What to Expect the First Year (101 page)

Can't imagine where to start when it comes to choosing discipline strategies for a baby who's not even old enough to understand the rules, never mind follow them? Keep it direct, simple, and easy to follow through on:

Catch your child doing good.
By calling attention to good behavior, you'll be asking for more. So comment about the nice way your baby turned the pages in a book (instead of trying to tear them), say thank you when your baby hands you a toy to put back on the shelf, offer praise when he plays quietly with a stacking toy while you sort the laundry, applaud all efforts to put shredded cheese into her mouth instead of strewing it on the floor.

Make the discipline fit.
When your baby pulls all the books off the bookshelves, have him or her hand you each one to help you put them back. If your baby throws blocks around, take them away for now. If your baby bites your arm, put him or her down promptly, firmly saying, “No biting. Daddy can't hold you when you bite.”

Divert attention.
For most babies, especially young ones, what's out of sight is quickly out of mind—making distraction an especially smart discipline strategy now. She's throwing a fit on the way to the park? Divert her (fortunately limited) attention to two squirrels playing on a tree. He's banging a block against your painted pine dining set? Pull out a toy that won't chip the chairs, like a stuffed dog. With distraction, everyone wins.

Use your serious voice.
When you're telling your baby no, tone matters. Mean what you say, without being mean. Bring down your usually high-pitched, singsong, playful, baby-friendly voice an octave or two to get your little one's attention and to let him or her know that you're all business—and the adult in the room. Be firm but matter-of-fact—screaming can scare your baby, and too much screaming can eventually be tuned out.

Laugh it off … sometimes.
Humor can actually work wonders under certain circumstances—and it's a discipline strategy that can be used to defuse countless potentially explosive scenarios. Use it liberally in situations that would otherwise lead you to exasperation, for instance, when baby refuses to allow you to put a snowsuit on. Instead of doing battle over screeches of protest, head off the struggle with some unexpected silliness. Suggest, say, that you put the snowsuit on the dog (or on yourself), and then pretend to do so. The incongruity of what you're proposing will probably take your baby's mind off objections long enough for you to get him or her suited up. That sticky face needs a cleanup, but just spying the washcloth is a nonstarter? Win baby over with funny songs (“This is the way we wash the face, wash the face …”) or outlandish play-by-play commentary (“Here comes the cleanup monster” as the washcloth swoops down and “gobbles” the jelly-smeared cheeks) or make goofy faces in the mirror to distract from the dastardly deed. Just make sure you don't laugh when the situation demands a serious approach.

You may have a Baby Houdini on your hands this month, whose major preoccupations are getting into things he or she shouldn't be getting into and getting out of things he or she shouldn't be getting out of. There's no shelf too high and no cabinet handle too unwieldy to deter a 10-month-old baby on a mission of seek and (what seems like) destroy. Accomplished as an escape artist, baby may now try to wriggle out of diaper changes, strollers, high chairs—in other words, any confining (read: safe) situation. Along with great physical advances, which may even include first steps for a few babies in the eleventh month, come remarkable verbal strides. Not in the number of words spoken (a couple, max, if any) but in the number of words understood (as many as 20 to 50). Looking at books becomes a much more interesting and enriching experience as baby begins to recognize and possibly even point to familiar pictures. In fact, pointing (or gesturing with a few fingers, or even the whole hand) will soon become a favorite activity no matter what baby's doing—just one way he or she is able to communicate quite capably without words.

Baby Basics at a Glance: Eleventh Month

Sleeping.
Like last month, your sweet dreamer should be clocking an average of 10 to 12 hours per night and taking two naps during the day, each around 1½ to 2 hours long, for an average total of around 14 hours each day. A few babies may start to fight their morning nap this month (probably not in their best interest). If yours does, be sure he or she is getting enough overall sleep.

