decision.  And I think having the courage to do this is a wonderful way to honor his memory.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“You know I am, but I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“This decision will affect you, too, Tess.  Chances are by this time next year, I’ll be self-employed and living off my personal savings until my business starts to turn a profit.  It could take a few years.”

“Seth Richards!  Don’t you dare worry about me!  I can always find another job, and I have more than enough money put away to find me another place to live.  In fact, there’s this cutest Victorian cottage in town that has a For Rent to Own sign up in the window.  I’ve been saving up for it for months now.  It’s a little run down, but with some elbow grease and TLC, it could be beautiful!”

The enthusiasm in her voice made him smile, though the idea that she had been secretly planning on leaving saddened him.  Why did she feel as if she couldn’t say anything to him about it, especially since it seemed to make her so happy? 

“Then consider it yours, as a gift from me as severance pay.”

“No.  I can’t let you do that.”

“But I want to.”

“Well, you can’t always get what you want.  You don’t even know how much it costs.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Look, I appreciate the offer, but I want to do this on my own.”

“Stop being so stubborn.  Spending time with your family is what finally helped me make this decision.  I want to do this for you.”

Tessa waived off the offer and left the sofa.  “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Why?”

“Because it is.”  Making her exit, she lied and told him she had things to do.  But before she reached the foyer, Seth caught her elbow.

“You can go ahead and throw your little tantrum, but I’m not going to give up that easy.”

Tessa stopped and turned around, looking up at him with determination.  “If and when I buy a house, it’s going to be with my own money.  I’m not going to let you take that away from me.  It’s too important.  ”

“Where are you going to get the money or the time for renovations?  You’re in school, Tess, for God’s sake, and will be for the next four or five years.  What?  Are you going to live in a house that’s falling down around you until you’ve graduated?   And when you do, chances are you’re not going to find a job around here.  You’ll never be able to sell it.”

By the expression on her face, Seth could tell she was taking what he was saying into consideration.

“Then forget the house, I’ll rent a studio apartment.”

“Why, so you can throw your money away on something that you’ll never get a return from?  You need to be practical, Tess.”

“Practical has never been a word to describe anything I’ve ever done.  But I’m sure you know that.”  It was more of an accusation against him, than an honest statement about
herself, he could tell by the irritation flashing in her eyes.

“I’m not trying to insult you. I’m trying to help you.”

“I don’t need your help,” she said coolly, pulling her arm free from his grasp.  “I’ve managed to get this far in life without you, so I’m sure I can manage once you’re gone.”

“Why do you have to always be so goddamn proud?” Seth snapped, quickly losing patience.  “If you would stop and think things through every once in a while
maybe you and your children’s lives would be a hell of a lot easier.  I’m sure they would appreciate a little more consistency on your part.  It can’t be easy picking up the pieces every time you screw up.”

Appearing as if he had physically struck her rather than offer her some much needed criticism and honesty, Tessa took a step back and stared at him with a wounded expression on her face. 

“You’re such an arrogant bastard,” she spat, before storming away.  “I’m tired of you acting as if you have to pay me for my friendship.  I’m not a whore!”

“No, you’re more like a reckless child!” he called out through the house.

Balling up his fist in frustration, Seth mumbled several curse words of his own.  This was not how he wanted the evening to go.  He had every intention of telling her how he felt; how the main reason for him asking her to leave his employment was so they could perhaps begin to build a more personal relationship.  And they simply couldn’t do that as long as she saw him as her employer.  They needed to view each other as equals, which may never happen now that he had lost his composure. 

But Seth did not regret speaking his mind, as hard as it was to see the disappointment on her face.  He knew all too well what her children had had to go through; he saw it in the level of their maturity that was far beyond their years.  It was what happened when a child is forced into the role of a parent by impulsive adults.

Not that he held Tessa entirely responsible for what seemed to be her inability to make reasonable, mature decisions, especially when it came to their financial well-being.  Even though he knew nothing about psychology, years of emotional and physical abuse had to take their toll on the victim’s ability to rationalize.  In fact, he was amazed and extremely proud of how she had been able to keep it together and accomplish the things she had.  It was a testament to her character.

Upon entering the small galley kitchen in Tessa’s apartment some thirty minutes later, Seth found her searching frantically through the cupboards.  He leaned against the door fasten, waiting for her to acknowledge his presence.  Technically, he had no right to be there, this was her private space, her home, and reserved the option to decide who could and could not enter.  But technicalities were not high on his list of priorities right now.  He screwed up, and he needed to apologize. 

After several more minutes passed, it became obvious that he would be waiting there a very long time before she calmed down enough to speak to him, so Seth took the initiative.

“I’m sorry, Tess.  I had no right to say that.”

Even though she still refused to look at him, she finally responded.  “Your house, Boss Man, you can say whatever you want.”

Hating when she called him that, Seth decided to remain silent long enough to get past the frustration it caused, choosing instead to admire the way she looked when she was angry.  Even though she stood there in a fit of rage, slamming drawers in one of his old Harvard tee shirts she had refused to let him throw away that hung to mid-thigh, and a pair of knee high tube socks, she was nothing short of ravishing.