Without You Here (19 page)

I turned on her. "Look at him! He shouldn't be alone!"

Liza flinched, so I guess I was looking kind of crazy. I turned back to Wyatt and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Stay here. Sleep on the couch. Please!"

He was gone. I couldn't even see him behind those cold, sad eyes. He did smile a little. "You're worried."

"Wyatt, I don't want you to be alone."

He touched my face again. "You shouldn't worry about me. Sweet girl." He kissed my forehead, pried my hands off of him, and left.

I stood there staring at the door.

"You need to tell Blake," Liza said.

I rounded on her. "I know that! Do you think I don't know that? Can we work on one thing, first, though? Can we work on keeping your son alive?"

Liza's eyes widened. "What are you talking about? Did he say something?"

"He hates himself, Liza! Just look at him. He's more lost than anyone I've ever seen. Please, please don't let him be alone!"

She studied me for a long moment and then dug her cell phone out of her pocket.

"Blake, dear," she said into it, "Did your father make it home?"

I heard Blake's answer: "Yeah. He went straight to his room. Why?"

"Do me a favor, would you, and keep an eye on him tonight? At least until he falls asleep."

"Sure. Sure, Grammy. Is something wrong?"

"No. He was just by here earlier and didn't look well. You know how I worry."

"Yeah, I know. I'll keep an eye on him. Thanks."

She put her phone back in her pocket and then held me at arm's length. "What happened tonight?"

I shook my head. What did she think happened? "He almost blew it with Blake at Cal's because he was drunk. And then Cal gave him coffee and I guess...I guess this part's on me, but I went to him and told him to take me somewhere. So he did and we did...what we usually do when we run off together. And then he told me he loved me and freaked out."

"Freaked out how, dear?"

"He just got away from me and started pacing and saying all this terrible stuff."

"Terrible stuff?"

"About how I wasn't as important to him as Amberlee and he didn't deserve to be happy and all kinds of stuff like that. I'm really sorry you had to lie for us. I shouldn't have gone to him."

"I'm sorry I overreacted. We'll get this worked out."

"I'm going to tell Blake. Wyatt doesn't want to see me anymore, so I figure I don't owe him anything. It's my secret, too, and my relationship with Blake is very important to me. But I won't do it here. When Blake comes back to school next week, then I'll tell him. Will that be okay?"

Liza's eyes were wet and her smile tight. She nodded. And then surprised me with a hug. "I'm going to miss you. I like you so much already."

I hugged her back and couldn't find the words. She was such a wonderful mother and I would have loved for her to have been mine.

CHAPTER TWENTY

The next morning I packed my things because Lauren would be coming down that afternoon to take me home. I was filled with regret and relief. I did not want to leave this beautiful farm and warm, loving family. But I would be so glad to be away from Wyatt and Blake and getting pulled around in all these different directions.

It had been so weird seeing Cal, last evening, and knowing he knew about me and Wyatt. And him pretending like he didn't know me. It was weird and it made me feel sleazy and wrong. And there was Wyatt, so far away from me, so unapproachable.

After packing, I left my bags in my room and went downstairs to have coffee with Liza.  She was dressed in a flowing, flowery skirt with a pale blue blouse. Her gorgeous, silvery hair hung to her shoulders. She wore jewelry that looked so elegant. She talked me into going to church with them. Blake ended up coming over and we all rode together.

I was pretty happy to be with Blake. He wasn't hitting on me. He seemed to have switched from boyfriend mode into friend mode pretty quickly, which was good. Because I needed a friend. He hadn't harassed me about why I was so depressed. He'd asked, once or twice, but he wasn't pushing. Just holding my hand or giving me hugs. It was very comfortable.

Church was a new experience for me. I'd never been. Some parts were very boring, like the sermon. I have a hard time sitting still for long spaces of time. Makes college classes hell. But the music was beautiful. I didn't know Blake could sing.

After church we went back to Charles and Liza's house for a big family lunch. They were frying up the fish from yesterday. Cecily and her family came. Stan, Diane, Jesse and Alex and their girlfriends. And of course Wyatt showed up. He avoided me like the plague, though.

