What the Lightning Sees: Part Three (8 page)

“How could I not? It’s like those places you see
other
people living in. It’s the kind of place I’d imagine Millie living in.”

That was the last thing I’d expected Haven to say.

“Forget about Millie. Can you see yourself here?”

“It’s not for me. It’s for you.”

Was it too early for me to formally ask her to move in with me? Although she wouldn’t just be moving in with me—it would be with me and Beth and the baby. “Yeah, but you’re going to spend time here, I hope, and maybe, you know—”

“What do you think?” Haven interrupted as if she didn’t like where I was going. When I’d mentioned our future at the wrap party, she’d dragged me home, determined to get me naked. Had she changed her mind?

“I don’t know,” I replied, and that was the truth. Every certainty I surrounded myself with seemed to be disintegrating.

Haven

“How did the dating piece go down with the readers?” Jake asked. After a day house hunting, we’d decided to go to dinner at my favorite local tapas place. I loved it. No one dressed up no matter the day of the week, you could always get a table and the food was incredible. They’d given us a spot in the corner of the dimly lit dining area, away from the bar and we sat kitty-corner to each other.

The lighting was the other reason I loved the place; candlelight was always a woman’s best friend. Jake’s, too, apparently. His jaw was completely kissable, covered in a day’s worth of scruff, the light emphasizing every contour. I made myself blink. The final apartment we’d seen had been incredible and it suited Jake somehow. He seemed at ease, comfortable in the space. But it reminded me of all the complications that the future held. It was good to get back onto neutral ground.

“It doesn’t go out until next week. I think it will be okay, though,” I replied. “This squid is good, right?”

“You don’t sound excited,” Jake said, nodding and taking another piece of squid.

I shrugged. I wasn’t excited. Normally when a big article of mine was being featured, I couldn’t wait to get feedback from readers. But dating rich men seemed like kind of a silly feature. Was I encouraging women to go after sleazeballs like Louis Romano for their money?

“What are you working on now?”

“I asked Robert if I could do a piece about women in technology. You know that report that came out recently saying how it’s one of the worst sectors for women?”

Jake nodded. “Yeah, I saw that.”

“Well, I thought it would be good to cover it and investigate sexism in the workplace.”

“Robert wasn’t keen?”

“No. Thinks it’s too heavy.” I sighed. “And he’s right. We’re not the
Economist
. Articles like that don’t increase readers, and Robert’s all about improving circulation.”

“As editor, that’s his job, isn’t it?”

“I guess.” I knew what I was getting working for
Rallegra
. And it had always been what I’d wanted.

“So are you going to apply to the
Economist
?”

I took in a breath and narrowed my eyes as if I was seriously considering his question. “Not tonight.” I grinned at him.

“I’m serious, you should think about it. Work should make you happy and I’ve never seen you happy at
Rallegra
.”

I’d never really considered leaving
Rallegra
. I’d been focused on getting a promotion since I’d started there. “Okay, Mr. Fix It, I’ll take that under advisement. Talk to me about you. What about the flats today? Are you going to buy one?”

Jake grinned. It was the kind of grin that made me want to jump him right there, in front of everyone.

“What are you smiling about?” I asked.

“Nothing. It was just nice today. Doing that with you.”

I reached for some more food, trying to hide the fact that I’d loved that he’d brought me along to see the flats with him. It hadn’t been without incident though. Millie’s shadow had even followed us there. Planning space for a nursery pulled me away from the fantasy of penthouses. How often was he going to have the baby stay with him? Because he worked for himself, the custody arrangements might not be limited to every other weekend. Millie’s pregnancy was going to have a huge impact on my life if Jake and I stayed together. I’d end up being a part-time . . . caregiver for someone else’s child.

“Did you like any of them enough to buy one?” I asked.

“I’m not sure. It’s an adjustment,” he said. “You liked the places we saw today?”

“Of course. They were amazing.”

“You’d live in all of them?”

My stomach flipped. I shouldn’t get excited when he said stuff like that. A baby would change everything for him, for us.

“It should be about whether you would live in them, not me.”

“I was serious when I talked about our future, Haven.”

“You have a lot happening right now. Let’s just deal with the here and now. We’re together, and I love that we are. We don’t have to make long-term decisions about us.”

“But if I buy a place you don’t like . . .”

“Then we’ll move when we get married. Satisfied?”

I said it to shock him and I half expected him to choke on his beer. Instead, Jake’s grin transformed from sexy to scorching.

“I think we need to get the check,” he said.

