Wish for You (10 page)

Her brown-eyed gaze searches my face. “Are you coming home?”

I shrug in answer.

“
I was hoping you’d stay.” She drops her gaze to the floor. “But I can go with you if you’d like some company.”

The company I’ll be keeping tonight isn’t the kind I want around Lacey, but there’s no way of saying as much without her taking it wrong or becoming suspicious. “Poker night with the guys.”

She visibly relaxes, a little smile on her lips. “Have fun with Cole, Parker, and Beau. West is back at Georgetown, right?”

I shove my hands into my pockets. Guilt is already eating at me for lying to her. “Yeah.” I walk out of the kitchen, snagging my phone on the way to the door.

“
Bye, Wyatt,” she says from behind me.

My eyes close as I put my hand on the doorknob. I can’t do it. I can’t leave her right now. Later, however… I can go later, once she’s asleep in bed. I open my eyes, let go of the door, and make a big show about checking my phone.

“
Hmm. Well, damn.”

“
What’s wrong?”

“
Poker game is off.” I turn around, finding her standing directly under one of the lights in the living room. Her auburn hair glows beneath it. That little smile is still there. She looks like an angel. “Care to spend the evening with a grumpy war vet?”

“
It’s my patriotic duty,” she says, her smile growing wider and making my heart beat faster. I feel like I used to, back in high school, when I would catch her eye in the hallway and she would gift me with a friendly smile. I could live for days on that.

I follow Lacey to her room and help her unpack all her things. It doesn’t take long, and by the time I’ve placed a family picture on the nightstand, she’s sitting on the edge of the bed, clutching a stuffed frog that’s seen better days to her chest.

What I wouldn’t give to be that stuffed frog. Great. I’m jealous of a childhood sleep-aid.

“
What’s wrong?” I ask. The need to make her feel better is always there. It’s an intrinsic part of me, one that I hope to God I never lose.

Exhaling, she hugs her frog tighter. “I’ve never had my own room before, much less my own bed, closet, or bathroom. It’s so big and quiet.”

“
I would think you’d like that.” I sit down on the bed bedside her, leaning forward, my elbows on my thighs, and clasp my hands together. “But if you don’t, you can always sleep with me, shower with me… We can even brush our teeth together. Maybe I’ll let you style my hair. It’s long enough on top for a ponytail.”

Lacey snorts. “I’m not helping you out like that.”

I give her a look. “Help me out?”

“
You’re always hiding behind your hair,” she says. Her hand moves to my face, brushing my hair out of my eyes, and my entire body tenses. “If you actually let all the girls see your face, then you’d never be without a date.”

“
Ella didn’t seem to mind.”

Her hand falls away. “Are you going out with her again?”

“
Should I?”

Lacey sucks in a breath. “Wyatt, I want you to be happy.”

“
You didn’t answer my question.”

“
I think that in order for us to live together, as roommates, you need to know something.” She touches my arm, her gorgeous face serious as anything. But I don’t want to know. Her little “as roommates” addition says it all for me.

“
Don’t worry. I won’t invade your personal space anymore. But I for damn sure will have girls over who won’t mind me in theirs. Hope all the noise won’t keep you up.”

She blinks at me, and then looks at her feet. “It won’t.”

“
Good to know.”
Damn you, Lacey. Damn you for making me suffer even more.
I jump to my feet. “See you later, roomie.”

“
Later, Wyatt.”

This time I don’t pretend to have a text in order to stay. This time, when I stride to the door, I yank the damn thing open and leave. This time I drive my ass to my cousin’s, where his parties make Beau’s look like senior proms.

“
Didn’t think you were coming back,
chibi
,” Dan Tanaka says when he sees me, like I’m still a runt. I’m a half-foot taller than he is now.
Shrimp, my ass.
He grabs my arm and we hug, one-sided. “Your roller girl making things…
difficult
for you?”

“
Which one?”

He laughs. “S
hareteru.
”

I roll my eyes. Dan just came back from
Shibuya, his favorite city ward of Tokyo. H
e sounds like a fifteen-year-old boy when he tries to speak in slang, instead of a grown man, but I try not to dwell on it. Fact of the matter is, the Tanakas have always been merchants—successful merchants—and my uncle, Dan’s father, is no exception. He and my dad own several office buildings in Tokyo.

Too bad Uncle Ren’s son is a supplier. Worse, I’m a favorite client.

So, I’m in no position to criticize
anything
about him.

More than a few girls are hanging out in his living room, some are dancing, wearing nothing but bikini tops and short skirts, which highlight rather than conceal their asses. One in particular catches my eye. Her naturally black hair is dyed bright red, and she’s wearing it in pigtails.

Of course she is.

“
See something you like,
Wy-chan
?” He puts his arm around me, dangling a bag under my nose. The white powder glimmers under the dim lights. “This or Bailey? I’m thinking you want both.”

A slow grin kicks up the corners of my mouth. Bailey saunters to us. Her tits bounce as she walks, her high heels giving me all sorts of ideas. I take the bag from Dan, open it, and take the first hit.

It burns so good.

“
Redheads,” Dan groans, taking Bailey’s hand and kissing it, before handing her to me. “There’s a room upstairs for you.”

I don’t listen to the voice in my head screaming at me to stop. I ignore the image of Nathan, staring at me with disapproval written all over his face and blood around his head. I don’t think of Lacey, not once, not even as Bailey rolls a condom over my dick.

