Without You Here (26 page)

Blake came in and sat on the edge of the bed. He put his hand over mine. "Sorry for being so pushy earlier."

I smiled. "It's okay." I was laying on my side and felt strangely like a little girl who was being tucked in by her father. So odd since Blake was several months younger than me.

"I really am excited about being a brother."

"I think that's so cool, Blake. Of all the reactions you could have had, this one was the least expected."

"You're so strong, Ettie, and you survive so...elegantly...that I don't always trust my own opinion of you. So, I have to ask, do you have real feelings for my dad? Or was it just, you know, a fling?"

My eyes welled with tears.

"You've just done such a good job holding yourself together these past few weeks—“

"I love him," I said.

He swallowed and nodded. I'd expected him to make some derisive remark, but he didn't. "Okay. Can I ask...why? I mean it's so weird for me. He's my dad and he's...old."

I laughed. "I see him as your dad, now. But when I saw him in the bar, I just saw a hot guy who was older than me. He seemed more annoyed than anything when I sat next to him and started flirting. But when I finally got his attention, it was like, this instant connection. He totally got me. And I got him."

"So you just went home with him from the bar? Just like that?"

"No, he wouldn't take me to his place. And we didn't go straight to bed. We played pool for a while and then he took me fishing."

Blake laughed. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. We fished in his father-in-law's pond."

"Grandpa Kenny? You fished in Grandpa Kenny's pond and he didn't shoot you on sight?"

"He shot in our vicinity, but we escaped, with the cops on our heels. It was a real outlaw adventure."

"Good God," he said, both laughing and shaking his head.

"We went cliff jumping the night after that. And spent the night in Cal's cabin where we made love so many times I lost count."

"I don't need those particular details."

I ignored him. "When he's touching me, it's like I'm not even me, anymore, but I'm a part of him. It's like we read each other's minds and know each other's bodies like our own."

"Alright, alright, that's enough of that."

I gave his hand a squeeze. "You've been so great through all of this."

He shook his head. "I called you all kinds of awful things."

"I'd figured you would. It was a terrible thing to have to find out. And I know this doesn't matter, but I had every intention of telling you once we got back here. I just didn't want to do it there near your family. And near him."

"Him." He let out a breath. "Well. Him loves you, I think. And you say you love him. I think just a little time and it will seem normal to me. It already doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I'm sorry, for my part, for fighting so hard to keep you mine. We were never right together."

"But if you hadn't, I wouldn't have met Wyatt and you wouldn't be becoming a big brother right now. So it all worked out. Good things come out of strange places sometimes."

He smiled and stroked my hair. "Well, whatever happens between you and my dad, you have my blessing."

I sat up, then, and kissed him softly on the lips. "That means everything to me. Thank you, Blake."

He blushed and stood up. "Yeah, yeah, don't get all gushy. And get some good rest, Ettie."

We said goodnight and he left.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Wyatt wound up doing more than ripping up the carpet. Whenever he wasn't out working, he was doing something with his house. He ripped out the ugly brown paneling in the dining room and replaced the sheet rock. He took down the curtains because he didn't like them, even though he didn't have anything to replace them with. He sold the sofa, and a few other articles of furniture, on Craigslist.

He and Amberlee had shared a full-sized bed all their marriage. Wyatt had mentioned getting something bigger, but Amberlee had never wanted to. She liked their bed because it was their first bed and she didn't want to change it. But now she wasn't here. So Wyatt moved it into the third bedroom to use as a guest bed and bought himself a king-sized, four-poster.

After it was delivered, he immediately put sheets on it and then sprawled out. Wyatt was a big guy, at six-foot-three-inches and there had never really been enough room on the other bed.

At some point he noticed he'd been forgetting to take Amberlee's list with him. And once he almost washed it with his jeans. So he decided that it was time to retire it. He put it in the last page of Amberlee's last photo album.

He started going through her things. Saving some of the more special items in a big trunk. Putting other items in boxes to take to the Salvation Army. And still other things, just throwing away altogether.

