Whatever the Cost (28 page)

“This is insane,” Liam says adamantly.

“Hey, I think that’s my line,” Jacen smirks. He takes Liam’s hands, folding them inside his own. “Do you really hate it? Honestly?”

Liam bows his head. Jacen palms his cheek and caresses his skin, rough with blond stubble.

With a small shake of his head, Liam murmurs, “No, I don’t hate it.”

“Trust me,” Jacen coaxes.

Eyes downcast, but warming slightly at Jacen’s touch, Liam agrees with a muted, “Okay.”

Eagerly, Jacen asks, “Yeah?”

Liam nods.

Giddy excitement floods Jacen’s system. Grabbing Liam, he kisses him quick. Liam lets him, feeling like he’s falling.

“It’s going to be great,” Jacen declares, absolutely certain of himself, catching Liam’s bottom lip in another fervent kiss. “You’ll see.”

Tentatively, Liam glances up. He’s drowning in anxiety, feeling self-conscious and powerless and unsure. But when he looks at Jacen, who’s been through hell itself and not only lived through it, but came out the strong, self-assured man now kissing him passionately with nothing but loyalty and devotion, Liam whispers, “I love you.”

Jacen grins widely, “Yeah, but I love you more.”

Without regular jobs to perform and Johns to service, time continues to slip by astonishingly quickly for Liam. One day they’re settling into their motel room after getting the hell out of L.A., the next they’re packing again in preparation for the move to the apartment building they’ve just purchased. And with Jacen away nearly every day at his new job at the bistro, there is even less activity to punctuate Liam’s time. So when Jacen and Liam do manage to be at the motel together, and aren’t organizing boxes or sifting through paperwork or returning calls to their realtor or Clay, Liam feels added pressure to perform and keep Jacen interested and happy by having sex. The problem is that Liam doesn’t want to have sex.

More and more, since finding out about Jacen’s past, Liam feels guilty for wanting Jacen to be the one to receive, so he begins to try to convince himself that he doesn’t want Jacen that way, or at least that it’s off-limits. But in addition to that, with all of the upheaval, the stress of their changing lives, Liam is as far away from being mentally able to submit to Jacen sexually as ever.

Two chaste weeks pass. Then, on a Friday evening at around one in the morning, Liam’s guilt gets the better of him. Without saying a word, he knocks on the bathroom door when Jacen is getting ready to take a shower after a long shift.

“Yeah, come in,” is the reply.

Liam opens the door and stares at Jacen’s chest, stripped bare of his discarded, dirty shirt. Jacen is unfastening his watchband, his pants unbuttoned and hanging from his narrow hips.

Tiredly but cheerfully as ever, Jacen asks, “What’s up?”

Responding with only a tight shake of his head, Liam walks up to him, laying an opened hand on the center of Jacen’s chest. He feels warm and vital and Liam sinks into the natural musky scent of Jacen’s skin, letting it block out everything else clamoring for attention in his mind. The one thing Liam doesn’t want just then is talk, so as soon as Jacen seems to be getting ready to press him again for an explanation, Liam caresses down Jacen’s body, over his chest, the taut planes and firm ripples of his stomach, his fingers hooking inside the waistband of Jacen’s boxer briefs. Sinking to his knees, Liam keeps his eyes focused only on smooth skin and the dark, soft curls of hair dusting Jacen’s groin. Liam eases his husband’s pants down a little farther and pulls his member free. Stroking it with gentle squeezes, Liam begins to lick and kiss inside the hollow of the cradle of Jacen’s hips, up the inner crease of his thigh, just under his navel, making his way gradually closer to the center of his interest.

“Liam,” Jacen sighs. “Hey, let me get cleaned up first. I probably smell like grilled meat. We can move this to the bed, take our time.”

Liam doesn’t want that at all. He fears it actually, so he moves more decisively, guiding Jacen’s cock up to his lips, sucking lightly at the tip.

Jacen groans, “Lee, not that I don’t appreciate it, because I really do....”

