Where Rainbows End (23 page)

from:

Rosie

to:

Alex

subject:

G. R. E. G.

Hmm . . . Alex you’re going to have to learn my husband’s name before you come over. It’s Greg. G. R. E. G. Try and remember it please.

Did I tell you that Ruby and I are salsa dancing queens? I got the first batch of classes as a present for Ruby’s 40th a few months ago and we enjoyed it so much we kept it up. In fact Ruby has surprised me with her talents but I’m secretly sick and tired of having to be the man all the time.

Greg refuses to come to the classes with me but he doesn’t mind being taught in our bedroom when Katie is out, our bedroom door bolted, a chair love, rosie

203

pushed up against it, the blinds down and the curtains drawn. Even the TV

must be off just in case an actor or presenter happens to have the magical powers of seeing into people’s houses. Well the whole point is for us to do something fun together but seeing as I’m always the man in class it’s hard for me to be the woman at home (and I’ve
never
been any good at being the woman at home). Then we end up stepping on each other’s toes, kicking each other’s shins, getting really frustrated with each other, having a screaming match about whose foot was where, whose foot should have been where but wasn’t, and then storm out on each other.

I blame Ruby for wanting to be the woman all the time. It’s got something to do with her always being the boy at ceilis and school discos. She thinks I should be a man and take it on the chin, I told her I am
always
the man and week after week take it on the shin. She thinks I’m joking.

I’m
really
not. She’s surprisingly good at it though. She’s started taking classes on Mondays too which means that every Wednesday when we both attend our class Ruby knows the dances a little better, knows the other students a little better, and the dance instructor a whole lot better.

And nobody likes a teacher’s pet. I just can’t attend class twice a week because I have to bring Katie to basketball on Monday evenings, there’s no way I would let her get that bus alone. And even if she could go alone, I couldn’t afford two classes a week. The duties of motherhood call, and all that.

Ruby does insist that it’s not as much fun without me, because she has to dance with tutu-wearing Miss Behave, a six-foot-tall drag queen with the longest legs and blond hair who’s trying to learn salsa for her show on down at the local gay club.

Anyway, Ruby and I are really enjoying ourselves, and I find myself looking forward to the next class the minute it finishes. Ruby’s delighted because she’s losing a bit of weight (she’s losing pebbles apparently, not stones). It’s nice to find a hobby, something that excites you and makes you
look forward
to the week ahead instead of constantly dreading days. I hope you’re having some sort of life, Alex, and that you’re not overworking yourself. Go on any dates recently?

204

Cecelia Ahern

from:

Alex

to:

Rosie

subject:

Dating?

I might have . . .

You have an instant message from: ROSIE

Rosie:

I’m all ears now. Anyone I know?

Alex:

Then again I might not have . . .

Rosie:

Stop it! Who’s the unlucky girl? Do I know her?

Alex:

Maybe . . .

Rosie:

Oh please tell me it’s anyone but slutty Bethany.

Alex:

Well I better rush off because I have to get ready for tonight. Take care, Buttercup.

Rosie:

You got a date?

Alex:

Maybe . . . then again . . .

Rosie:

Yeah, yeah I get it, maybe not . . . Well whatever you’re doing enjoy it. But not too much.

Alex:

I wouldn’t dare dream of it!

You have an instant message from: ROSIE

Rosie:

Was just instant messaging Alex a few seconds ago.

Ruby:

Yeah? That’s very interesting, Rosie.

Rosie:

Yep.

Ruby:

Well? Did he say anything interesting?

Rosie:

No. We were just catching up on old times, you know how it is.

Ruby:

Good for you both. You and Greg have any plans for tonight, then?

Rosie:

He’s going on a date, Ruby.

Ruby:

Who is? Greg is?

Rosie:

No! Alex.

Ruby:

Oh are we still talking about him? Who’s he going out with?

love, rosie

205

Rosie:

I don’t know. He wouldn’t tell me.

