Without You Here (27 page)

I grinned. "I'm here for you."

His smile faded some. He swallowed. Nodded. "Alright then. Do you wanna go for a walk before dinner?"

"Sure." I tried to be all cool and look like I didn't care one way or the other. He gestured for me to lead the way out the back door. He didn't touch me, but kept his hands behind his back except to open the door.

As we were leaving, Blake hollered, "You know, you two can hold hands and make out and stuff. I don't care."

I looked back in surprise and saw Wyatt flipping off his only son. But they were both grinning, so I guessed everything was okay.

   "What was that?" I asked, as we stepped off the porch.

"That's what I told them on the ride over."

I chuckled. Wyatt took my hand and led me down the little dirt road that ran alongside the field and into the woods beyond. I was beginning to think we weren't going to talk at all. And it seemed strangely okay, this silent companionship. That's one of the earmarks of a good relationship, right? That you can be quiet together?

But then he spoke. "So you're going to work for Blake? No accounting jobs in Carterville?"

His words stung, for some reason. "If it's a problem, then say so. Maybe I can find work somewhere else."

"No. No problem. I just might want to date you if you're so close. And maybe I'd be kind of sad if you didn't want to date me back and then I had to see you around town and stuff."

"That would be sad, wouldn't it?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. So if you think you don't want to go out with me on a semi-regular basis, maybe having a job down here isn't such a good idea."

I gave his hand a squeeze. "I'll take the job." I smiled up at him and he smiled back. I loved the feeling I got when our eyes met. Like all the confusion in the world suddenly made sense. "I hear you're doing better," I said.

He nodded. "Yeah. I feel a lot better. I just think I didn't really know how to sort through everything. There was so much guilt and it just made it difficult to see things clearly."

"Are you on any meds?"

He sighed. "Yeah. I don't like to admit it, but I think they've really helped. But Allan says I can wean off of them in a few months. I'd rather not be dependent on anything like that."

"What kind of changes have you made?"

"Well, it never did seem like I was doing much, but yesterday I walked into my house and suddenly saw it. I've done a lot of just cosmetic work. Got rid of some old carpet and wallpaper. I don't have any living room furniture now, except for my chair."

I laughed. "Why?"

"Well, I don't know if you remember that old couch and love seat set, but I never did like those. So I got rid of them and I just haven't been shopping for new furniture yet. I did get myself a new bed. Did you see my old one?"

I nodded.

"It was small, right? I was always thinking it was unreasonable for a guy my size to have to share a bed that small. And the room's plenty big, so I bought a king size set. My God, I never slept so good in my life. And if you wanna sleep with me, you can pick one side or the other, because my side is in the middle."

I stepped in front of him and stopped him, putting my hands on his chest. "There's no if. I will be sleeping with you."

He arched a brow. "Tonight?"

I nodded. "And tomorrow night. But I have to go home on Sunday."

He nodded and looked back towards the house, which we could only see the top of over the hill. "Ettie?"

"Yes?"

"I'm not going to make it until tonight."

And that was all the warning I got before he shoved my skirt up and lifted me onto his hips in one, effortless motion. He had his tongue in my mouth and his hands on my bare ass before I could take a breath. I clung to him and fisted my hands in his hair, moaning like a porn star as he kissed and fondled me.

He fumbled with the button and zipper on his jeans, but got them unfastened fairly quickly. I wanted him inside of me so badly and he was just about there when...

"Fuck," he said. And then I was back on my feet. He pressed his forehead to mine. "I don't have a condom."

"Oh!" I almost laughed. "It's okay. I'm good."

He shook his head. "I was very irresponsible with you. And I'm incredibly sorry about that. I'm not going to treat you like that again."

"Oh, Wyatt, I...," stopped being able to speak when he lifted me in his arms, laid me on the ground, and then went down on me. I went cross-eyed and dizzy as he ravished me with his tongue. My body was completely at his command, all I had to do was lay there and be carried away. I breathed deep, faster and harder, and then cried out through my orgasm. His tongue kept stroking me, lengthening the pleasure. I thought it would never stop.

