Wish for You (5 page)

Right now, as I digest last night’s events and this morning’s good news instead of breakfast, Beau ignoring me sounds perfect. Right now, I doubt my ability to drive anywhere.

“
Dadadada,” the baby says.

“
That’s right, baby girl,” I hear Beau say. “Dadadada. You’re so smart.” His throat clears. “You didn’t hear that.”

“
No idea what you’re talking about,” I mumble, increasingly uncomfortable with a secret I want no part of. “I hear nothing.”

Beau sighs. “This is Mia.”

I wave at the baby girl. “Hi Mia.”

Mia smiles, her feet kicking wildly.

“
Of course you’re good with kids,” Beau huffs. “Is that something they train you guys to do?”

“
Right along with cleaning my gun.” I roll my eyes. “I have brothers, remember?” Eighteen years younger than me, my twin brothers were a shock and a surprise to my parents. Now they’re four and can do no wrong.

“
Oh yeah.” Beau sets the spoon on the table. “You won’t tell anyone, will you?”

Holding up my hands, I shake my head. “Not my place to tell.” I have no idea what I’d tell anyway. Beau Montgomery got some girl pregnant and has a kid. I seriously doubt that would be news.

“
Mia may or may not be mine,” he says. “Her mother won’t say.”

Now
that
is a shock. “If you don’t mind me asking, then why are you helping her?”

“
Because I want to show her I’m different.”

Different from what? Wasn’t he the same guy licking a cupcake straw last night while a giggly date watched? Though, come to think of it, he hadn’t been all over her either. Admittedly, I had been paying more attention to Lacey, so I could be wrong.

“
I’m going to head out now.” I rise to my feet. “Don’t forget about Holly and Patty.” I know I won’t, but for all the wrong reasons.

“
Later,” Beau says, but he’s already put me out of his mind. Mia grabs his shirt and yanks. “Dam—
Crap
. Wipe the hands first, Montgomery, then the face.
Rookie
.”

With a smile, I leave Beau’s house. Things could be worse. I could be dealing with a woman who wouldn’t reveal if a kid was mine or not. Though, I sure as hell would like one. The Docs on base had warned us about this…. this need to get married, have babies, and buy a dog.

Seriously, war makes a man want all the things he’d sworn to not need until he’d spent the appropriate amount of time single. Being single was hell.

I’d seen the guys who were single, and they had nothing to look forward to. Nothing to get them through the hell that had been their life. The Corp was great. My brothers in my unit were just that—my brothers. I would die for them. I would and did kill for them.

Only I had let one die for me.

The dog tags hanging from my mirror swing wildly, as I gun the engine and take curves in the empty roads at dangerous speeds.

Even after being reckless, getting high, and having absolutely no memory of what I did with two women last night, I don’t have to sweat it for longer than ten minutes.

I twist my lips. Don’t I have all the luck?

Should have been me.

***

Once I get home and shower, I wander around aimlessly, staring at the walls like I’ve never seen them before. They’re blank, devoid of life and color. They mirror exactly how I feel inside.

I move to the kitchen, open the fridge, and take out the first beer my hand closes around. A quick pop of the top and I’m downing the first one, then another and another, until I’ve got a good buzz.

Stumbling to my bedroom, I fall facedown on my mattress. My cell phone rings, but I ignore it. Then my house phone rings, the one I promised to keep because my parents are afraid that something will happen if I don’t have a landline, and I ignore it, too.

The answering machine kicks on, but I’m drifting out of consciousness. I’m back in the sandbox, wearing all my gear, while the sun blazes down on me. Poppies sway from side to side, hypnotic. Gunshots ring out, and I shout, “Get down.”

My eyes pop open, seeing nothing but the covers of my bed. I curse, rolling to my back. I’m sweating all over. Taking a deep breath, I try to calm my racing heart.

Should have been me.

Nathan scowls at me.
Will be soon, if you don’t change what you’re doing, Marine.

“
Fuck off,” I mutter. My buddy’s image dissipates. Funny how he always appears in uniform, and never in civilian clothes. But maybe that’s how I want to remember him, wearing a big grin and saving the world.

That’s the lie we’re fed. Save the world, get the girl. It’s in every movie, every book… everywhere. The good guy always gets the girl.

I didn’t get the girl. So either that means I didn’t save the world, or I’m the villain who allowed his buddy to die.

“
You’re both,” I say to the empty room.

Chapter Five

Lacey

It’s been two weeks since Wyatt and I agreed to become friends again and help each other out with dates. I haven’t seen him since then, because he’s been working in another steakhouse on the other side of Charlotte.

A blessing and a curse, I think. I want to see him. For almost two years, I only had bits and pieces of Wyatt. Bits and pieces that never amounted to the whole person I needed. The whole person I loved.

Not loved.
Love
. I love Wyatt. I have for years but, until he came home from war, I was too afraid to show it. Too afraid that he would reject me. So I kissed him.

But what else was I supposed to do when he appeared—high-five him, like his other friends?

Sighing, I lace up my skates. It would have been better for everyone if I had. I tighten the strap of my helmet and then start doing laps around the track, loosening up my muscles. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Wyatt walk in and almost slam into my teammate.

A few of the girls on the team call out to him. They have no idea what has happened between us. I’m pretty tight-lipped when it comes to my personal life, so even if they suspect, that’s all it is—a suspicion.

