Whatever the Cost (29 page)

“God,” Jacen hisses, thrumming with the need to rut and move. “Feel so soft. Feel incredible.”

They’d gotten the results of the STD panel days ago and they were both clean, thankfully, but had yet to take advantage of not needing rubbers anymore. Unlike Jacen, Liam had not always used condoms with clients, one of the perks to purchasing Liam’s very expensive services as he was one of the more higher-end offerings at The Company. If the client requested it, they could partake in condom-less blowjobs, though no bareback anal sex was permitted no matter how clean your lab work showed you to be. So even with their former lovers, neither man had ever gone bareback before. Liam and Timothy used condoms every time, even with their first Johns. They knew that much. Just as they knew that condoms weren’t a foolproof guarantee, as Timothy so tragically found out.

Now none of that matters. All they know is the intimate feel of each other, without boundaries. Jacen quickly gets high off of it, the tight, heated hug of Liam’s sphincter around his dick, the delicate tissues so very hot, velvety soft, giving when pushed, and fluttering in ripples around him as Liam battles his nervousness.

“Liam,” Jacen moans. “I love you so much.”

“Don’t,” Liam begs, needing Jacen to move and fuck him and not make this more of an emotional trial than it is.

“I do. I love you. That’s what this is. Me loving you,” he argues, hunching down closer to Liam, running an opened hand up Liam’s back, feeling him arch into the touch, still clenching in gentle pulses around the violation of Jacen inside him. “And I love that you’re letting me.”

Jacen settles even closer, flush to Liam’s back. Liam turns his head into Jacen’s touch when Jacen nuzzles at his neck. His breath hitching, Liam tries to hide the fact that he’s crying. Jacen rocks in and out of him, riding him tenderly. With one hand sliding up and down along Liam’s side, just needing to touch and savor him, Jacen feels the cool tickle of Liam’s tears against his cheek and moves to kiss them away, tasting their saltiness and hushing Liam when he whines softly back in his throat.

“Am I hurting you?”

“No,” Liam gasps, shaking his head, rolling his hips counter to Jacen’s movements, knowing just how to get the most out of it for him.

“Good. How does it feel?”

Liam exhales sharply, turning his face away.

“Hmm?”

Jacen’s restless hand shifts, wedging under Liam’s belly, finding his cock. It drags shallowly against the bed with each rocking nudge Jacen makes at his body.

“You’re hard,” Jacen observes. “You want this sweet or rough?”

“I want your come leaking out of my ass,” Liam grunts.

Moaning out a sigh, Jacen’s lips crash into him, sucking a dirty kiss to Liam’s mouth.

For all his bravado, Jacen’s lovemaking remains tender if also intense. The sensations are too new and exquisite for him to last long, but he takes comfort in knowing Liam is his to have whenever he needs him now.

As Jacen is moving shallowly in his own spend, he marvels at the slick, wet slide and the way it sounds, the soft squelching, the way it would be so easy to keep going, to grind against Liam until he was hard enough again for round two. But there’s something he wants more.

“Come on,” he urges, pulling Liam up off the bed, getting him on his hands and knees then just his knees as they both straighten to a kneeling position.

Liam moans loudly as Jacen changes their pose without pulling out, shifting inside him.

“That’s it. On your knees.” Jacen steadies him, holding him up. He caresses up through the soft curls of golden hair under Liam’s arms as Liam brings his bent arms back and over his head, his back arched beautifully, connected at one end to Jacen’s pelvis and the other to Jacen’s lips pressing kisses to anywhere he can reach, nip and bite. Jacen’s hands move back down, over Liam’s belly, twisting to fit between it and Liam’s curved, bobbing member, dragging in wet lines over the back of Jacen’s hand. “Touch yourself. I wanna watch you jerk off,” Jacen whispers near Liam’s ear.

Liam shivers and undulates, reacting to Jacen’s touches and words alike.