Opening his mouth more widely, feeding Jacen’s thickening, pulsing flesh back over the wet muscle of his tongue, Liam closes his lips loosely around Jacen’s shaft. Sucking on it, he pulls back off, almost all the way before diving in again, taking Jacen all the way back until he’s lodging in Liam’s throat. Humming, tasting Jacen, Liam keeps one hand on Jacen’s hip. Jacen’s hands fly to the sides of Liam’s head, holding on to him as he moans. Easing back on Jacen’s cock far enough to breathe through his nose, Liam sets a steady, increasing pace, giving Jacen the power to guide him. Both of Liam’s hands fall to his sides only to clasp behind his back, his wrists resting against the curve of his ass as he lets Jacen use his mouth.

“Jesus,” Jacen groans, getting achingly hard fast after too long without any release. Gazing down the length of his body, hips rocking forward and back of their own accord, moving out of pure need, pumping in shallow thrusts, he watches his flushed, stiffening cock slide wet between Liam’s stretched lips, listens to him suck and slurp and swallow. Hooking his hands around Liam’s ears, feeling his jaw work, Jacen exhales sharply and bites at his bottom lip, completely undone by the innate submissiveness emoting from Liam. It’s there in the downward cast of Liam’s half-lidded eyes, the easy fold of his hands behind his back, the way he bends and takes and yields so readily. But as complicit and demure as Liam seems, Jacen knows what this is, that it’s a play, a ploy to distract and subdue. As submissive as Liam seems, he’s the one that has all of the power here, and that’s just as he intends it to be. As much as Jacen wants to call Liam on it and not play right into his hands, Jacen is at the mercy of his libido and helplessly fucks Liam’s mouth until he orgasms with a swallowed moan, watching avidly as Liam’s throat works, swallowing his load of come without a sound of protest, working him through each quiver and pulse.

Letting Jacen fall wet and softening from his lips, Liam momentarily nuzzles his lover’s skin and says in a hoarse voice, “Missed you.”

Jacen frowns heavily, clutching Liam to him. “C’mere. Let me see you. Let me kiss you.”

“Mmm,” Liam grunts, resistant. “Gonna hit the hay. Kind of tired. I just wanted to, before.”

Without allowing Jacen a chance to argue the point, Liam gets to his feet, wiping self-consciously at his lips with his fingertips and slipping from the bathroom with a brief, seemingly shy flicker of a smile.

Jacen takes his sorely needed shower and re-enters the bedroom to find Liam is indeed in bed, his eyes closed and the lights off. Climbing under the covers, Jacen shifts close to him. Reclined on his back, Liam lays with his hands wound up over his head, resting on top of his pillow and against the headboard. He looks comfortable and Jacen might have believed he was asleep if there hadn’t been so many nights during which to study Liam in his most unguarded moments in order to learn the differences between when he’s faking contentment and actually feeling it.

Reaching for Liam, Jacen closes his large right hand over both of Liam’s wrists. Jacen inhales the scent of Liam’s skin and pushes the bed sheets impatiently away. The only thing barring his way is Liam’s sleep pants, so Jacen grabs at the ties and tugs the knot free, pushing the garment down with a questing hand.

This all happens quickly. Liam’s eyes open once Jacen has his arms pinned down. He looks with resignation at Jacen as Jacen pulls a small object from a pocket, sucking on it briefly.

“Jacen,” Liam whines, pleading, drawing his legs up to disguise his growing hard-on, now exposed with his pants pulled down so far.

Jacen only stares at him in his fierce, determined way, like Liam’s struggle only adds to his amusement. He brings the saliva-dampened butt plug down, reaching under Liam’s bent legs. Anticipating the touch of the toy, Liam gasps and wriggles when instead he feels Jacen stick his ring finger up his hole, working it in and out. Twisting on it, Liam’s mouth falls open just as his eyes shut.

“Is this okay?” Jacen says soothingly, sounding like he’s going through with it anyway, no matter what Liam says, since he knows enough now to read between the lines of Liam’s lies and feigned protests. Stroking his silky soft, hot inner walls, Jacen hums as Liam flutters and clenches around his finger. Quickly plucking the digit out, he replaces it with the plug, pushing firmly enough to pop it through his sphincter, rubbing with his fingertips around Liam’s rim as it closes back up around it, the toy nestled snugly inside.

“Jacen,” Liam whimpers. He looks to be on the verge of tears, fighting an internal battle with himself, writhing between where he’s held tightly by Jacen’s hand gripped around his crossed arms and where Jacen is rotating and playing with the toy he’s just stuck up Liam’s ass.

“Yeah, baby?” Jacen hushes.