It had been hard at first. But it got easier. And then he got so caught up in making the house a place he wanted to live in, that he forgot to spend time feeling guilty. He hadn't had a drink outside of an after-work beer with his brother in nearly three weeks.

It was a warm, Friday evening when Wyatt walked home from the fields and for the first time, realized he was happy. Not overflowing with elation. Just...content. He still had those home videos on his dresser as sort of a safety net. For some reason, putting them away always felt like putting her away. But today he decided he would store then in the bottom drawer of the dresser. That way they'd be close if he needed them.

He went in and did that little chore. Then he showered and was about to find something to eat when Blake's car swung in the driveway. Wyatt smiled. He was okay being alone. But he enjoyed it when his son was home.

Blake and Lauren came in, holding hands. Wyatt knew they'd started seeing each other, but they hadn't been very public about their affection. "Hey, Son," Wyatt said, when they came in. He headed to the kitchen to find some food.

"Don't cook, Dad. Grammy's got dinner for all of us."

"Really? She didn't call me."

"It's last minute."

"Okay. Let's go. I'm starving."

Blake looked like he wanted to say something else. But then he covered it with a smile and turned towards the front door. On the way to his pickup truck, Wyatt stopped. "Hey, you okay?" he asked.

Blake nodded. "I'm good." He held the door open so Lauren could sit in the middle. Wyatt climbed in and glanced at the two of them, sitting with their hands folded in their laps.

"You two nervous about something?" Wyatt asked.

"No, Dad. Let's just go."

Wyatt shrugged and drove. It was a quick, two minutes around to his Mom's, but before he threw it in park, he glanced at the two of them. "You know, you two can hold hands and make out and stuff. I don't care."

"Dad!"

Wyatt laughed. "Seriously, if you're dating, hold her hand. You're acting crazy." He turned off his engine and climbed out of the truck, grinning and shaking his head. He'd kind of been hoping there would be an engagement announcement soon, but with those two, it could take a few years.

He jogged up the steps to his Mom's and smiled when he heard the classic rock playing on their stereo. He tromped into the kitchen, set on helping her fix dinner. But he froze when he saw she already had help. Ettie turned to face him and time stood still.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

I had to wait a few seconds. Blake clearly hadn't told his dad I was here. So it took a moment for Wyatt's shock to clear. He stood there, wide-eyed, staring at me. Then he glanced back at Blake. Then back to me. "Uh, hey, Ettie," he said. His feet were firmly planted. Clearly he wasn't going to come anywhere near me.

I dried my hands on a towel--I had been chopping carrots and onions--and stepped toward him. He didn't back up, so I kept going and gave him a big hug. "How are you doing, Wyatt?" I asked as I pressed myself against him.

"Good. Great, really." He was keeping his distance, as best he could, only hugging me with his hands and not his whole body. He didn't push me away, but when it was obvious he wasn't going to relax, I let him go and took a step back. He glanced at Blake again, so I guessed that was why he was nervous. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to behave around both of us.

"Great? That's wonderful," I said. "I take it Blake didn't tell you I was here?"

He shook his head and smiled nervously. I couldn't help but look him up and down. He was filling out, some. Blake had said he'd lost weight, but I'd not known him long enough to notice. He'd looked pretty muscle bound to me. Now, he was practically glowing with health.

I admired the way his shirt clung to his pecs and shoulders and then arched a brow and smiled at him. "Ask me if I'm wearing underwear," I said, in my most sultry voice.

This got a grin out of him. "Oh, God. Are you?"

I shook my head. He grabbed me round my waist and jerked me up against him.

Blake cleared his throat and Wyatt immediately let me go. He held his hands behind his back, cleared his throat and furrowed his brow. "So, uh, what are you kids doing down here this weekend? You're graduating in a week, right?"

"Yeah," Blake said. "Lauren and I just wanted to get away from studying for a while. And Ettie had some news to share with you."

I shot him a shut-the-hell-up look. I needed to ease into this. Wyatt and I needed to get reacquainted, first, and by that I meant go straight to bed and spend the next forty-eight hours going at it like rabbits.