His training kicks in as he obeys, ignoring what he wants, just giving in to his partner’s command. Curling one hand around his shaft without really thinking about it, he starts to tug lightly, making sure he tilts his head so that Jacen has a good view.

“You feel so wet, Lee. Every time I move I can feel my come dripping down the inside of you. Feels so fucking dirty. You know what it makes me wanna do?”

“What?” Liam croaks, snapping his wrist, tugging faster even as part of his psyche detaches, floating away somewhere else, somewhere safer.

“Makes me wanna bury my face between your thighs, spread your cheeks and lick you open. I wanna bury my tongue in your come-soaked hole and taste myself dripping out of you. Then I’d get my lips on your dirty little hole and suck on it. I’d suck my come out of you.”

“Mother
fuck
,” Liam groans, all thought shorting out, focused only on Jacen.

“Never done that before, have you, babydoll? I bet you’d like it. I bet you’d beg and whimper real sweet and then ask me to do it some more. You want that? My tongue licking the come out of your cherry hole?”

“Jacen,” Liam moans, close to the edge, getting desperate, the soft smacking of his hand at his dick making Jacen’s cock twitch where it’s buried balls-deep in Liam’s body.

“Say please,” Jacen teases.

“Please,” Liam gasps.

“Tell me you want it.”

“I want it,” Liam moans. “I want you to eat me out... feel your tongue in me... feel you moan when you taste it... God, fuck. So fucking dirty, Jace...”

“Just for you. Don’t want anyone else. No one. No one but you. Gonna let me be dirty with you, baby?”

“Yeah,” Liam whines, gritting his teeth.

“Stop. Stop touching it,” Jacen orders.

Very reluctantly, Liam’s hand falls away. A long moment later, it’s replaced by Jacen’s. He touches Liam, feather-light, barely grazing over his reddened, throbbing cock, playing with the head, palming the shaft, blood vessels pulsing thickly as he strains, trying to rock into the touch and get off. Then he fondles lower, over Liam’s full, drawn-up balls, tugging gently on them.

“Jacen,
please
,” Liam begs shamelessly.

“Just enjoy it,” Jacen coaxes. “You’re so close. Everything’s so sensitive....”

Liam keens, his cock jumps, pulsing pre-come. Jacen drags a fingertip through it, painting Liam’s cock in the wet streaks.

“You like the feel of my thick cock stuffed up your ass? I hope so, ’cause I’m ’bout to fuck it again,” Jacen warns darkly.

“Shit,” Liam hisses, and that’s it. He comes like a gunshot, blowing his load all over his belly and Jacen’s hand, splatters reaching as far as his chin.

“Beautiful,” Jacen purrs.

And still it goes on. Jacen has Liam grab the headboard again and fucks him roughly for a second time, pounding Liam’s ass until it’s throbbing. Once he spills, hot and messy, filling Liam with another load of come, Jacen manhandles him over onto his back, pressing Liam’s bent legs back toward his shoulders and holding him in the pose as he settles down below Liam on the bed. With long, curling licks, Jacen tastes every inch of Liam’s skin and his come-smeared groin, mapping it, not missing a spot. Liam is half-hard again when Jacen’s busy tongue finally finds Liam’s opening, breaching it with a slow push, moaning into Liam’s body as it hugs around the wet muscle of Jacen’s tongue obscenely and Jacen licks as deeply inside as he can reach. The suction of Jacen’s lips, pressed so tightly around the well-used, slightly swollen opening as he draws the come out of him, makes Liam crazy. But the thought of it, his glimpses of what’s happening—Jacen eating his own spend from Liam’s ass, gets Liam screaming with pleasure. He writhes and twists, trying to hold in his cries and failing. His flesh stirs, trying to somehow get hard again, wanting to get hard again, then Jacen begins playing with Liam’s balls and cock while he licks and sucks and tongue-fucks and the world tilts, blacking out at the edges.

