Wish for You (14 page)

I don’t know if I want to know what he’s thinking right now.

Chapter Fourteen

Wyatt

“
What in the hell do you think you were doing?” I mutter to myself. On the inside, I’m panicking and I’m pissed at myself. It hadn’t been that along ago that I had another female’s mouth on me, mine on her, and coke on my tongue, my gums… anywhere and everywhere Bailey and I could put the shit.

Sprawled under me, Lacey blinks and her forehead scrunches, like she can’t quite comprehend the question. I hadn’t meant that for her. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud at all.

“
I was just saying what I wanted to do with you. I want to learn how to please you, do things to make you…” She swallows and then licks her bottom lip. “You come, too.”

My guilt and self-loathing doubles. It corrodes my insides, making me want a drink, a hit… an escape. Anything to forget what I’ve done with other women, to forget the things I learned along the way, the dirty, hot ways I’ve had sex. I’ve eaten girls out and been blown in return.

Only, I can’t admit the truth. I can’t tell her where I’ve been, what I’ve done… none of that. Basically…
Hello, rock. Meet the hard, scary fucking place.

Suddenly, she scrambles away from me. A hand goes to her hair, the same thick hair that had tickled my chest. She wraps it around her fingers, her gaze on the sheets. Her nipples are still hard, still begging for my mouth again.

I almost give in to the temptation, but I can’t. I won’t touch her.

“
I’m sorry, Wyatt.”

Shit.
I should be apologizing, not her.

“
No, baby. I’m—”

“
It’s okay, Wyatt. I shouldn’t have tried to use you to forget my loneliness. I thought,” she says so softly that my entire body leans forward to hear what she’s going to say next, “I thought that you and I could… we could, after she said…we could be more. I could make you smile again. But I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

“
Could be more what?”

“
Please, Wyatt. I’m embarrassed enough.”

I reach out to touch her, and then draw back. I can’t touch her again. I catch her looking at me, at my hand. Her eyes widen, and her face flushes. Then her gaze darts over me, lower and lower, then back up again. “I’m not trying to embarrass you. I want to understand what you were trying to accomplish.” As soon as I know what she wants, I can make plans, swear off every woman who isn’t her, and get my life straight.

“
I wanted to forget about my family leaving. I thought having sex with you was the answer.”

“
Is that all?”

She nods, and my heart bangs against my chest. I don’t want to be used by her. “That’s all.”

I scrub a hand over my face with my free hand. She wants me. She doesn’t want me. She wants me for sex only. No rhyme, no reason.

Her lashes flick up, light brown eyes full of hurt, in direct contrast with her words. If she were just using me, why would she be the one hurting?

“
I’m sorry,” she repeats.

“
Stop saying you’re sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about.” I exhale, wishing my head were clear. Wishing I’d never gone to my cousins’ house and hooked up with Bailey, or any other female in the last month and a half.

“
I think you should leave.”

“
Of course you do,” I snap, rising from the bed. “My night wouldn’t be complete without blue balls, courtesy of Lacey Evans.”

She puts her shirt back on. “I made a mistake. It won’t happen again.”

“
You’re damn right it won’t.” I stride from the room, slamming her door shut behind me. I hadn’t planned to go out tonight, and I have to fight the urge to leave. There’s no way I can go to Dan’s. I have to work the lunch shift tomorrow, and I’m meeting with my parents to discuss taking over the Forrestville branch of Tanaka’s Steakhouse in the morning.

They promised me. I’ve kept my word and done everything they have asked, except find a girl to date. Because that girl pushed me away.

My phone vibrates, and I snag it from the coffee table in the living room.

It’s a text from Ella.

Date night tomorrow? Or reschedule again?

Yes to date night.

Where and what time?

6:30. My house.

See you then.

No more rescheduling. No more thinking that I can change Lacey’s mind. I’m going to stick to what I told Dr. Lewis. Lacey deserves better than me, even if she just broke my heart again. Even if she claims she had planned on using me tonight.

I walk to my bedroom, closing the door behind me and tossing my phone beside me. I need a cold shower. I need to wash the smell of the sweetest pussy I’ve ever tasted off my hand, out of my mouth, and bleach it from my brain.

Stepping inside the shower, I turn the water on full blast, not caring that the water is ice cold. I need it cold, but when I start to shake, I get out and dry myself off.

I eye the box on my dresser. There’s leftover blow and some weed in there.

Nathan appears, his eyes narrowing at me.
Don’t do it, Marine.

“
Leave me the fuck alone,” I roar, picking up the box and throwing it across the room, trying to hit him. It flies right through him, exploding against the wall. Powder floats in the air, while lighters and joints roll across the floor.

I don’t bother to clean it up, just pick up a joint and light it. Inhaling, I let the lighter fall to the mess on the floor. One of these should be enough.

Sinking into my bed, I don’t bother to sort out my feelings for Lacey, on what happened less than ten minutes ago, on why she lied to me
. She lied to me.
I know it and need to know why, but I take another drag, and then I don’t know anything.

