Wish for You (18 page)

I wing my gaze to Beau. He holds up his hands. “I followed you to the back. I was there to hang out, in the public space. First night I’ve had to myself in weeks,” he says.

“
Welcome to my world,” Cole says, setting the drink down. “You can have more in a minute.”

“
Thanks.”

“
I found you in the back, unconscious and barely breathing. Dan called an ambulance. He wouldn’t tell me what shit he put in the hookah, but I think it was a Molly. Anyway, I started doing CPR and he cleared out the room, so it looked like one of the VIP rooms in the front.” Beau grows uneasy, and he starts shifting in his chair. “I didn’t narc on your cousin, because he’s your cousin, but I wanted to.”

“
He was your supplier, too,” Cole says.

Face tight, Beau nods. “Yeah. I cleaned up though, and I go to meetings. They help.”

A nurse comes in the door, smiling at me. “Good to see you awake, Mr. Tanaka.”

“
Good to be awake.”

“
You boys will need to leave. Only family can stay later than nine PM,” he says, checking my vitals.

Beau and Cole rise at the same time. “I’ll send Parker to hang out with you tomorrow, since I have to work and Kelly has dance.”

“
I’ll have Mia tomorrow, so I can’t come,” Beau says, “but I can send over some real food.”

Turning to the nurse, I ask, “I’ll be here tomorrow, too?”

“
Your parents requested it, and Dr. Yi agreed,” the nurse says. “Everything looks good. Next time you’ll be more careful with what you put in your body.”

Flushing, I nod. Everyone then leaves.

A few minutes later, my parents arrive, my mom immediately tearing up when she sees me.

“
Wyatt,” she gasps, running to me. “I’m so thankful to see you awake.”

I hug her as best I can, patting her back with the arm that isn’t hooked up to machines and IV drips. “Happy to see you, too.”

My dad hugs me next, tighter than my mom did. “Don’t scare us, again. Uncle Ren is looking into the food issue, and the police are investigating the drink issue. What’s wrong with people?”

I shrug. “I won’t scare you guys again,” I promise. No matter what I have do, I won’t do this to them again. I won’t make my mom cry or my dad fuss at me, in his way, over something so stupid that I could have prevented.

They smile at me, beaming. My heart pounds. What if I
do
do this again? What if I take another hit, smoke another joint, and get so sloppy drunk that I don’t know my name? Would they be so happy to see me, if I survived my body’s adverse reaction? Or would they turn away from me?

I don’t want to know the answer to that.

Chapter Nineteen

Lacey

Parker drives me to the hospital to see Wyatt. For one miserable night, I believed he’d gone off with Ella. That he’d spent the night with her, and that everything was over for us.

But then Parker showed up at my door, his face pale and his green eyes soft, just as Dylan and I were leaving for the skate park. Dylan was very understanding. I’m sure he’ll make the perfect boyfriend, just not for me. For some other girl who isn’t in love with her best friend.

I don’t think my heart has stopped racing from the news, and I don’t care how tight my fingers are winding in my hair. I’m not going to freak out. I’m going to see Wyatt, make sure he’s okay for myself, and then I’m going to… to…

I sniff.

Parker covers my hand with his. “It’s okay to cry, Lacey.”

I sniff again. “I can’t believe he got food poisoning.”

“
Yeah,” he says, pulling around to the front of the hospital. “Look, I have to go into work unexpectedly.” His hand tightens around mine, and he leans over. I lean back, unsure of what he’s doing. “Can I kiss you?”

“
Why?” I’m utterly confused now. Tears are on my lashes, on my cheeks, my nose is running, and yet, he wants to hit on me, when he taking me to see his friend? A friend that Parker knows I have feelings for.

“
You look like you need one, and since the two of you aren’t seeing each other.” He shrugs, his mouth very close to mine. His eyes are sad, so sad that I want to hug him and pull him to me, but like a sister or a really good friend would. Every time I see Parker, he looks more and more unlike the practical joker I knew from high school.

Maybe I should let him kiss me. Maybe I should see what it would be like to have another man’s lips on mine. Maybe what I feel for Wyatt is what I’d feel for anyone.

I close the distance between us, softly pressing my lips to his. He doesn’t open his mouth or press me for more, just gives me sweet, closed-mouthed kisses. When he pulls away, neither of us are breathing hard. I don’t have that sensation of falling, of wanting more than I have, like when I kiss Wyatt. But I am confused, mostly by him. Parker has never done anything like this before.

“
Thank you,” Parker breathes. “You tasted very sweet.” He opens my door with his free hand. “I’m pretty sure we won’t be doing that again, mostly because a Marine will kick my ass if we do.” He leans back and releases my hand. “Tell Wyatt I said hi and I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure he’ll like spending time with you more than me anyway.”

*** *** ***

After getting Wyatt’s room information from the front desk, I take the elevator to the tenth floor. I re-check with the nurse’s station to make sure I’m going the right way, before setting off again.

Just as I get to his door, I hear a man and a woman speaking to Wyatt. So I stop, leaning against the wall to wait for them to leave.

“
How long has this been going on, Wyatt?”

“
Since October of last year.

“
What about the cocaine?”

My heart almost stops in my chest. The cocaine?

“
December?”

“
After you and Lacey broke up?”

Pain radiates from my stomach, and I bend over at the waist. It’s all my fault.