Ruby:

Well he’s allowed to have a private life isn’t he?

Rosie:

Yeah, I suppose.

Ruby:

And it’s good that he’s able to finally move on after having his heart broken and going through a divorce, isn’t it?

Rosie:

Yeah, I suppose.

Ruby:

Well it’s good that you feel that way. You’re a great friend, Rosie, always wanting the best for Alex.

Rosie:

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

You have an instant message from: ALEX

Alex:

Hi Phil.

Phil:

Hi Alex.

Alex:

What are you doing?

Phil:

Surfing the Internet, searching for a crank hole cover for a 1939

Dodge Sedan. It’s a rare car. A real beauty. Just ordered front bumper bar extensions for the 1955 Chevrolet Sedan. It’s being shipped in.

Alex:

Right.

Phil:

Something on your mind, Alex?

Alex:

No, no.

Phil:

Well then did you message me for any particular reason?

Alex:

No, no. Just seeing how you are. Wanted to catch up with my big brother.

Phil:

Right. How’s the job?

Alex:

I’m going on a date tonight.

Phil:

Really? That’s good.

Alex:

Yeah it is.

Phil:

Good to see you moving on.

Alex:

Yeah.

Phil:

Finding happiness again.

Alex:

Yeah.

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Cecelia Ahern

Phil:

Meeting someone new will stop you from working so bloody much.

Alex:

Yeah.

Phil:

Does Rosie know?

Alex:

Yeah. Just was chatting to her there by instant message before I messaged you.

Phil:

How’s that for a coincidence? Well, what was her reaction?

Alex:

Not much of one actually.

Phil:

She wasn’t angry?

Alex:

No.

Phil:

Or jealous?

Alex:

No.

Phil:

She didn’t beg you not to date other women?

Alex:

Nope.

Phil:

That’s good then isn’t it? You’ve got a good friend there. One that wants you to move on, meet new people, and find happiness.

Alex:

Yeah. That’s good. Good to have a friend like that.

ARIES

You’re still heavily under the influence of Neptune, the planet that brings you your romantic dreams . . .

You have an instant message from: ROSIE

Rosie:

You’re right Ruby, star signs are a load of crap.

Ruby:

Thattagirl.

To Rosie, Katie, and Greg

You are invited to my 7th birthday praty on November 18th. I am haveing a magicman. He can make aminals out of balloons. He will give you a aminal for keeps.

My party starts at 11 in the morning and there will be lots of candy and then you can go home with your moms and dads.

Thanks.

Love,

Josh

You have an instant message from: KATIE

Katie:

I look like a goofball.

Toby:

You do not look like a goofball.

Katie:

Yes I do.

Toby:

No you don’t.

Katie:

You don’t even know what a goofball looks like.

Toby:

What does it look like then?

Katie:

Me.

Toby:

It doesn’t.

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Cecelia Ahern

Katie:

How would you know? I look like some sort of futuristic human race that got messed up with robots.

Toby:

You don’t.

Katie:

Oh my god why is everyone staring at me?

Toby:

Katie, we’re sitting in the back row of the classroom, everybody in the entire room has their backs to us. They are NOT staring at you.

Katie:

Whatever. I can feel their eyes on me.

Toby:

Everyone’s eyes are on their computers. You’re just being paranoid.

Katie:

No I’m not.

Toby:

Yes you are. Unless they’ve got eyes on the back of their heads.

Katie:

My mum does.

Toby:

Look, they’re only braces Katie. It’s not the end of the world. Anyway, I know how you feel. When I got my glasses I felt like everyone was staring at me too.

Katie:

That’s because they were.

Toby:

Oh. Could you do me a favor?

Katie:

What.

Toby:

Just say sizzling sausages one more time.

Katie:

TOBY! That is so not funny. You said you wouldn’t laugh. I’m gonna be stuck with these stupid train tracks for years now, and it’s not my fault they’re giving me a lisp. I’ll even have them for my birthday photos next week.