The toy feels like a promise of more, that Jacen is getting him ready for what Jacen has had every right to take for weeks, but hasn’t.

The protests won’t come. Liam wonders if it’s because he’s simply too used to letting people have at him in whatever way they want to, as long as it makes them happy, or if it’s because he doesn’t want to say no to Jacen. Either way, Jacen presses firmly at the base of the plug, making sure it’s in place and then shifts the hand above Liam’s legs which fall immediately to the bed, straightening out until Jacen wraps Liam’s erection in a tight fist and squeezes around it, pulling gently. Then Liam’s legs curl up again, parting, as he throws his head back and lets out a broken cry.

“Look at me,” Jacen says forcefully but with affection.

“I can’t,” Liam admits.

Jacen shifts, drawing up, propping himself on his right elbow and looks down at Liam. Liam’s green eyes open wide, looking shiny wet and bloodshot. His lips, so recently and obscenely stuffed full of Jacen’s cock, now pout in a sweetly vulnerable expression.

“You really are a puzzle,” Jacen hums, his gaze roaming down Liam’s body, strung tight, his hips canting up into Jacen’s unyielding grip around his dick.

Jacen’s hand, momentarily steady, suddenly begins pumping Liam at double speed and it causes Liam to moan loud and long, pulling at his trapped arms. His spine curves as he arches up off the bed. The breath huffs out of him in a rush only to suck back in. He holds it as long as he can bear it then does it again, whimpering sharply on the inhale.

Jacen bends closer, dragging his lips in soft trails of kisses up the side of Liam’s neck, back to Liam’s ear as his hand works him at frenzied speed. When Liam whimpers his name again, Jacen comes up to meet his eyes, staring down into their questioning hugeness with steady assurance. Trying to wriggle his hips away, Liam gets Jacen to cease his manipulations but instead of pumping him, he simply fondles, fingering lightly, exploring the slick head of his dick, around the ridge, the divot on the underside, plays with his slit.

Part of Jacen knows that if he asks, Liam will find the voice to say no, so he doesn’t. He just takes. Leaning down, he catches Liam’s pout in a kiss, licking over his plump lips and into his mouth, tongue-fucking it deeply, forcing Liam’s jaws wide. As Liam moans into Jacen’s mouth, he bucks and pulses pre-come. Jacen closes his hand up around the crown of Liam’s cock, and squeezes it in pulses as he maps Liam’s mouth with his tongue. Held fast to the bed, trapped and vulnerable, Liam’s only fight is to suck down air through his nose and to be still as Jacen coaxes him closer to orgasm. When he’s like steel sheathed in silk in Jacen’s palm, Jacen breaks the kiss to get a better look at Liam who tries to catch Jacen’s mouth but is unable to reclaim his lips. Corkscrewing his fist down and back up Liam’s length, then doing it again, Jacen sees Liam’s mouth work as his climax surges up his balls and splashes in long, wet streaks over his belly.

“Good. That’s it. Come for me, Lee. Let me hear you.”

Liam gasps and mewls, shuddering, eyes closing over.

A few more pumps and he’s milked dry, shivering with the aftershocks. Jacen releases him only to manhandle him over onto his belly, fitting a pillow under his hips to tilt them.

“Jay... Jacen...
Jacen
,” Liam keens as Jacen settles on the backs of Liam’s legs and fits his fingers around the base of the toy, rotating it as he withdraws it slowly, tilting it at an angle to pry Liam open wider before he’s free of it.

Tearing open a packet of lube with his teeth, Jacen spits the piece of wrapper out and inserts two fingers into Liam, spreading them apart and squirting the lube in between. Liam shivers as the fluid slithers up inside him then grunts when Jacen smears it further.

“Your choice, Lee. Grab the headboard or tell me to fuck off. I won’t take it personally.”

Liam grabs the headboard and bows his back, sticking his ass up in invitation. Jacen settles between Liam’s legs, steadies his cock at the root and finds his angle. He enters Liam with a growl, pulling Liam’s hips back as, simultaneously, Jacen strengthens his thrust, moving slowly but deliberately. The head breaches Liam’s outer ring and slides more easily as Jacen presses farther, pulling back now and then before resuming.

“Take it,” Jacen grunts.

The possessive fierceness in it makes Liam purr. He pushes back into Jacen’s thrust to meet him, even as he gasps through the burn of the stretch.