Liza showed me how to fry hush puppies. Charles and Wyatt were outside frying fish on the back porch.

I pulled out my first batch of hush puppies and dropped in the batter for the next batch when Blake came inside. He was carrying a paper plate with a filet of fried catfish. He sat it on the bar. "Dad said this came off your big fish. I told him it was all going to taste the same, but he insisted that you should get to eat the meat from your first fish. So there you go."

I dashed to the bar and dragged the plate across. "That was so thoughtful of him." Of course he would think of that for me. Blake would think it was childish, but Wyatt would understand. A first experience is a first experience, whether you're a child or an adult. A first experience is filled with wonder and excitement and just because I'm over twenty-one doesn't mean I have to act like I don't care.

I pulled off a piece of the fish and waited for it to cool. It was tender and salty. The breading had a bit of spice in it that left my tongue warm. I closed my eyes and savored. When I opened them, I saw Wyatt leaning in the back door.

"Good?" he asked, smiling kindly.

I nodded.

He seemed satisfied and stepped back out. I tried not to blush, but he looked so sexy today. Just another version of what he always wore, jeans and a t-shirt. But the shirt clung to his body, molding to his strong shoulders and arms. I hated how much I wanted him right then.

The temperature outside was in the upper seventies, so we ate out there. I sat at a picnic table with Blake and his cousins. Everyone else sprawled out on the porch wherever they could find a spot. Wyatt sat on the top porch step, angled towards where his parents sat in rocking chairs side-by-side.

I looked around. Everyone was in pairs. Cecily and her husband. Stan and Diane. Charles and Liza. And there was Wyatt, all alone. Missing his better half. I imagined what it would look like if Amberlee were here. Would she sit on the step beneath him? Would they touch each other? Give each other those private smiles that couples gave? I wondered what Wyatt would be like. If he would smile more. Laugh more.

"It's still weird not having Aunt Amberlee here," Jesse said.

Blake shrugged. "I guess it always will be. For me anyway."

"Your dad doesn't seem to be getting any better."

"No, he doesn't. Though last weekend was a bit of an aberration. Did you hear about that?"

Jesse laughed. "Only from three different people in town. Jesus, people don't know the meaning of mind-your-own-business around here. Uncle Wyatt's going to have to conduct his affairs a little further from town."

"I'm just happy he had an affair to conduct. I'm hoping he'll get out there more. Find some way to be happy."

I was so nervous hoping they'd leave the topic. When they finally did, I felt like collapsing. I was more than happy to jump up and help Liza wash dishes, afterward.

When we were through there, we took lemonade out on the back porch. I sat on the top step above where Wyatt was, picking out songs quietly on the guitar again. I figured this was a regular occupation for him. Like whenever it was back porch time, he'd be playing music. Jesse had the guitar this time and was practicing on it. The two of them were clearly the most musically inclined of the family. But then I heard Liza humming along and decided she must have a beautiful voice.

I never wanted to leave this time and place. Lauren was on her way, but I secretly hoped she would forget about me altogether.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Blake watched Ettie watching his dad. He didn't dwell on the oddness of her expression, the intimate way she watched his hands on the guitar strings, but it would come back to him later.

He heard the sound of tires on gravel and got up to walk through the house and out the front door. Lauren, in her little red sports car, was climbing out. One long leg at a time. She had on that brown, sleeveless dress with the white polka dots and the wide belt. High heels which she appeared to have difficulty maneuvering in due to the uneven nature of the gravel driveway. She slammed her door shut and began hobbling toward him.

"You're early," Blake said, smiling and leaning on the porch post.

She tiptoed her way toward him. "Yes. That does happen sometimes. Is Ettie ready to go?"

"I don't know. Why don't you come in for a while? Have something to eat?"

She made it to the porch stairs and her grace returned to her. She looked up and smiled, her red lips barely curving up. She was always so regal and elegant. And she had the temper to match her fiery hair. "I wouldn't mind a snack for the road. But I don't intend to stay."

"Come on, Lauren. It's a lazy Sunday afternoon. Hang out for a while." He opened the door for her and admired the view as she passed by him into the house.