Toby:

Big deal.

Katie:

It’s my 13th birthday. I don’t wanna remember myself in photographs when I’m older as being the one with the gigantic two lumps of metal jammed in my mouth. Plus
everyone’s
coming to the party, people I haven’t seen for absolute yonks and I want to look nice.

Toby:

Let me guess, you’ll be trying to look nice in black again.

Katie:

Yep.

Toby:

You’re so morbid.

Katie:

No Toby, I’m sophisticated—the black suits my hair. It says so in my magazines. But you can wear your ratty tatty shorts and T-shirt if you like. No point in changing the habit of a lifetime.

love, rosie

209

Toby:

That’s what
my
magazines tell me to do.

Katie:

No, I
no
what your filthy magazines tell you to do and it’s not anything to do with dressing. More like undressing.

Toby:

So I’m invited anyway.

Katie:

Maybe, then again . . . maybe not.

Toby:

Katie, I’m going whether you invite me or not. I’m not missing your 13th birthday just because you’re in one of your moods. I just want to see your birthday cake getting all caught up in your braces, oozing out through the cracks in your teeth, and then hitting people on their faces when you speak.

Katie:

Whatever. I’ll make sure I speak to you the most then.

Toby:

Who’s going anyway?

Katie:

Alex, Aunt Steph, Pierre and Jean-Louis, Grandma and Granddad, Ruby, Teddy and her weirdo son that never speaks, Mum of course and a few girls from basketball.

Toby:

Well yippee. What about your uncle Kevin?

Katie:

Does he ever come to anything? He’s still working in that posh hotel down in Kilkenny. He said he’s sorry he couldn’t come but he sent me a card with a tenner inside.

Toby:

Well that’s all you want anyway. What about Greg?

Katie:

Nope he’s working in the States for a week. He gave me 13 euro. A euro for every year.

Toby:

Cool you’re gonna be rich. Just as well he’s working, I hate when him and Alex are in the same room. It freaks me out.

Katie:

I no. It’s even worse when Mum’s in the room because she just spends the entire time running from one to the other like she’s a boxing match referee.

Toby:

Alex would kick Greg’s ass if they were in a boxing match.

Katie:

Definitely. Mum would kick both their asses if they even dared.

Toby:

So is there anyone under the age of 80 coming that’s not on your crappy basketball team.

Katie:

Alex is bringing Josh.

Toby:

Josh is seven years old Katie.

Katie:

Exactly, you’ll have lots in common. Same brain power.

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Cecelia Ahern

Toby:

Oh ha ha metal mouth. Do you think you’ll have any “sizzling cocktail sausages” at your party?

Katie:

You’re hilarious Toby. Well I suppose my situation could be a million times worse.

Toby:

How?

Katie:

I could be stuck wearing glasses for the rest of my life like you Toby:

Hardy har har. I was just thinking, you might not be able to leave the country for the next few years.

Katie:

Why?

Toby:

Because of the metal detectors at the airports. You could be a real danger to the public. They could be turned into deadly weapons.

Katie:

Whatever.

You have an instant message from: ROSIE

Rosie:

My baby is going to be a teenager next week.

Ruby:

Thank your lucky stars it’s almost over now sweetie.

Rosie:

Almost over? Isn’t it just beginning? And if I had any lucky stars they would be well and truly sacked by now. What’s so great about my beautiful baby growing up and become spotty and bitchy while I decay right in front of my very own eyes? The older my child gets, the older I become.

Ruby:

Clever discovery there Rosie.

Rosie:

But that’s not allowed to happen. Because I haven’t even started my own life yet, never mind bringing another one into this world and helping her through her own. I haven’t actually done anything of substance yet.

Ruby:

Some may argue that creating life is of substance. Anything I should bring to the party?

Rosie:

Just yourself.

Ruby:

Damn it, anything else instead?

Rosie:

You’re coming whether you like it or not.