What Remains (26 page)

“But it’s not his fault, why can’t you understand that.  It’s your grandfather’s money, and this is what he wanted, not Uncle Seth.  And I for one have no problem with the idea of supporting myself.  I’ve seen what easy money has done to this family, and I want more than that for myself.  I want a normal life that has some meaning to it, and so should the rest of you.”

When Justin looked in Seth’s direction, Seth nodded in appreciation.

“Thank you, Justin,” he muttered, with immense pride for his nephew.

“Yeah, we’ll see how you feel in about ten years when you have a family to support,” the old man piped in after seeing the exchange between the two.  “Trust me, there’s nothing meaningful about living from paycheck to paycheck under a pile of debt just so you can live in some over-priced subdivision with the rest of the poor slobs who are over worked and under paid.”

“Well, if I’m lucky, maybe I’ll marry into money like you did, Gramps,” Justin shot back.

“You ungrateful little shit…”  William Richards shot up from his chair as if he intended to pulverize his grandson.

“Dad, that’s enough,” Seth interjected forcefully, before standing up to face his family one last time.  After today, he doubted that he would see most of them again unless it was in court.  “I’m leaving, but before I do, I want you all to know this is not being done out of malice.  I’m doing this because I have to, for my own chance at happiness.  I never wanted the money, and I definitely never wanted the responsibility of dismantling the estate.  But this is how Pops wanted it, so this is how it has to be done.  Apparently, he knew this day would come, so he wrote a letter Whitmore is about to read to you.  All I ask is that you stay long enough to listen, not as a favor to me, but out of respect for Pops and what he gave us.”

With a curt dip of his chin, Seth gave his grandfather’s attorney the floor to speak, and then walked out the door, leaving his family behind to digest the contents of the letter written over twenty years ago by a man none of them understood, or ever truly loved.

Seth experienced a numbing sadness during the trip down the elevator and along the corridor toward the entrance, but once he pushed through the massive glass doors and stepped out on to the sidewalk where the sun was shining brightly on a frigid Boston afternoon, Seth felt his senses come to life again.  He looked up at the blue sky and sucked in a deep breath of cold air.  As his lungs burned in protest against the freezing temps, he smiled and exhaled. 

Here he stood, with the rest of his life before him and nothing to dictate the direction it took.  And at that moment, the only direction he wanted to take was back to
Amherst, where he knew Tessa would be waiting with a bowl of her potato soup and the sound of laughter in her voice.

“Seth!” someone’s panic-stricken voice called out to him.

Stopping short, he hesitated to turn around because his instincts told him something had happened that was about to put an end to his short-lived freedom.  When he finally forced himself to confront the situation, he found Justin staring at him with his eyes wide.

“It’s Grams, she’s collapsed, and she’s calling for you.”

Seth nodded solemnly but kept walking.  “Open a bottle of brandy and hold it under her nose, Justin, I guarantee she’ll snap right out of it.”

The hour and a half it took to drive from Boston to Amherst was spent deliberating whether he should disclose everything to Tess when he arrived back at the estate.  He wanted to, uncomfortable with the idea of keeping anything from her, but Seth knew her first demand would be to give the money
Mems left her to someone else, or keep it for himself.  No, he would wait and tell her that bit of good news when he had had a few days to prepare her for it.

As far as asking her to marry him, he would simply play that by ear.  They had shared an incredible night together, but it didn’t mean she would rush into his arms the second she saw him.  Just by their conversations on the phone over the past two weeks, he could tell she was dealing with some second thoughts and doubts about what happened between them.  The only regret Seth had about it was his decision to leave her behind.

Just the thought of that night caused his body to ache for her touch, for the comfort it provided him.  For nearly two weeks, he had thought of nothing else in the few moments of privacy he had.  It was funny how two people, from such different worlds, could meet relatively late in life, and feel such a powerful bond, as if nothing; neither space or time, had ever stood between them.  It was if they had been waiting to be together, long before they ever met.