When he finally came up on his hands and knees, I fell a little harder at the sight of his smile. "Don't look so proud of yourself," I said.

He stroked my hair off my forehead. "God, you're gorgeous."

"Your turn."

He shook his head. "I'll hit you later, baby."

I grabbed the front of his shirt. "Your turn. Now."

"You don't owe me anything."

"Wyatt," I said slowly. "I want. To suck. Your cock."

"Well far be it from me to deprive my girl of what she wants," he said, as he got to his knees and pushed his pants down. He took my hand and pulled me up to sitting position. And then he cradled the back of my head and smiled down at me.

I took him into my hands and then into my mouth. I loved the feel of him in my mouth and the sounds of his breathing and saying my name and the tightening of his fist in my hair. He came pretty fast, long before I'd intended for him too. He groaned and then laughed.

"Oh, God, that felt good," he said. He fastened up his jeans and sat back on his heels. He cupped my face in his hands and we just sat there smiling at each other like fools.

"I love you so much," I said.

"I love you, too, Ettie. I really mean it. I can't wait to spend more time with you and get to know you."

"Me too."

"We should take it slow, don't you think?"

He actually said that with a straight face, but I fell back laughing. He climbed on top of me and kissed me and we just rolled around in the grass for a long time.

He was still picking grass out of my hair when we walked back into the house. Dinner was ready and Blake and Lauren were setting the table. Lauren smiled at me and Blake rolled his eyes and muttered something about self-control.

Charles greeted us at the door, but he stood chest to chest with Wyatt and I suddenly got the feeling that I wasn't quite welcome. So I slipped past him into the kitchen and tried to look like I wasn't listening.

"Feeling better?" Charles asked.

"Yep," Wyatt said.

There was a long silence. Liza was a little tense as she pulled the rolls out of the oven. I went to her side. "Everything okay?"

"It'll be fine. Problem is, Wyatt got his personality from me. Makes him clash with his father sometimes. Charles wasn't happy to find out you two were out 'gallivanting.'"

I laughed. "Gallivanting? Did he say that?"

She grinned. "He's got an old-fashioned streak."

"There's not anyone alive who's that old-fashioned."

While I was talking to her, Charles and Wyatt had been holding quiet conference. But then I heard Wyatt bark a laugh. "Christ, Dad. Don't give yourself a heart attack, okay?" He slapped Charles on the back and then walked away.

"See?" Liza said. "No big deal. My boy is back. He was always so good at laughing things off."

Charles was grumbling while taking his seat at the head of the table. Wyatt was headed for me. And smiling like nothing was wrong. Liza left us in the kitchen for a moment. "Everything okay?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. And then he laughed and lowered his voice. "My old man disapproves of our behavior. I think he's gonna take my car keys and ground me."

I laughed. "You're such a rebel."

He quickly leaned over and gave my ear a lick, which made me squeal. And then he was gone, taking his spot at the table. I sat next to him and grinned at Blake and Lauren across the table. "Thanks, guys!" I said.

"You're welcome," Blake said. "Did you tell him the news?"

"Shut up!"

"I told you on the drive down here that I wasn't leaving until you told him and I mean it, Ettie. Or I'll do it myself."

"What news is this?" Liza asked.

Charles sat back, folded his arms over his chest, and gave me a stern look.

"Is everything okay?" Wyatt asked.

"We can talk later. In private."

"We all know what you'll spend your time doing if you wait until you're in private," Blake said. "This concerns everyone here, so spill it."

Wyatt's hand was on my back and I jumped when I saw the expression of concern in his eyes. "Are you okay? Are you...sick?"

"Oh! No. No, I'm not sick."

He closed his eyes and let out a breath. "Okay. Good. You have to take care of yourself and get checkups, though, okay? Because early detection is the most important—“

"She's pregnant," Blake said.

"You son-of-a-bitch!" I shrieked at him.

"I'm going to be a grandmother again!" Liza squealed, clasping her hands in front of her.

"Who's kid is this?" Charles asked.

"Wyatt's!" I cried. I was still glaring at Blake.

"You are a grown man!" Charles shouted at Wyatt. "How do you let something like this happen? What the hell is your problem?"

