Without Doubt (20 page)

I look up at my sister and my mom, feeling
lost and helpless. “What do I do?”

“
You eat all of the food
she put on your plate and drink all of the juice she poured in your
glass and then you take her back to bed and show her you’re really
all right,” my dad says from behind me and everyone except my mom
laughs hysterically.

“
Oh, you boys!” my mom
scolds disgustedly as she stands and smacks my dad’s chest, then
makes her way to the kitchen and starts cleaning up. I did notice
that she didn’t disagree with him, though.

“
I’m taking Harper home
with me for the night and Greyden is making himself scarce. I made
reservations at Gino’s for you two for dinner. She just needs to
learn to deal is all, Dec. I mean, Mom is still learning and she’s
been watching you do this crap since you were a baby. Ava loves you
and it’s difficult to watch someone you love technically hurt
himself,” Macie fills me in caringly.

I finish eating all of the food quickly and
drink all of my juice, just like Dad said, then take Harper to her
room to pack a bag. As she throws in a couple princess dresses, she
knocks the wind out of me with her pensive look and
out-of-left-field question: “Are you my Daddy?”

I have to stop myself from blurting out
“YES!” Instead, I kiss the top of her head and tell her to hang on
just a second. I call Ava on the intercom to come as quickly as
possible. Thirty seconds later she arrives, a little winded with
bloodshot eyes. She’s been crying more. Harper proceeds to pack her
baby doll, a tiara and some little heels before she tries to zip it
up, though that zipper ain’t going anywhere.

“
What’s wrong?” Ava asks
as she drops down in front of the little princess and begins taking
things back out of the bag.

“
Uhh, she asked me a
question and I wasn’t sure how to respond.”

Ava turns around slowly so she can see my
face and then looks back at Harper, who is extremely annoyed that
her mom is removing everything she just packed. Harper stands there
with her hand on her hip and her little foot tapping away. It would
have been comical if she hadn’t just turned me into a giant pile of
mush.

“
Okay. What was the
question?” Ava asks hesitantly, and rightfully so; I’m sure I’m
wearing an expression that isn’t setting her racing heart at
ease.

“
Daddy! I want my dwess!”
Harper screeches as she shoves her princess dress that Ava just
removed back into the bag.

Ava was crouched down and at the sound of
“Daddy” coming out of Harper’s mouth, she falls backward onto her
butt with a soft “umph” escaping from her mouth. Harper grabs the
handles of her bag and kisses Ava on the lips with her own little
puckered ones.

“
Bye, Momma,” she says,
then drags her bag over to me and hugs my leg. I bend down and she
kisses me too, then says, “Bye, Daddy,” and walks out of her
bedroom, dragging that overstuffed, unzipped bag down the stairs.
I’m thankful I got her necessities in it before she tilted my world
with one little question then walked out like she was on a
mission.

I lie down next to Ava in the middle of the
room, just staring up at the white ceiling. I reach over and grab
her hand before pulling it over to my chest.

“
This is your call,
Declan,” she says without looking at me. “I assumed she would
eventually start asking questions but I didn’t think it would
happen so soon—the girl is two.” Ava shakes her head and lets out a
little huff of air. “Two years old.”

Ava

My world is as serene and perfect as a warm,
blissful summer day lying in a meadow with my one and only love. I
couldn’t be more content. Well, okay, that’s not completely true.
If Declan changed his mind and decided to become that accountant I
prefer, then my world would be perfect. Instead, I will learn. I
will learn to cope with his insanity, with his desire to be the
best and his hope to be a household name in the world where people
beat the shit out of each other. I learn to eat my fears and paste
on a smile. I will learn to avert my eyes when he changes and has
huge black, blue and purple splotches all over his body. I will
deal, end of story. And I will deal because he is now a part of my
everything. Suddenly, that degree that I have been busting my butt
over since I was fourteen and a freshmen in high school isn’t
nearly as important as sitting down at the dinner table with Declan
and Harper. Now, making the smoothies Greyden taught me how to make
for Dec at 4:30 in the morning is way more important than sleeping
until Harper wakes up. I don’t want to be legally married, but I
want to be his one and only. I want to be the mom that participates
in the class and the girl that brings Declan’s meals to his gym or
hell, even go running (maybe) with him in the mornings. Okay,
again, that’s not the complete truth. There’s no freaking way he’s
getting me out to run at 4:30 in the morning. Seven? Sure.