Bailey leans in to kiss me, but I jerk back. “Not on the mouth.” For some reason, this makes me feel a bit better, like I have standards, or I just made the personal more impersonal.

“
Maybe you should be with her,” Bailey says.

“
Maybe it’s none of your business,” I say pleasantly, bending her over the bed frame.

Bailey says nothing else, but I don’t stop myself from moaning Lacey’s name as I sink inside of her. The entire night becomes a blur, and everything kind of melds together, as sort of an opening credits montage of Bailey and me screwing and doing blow off each other.

Then Lacey shows up and I drag her to me, kissing her… whispering her how beautiful she is, how gentle I’ll be, and how long I’ve waited for her. Only when she screams my name in ecstasy, I blink, and she’s gone. The only other person in the room is Bailey, and she’s kneeling between my legs, her mouth slowly working its way up my thigh.

I fall back on the bed, watching the lights swirl, feeling nothing.

***

Lacey isn’t home when I walk through the door. I made sure not to catch a ride home until I knew she’d be in class. I can’t face her right now, not straight out of another woman’s embrace.

The condo is completely quiet, not even the heat has kicked on. As I head to my bedroom, I strip off my clothes along the way and hop in the shower. The hot water washes over me, and I scrub at my skin and hair. I do it over and over again, but the water can’t get hot enough and there’s not enough soap to wash away how dirty I feel.

It’s on the inside anyway. It’s all inside of me, eating away at anything decent.

Images of kissing Lacey light up in my head, only when I pull back to tell her how I feel, Bailey’s face is there, then Holly’s, Patty’s… and every other girl I’ve screwed in the past month and a half.

I groan and shut my eyes really tight to make them go away. Whatever was in that shit Dan gave me is fucking with my head.

“
Stop, stop, stop,” I chant as more images bombard me. They twist and turn, becoming an Alice in Wonderland version of my life. Only what I’m seeing is actually me. I’m twisted up on the inside. I’m dark, dirty, and I’ll never be clean again. My cup of tea is actually filled with blood, drugs, women… and I can’t get enough.

I take a bar of soap and jam it in my mouth, clamping my hand over it, forcing myself to swallow. My body heaves at the taste. Bile rises. I bend at the knees, trying to keep it all down.

But it’s no use, every bit of it come back up. A few minutes later, I’m on the floor, shaking uncontrollably until all the soapy water dries, leaving sticky spots on my skin.

Crawling to my bed, I climb inside, pulling the covers up and over my head.

I grind the heels of my hands into my eyes.

This wasn’t how I envisioned my life.

Maybe some guy, somewhere out there, craved a life of women, fast cars, and all the drugs he wanted on demand. But me, I’ve never been that guy. I’ve always done the right thing, joined the heroic thing, and waited patiently for the girl I love to make the first move.

And where did it get me—curled into a fucking ball in the middle of the day, in the middle of the bed, and about to sob like some… some asshole.

My teeth start chattering.

Tomorrow, I’ll get it right. Tomorrow, I’ll go to Dr. Lewis and confess everything, so he can… Another shudder rocks my body, and I have to grit my teeth to keep the little that’s left in my gut from coming up.

Fuck tomorrow.

My heart starts to slow, the frantic pace becoming more manageable as I breathe. Inch by inch, my muscles start to loosen and I can feel my hip settle into the mattress, then my side, and finally my shoulder. I just need to sleep it off, and that way, when Lacey comes home, she won’t know what happened.

She won’t know how far I’ve fallen.

Chapter Eleven

Lacey

My three-hour shift at Tanaka’s is almost over, and I’ve never been so anxious to see Wyatt, not since he first came home from the war. Last night he didn’t come home at all, and this morning, when I left for my Biology II class, he still wasn’t home. I’m more than a little jealous at the thought of him spending the night in another woman’s arms, but what can I do? I’d pushed him to it.

Biting my lip, I cash out the last server and begin to clean up the hostess station.

“
Lacey?” Mrs. Tanaka calls my name.

I look up, still scrubbing off the plastic map of the tables. “Yes?”

She motions for me to come to her office. I dry off the map, grab my purse from under the podium, and then follow her. She waits by the door, her arms loosely hanging by her sides.

“
Please have a seat,” she says, moving to her desk and sitting on the edge.

My heart pounds, and my palms start to sweat. I didn’t think about what she and Mr. Tanaka would think of Wyatt and me moving in together, even as just roommates. I need this job. It’s one of the best paying ones in town, and I’m used to Tanaka’s, to how things work, to the regulars that always come in, and whose table they want.

I’ve worked here since I was fourteen and can’t imagine working anywhere else, at least until I finish school. “Have I done something wrong?”

She takes a deep breath. “No, but I have.” Oh God. She wants to fire me and regrets that she hasn’t done it sooner, now that I— “I’ve made a mistake, and I want to rectify it.”

My lower lip trembles. I can’t help it, and I hate it. “I’ve stayed away from Wyatt, just like I promised. I know we’re living together, but only as roommates. He’s charging me money to stay there!”

“
You misunderstand.” She tilts her head to one side. “The day we talked about your relationship with my son, did you happen to overhear a phone call? A phone call I was on?”

Face heating, I nod miserably. I’m completely fired, doomed never to work at any place in town again. Who wants to hire a nosy employee?

“
I thought so.” She takes another deep breath and then frowns, as if firing me is something she’s going to regret. “I’m sorry.”