Where I Found You (28 page)

The blatant lie only served to confirm the truth and James didn’t need to push her further on the subject. ‘But I still don’t understand. Why has Kathy taken Lily?’

‘Mel may have convinced the social worker that I’m capable of caring for a child but what if something happened to Lily this weekend?’ Maggie said, the panic rising in her voice. ‘I’d never be trusted with a baby again and I won’t take that kind of risk. I know it’s stupid but I can’t shake this vision of a social worker being there at the birth, ready to snatch my baby from me.’

‘
You’re
not stupid, Maggie. I’m the one who’s been an idiot all these years,’ James said. As he pulled away from her, she knew the anger tensing his body was begging to be released and a different kind of fear bloomed inside her.

‘Please, James. Let’s sit down and talk this through.’

He kissed the top of her head, the gentleness of his lips a stark contrast to the steel in his voice. ‘We will, but first I need to make a quick call.’

James stormed out of the room and when he ran downstairs it sounded like a rumble of thunder. Maggie abandoned her quilt and ran after him with Harvey in hot pursuit.

‘Wait,’ she said as she caught up with him. She grabbed his arm as he was reaching for the phone in the living room.

‘I’ll never forgive her for this.’

‘There’ll be an explanation, there has to be,’ Maggie said. She was trying to sound stronger than she felt, but without warning she burst into tears. She had detected Lily’s sweet baby smells still hanging in the air.

‘I have to do this. Please, Maggie,’ James said, each word breaking his heart a little more. His hands were shaking as he led her very gently into the hallway before returning to the living room. Maggie rested her head on the door he had closed behind him and listened as he picked up the phone.

‘What the hell have you done?’ he asked.

There was a short pause but probably not long enough for Judith to give any kind of answer.

‘I know you’ve been in touch with social services. What in God’s name did you think you were doing?’

Maggie willed Judith to deny it. She didn’t want to believe that the last few weeks had been a lie. She didn’t want to consider that Judith had stepped closer into her world only to be better positioned to raze it to the ground. But with James’s next response all remaining doubt was removed.

‘I don’t give a damn what your intentions were! You may not have meant to cause harm but you have. No, Mum, it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to hear it. I’ve spent thirty-five years letting you interfere in my life but it stops here and now. I don’t want you anywhere near my family. Stay away from me and stay away from Maggie. Stay
away
, Mum.’

There was only a soft beep as James ended the call but he didn’t replace the phone in its cradle immediately. Maggie imagined him standing only feet away, lost and bereft. She wished she could go to him but the confirmation of Judith’s betrayal had felt like a punch to the stomach. If James didn’t hear Maggie drop to her knees he certainly heard Harvey bark an alert and the next thing she knew they were both at her side. Rather than try to lift her up, James sank to the floor next to her and she clung to him.

‘I want my mum,’ she whispered, managing somehow to smile at her vulnerability.

‘I know.’

‘For a while there I thought maybe your mum could …’

‘I know, Maggie, but she’s no one’s mum, not any more.’

‘You’re really prepared to do this?’

She heard him put a hand over his face, his words muffled as he spoke. ‘I won’t deny it’s killing me. My mum has been an indomitable force in my life for so long, always made me feel protected and safe.’

‘That’s what mums do.’

James straightened his back and he sounded resolute when he said, ‘Not now. Do you want to spend the rest of your life worrying about what other schemes she might be thinking up to come between us?’

‘No, I don’t but …’ Maggie began, not sure where her thoughts were leading her. What she wanted was impossible. She wished the call from Mel had never happened or, for that matter, the call Judith had made to social services; she wanted that feeling of hope for the future again, a future where Judith would be there to lend a motherly hand if called upon. ‘I can’t do this on my own.’

‘You’re not on your own.’

‘OK, I don’t want
us
to do this on our own. I’m scared, James. I’m scared you’re rushing into this decision and one day you’ll regret it and, worse still, resent me.’

‘I’m scared too but if I regret anything it’s that I didn’t see this sooner. I said I’d look after you and that’s what I’m going to do.’ James placed a hand on her wet cheek and lifted her head towards him. ‘The tears end here,’ he said.