Closing my eyes, I float away.

Chapter Fifteen

Lacey

Normally, I don’t sleep in, but today I don’t get up until after lunchtime. After Wyatt had stormed out of my room, leaving me shaken, embarrassed, confused, and… angry, I tossed and turned all night, barely able to sleep.

Thing is, I’m still shaken, embarrassed, confused, and angry. I’m more than angry, and I need someone to talk to. Marching to the living room, I snag the house phone and call Rae.

She answers on the first ring. “Is Cole okay?”

“
Yes,” I say, and then I frown. Why would she want to know if Cole’s okay? “Why would you have to ask Wyatt if Cole—?”

“
Lacey! Why are you…? Are you and Wyatt back together?”

“
No, we just live together.”

“
Ohmygosh
! What about his parents, your job, and her asinine speech?”

“
It’s fine for us to be roommates,” I say, hating that I’m not giving her all the information, but something needs to be kept hidden so that I don’t look like a total loser. “My family moved to Turkey, and I had to find an apartment with a roommate,” I explain, giving her the condensed version. “Wyatt offered, and I took him up on it.”

“
And he’s respecting your boundaries?”

“
Yes. But…” I sigh and sit on the sofa, fixing my gaze on the lake outside. “I might have crossed his.”

“
What happened?”

“
He…
we
did some
things
, without doing all the things, and then he got all pissed off and left the room.”

“
Honey, Wyatt doesn’t just get pissed off and leave. He has to have a reason,” Rae reminds me.

Wincing, I confess the reason he left. “I might have said that I only wanted to use him for sex to forget about my family moving away for the next two years.”

“
I’m so sorry, Lacey. To be honest, I’m a little confused. Why would you tell him that?”

“
Because he, after we… did what we did… he asked what the hell I was thinking, and he looked
disgusted
with me,” I say, my skin growing hot. It’s worse explaining everything to her, because it feels like I’m reliving every moment.

“
That asshole!” She huffs. “I hope you told him off.”

“
I apologized.”

She groans. “Lacey, he’s the one in the wrong. He’s the one assuming things about you that aren’t true.”

“
No, I said I was using him, but not until after he said what he did.”

“
Men are stupid.”

I nod, and then remember to speak because she can’t see me. “Yes.”

“
It’s okay to be angry,” she says, surprising me. “It’s okay to be confused, embarrassed, and to wonder what you did wrong. But then you need to realize that you did nothing wrong, except give everything and get shot down.”

That was kind of what happened, but I’d been the one blowing hot and cold with Wyatt. I had been the one to shoot him down. “Rae, you’re not talking about Wyatt and me anymore, are you?”

“
No.” Her voice catches. “Cole broke up with me and told me to find someone else. He—he told me to forget about him.”

“
I’m sorry, Rae. I wish I could hug you through the phone.”

“
You don’t know how much that means to me,” she says, tears in her voice. “Just the fact you would hug me makes me feel a little better.”

“
I’m glad.”

“
Ready to play with me?”

I hold out the phone a little, and then look at it. Is someone breaking into our call?

“
Shut up, Jaxon,” Rae snaps, and I press the phone against my ear. “Go hump a picture of yourself.”

He laughs. “Prefer a picture of you.”

My eyes get all big. “Did you just tell Jaxon Hunter to shut up and go hump a picture of himself?”

“
On a daily basis,” she grumbles. “Or I have to keep him away from Bliss Davenport.”

“
I know a Bliss Davenport.” We’d gone to school together, until she’d run away. She was a bit like me, quiet and not speaking unless spoken to.

“
Really? Oh crap, I have to go rehearse,” she says. “Be brave and strong, Lacey, like you always are. Wyatt will come around, or if he doesn’t, then find someone else. Someone else who deserves you.”

“
What if I don’t want someone else?” What I don’t say…
What if I don’t think anyone deserves to be with me?

“
Then you make things right with Wyatt,” she says softly. “It’s entirely up to you. Wyatt is a good man. He’ll do right by you; once he figures out he’s being an asshole.”

“
I hope so,” I say, then we say our goodbyes and I hang up the phone. Looking around the room, I am bothered by something else. There’s nothing in his house, no pictures, no plants, nothing to remind him of anyone. He hasn’t lived here that long, having bought the condo a few weeks after coming back to Forrestville, but he’s had plenty of time to make it look homey.

I glance at the clock. It’s almost two, and my stomach growls. I make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and then grab my skates and gear. I don’t have to work today, so I head to the local skate park. It’s not that far from Wyatt’s place, so I don’t have to take the bus or even put on my skates until I get there.

The skate park is mostly empty, because the new one built over in Centerville is nicer and sells refreshments. I still prefer this one, mostly because of the memories of Wyatt and me that permeates the place.

A few of the guys skating call out to me and, pretty soon, I’m laughing and feeling the breeze, soaking in the sunshine and letting all my cares fall away. Skating has always done this for me, even more than working with animals. When I skate, I’m free. I’m in control. I’m Lawless Lucy, a woman who takes chances and out scores the opposing team.