But Wyatt was looking at me like he expected me to say something, now. So I was stuck. But then I remembered something else Blake and I had settled on. I'd share that and then maybe Blake would take the hint and give me some space. "Actually, I'm going to be moving here. Blake needs an accountant at the paper because Mrs. Marley, the current accountant, is retiring soon. So I'm going to be working for him."

Wyatt looked really confused, which was why I realized my mistake. I bit my lip and looked at Blake who had gone wide-eyed and pale.

Wyatt turned to Blake. "What's this?" he asked.

Blake swallowed, looking suddenly like somebody's child. "I've been meaning to talk to you about it. I just haven't found the right time."

Wyatt officially switched to his Dad-mode. His hands and eyes were off me completely as he turned to face his son. "Looks like now's the right time. Spill it."

Blake swallowed again and glanced nervously at Lauren. "Well...the past year I've been working weekends for Mr. Taggard."

Wyatt nodded and gave Blake a speed-it-along gesture with his hand.

Blake cleared his throat and straightened his stance. "Okay, well, so, like...."

I nearly burst out laughing. I'd never seen Blake so off his game.

"The thing is," he said. "Mr. Taggard wanted to retire, but I talked him into waiting a year and letting me buy the paper. He said if I worked weekends to prove my dedication and managed to save up enough of a down payment, then he'd sell it to me and finance it himself."

Wyatt's brows lifted. "You actually pull that off? You actually come up with a down payment?"

Blake nodded.

Wyatt nodded, his expression showing approval and some surprise. "Okay. So have you signed papers? Is it official?"

"Not until after graduation next weekend. We're getting together the Monday after to sign everything. I mean, if it's okay and all."

Wyatt waited a beat and then glanced back at Liza who was smiling. He turned back to Blake. "Are you seriously asking my permission to buy a business? You've worked your ass off all year for this and you're asking me if it's alright?"

Blake shrugged nervously. "It's just...I've been meaning to talk about this with you and...and I don't want you to be disappointed."

Wyatt laughed. "Why would I be disappointed? Hell, I'm proud of you, Son. Way more responsible than I was at your age."

Which wasn't true, because at Blake's age, Wyatt had bought some land and some cattle and proceeded to build a business that not only supported his family, but his brother and parents as well.

Blake seemed to relax just a smidgeon. "You aren't disappointed that I'm not going to be living and working on the farm?"

“Hell, no. I never figured you would. You work hard enough, but I always figured you'd do your own thing. What the hell would you do with a journalism major on a farm, anyway, right?"

Blake nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, right. I just thought you had this big dream of handing down the family business. I mean, Mom was always pushing me outside to learn from you. She was always telling me how I was gonna follow in your footsteps."

Wyatt hung his head a second before replying. "Look, Blake, your mom just wanted to make sure you understood how to work and how to be a part of a working family. And I think she had ideas about how your relationship with me should be. But none of that came from me. And the farm...it's great, I love it. But it wasn't ever my dream. I did it for Amberlee. And now I've been doing it all this time, I'll stick with it because, like I said, it's grown on me. But I wouldn't force it on you or anyone else. I'm real proud of what you've done. If it's alright, I'd love to be there when you sign the papers."

Blake finally relaxed. And then he broke into a huge smile. "Yeah, Dad. That would be great. I'd love that."

Wyatt met him at the end of the bar and gave him one of those manly hugs that involves beating the hell out of each other on the backs. Then he backed up and smiled. "Now," he said to Blake, "Marry that one," he nodded at Lauren, "and give me some grandsons so I can leave this farm to somebody who'll appreciate it."

I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. I might just be carrying somebody he could leave his farm to. Blake was having the same thought, I could see it in his eyes. But later. I would do this later.

Wyatt turned back to me and suddenly looked nervous again. "Uh, would you wanna go for a walk or something? I mean, unless you have plans." He glanced back and Blake and Lauren, then at Liza, then at me. "I mean...I don't know what...who did...." He stopped and laughed at himself. "Okay, why are you here?"