While Maggie put her faith in her husband and dried her tears, James worked out a plan. ‘And the first thing we’re going to do is prove to ourselves as much as anyone else that we can do this. We’re going to pick up Lily.’

‘But …’

James silenced her with a gentle kiss. When she tried to object a second time, he kissed her again.

He pulled away, his lips still hovering over hers. ‘No buts. You were perfectly capable of looking after her this morning and nothing, absolutely nothing, has happened to change that. I’m going to keep on kissing you, Maggie, until I get what I want.’

Maggie felt a rush of love that didn’t quite wash away the pain but it eased her fears enough to agree. ‘But not right this minute,’ she said. ‘I need you to hold me a little longer.’ When he leaned in to kiss her again, Maggie hungrily met his lips. As they held on to each other, she was aware of their unborn child nestled safely between them. She knew it was time to stop looking for a replacement mother figure in her life. There was no pretence at independence now; this was it. With James as her foundation, she was the only mother her baby needed and that would have to be enough for her too.

19

When Maggie entered the salon, the scent of flowers cut through the warm air, vanquishing the less appealing smells of hairspray and singed hair. From the rustle of cellophane Maggie guessed there was someone standing at reception with a bouquet.

Her first thought was that Judith was standing there, but when Harvey shivered in excitement and wagged his tail ferociously, Maggie relaxed her guard. ‘They smell nice,’ she said.

‘They’re for you,’ Jenny replied.

An unscathed Lily had been handed over to her parents the previous evening, but even after a lie-in that morning, Maggie was still exhausted. Lily had missed her parents and her chosen form of protest had been to cry – and she had cried a lot, mostly during the night. She refused to be soothed by either Maggie or James, so they had been forced to call in the cavalry. It would seem that Harvey had the same winning charm with Lily as he’d had with Liam and Sam and even Maggie was forced to admit that, between the three of them, they had made the perfect team.

‘Thank you but you really didn’t have to. It was a pleasure having Lily and she wasn’t a bit of bother.’ Maggie took the bouquet and buried her nose in soft petals. She picked up the soft pink of rose, the citrus orange of geranium, a sprinkling of lavender blue and deep green grass. The flowers had been carefully chosen by someone who knew how to colour her world.

‘However, I do have a bone to pick with you,’ Jenny added. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about the call from Mel?’

The rainbow began to fade as Maggie lifted her head. ‘I didn’t want to worry you.’

‘Should I be worried?’

Maggie shrugged. ‘The letter from social services arrived this morning and no, there’s nothing to worry about. As always, there’s plenty of support on offer but thankfully no suspicions. The only lasting damage is James’s relationship with his mum.’

‘How’s he taking it?’ Kathy asked, returning to the reception desk from the main salon just in time to catch the gist of the conversation.

‘Badly,’ Maggie answered candidly. James’s initial anger had been the precursor for a whole raft of emotions, the latest being guilt. He was ashamed of himself for allowing his mum’s rejection of Maggie to go unchecked for so long. He had left other people to deal with her in the past but he was determined to prove to his wife that he had changed. ‘He’s refusing to answer any of Judith’s calls and I really can’t see him forgiving her any time soon.’

‘Good for him, I hope he cuts her out of your lives completely,’ Jenny said. She didn’t even try to hide her contempt. ‘I can’t believe she lulled you into a false sense of security only to stab you in the back. What has that woman got against you? Did she really think you’d let any harm come to Lily? Did she—’

‘I’ve spoken to Judith,’ Kathy interjected.

There was something in Kathy’s tone that brought Jenny’s blustering to a stop but it was Maggie who asked the question. ‘And?’

‘I started by giving her a piece of my mind but, to use Judith’s own words, she doesn’t need me telling her what a nasty piece of work she is.’

‘I’d agree with that,’ muttered Jenny.

‘She was misguided and she knows it. But …’ Her pause was a deliberate warning; there was another bombshell on its way. ‘She did tell me that she made that call to social services months ago, shortly after you told her you were pregnant and before she went with you to your antenatal appointment. Long before my birthday party.’

In the silence that followed, Maggie felt something akin to relief. While the latest news didn’t completely absolve Judith of blame, it gave Maggie some hope that the woman who had finally opened up her arms to her still existed. ‘But even if I could forgive her, I’m not sure James will.’