Last night, after everyone
silently shed tears of happiness over Harper announcing to them
that she was going to miss her Daddy while she sleeps over at
Auntie Macie’s, we had our alone time at a nice dinner where we
just talked nonsense, like Dec explaining his obsession with lemons
‘I told my mom when I was younger that I liked them and she told me
that I couldn’t eat them too often because the acid ate the enamel
off of my teeth. Of course, at nine years old it made me feel like
a rebel, so I started sneaking them, now it’s just a habit,’nothing
serious. Then, when we came home, we sat in the bath of bubbles for
so long that we had to refill it with warmer water a couple of
times. In there, in the sanctity of our large bathroom oasis, we
talked. About
everything.
It went something like this…

Dec- When was your first kiss?

Me- I was thirteen and it was disgusting.
Who was your first girlfriend?

Dec- Haley; we were in the second grade and
I gave her my Pokémon card. Will you ever make an exception on
getting married?

Me- No. Will you ever stop fighting?

Dec- Yes, if that’s what it’ll it take for
you to change your mind on marriage.

Me- What’s your lucky number?

And so on and so forth we
kept going and going. We decided that whether we intended on it
happening or not, we’re a family, the three of us. It may not be
the American dream traditional family, but it’s ours and we’ll do
anything to protect it. That’s why this morning when Declan waited
until seven to go running and asked me to go with him, I hesitantly
agreed. I’m not an athlete, never have been. I’m a bookworm, and
not even the fun bookworm kind where people fall in love, or
discover their spouse is a murderer or uncover someone’s past that
has ended up with amnesia. No not that kind at all. More like the
kind where I learn what triggers someone’s brain to
want
to get physically
hurt. Or truly useless facts like a rat can last longer without
water than a camel and the dot over the lowercase I is called a
tittle. I don’t read to learn new and exciting sex positions
(although technically that is learning, so maybe I should look into
it), either. I’m a nonfiction bookworm, I guess. But I love Declan,
so I put on the tank with a built in bra and the tiny running
shorts and the ridiculously neon bright running shoes and I ran. I
ran for as long as my little body would allow, which was to the end
of the drive and back. Declan, bless his heart, tried hard not to
laugh at me. He actually held it in really well, then made me
breakfast, kissed me, and went on his actual run.

Now I’m sitting in the formal living area,
just off the entry, staring at my sister, who arrived about three
minutes ago, right after Declan left. She’s looking quite
successful and much older than the eighteen year old who left me
with her newborn in a cream-colored skirt and blouse with a tiny
black belt and black patent high heels. Her hair, almost black, is
swept up in an up-do and her makeup is pristine and light. She
looks gorgeous, of course; my sister has always looked gorgeous,
with her dark skin and hair and light green eyes.

My breakfast is forgotten in the kitchen,
I’m barefoot and still in my running clothes, my short hair is
pinned back, and I don’t have a drop of makeup on. If this were any
other scenario, any other unexpected guest, I would excuse myself
immediately to make myself a little more presentable, but she’s not
happy to be here. In fact, she’s pissed. I just haven’t asked why
yet. Instead, she’s sitting there examining my new home from being
perched on one of my favorite wing back chairs. We have a ton of
pictures of Harper on the fireplace mantel but that’s not what
she’s looking at. She’s not looking at the daughter she gave up to
see if she has her hair or eyes or what her smile looks like. No,
she’s looking at the detail of the house, at the paintings on the
wall, no doubt sizing everything up.

“
Ya know, I didn’t believe
it when I heard you moved my daughter into Declan James’ house. I
thought, ‘Ava, would never do something like that.’ Guess I was
wrong. People apparently do change.”