“
Hello, hottie,” Ella says as she skates up to me. “Can you please, please introduce to me Wyatt?”

My heart plummets to the toe brakes of my skates. Ella is perfect, with straight, black hair and beautiful skin. By day, she’s pre-med and, when she’s not skating, she’s a volunteer at the local hospital. In other words, she’s perfect for Wyatt.

“
Lace?”

Wyatt tips up his chin at me, and I force a smile. His eyes narrow at me. Great. He thinks I’m being mean.

Be his friend.

I don’t want to be his friend.

He needs a friend.

But I need him.

The smart part of me, the part that recognizes the freak and the Marine have no business being together, wins, and I force myself to look at Ella.

“
After practice, I will introduce you.” Even if it kills me. Even if I have to run away after doing it. Even if I’m being the best friend to Wyatt, while becoming my own worst enemy.

Practice comes to an end all too quickly. While I had prayed for Wyatt to leave, he had merely sat in the stands, leaning back on his elbows, looking so sexy and handsome that I wanted to go sit in his lap and—and—

It doesn’t matter what I want to do with him. It doesn’t matter what I want, or if I can feel my heart breaking with each step that brings me closer to him… closer to Ella meeting the man I love.

His lean frame moves, graceful and without a care, rising to his feet. “Lawless,” he says, holding out his fist.

For a second, I glare at his balled-up hand, but I remember what I have to do. So, I ball up mine and hit it. “Hi Wyatt.”

Ella clears her throat, like I’ve forgotten she’s there. Fat chance of that happening.

“
Wyatt, this is Ella. She made the team last year while you were… away. You two have a lot in common, since she’s also Japanese-American.”

“
Oh, Lacey, I adore you.” Laughing, Ella sticks out her hand, giving him and me a blinding smile. “I’m also pre-med at Charlotte. Do we have that in common, too?”

“
Nice,” he says, reaching out to take her hand. “Soon as I re-enroll, I’ll be going for business. So one out of two is good.”

I watch their hands join, and his thumb rubs over the top of hers

“
Though in the interest of full disclosure, my mom’s Japanese
and
Brazilian.” His teeth flash, white and perfectly straight. “It’s a family secret. So, don’t tell.”

“
Good to know, and I won’t.” Ella laughs again, a little tinkling sound that isn’t unpleasant. Looking away, I steel myself for the inevitable walk away. For Ella to invite Wyatt to have drinks or go to the bar most of my teammates like to hang out at after practice.

“
We’re going to Cunninghams,” Ella says. “Come with?”

“
But it’s twenty-one and over,” Wyatt points out.

“
Yeah. Lacey can’t go. But I’ll make sure you won’t miss her,” Ella says, and I want to clothesline her. Only it’s not her fault—it’s mine. “You don’t mind, do you, Lace?”

“
No.” Actually, I do mind. I mind so much that my brain is about to explode. I don’t want to be in this situation. The lump that I thought I’d swallowed down returns, bigger than ever, and my breath hitches.
Not now
… My eyes close, and I blindly start walking away, not wanting to hear what Wyatt will say next.

My eyes open, my vision blurry with tears, and my heart kicks against my chest as I break out into a run. I grab my bag along the way, heading outside to a full parking lot. When he doesn’t come chasing after me, I know two things…

One, I did the right thing by introducing Wyatt to a girl like Ella.

Two, this is the first time in my life I’ve ever regretted joining the Western Carolina Roller Girls.

I sit down near a big truck, one that I can hide behind, and take my skates out of my bag, ignoring my tears. If I ignore them, then that means they aren’t really there.

After double-checking all my safety equipment, I skate to the road. I hadn’t planned to skate home, but there’s no way I’m going back in there to ask for a ride. Besides, my house is only three miles from here.

I hook my bag more securely around my shoulder, wishing that Rae were still here. That she hadn’t gone on tour. I really need another girl my age to talk to, but she won’t be back until May, and that would only be for a little while.

The next time I go to Wal-Mart, I am going to buy myself a cell phone. I could afford it, since I didn’t have rent or a car to pay for, and only paid for insurance so I could drive my aunt’s car when she could spare it.

I jump the railroad tracks, and a smile kicks up the corners of my mouth. The smile, combined with the thrill of the jump, makes me want to go back and do it again. So I do, two more times.

Night is falling by the time I get home, and I hurry to take off my skates and put up my stuff so I can help with homework and dinner. Anna needs help with social studies, and Benjamin has a project about the life cycle of a rabbit due. Though his teacher is our mom, she is still pretty strict. She has to be, with ten kids.

I walk inside, immediately wrapped up in hugs and given kisses from the little ones.

“
Lacey?” my mom calls from the kitchen. I march to her, my brothers and sisters giggling and letting go of my legs as I do.

My mom is standing at the sink, washing dishes, while my dad dries and stacks them.

He’s home early. Puzzled, I frown. “Why are you home?” I glance around the room. The table is clear, a bowl of fruit placed in the middle to go along with tomorrow morning’s breakfast. “Y’all already ate without me?”

“
There’s a plate in the fridge for you,” my dad says.

He and my mom exchange a glance, and once again, my heart plummets. “Is something wrong?”

My dad stops drying the dishes and he and my mom sit down at the kitchen table, motioning for me to join them. “I quit my job today.”