“
Yeah, but it wasn’t her fault. I was headed that way anyway. I don’t do that stuff because of her. I do it, well, you have to know, Dr. Lewis.”

“
But Dr. Yi would like to know as well.”

“
I’m self-medicating because of the war.”

I hear a sigh. I don’t think it’s Wyatt or Dr. Yi making it either. “Do I need to go over what will happen to your body if you keep using?” Dr. Yi asks.

“
No. I have the pamphlets and the DVD to watch again.”

“
Wyatt,” Dr Lewis says, all exasperated. “Sarcasm helps no one.”

“
I know. I’m sorry.” I hear some rustling around. “What about the other tests?”

“
You’re all clean, but I’m going to warn you like I do all my patients that practice unsafe sex. Don’t sleep with people you don’t know, don’t sleep with drug users, and don’t have unprotected sex at all.”

“
I didn’t. I just wanted to make sure…” Wyatt groans. “I’ve fucked up my personal life.”

“
You can fix it, but not alone. You’ll always live with PTSD, but you have to learn how to manage it and your guilt over—”

“
Don’t,” Wyatt snaps. “I did what I did, knowing the consequences… even if I don’t remember half of what I did. So don’t make me this poor wounded vet who needs forgiveness.”

“
But you do, Wyatt. You do need it.”

“
Yes, you do, Wyatt,” I whisper, agreeing with the doctors. I bite my lip to keep from saying anything else. I need to be with him, so badly that I ache to hold him. But I can’t go in there until the doctors leave. It’s possible they might not want me with him.

“
Get out,” he says.

“
Are you sure?” Dr. Yi asks.

“
Yes, and I want to go home today. As soon as possible.”

“
I’ll see what I can do.”

Dr. Yi and Dr. Lewis walk out of Wyatt’s room, and I flatten myself against the wall. Luckily, they walk off in the other direction and don’t see me. I slip inside Wyatt’s room, and my heart breaks.

He’s lying in bed, with his eyes closed, all hooked up to machines. His hair is messy, and his skin is almost a pasty white. I’ve never seen him look so helpless and lifeless.

I take a deep breath and call his name. “Wyatt.”

His eyes pop open, and I wait for him to tell me to leave or stay.

Chapter Twenty

Wyatt

“
Lacey?” I fix my gaze on her. “Are you really here?”

She nods, walking to the end of my bed. “I’m here to spend the day with you, but...”

My face heats. She doesn’t want to be, or she had before she heard what I confessed. “You heard the entire conversation.”

“
Yes.”

I turn my head, so that I have to stare at the wall instead of her beautiful face. A beautiful face with tears in her lashes and on her cheeks. “Just go home.”

“
Please.” Her voice cracks, and I turn my attention back to her. Those tears that were in her lashes fall harder. “I need to stay with you. I want to stay with you.” Slowly, she walks around the bed, stopping right beside me. If I move my arm, I could touch her. I could pull her in beside me. “Please, don’t make me leave. Let me stay.”

“
Why do you want to stay with me? You heard what I said. I’m a user, I sleep around, and I’m no fucking good.”

She swallows. “I know all that, but I also know why you did it. I’m not saying it makes it right, but it does help me understand. I only wish you’d told me, and then maybe things wouldn’t be like this.”

I shake my head, unable to believe that she’s dismissing what I’ve done. No, not dismissing. She understands. “Lacey, I’m no good for you. I’m not like other guys. I got all this shit in my head to deal with.”

Suddenly, she sits on the side of the bed. She takes off her shoes and then her coat, draping it in the chair by the bed. Then she shocks the hell out of me even more by crawling into bed with me and taking me in her arms.

“
I love you, Wyatt Tanaka. I love you and forgive you for what you think you’ve done to me, and for the things you actually did to me that hurt.” She kisses my head and holds me tighter. “I love you so much, and we’ve all got stuff in our head to deal with. But we have to learn how to deal with it, so it doesn’t control us. You once told me that asking for help didn’t make me a parasite. I’m telling you now, that admitting the things you’ve done doesn’t make you unworthy of forgiveness.”

The tears I’d been holding back for months fall as I bury my face into her neck, seeking the warmth that only she can give. “Don’t deserve you.”

“
Shut up,” she says, but I know she’s teasing. Well, a little.

I hold her to me, until her breathing evens out and I know she’s asleep, then I allow myself to join her.

*** *** ***

I’ve been home from the hospital for a little over a month now, and not only have I made sure not to miss any appointments with Dr. Lewis, I’ve also started attending Narcotics Anonymous with Beau. It’s not easy sitting there, hearing people talking about what they crave and want. Mostly because it makes me crave and want, but I’m taking it one day at a time. Instead of picking up smoking like a lot of people here have, I’ve cut out everything and made my new obsessions Lacey and boxing at Sully’s.

Shockingly enough, Cole asked for Dr. Lewis’s number. I gave it to him, and I hope to God my buddy can find some peace.

I drink down the last of my bottle of water, all the while yearning for something a lot stronger. Eventually, the craving will pass, but until then, I’m a shaky mess and a grumpy ass.

Beau is my sponsor at NA. He basically told me that I
will
fall off the wagon, at least once, before I get my shit straight. I think that’s what happened to him, but I’m determined to prove him wrong. I’m determined to be the man who’s worthy of Lacey’s love.