“You’re amazing,” I said, my breathing returning to normal.

“You’re only saying that because I made you come three times,” Jake said as he pulled me onto his chest.

“You’re right, I am.”

“You’re using me for my sexual skills?” he asked.

“Yup.”

“You know you’re getting kissed for that.”

I giggled and he rolled me to my back and pressed his lips against mine. I pretended I wanted to resist him but of course, there was nothing better than kissing Jake.

I heard a phone vibrate somewhere but Jake ignored it and kept kissing me. He started to harden again against me and I relaxed.

The buzzing stopped and then started again. “Jake, that could be about your dad,” I said as I reluctantly pushed him away from me.

He reached across me and then collapsed onto his back with a groan. “It’s Millie.”

Well, at least she had the decency to let me have an orgasm before she called this time.

“I’m ignoring it,” he said.

I got up to go to the bathroom.

“I’m ignoring it,” he said again.

“I don’t want you to ignore it for me. If you need to answer the phone, answer it.” I tried to sound patient. I wasn’t angry with him, or Millie. I didn’t want to be the reason he wasn’t answering his child’s mother.

The phone started to buzz again and I pulled on a t-shirt. From the bathroom, I heard him answer. His voice was low and I couldn’t make out what he was saying, just that he was talking.

I brushed my teeth and waited until I couldn’t hear his voice. I didn’t want to listen in to his conversation.

As I opened the door, he was facing me, his head propped up on his elbow.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey, how’s Millie?”

“Feeling sick, apparently. She asked me to come over again.” He rolled his eyes. I forced out a smile.

I got back into bed and he grabbed my ass. “So, are you going?” I asked.

“No, what can I do if she feels sick?”

“I don’t want you not to go because you’re worried you’ll upset me.”

“Are you saying you think I should go?”

“I’m not saying anything. Just that I shouldn’t be a factor in your decision.” I didn’t want to be the demanding girlfriend but at the same time, I wasn’t sure how I would have reacted if he’d left again. Millie wasn’t going to be a problem that simply went away. She would be hanging over us for as long as we were together. And once his baby came along, I would never come first. Was I strong enough to handle that? Since the flat viewings, something heavy and sticky had settled in my gut and wasn’t shifting.

Jake looked at me, his eyebrows knitted together. I reached up and smoothed his forehead with my thumb. He caught my wrist. “Do I need to hold on tight to you?” he asked.

“Always,” I replied.

Jake

“If you find that paper on lignocellulosic biomass that I gave you earlier, that should give you some context,” I said to Greg, the programmer Eric had brought on board. We were at the new offices on Lombard Street, which were working really well. Eric and Greg were as dedicated as I was to making Elemental Energy a success. Finally, we had some traction and were making incredible progress.

“I need those results from the lab,” Eric shouted at no one in particular.

Now that we were set up in an office, with computers and people, it felt as though we were real. And that seemed more and more important. Instead of the baby splitting my focus away from my business, it had propelled me forward. Now a legacy was not just important for me, but also for my kid. I was going to be a father, and I wanted that kid to grow up in a cleaner world and I wanted him or her to be proud of me. When I was small, my father had been like a god to me. I mean, what was more impressive than having your own real-life superhero father? He caught villains and bad guys, just like Batman. I wanted to be just like him. I might not have a badge or a gun, but I wanted to be my child’s hero.

Millie had been due to get her ultrasound today and part of me was excited to hear about it. I wished she’d been okay with me going with her. I wanted to say hello and introduce myself properly. A business, a baby, buying a place to live that didn’t look like a squat. Somewhere along the way, I’d become an adult. How had that happened? And Haven. I hadn’t expected her to come into my life and shape it so completely. I felt cheated every moment I couldn’t be with her.

Fitting all the pieces of my life together was becoming more and more of a challenge, but I was determined to make my kid, my business and my girl a priority. They were all important.

I checked my watch; it was just before seven. I’d been here twelve hours and I’d promised to meet Haven for dinner tonight. I had so much to do here but I wanted to see her.

My cell vibrated in my pocket.

“Hey, Millie. How did it go?” I’d been waiting for her to call.

“The hospital gave me a CD and some pictures if you want to come round and see?”

I’d planned to see Haven back at her place. I’d not made it to her Sunday night dinner because of Eric’s arrival and I was desperate to see her, but this was my baby.

“Okay, I can swing by, but I really don’t have long.” I jumped in the car and made it to Millie’s in record time, then texted Haven.

Jake: I’m going to be a bit late, should be with you by eight thirty. J x

She’d understand.