It was all he could do not to press down on the accelerator and keep it floored until he reached home, where he could once more wrap her warm little body up in his arms and cradle her until all of her doubts and misgivings about his love for her were gone. 

She had been carelessly mistreated and hurt in her past, and it was going to take some time for her heal.  But no matter how much time she needed, Seth was determined to stand by her until all of her painful memories, and the fear they caused were gone, until she was ready to not only love again, but to be loved.  For she lived under the delusion that she deserved none of the good things in her life, that some all-powerful creator had mistakenly or perhaps mercifully blessed her with a family who cherished her simply by default, not because of the fact that she loved them with a fierce devotion and sense of complete selflessness.  To now have hope that someday soon, she may love him with that same devotion and selflessness brought about an inner peace that he had never known.  Every time he saw her face, heard her voice over the phone, it was like coming home.

“Call home,” Seth commanded, and then waited for his phone to dial his number.

“Seth!”

The excitement he heard in her voice when she said his name calmed his frayed nerves from the events of the past weeks, almost instantly.

“Hey, baby girl.  I’m on my way.  I’ll be there soon.”

“I’ve missed you so much.”

Closing his eyes, just long enough to soak in the realization that his whole life had been lived to arrive at this very moment in time, Seth smiled.

“I’ve missed you, too, and when I get home I’m going to show you just how much,” he teased, imagining the color that was probably brightening her cheeks about now even though he wasn’t talking about sex, but she didn’t know that; he was referring to the engagement ring in his coat pocket.  The one he had bought on impulse
after leaving Whitmore’s office, realizing that no other woman in the world would have supported and encouraged his decision to turn his back on a vast fortune, and create a life of his own choosing. 

Common sense told him to wait until he was sure about how she felt about him, but there was something in her voice that told him exactly how she felt.

A sweet giggle confirmed it.

Seth opened his mouth to say he loved her but changed his mind.  He would have all night to tell Tessa Maguire how much she meant to him, so he would wait until he could see her pretty face smiling back at him.

It was in a dream state that Seth Richards did see her face again.  He watched from a distance as she raced to the door excited to see him, the dogs happily bounding after her, nearly knocking her over in their own merriment.   It was with deep regret that he witnessed her laughter silenced, her smiling face turn into a look concern, then fear, then grief, as the two law enforcement officers told her about the accident on the interstate.

Although he did not recall the wreck, instinctively he knew it was his SUV that hit an icy patch that sent it tumbling down a ravine to the rocks far below.  As he
watched her struggling to maintain control of her emotions, Seth longed to reach out to comfort her, to reassure her that he was okay—he was only feet away, yet, she did not seem to notice. 

In an instant, the two of them were now alone in her bedroom, as she hurriedly changed her clothes and gathered her coat and scarf.  But before Tess could reach the door, she stopped short as if her legs no longer had the will to carry her, then crumbled to the floor and wept into her hands, her slender shoulders convulsing violently.

Please, God, allow me to comfort her.

His plea was heard and granted.

Enveloping her in his arms as she sat there alone, lost in sorrow, he could feel not only her suffering, but her overwhelming devotion to him.

“I love you, Tessa Maguire,” he whispered against her ear.

At first, he assumed it was pointless, for she refused to lift her head away from her hands, but then she grew silent and raised her eyes to peer straight forward, into the darkness.

“Seth?”

I’m right here beside you
.

Even though she strained to hear his voice once more, she could not.  After a few seconds, her tears began to flow again as she cried out in despair, “Oh God…please…please don’t take him from me…”

As if being sucked into the eye of a powerful tornado, Seth felt himself being torn from Tessa’s side.  Although he struggled to hold on to her, the force was too overwhelming, and he found himself traveling at great speeds toward a brilliant light.  Begging at the top of his voice to remain with the woman he loved, his words went unheeded until there was a thunderous explosion, at which point everything ceased; the motion, the light, the vision of Tessa running toward the police car.