But as much as he gets off on it, the cold, tight knot in Liam’s chest remains and tears continue to fall from the corners of his eyes. He’s able to push through the panic, the hurt, and bear it. And when Jacen is through with him, and tiredness—emotional and physical—draws Liam down into the blackness, he doesn’t fight against it. He gives in and lets it consume him. There is no regret, no anger at Jacen, only rage at himself and his own failings.

“Can you forgive me?” Jacen asks him quietly. “I know you wanted me to wait until you said you were ready, but it felt like it was time.”

“Yeah,” Liam mutters drowsily, nodding and closing his eyes. “’S okay.”

“I love you,” Jacen whispers to him, brushing Liam’s sweat-streaked hair back from his forehead.

“Love you too,” Liam murmurs in reply, falling into sleep.

For a long while, Jacen watches him sleeping, wondering what the morning will bring, if Liam will truly have forgiven him or if there will be fresh layers of hurt there now to heal, and carefully placed trust abused.

The alarm goes off at nine the next morning. Grumbling, Jacen rolls over and swats at it, silencing the shrill beeping. Exhaling deeply into the bedding, Jacen groans, “What’s with the fuckin’ alarm, Lee? Yash isn’t gonna be here ’til nine with the truck. Plenty of time. I... Lee? Lee? Wha—?”

The fog clears from Jacen’s senses and he realizes he’s talking to himself. Liam isn’t there.

“Goddammit, Liam,” he groans. Seeing the cell phone on the nightstand, he lunges for it and discovers the note left underneath. He’s still reading it as he dials and puts the phone to his ear.

“Mornin’!”

“Where’re you?” Jacen complains, slurring slightly and rubbing at his eyes.

“Picking up breakfast.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving? You could’ve woke me up instead of sneaking out.”

“I didn’t sneak out; you were tired so I let you sleep a little longer. But Yasha and Valery will be there any minute so you’d better at least put some pants on. And a shower wouldn’t be out of line either, considering.”

“Considering where my mouth and my dick were just a few hours ago, you mean?”

Liam smiles politely at the teenage red-headed girl behind the counter at the donut shop and hands over a twenty dollar bill. After taking the change from her, he stuffs it in his pocket and grabs the bag with the food, tucking it under an arm and then hefting up the coffee cup carrier.

He knows his silence will only speak of his bashfulness, but it can’t be helped, and it’s only partly because of where he is. The longer he says nothing, the more clearly he can sense Jacen’s wicked grin at the other end of the line. He can practically feel Jacen’s tongue dragging in warm, wet lines up his ass crack, wriggling into him as that evil, teasing glimmer lights his eyes and those big hands hold tightly to his thighs to keep him still and open.

A grandmotherly woman holds the door for him as he heads out to the parking lot, doing a quick scan of the occupants out of habit, looking for anyone suspicious.

“You’re awfully quiet.” Jacen observes with a smile in his voice.

“I’m trying to get to the truck and not drop scalding hot coffee all over myself
and
hold the bag
and
not drop the phone all at the same time,” Liam complains.

“That’s all? You’re not even thinking about how hard I pounded you and how good it felt when I sucked on your balls?”

“Jesus. Stop,” Liam hisses into the phone. “Gimme a few minutes and I’ll be home. Go get ready. And for Christ’s sake, hide the butt plug and the lube so I don’t literally die of embarrassment when Yasha gets there. See you in a few.”

He hangs up and gets the food settled on the floor of the cab. Pushing his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose he tries not look at himself in the rearview mirror as he reverses out of the spot.

Jacen doesn’t call back but it’s only a three minute drive back to the motel. Yasha’s motorcycle and the rental truck are parked in the lot when Liam gets there. Cursing under his breath, Liam does his best to mask his expression and goes to join the others.

They had given up on the plan of keeping their location a secret from Yasha and Valery. It didn’t really feel like doing so would accomplish much in the way of keeping them safe. It felt only childish and foolish when they so very much desired the aid of the pair of friends, especially given their hurried second move.