Of course she knows
Declan. Of course she comes into town when she finds out that I’m
happy and that I’m with a man that does well for his self.
Although, considering the fact that she has a Town Car with a
chauffeur waiting in my drive for her, she’s doing pretty well for
herself too. I just don’t know if I want to know how she’s doing
well for herself. Is she in
Pretty
Woman
status or more like the lyrics to
Kanye West’s “Gold Digger”? Does she work for her money or is
she
working for
her money? I shouldn’t care. I just need to get her out of
here quickly.

“
Farrah, I’m pretty
certain you didn’t drop in after nearly three years of being away
to say hello and check in. Mind telling me what you’re doing here?”
My throat is constricted with all of the words I want to hurl at
her. Usually words flow freely when I’m worked up, like that time
that I told Declan I had stalker tendencies with him and that
someone should probably have me committed. Thankfully, I’m fully
aware of each word coming out of my mouth at this point.

Farrah slightly shakes herself out of her
appraisal of my home and clears her throat. “Acting wasn’t really
for me. I tried it for like a month and I hated waiting.” She sighs
heavily and then continues in the most annoyed tone, “I just wanted
someone to put me in a movie and call it a day. But apparently, I’m
too classically pretty for today’s movies, so I moved on,” she says
as she sweeps away a piece of non-existent hair from her eye. “I
have a great life now, Ava, you should know that. You’re the one
that taught me that I should do what makes me happy, what I’m good
at. I’m good at being a housewife. I always knew that’s what I
would ultimately become, so I’m happy that it happened sooner
rather than later.”

She’s married?

“
You’re married?” Why am I
upset she got married without me? Or even surprised? She left me to
raise the kid that she insisted on having. Left me to once again
pull in all of the anchors that my family has conveniently chose to
leave me sinking with. I have barely been keeping my head above the
rough waters that have been trying to drown me my entire life, yet
I’m hurt that she got married without me? I truly do need to be
committed.

“
Not yet.” She cocks her
head to the side and thrusts her large, flashy ring out in front of
her so I can get a better view. Her smile actually looks real, not
the fake one I know is more natural for her to share with the
world. “Which brings me to why I’m here.” She places her hands on
her skirt to smooth it down, taking a fortified breath. “My fiancé
is a very wealthy man. I was waitressing when he met me, and we
fell for each other hard and fast. He’s a smart man and has been
burned before.” Her face goes from looking young and in love when
speaking of how they met to looking old and defiant with the
straightening of her posture and a twist of her face. “He ran a
background check on me or whatever they do to dig up all of your
skeletons, shortly after we started dating, and found out that I
had given birth, but there was no adoption. In fact, he discovered,
and informed me, that you sought legal guardianship of Harper. And
won.” She lifts her eyebrows at me as if asking if that were, in
fact, a true statement.

I am completely
overwhelmed at what’s taking place. My mind is boggled by her
arrival. My heart is in complete disarray; the poor thing can’t
decide which emotion to go with. I try to remember all that I’ve
learned in my psychology courses and pinpoint the reasons behind
her animosity toward the legal aspect of her
daughter—
my
daughter, but I am at a loss; all I can come up with are
stupid mnemonic devices that aren’t doing me any good right
now.

However, the psychologist in me prevails and
I decide to listen. I nod my head to confirm her accusation,
although I would really like to correct her and tell her it wasn’t
a matter of winning when she wasn’t around to fight me on it.

“
Anyway, I’m signing a
pre-nup… I mean, obviously, but he’s concerned about you coming
after his money to help support Harper.”

Is she kidding me right now? My palms sweat
and my breathing is labored as I let the anger consume me. I am
furious. Just as I open my mouth to spew all of the words running
rampant in my head the front door swings open and in comes a sweaty
Declan—thank God he has shirt on today. My eyes flicker from him
over to Farrah, who sits a little straighter, once again fixing a
hair that isn’t actually out of order and clears her throat.