Chapter Twenty

Seth Richards had no way of knowing how long he had been lost in the black abyss, hovering between this world and one of complete darkness.  But he was well aware of the fact he had returned to his body; he could see it lying on the ground below him.  Did it mean that he was alive or dead?  The urgency in the voices of the paramedics that worked frantically to revive him, told him the latter was true. 

“He’s not going to make it,” someone said to the others.

“Yes he is, just keep the chest compressions going,” another demanded.

“He’s gone man, his pupils are fixed.”

“Pulse?”

“Nothing.”

“Shock him.”

As the electrical currents ran through his lifeless body, Seth watched as it lurched upward, just to fall back to the ground.

“Pulse?”

“Nothing?”

“Stand clear, I’m going to hit him again.”

Once more, his body rose off the ground, but this time, Seth felt the electricity running through him.  He could no longer see outside himself, he could only hear.

“We’ve got something!”

“Hell, yeah…”

“Someone needs to notify the family so they can meet us at Beth Israel.  What’s the DTA for Life Flight?”

“Five minutes.”

“The Sheriff’s deputy is at the residence now.  They’re going to escort the family member to Boston.”  

At this point, after several failed attempts to insert a tube down his throat, Seth felt a burning sensation at the base of his neck.  Mercifully, he returned to the abyss where there was no longer an awareness of anything but a pin point of light, a much softer light than before, welcoming and loving.  With no strength or desire to fight the inevitable, he gave himself up freely, and allowed it to draw him in without resistance. 

A most incredible sense of peace came over him the moment Seth found himself approaching a garden of the deepest, most vibrant shades of color he had ever seen; not one of the professionally manicured gardens from the estate, but a simple, though thriving vegetable garden, surrounded by a rustic fence made of thin woven branches of a willow tree. 

The air he breathed was fresh and crisp, as if it were early morning.  A soft breeze played against hair and skin, and brought with it the fragrance of something sweet, lilac perhaps, and he could hear the rustling of leaves from thousands of trees, sounding very much like the swell of an ocean tide, only softer, more haunting.  Beyond the flat patch of earth on which he now stood, were distant rolling mountains appearing alive as the wind danced along the tree tops and shadows of clouds passed across them.

There was a very real sense that he had been here before, though he knew certain that he had not.  If he had, there surely would have been a concrete memory for him to draw from, because for whatever reason, everything he had
ever experienced, every person and event of his life could be recalled in great detail, down to the very emotions he felt. 

Yet, Seth instinctively knew that if he turned to his left, he would find a weathered old farm house, that had once been white, though it stood now, faded to gray.  To his right would be a barn in slight disrepair, with the smell of fresh cut hay emanating from it.  Beside it would stand a chicken coop with a wooden ladder leaning against the edge of a tin
roof.

Then it suddenly occurred to Seth Richards, maybe he had never truly been here, maybe he was intruding on someone else’s memory?  Whatever the case may be, he welcomed the opportunity to share in it, because it seemed as if he belonged there. 

Approaching the garden gate, he walked solemnly, assuming he was alone, until the bill of a straw hat appeared behind a tall row of corn.  At first, his pulse quickened, thinking it was Tess.  But as the woman stepped out from between the rows, it became clear that it wasn’t, even though she looked very similar with her rounded, youthful face, and the same blue eyes that danced with childish mischief.

“Hello, Seth.”

“Hello.”

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

“I know,” he responded truthfully, though he did not know how he had been aware of it.

“It’s a fine garden isn’t it?”

“Yes, it’s beautiful.”

“It’s planted in rough ground, but the soil is good.  Had to haul a lot of rock out of here to get to it, but you’re no stranger to hard work.  I can tell.”

“No Ma’am.”

“Well, you’re work is almost done.”

“I know,” Seth told her aware of the fact they were no longer discussing the garden.

“That’s how life is, I reckon.  It’s not what you get out of it that matters much.  It’s what you put into it.”