She was looking around. Assessing the place. "This is a lovely home," she said. "Too bad it's in the middle of nowhere."

"Apple Creek is not nowhere."

She turned to face him, one elegant brow lifted. "It is absolutely nowhere. There's no industry. No night life. No social opportunities whatsoever."

He bristled. "We get along okay."

She gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Good for you. Where's Ettie?"

"Out back. If you'd consider staying the night, maybe I could take you over to the newspaper office. I'd love to have your feedback."

"Oh, Blake, dear, I can give you my feedback right now. Move to St. Louis with me. You'll have far more interesting things to edit than Aunt Bea's society column or the church recipe section."

"You are such a fucking snob," he said. But then he heard her words again. "Move to St. Louis with you? Like...live with you?"

She let out a sharp laugh. "Of course not. Are you insane? We'd kill each other. No, I just meant you'd enjoy yourself better up there."

He sighed. "Well I don't agree. I love small town life. Maybe if you'd give it a chance, you would too."

"We're not likely to find that out. Ettie?"

"Back porch." He nodded toward the back door and she turned and led him out.

Everyone looked up from their various occupations. "This is our friend, Lauren," Blake said.

Liza, of course, stood and welcomed Lauren and soon she was caught up in handshakes and introductions. Ettie sat staring into the distance. Two tears quietly slid down her cheeks. Wyatt had stopped playing. He was watching Ettie.

"Blake," Liza said, "Go fix Lauren a plate."

He raised his eyebrows at her. She shrugged, a bit of an apologetic grin on her face. She'd clearly been ambushed.

Ettie snapped to attention. "Make sure she gets some of the fish that I caught."

"For God's sake, Ettie, they all taste the same."

"I just want her to have something I caught."

"You're being a child, as usual."

"For fuck's sake," Wyatt growled. He stood, marched up the steps and shoved past Blake and into the house.

Blake stood in shock for a moment, then followed him in. Wyatt was rummaging through the cabinets until he came out with a bottle of cooking sherry. He stared at it in disgust and shoved it back in the cabinet. Finally he found what he was looking for in the pantry...a pint of Jim Beam. Not his brand, but he didn't seem to care.

Blake got started fixing Lauren a plate of food out of the leftovers while he watched his dad down half the bottle in one breath. Then he slammed it down and leaned on the counter.

"Dad?" Blake asked. "Everything okay?"

"Yep. Just needed a drink."

"Kind of seems like you don't like Ettie very much."

Wyatt burst into hysterical laughter, then. He turned, when he calmed, and Blake watched as his smile faded.

"What's so funny?" Blake asked.

Wyatt shook his head and took another drink. "Nothing. Nothing's funny at all."

"You're being weird, you know that?"

Wyatt nodded at the plate of fish covered in saran wrap. "Those two pieces on the edge are from Ettie's fish."

Blake had no idea what he was talking about or why he knew which fish was Ettie's. Or why he cared. He determined he needed to finish his conversation with Wyatt soon. Hopefully when he was sober, this time. His took Lauren's plate out to her. She was on the porch swing, sandwiched between Liza and Ettie.

Stan stood from his rocking chair and stretched. "Someone should go get ice cream," he said.

"Your idea. You go get it," Charles said.

"Aw, come on. Someone would have mentioned it if I hadn't," he said.

Blake glanced at Lauren as she licked the crumbs from her fingers. He could take her into town. Show her what a charming place Apple Creek was. Drive her past the newspaper offices. Maybe she'd change her tune. "I'll go," he said. "Lauren, come with me."

She looked up at him, wide-eyed. "I really should be going."

"Oh, no," Liza said. "Don't rush off. Go get ice cream with Blake and stay a while. We'd love to have you."

Lauren bit her bottom lip and Blake took advantage of the hesitation by grabbing her plate and her hand and hauling both back into the house.

"Blake, I really should get Ettie and get home," she said, as he ushered her out the front door, still hanging onto her wrist. He looked around and located his Dad's truck, which he'd come over in. He took her to it and opened the door for her. As he was pulling out of the driveway, she was still objecting. "It's just that she sounded really upset on the phone. Do you have any idea what it's about?"