‘Where you go, James will follow,’ Kathy persisted.

‘Don’t be so sure. It won’t matter to him
when
she made the call, it’s the fact she made it at all. I just can’t see him getting over that kind of betrayal. I’m not saying he won’t come around eventually but I don’t think it’s something he can be rushed into. We’re going away in a couple of weeks, which gives everyone some breathing space, and I’ll try to talk it through with him when we get back, I promise.’

‘You’re really going to consider letting her off the hook?’ Jenny asked in disbelief.

‘It’s not going to be my decision.’

‘Like you wouldn’t interfere!’ Kathy accused.

‘No, I won’t. I’ve never seen him so determined to protect me, Kathy. He won’t let her near me, I’m sure of it.’

‘OK, I’ll try to persuade her to give you the space you need,’ Kathy said, aware she had pushed the matter as much as she dared. ‘But speaking of mothers, I have some other news. We’ve put in an offer for the house we wanted and it’s been accepted!’

There was a smattering of applause which helped lift the sombre atmosphere that had settled around them.

‘We could be moving into our new home in six weeks,’ Kathy continued but she didn’t sound so confident any more, ‘although I don’t know what I’m letting myself in for. Not only have I acquired more paperwork after the clear-out at Mum’s house, but more work too, and I’m snowed under already.’

The corners of Maggie’s mouth twitched. There was something about Kathy’s complaint that sounded engineered.

‘Is this the property management stuff?’ Jenny asked innocently.

‘Yes,’ Kathy said with a long sigh. ‘I’m sure I’ll get to grips with it eventually.’

‘But you already have so much on your plate. You’ll burn yourself out if you’re not careful and then your mum will be the one looking after you,’ Jenny said.

In Maggie’s current mood, the way the two women were skirting around the issue was nothing short of irritating. ‘Oh, for goodness’ sake! Kathy needs help and, as of next month, Mark needs a job. Kathy needs someone who knows the property business and Mark is an estate agent. Do I need to spell it out?’

‘But Mark was so keen on retraining as a joiner and I couldn’t offer him full-time work,’ Kathy said.

‘Can’t he do both?’ Maggie asked.

‘I don’t see why not,’ Jenny agreed. ‘To be honest, Kath, I think he would bite your hand off even if it was only part-time.’

‘Sorted then,’ Maggie said. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got my own work to do and you’ll be late back at the bank if you don’t hurry.’

When Maggie withdrew into her treatment room with Harvey and an armful of flowers, she tried not to let the rose thorns prick her conscience. Still haunted by the image of Elsa sitting at the side of the lake mourning her baby, Maggie thought of the anguish her mother-in-law would be going through. Judith’s arms were empty too – but they didn’t need to be, there was still hope.

Maggie could feel her resolve weakening but she was determined that James and his mother should make their own peace in their own time. They needed to establish new boundaries that would make a better future for them all and they should do that without interference. Maggie was starting to think that their holiday couldn’t come soon enough so she could remove herself from temptation.

Aware that she was wishing her life away, Maggie reminded herself that time was sometimes the enemy. Her thoughts turned to Mrs Milton who was deteriorating so quickly that even her devoted husband couldn’t stop her from disappearing into the ether.

20

Elsie was sitting quietly with a cup in her hand. Intent on stirring her tea, she hadn’t spoken a word. It was a task that so far had taken fifteen minutes.

‘I think that’s enough stirring,’ Ted said. He leaned over to still her hand. ‘How about taking a sip before it gets cold?’

‘Is there any sugar in it?’ Elsie asked.

‘Yes, love.’

As Elsie slurped her tea dutifully, Maggie said to Ted, ‘Are you sure you don’t want to go out for a little while, if only for some fresh air? It’s going to be at least two weeks before I can come back.’

James was already en route to pick up Sam and Liam for their holiday and they would spend Friday night in Sedgefield before setting off for France first thing in the morning. But as much as Maggie was looking forward to the break, it was going to be a wrench leaving the Miltons. It was her third visit that week and so far Elsie hadn’t recognised her at all. The strain on Ted was telling and it was agonising to hear the pain etched in his voice.