He smiled, “My grandfather said that many times.”

“Thought you might need to hear it again.”

“Thank you.”

When the woman reached out to lift his hand, he could see that hers was calloused and toughened from years of hard labor.  In his mind’s eye, he watched as she worked her land, scrubbed clothes on a wash board before
hanging them out to dry, lovingly hold her babies while she rocked them to sleep.

Drawing his fingers open, she looked at the coin he still clung to tightly.

“What you holding on to, son?”

“A good luck token.”

“It’s much more than that,” she said with a slight grin, her words melodic and in perfect harmony with the singing of the birds all around them, as she ran the tips of her fingers over the coin.

“Yes, I know.”

“I reckon you do.”

“Where am I?”

“Home.”

“I’ve never been here before.”

“You have.”

Seth felt no need to argue, for he knew she was right.

“Are you here, alone?”

“No,” she laughed.  “We’re all here.”

“My grandparents…Elizabeth?”

She simply nodded, still amused by his ignorance.

“When can I see them?”

“When it’s time.”

“I need to tell Beth, I’m sorry.”

“She knows, and forgives you.”

“I can’t forgive myself.”

“She knows that, too,” she told him.  “Walk with me awhile.”

Placing her hand in the crook of Seth’s arm, the two of them left the garden and strolled past the open ground of the homestead.  He hesitated slightly when they reached the beginning of a path that led deep into the woods.

“Don’t be afraid.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“I want to show you something.”

Trusting her more than his own sense of foreboding, Seth followed behind her since the path was overgrown with undergrowth, and allowed her to take him further and further into the forest, where the air was much colder, and heavy with the scent of earth so strong he could literally taste it.  To his right were jagged cliffs that dripped with moss and water from the ground far above them.  As they past the opening of caves, he could feel the blasts of frigid, damp air coming from within.

To his left, the ground disappeared.  If he were to lose his footing, his body would plummet helplessly for nearly a mile to the winding river below that he could catch only brief glimpses of beyond the tree tops, their trunks clinging desperately to the sides of the mountain.

“Let’s sit and talk a spell.”

Doing as he was told, Seth sat beside the woman on a large rock, their feet hanging over the edge.  Even though his weight was securely against the rock, he experienced a strong sense of vertigo that made him uncomfortable.

“Do you see that hawk circling overhead?”

“Yes,
ma’am.”

“Magnificent,
ain’t it?”

“It is.”

“Do you think it’s held accountable for what its force to do in order to stay true to its nature?”

“No.”

As they sat and watched the mother hawk settle onto a tree branch below them and drop the remnants of an unknown creature into the eagerly waiting mouths of its young, Seth wondered why he was being shown this.

“So why should you be?”

The question was not meant to be answered, so he sat there quietly and waited for her to continue.

“We get what we give, Seth, nothing more; nothing less.”

“How do you know if you’ve given enough?”

“When you give ‘til you can’t give no more.”

Instantly, the images of Tessa and the faces of her children entered his mind.  They offered so much without ever asking for anything in return; selflessly sharing their fragile hearts, and their love for life with everyone they met, while their own needs for love and security went unfulfilled.  His eyes closed; wanting to hold onto the image of the family he adored but would never have, for just a moment longer.  In his mind’s eye, he watched as Tessa sat back at Christmas time in order to watch her children’s expressions of surprise and gratitude as they opened the gifts Seth had given them; acting as if every gift was the very thing they had always wanted.  In this moment of clarity he realized now what they were truly thankful for; though they did not even realize it themselves; a glimpse of what life should’ve been.

No, Seth had not yet given even a fraction of the love he was capable of.

“Then I’m not done with giving, yet,” he admitted.

When Seth turned to look at her, he found that the two of them had somehow returned to the garden.  The woman’s face broke into a knowing smile.

“Well, you best get on back to it.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“We’ll talk again.”

“I hope so.”