Eating.
Your cutie will be taking in less breast milk and formula now that solids are figuring more prominently into his or her diet. As the first year comes to a close, baby will likely breast- or bottle-feed no more than 3 to 4 times a day, taking about 24 ounces total. More than that in fluids, and baby's appetite for solids may be drowned. Baby's breastfeeding more than 4 times a day? That's fine as long as there's also room for solids.

Baby will probably gobble up around ¼ to ½ cup each of grains, fruit, and veggies every day (or even more if your baby's a big eater), ¼ to ½ cup (or more) of dairy foods per day, ¼ to ½ cup (or more) of protein food per day, and 3 to 4 ounces of juice per day (optional). Don't worry if your baby is eating more or less than that. As long as he or she is gaining weight and is happy and healthy, there's no need to get caught up in measurements.

Playing.
Blocks, stacking toys, puzzles, peg boards, bead mazes, activity cubes, and other toys that encourage eye-hand coordination are perfect for your 10-month-old. Toys like baby basketball hoops and balls will do double duty in the eye-hand coordination and physical development departments (even if your cutie hasn't quite mastered the slam dunk yet). And speaking of physical development, keep the push toys and riding toys within reach to encourage your little one's get-up-and-go. Role-play toys—especially ones that mimic mom's and dad's toys (like a play phone or keys)—will be especially fun for your little one this month. So will musical toys: a toy keyboard, a xylophone, drums, tambourines, bells, and rhythm sticks. And don't forget to provide your budding artist with lots of crayons, washable markers, and chunky chalk for scribbling, though make sure they're nontoxic, since they're likely to end up in baby's mouth, not just on paper.

Ask most pediatricians when a baby should be weaned from the bottle, and the majority will say by the first birthday—and definitely no later than 18 months. Ask most parents when they actually weaned their baby off the bottle, and many will say … much later than that. There are lots of reasons why parents (and little ones) hang on to the bottle for longer than doctors (and dentists) recommend—reasons ranging from convenience for mom and dad, to comfort for Junior, to less mess for everyone involved. Babies who are used to falling asleep with a bottle, or to nipping from one during the night or early in the morning, and parents who are used to buying themselves a good night's sleep or a later wake-up call, don't tend to be in a hurry to drop the bottle either. Add in the dreaded withdrawal process (rare is the tot who gives up the bottle without a fight … make that, many fights), and it's no wonder there are plenty of 2- and 3-year-olds who still haven't kicked the bottle habit.

But here's the message about bottles most experts would like parents to pay attention to: Weaning at 12 months—or as soon as possible after the first birthday—is best for your baby. And there's no shortage of reasons why. First of all, as with many other attachment objects of babyhood (such as a pacifier, being rocked to sleep, and so on), old habits die hard. And the older the habits (and the baby) are, the harder they are to break. Weaning a fairly flexible 1-year-old is like taking candy from a baby compared to tussling with a strong-willed 2-year-old over the beloved bottle—especially at naptime and bedtime.

Second, when an older baby uses a bottle, he or she runs the risk of developing tooth decay from bottle-feeding, and not only because there are now teeth to decay. While an infant is usually fed in a parent's arms—and the bottle removed when the feeding ends—a mobile toddler often totes the bottle wherever he or she goes. This drinking-on-the-go and nipping-all-day-long allows the milk or juice to bathe teeth in sugar, with cavities the potential result. So does falling asleep with a bottle, nipping during the night, or falling back to sleep in the early morning hours with a bottle in hand. Another health risk tots over 12 months run when they take a bottle to bed (or otherwise drink one lying down): a greater susceptibility to ear infections.

Third, toddlers who are bottle drinkers often end up drinking more juice or milk than they should, filling up on too many liquids and taking in too few solids. Not only are these toddlers more likely to become fussy eaters (not surprising, since their tummies are always full of juice and milk), but they may miss out on important nutrients. If their bottles are filled with juice—particularly apple juice—they can also wind up with chronic diarrhea.