Without Doubt (21 page)

Declan stops in the foyer when he sees me in
the formal living room, a room we hardly ever occupy. Confusion is
written all over his beautiful, sweaty face. “Sunshine? Whose car
is that? Sorry, I forgot to close the gate when I left.” He’s
walking toward me and I can tell he’s uncomfortable at the thought
of allowing someone up to the house where I was alone, but still
trying to be polite to whoever is sitting facing away from him. I
stand and meet him just before he can step down to the living area.
He leans down and kisses me softly before placing a hand on my
back. “You okay?” he whispers, his face close to mine.

With wide eyes, I silently shake my head no
as I clutch tightly to his hot, clammy bicep, because I’m not okay.
“Yes. Kick off your shoes before stepping down on this white
carpet. I have someone to introduce you to.”

“
Oh, God, you actually
don’t know,” I hear from Farrah, disbelief laced in her
words.

Declan’s eyebrows furrow and he slowly toes
off his shoes while grabbing my hand. I have no idea what Farrah is
talking about, but when Dec and I take a couple steps in the room
and Farrah stands and turns Dec freezes, pulling me back as if he’s
protecting me from her.

“
Hello,
Declan.”

My blood freezes in my veins at her familiar
tone with his name. I actually don’t know what? I look between them
and Declan looks pissed and worried and confused. A lot confused
actually.

“
Amy,” Declan says quiet
and politely but my head jerks around to him like he just learned
how to spit fire out of his mouth.

Amy? What the hell?

Farrah lets out a breath and her shoulders
drop tremendously. She picks up her shiny black clutch and once
again straightens herself to her full height. “Look, I just want to
get married and live the life I always dreamed about. Another day,
another time, I would probably laugh at what’s taking place right
now, but I don’t want you screwing anything up for me, Ava. You
guys go on pretending and playing house with your little family and
allow me to do the same. I just need the both of you to sign some
legal documents my fiancé will be sending to you. My wedding is in
just under six months; please sign them quickly and get them back
to me.” Farrah doesn’t look at either one of us but instead lets
her eyes stray all over the room, landing on nothing in
particular.

“
I’m missing something
here,” Declan says testily. “First of all, why are you in our home?
Second, what the hell would we need to sign in order for you to get
married? And why the animosity towards my girlfriend? What could
she possibly screw up for you?”

Declan is confusing the shit out of me right
now. He’s shoved me behind him in a full protective stance so I
can’t see Farrah’s reaction, but I have so many questions of my
own.

“
My name is Farrah, not
Amy. I’m Ava’s sister and I’m Harper’s actual mother. I’m sure you
can put the pieces together.”

I pull against Declan’s tight grip on my
arms from behind him and step out to the side just as he releases
me and Farrah takes a step to walk around us, presumably making her
exit now that she’s flipped our lives upside down. Declan rubs his
face with one hand and rests his other on his hip.

“
Farrah. With black hair
and green eyes. The birth mother to a little girl who is almost
three,” he says almost to himself as he does what she suggested and
puts the pieces together. I’m halfway down that road, putting
together a puzzle that I have no desire to be working on, but my
pieces seem to be a lot more jagged than his at the moment.
“Dammit. You were what, Farrah? Sixteen?” he queries, again just
above a whisper, and she stops abruptly, rolling her neck from side
to side, evidently trying to ease some tension.

“
Seventeen,” Farrah says
with a renewed confidence as she turns back to us. “I was
ridiculously young and naïve, Declan. I never meant to hurt you by
lying. I just knew what I wanted and at the time I wanted
you.”

I’m going to be sick. Farrah and Declan
and…and Harper. Oh, God. I’m watching my life and future go up in
flames in front of me and I can’t say a damn word. I ease myself
down to the step as the reality hits me. Declan stands at my back,
his shins pressing into me and his hand running down my hair. I
can’t see Farrah and she’s not speaking. I’m trying desperately to
regain control of my breathing.