"It's just as much my fault, so yell at me, too!" I snapped back.

"From what I can tell, this is pretty much par for the course for you, young woman."

My jaw dropped.

"Hey, Grampy, lay off her," Blake said.

Charles turned back on Wyatt. "I wanna know what you intend to do about this, Son?"

Wyatt was still staring at nothing with his mouth open. Slowly he turned to face me. I was so afraid of setting him back in his therapy. So afraid this was going to destroy him. But then he laughed. "Are you seriously pregnant?"

I started to smile. "Yeah."

"You're knocked up? I knocked you up?"

I was grinning a little bigger. "Yeah," I said slowly.

"Wow. Are you okay? Feeling alright?"

I nodded. "I throw up once in the afternoon. And I'm a little tired."

His expression sobered some. "I never know, in these situations, whether to apologize or not. Seems like you shouldn't apologize for a baby. But then, this does completely alter your future. So for that, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Charles spouted. "She's a child. You ought to be ashamed of yourself."

Wyatt didn't seem to be laughing this one off. He got a little bit of a distant look in his eyes. I grabbed his arm. "Please. Don't fall apart."

"I won't. I just would really like to talk to you privately." Then he got up and walked toward the front of the house.

Liza grabbed my hand. "Congratulations," she said quietly.

"Liza, come on," Charles said. "Do you really think congratulations are in order?"

"For another grandchild? Yes I do. Lighten up, dear."

"I thought that boy's days of screwing up were done."

"Well, they're not. And I'm glad. Go on, now, Ettie."

I kissed her on the cheek and went to find Wyatt. He was sitting on the front porch steps. I sat next to him and waited.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Wyatt knew despair first hand. He'd felt plenty of despair. This wasn't despair. It was, however, disappointment. And he knew as soon as the shock wore off, he was going to be beating himself up for feeling it. How dare he feel disappointed?

"What are you feeling?" Ettie asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing. I mean...I'm happy, of course. And we should get married."

"Should?"

He looked at her. It was the best he could do. Should.

"Well," she said, "I don't want to get married. Okay?"

He swallowed and felt...relief. Damn him! Why did he feel relief? "It's just, whatever you want, angel. This is all about you and the baby. I'm here for you. I'll take care of everything."

"Wyatt, stop."

He did. He looked at her.

She slid her hand in his. "I'm okay. I don't need anything."

"Ettie—“ 

"I don't want anything from you, okay? I don't need anything. I have a job. A home. And I don't blame you remotely for this pregnancy. I mean, we share the blame, but I'm not dwelling on blame, Wyatt. There was a mistake. And now there's a baby. And that's all, okay?"

He had no idea what any of that meant. "I'll marry you, Ettie."

She sighed. "Thanks so much, but no."

"I want to marry you," he lied.

She laughed. "No you don't. You want to date and have fun. So let's do that, okay? We've got a few months, as I understand it, before I get all fat and weepy. So let's enjoy it."

He was shaking his head. "You don't know. Pregnancy is...it's crazy, Ettie. No. We'll get married."

"Listen to me. I would rather die than marry you. Do you hear me?"

Was she serious? She looked serious. He frowned and studied her. "I love you."

"I know."

He just stared at her, more confused than he’d ever felt in his life.

She smiled indulgently and he got the feeling that she knew way more than he did about what was going on. "I lied. I do want something from you," she said. "I want you to tell me what you're feeling. Right now. Let's have it."

He swallowed. He looked down and took her hand. "I'm surprised, of course, Ettie. And it's going to be an adjustment, but nothing that we do together could ever be wrong. I know you say you don't want to marry me, but I want to raise this child together."

"Yeah, yeah. That's fine. Now tell me what you're feeling, right now."

"I just did."

"Wyatt, I'm a big girl. And this is big news and I don't want you to feel like you have to protect me from your feelings. What you're feeling now will go away because you'll adjust to this and you'll do the right thing like you always do. But I don't want these feelings buried. I want them. Now. So give it to me."

He stood and paced in front of her. "I don't know what you're asking. You want me to just say what's on my mind?"