“
Send whatever papers need
to be signed, Farrah, and please don’t ever come back here. Your
fiancé can send his contact information along with the paperwork
and Ava will get in touch with you if she ever feels the need.” His
voice comes out in the authoritative tone that I hate, but am
grateful for at the moment.

Farrah’s heels click on the floor and a
second later I hear the front door slowly open and then close
again. Dec sits down next to me, resting his elbows on his knees
and his head in his hands. We’re quiet; we don’t move, we just sit
there, the sound of our even breathing the only noise surrounding
us. The front door opens behind us sometime later, I’m not sure how
long, but I’m guessing it’s been quite a while that we’ve been down
here, because my butt is definitely numb now that I’ve broken out
of my trance. Declan’s head snaps up and his hand reaches out for
mine as he quickly looks back to see who’s coming in. Greyden.

“
Uh… hey. Everything
okay?” he asks hesitantly, never one to pry.

“
Sunshine, why don’t you
go get in the shower before Harper gets home. I’m going to hit the
gym with Grey for a bit.” He sounds off, resigned or desolate
maybe.

I look at him for a beat before swinging my
gaze to Greyden, who looks none to happy about Declan’s
declaration, especially since he’s still wearing the same clothes
from last night. I’m not a needy girlfriend, but today I need to
know that he’s dealing with this new revelation and that it’s
something we’re going to survive. I don’t know how to say all of
that, so I just look back at him and hope that he can read my
questions and emotions that I’m sure are swimming in my eyes.

He leans over and kisses me while holding my
head close to his. “Please, baby. I just need to… I don’t exactly
know what I need, but I just have to go for a little while. I’ll be
back soon, promise.” I nod my head and he stands to put his shoes
back on while Greyden groans and mumbles his displeasure.

A moment later, they’re gone and I’m left
alone to process the biggest news of my life.

Declan

Greyden’s driving and hasn’t asked a single
question or made a single comment. Fine with me; I need to process
this shit some more. I know Ava’s worried, I can imagine why, but I
can’t focus on that right now. This morning I had a kid, a
beautiful little girl that I have fallen completely in love with
and have already accepted responsibility for—gladly accepted. But
now, this is real, not just a decision Ava and I are making. This
is not a pieced together family. No. This is my biological flesh
and blood. And I missed out on the first two and a half years of
it, of her, my daughter. My daughter.

“
Harper’s my kid.” The
words just tumbled out of my mouth quietly as I watch a blur of
blue and tan whirl past my window. The ocean is a close resemblance
to what’s churning inside of me right now, what’s been churning
since Amy, or fucking
Farrah,
turned to face me in my house.

“
Yeah, she made that
pretty clear last night.” Grey chuckles a little, but not
wholeheartedly. “You having second thoughts on that? Is that why
you’re letting me chauffeur your ass around right now?”

Fuckin’ A. He’s not going to get this until
I spell it out for him. He’s a smart dude, but knocked up chicks
and kids aren’t his forte. I scrub my face with my hands and drag
in a deep breath before spilling my guts, hoping I can keep it
together and not freak the fuck out like I really want to. I should
be in the gym, hitting something, someone, not sitting in the damn
car.

“
Remember a few years
back, our senior year of college, when we were hanging with that
frat from State?”

Greyden thinks for just a minute then nods
his head and turns down the radio.

“
And the girl I was
sleeping with at the time?” I prod.

He lets out another little laugh, a quiet
one, and shakes his head knowingly. “Yeah, she was relentless, so
determined to get your ass in bed—and you finally caved!” He laughs
a little louder. “What was her name? She always made a big deal out
of you not using a pet name, she wanted to hear her whole name…” He
snaps his fingers when it hits him. “Amy! That’s it!”

“
Farrah, actually,” I try
to fill my lungs full of air and prepare to repeat what just took
place, “she said her name was Amy, but she was lying. It’s Farrah
Sterling, and she was seventeen years old.” Fuck. This is the only
time I will ever be thankful that Ava’s parents are assholes. I
could have been in so much shit for not only sleeping with an
underage girl, but going balls to the wall and getting her
pregnant.

“
Sterling, as
in…”

“
Ava’s little
sister…Harper’s biological mother,” I say, filling in the pieces
for him.

He could have done it, I’m sure but why make
him figure it out when it won’t leave the tip of my tongue? Greyden
pulls the car over to a lookout point and gets out of the car. He
has a good idea. I follow suit and we sit on the hood of his car
while we stare out at the ocean.

* * * * * *

Preparing for this conversation I’m about to
have with Ava is making me feel like shit. I understand the logic
and simplicity of it, I also know that she will not. To me, she
signs her name on a couple papers and we never mention it again,
that’ll be the end of it. To her it’s going to be like signing her
life away. If Ava would marry me, legally, then nothing would ever
have to be said or done, but she won’t. To be on the cautious side
of life, the prepared and realistic side of life, I have to have a
conversation with her this afternoon that is going to shred her to
pieces.

Ava is a very intelligent woman and she
doesn’t have a flare for the dramatic, but I fear that she may lose
her shit over this. So I did something that I thought I would never
do. I called Jackson. Aside from me, he’s her best friend. I know I
can get her to see things my way at some point, I just don’t know
how long that’s going to take. I asked him to be here for her in
case she decides she needs some time or in the worst case scenario,
she won’t see things my way at all and decides not to sign the
papers I’m asking her to sign today.

I figured it would be best if Harper were
with Aubrey at the park and not with my family when I speak to Ava
about this, and that’s where they are now. This last week has been
hell on us. I haven’t made it easy; our turmoil has been entirely
my fault. I just don’t know how to handle this situation any other
way. I’m pissed off at the world right now. I want to physically
hurt Farrah for taking away the first years of Harper’s life from
me. I missed out completely and I was never even given the
chance.

Ava just texted and said she just got home
from class, which is perfect timing, because I just pulled up to
the house. We’re the only ones here. Typically I’d be running
inside to her, but not today. Today, my feet feel like they weigh a
thousand pounds. The weather is fitting for my mood, overcast,
cool, and gloomy. The house is silent when I pull open the door and
head towards the kitchen. Once I cross through the dining room, I
see my beautiful girl sitting at the breakfast table, staring out
the back windows into the cloudy day. She’s wearing a hoodie that’s
too big for her, the sleeves covering her hands, which have a death
grip on a coffee mug in front of her on the table. She turns her
face to me as I set my things down on the counter. The wind is
sucked right of me when I see that she’s been crying. Her eyes are
red and swollen, even her nose and lips are red and puffy. I don’t
know how to do this. Ultimately I am making a choice and I’m not
putting her first, but how can I when it comes down to it? This is
my kid we’re talking about, my flesh and blood. My flesh and blood
or the love of my life?

I take the seat next to her and pull her
into my arms and she sobs. “I’m sorry, Ava. I’m sorry I’ve been so
shitty this past week.”

She continues crying and burying her face in
my chest. “I know what this must seem like, Declan. I had no idea,
I swear, I didn’t.” She thinks, she… Oh, God, she thinks that I
think she knew this whole time?

“
Sunshine, no. I know,
without doubt I know, that you didn’t know. I know you better than
that, baby.” I cup her face and kiss her as I steel myself to fill
her in on why I asked her to be home right now. I pull myself back
some and try to ease the tension at the back of my neck and clear
my throat a couple of times.

Ava sits a little straighter and dries her
face with the end of her sweatshirt sleeve, realizing that I have
more to say. “What? What are you not telling me?” Her voice sounds
constricted and scratchy and I just want to take her back to bed
and start this whole week over.

“
Sunshine, this whole
thing is out of my league. I didn’t know what to do after Farrah
left.” I swallow the knot in my throat and look away from Ava’s
big, green, intrusive eyes that I can feel reaching all the way
down to my soul; she doesn’t say anything, just keeps looking and
waiting. “We’re a family, the three of us. You and I would have
decided that soon enough, but Harper made that official last week
and that’s not something that can be broken, if you ask me. As far
as I’m concerned, even if you won’t marry me, we’re together, the
three of us, forever.”