Wolf With Benefits (7 page)

He had no intentions of forgetting. Nudging her hand again, he danced away and wagged his tail. They were away from town, family, and the problems of others. She loved snowmobiling and he could run. It was the perfect day. Chuckling, Shiloh climbed to her feet and secured the neoprene mask, then fished her gloves out of her pocket. Once she had them on, she climbed on the Arctic Cat and checked the controls.

Matt danced in circles, waiting for her. Awareness swept over him and he caught her staring. Pausing, he struck a pose and she shook her head, another snort of laughter escaping. Yes, he knew how to make her smile. With a mental fist pump, he charged her snowmobile and let out a bark.

Like the most obedient human ever—
as if—
she turned the key in the ignition and the cat rumbled to life. One moment she was still, and the next she kicked up snow as she raced off. The thrill of the chase flooded him and he streaked after her. At top speed, the vehicle would go an easy fifty miles per hour, but she wouldn’t floor it to more than twenty or so. Shiloh lacked the insane thrill seeker gene,
thank God.
He could easily catch and surpass her. The point of the game wasn’t to beat her, or let her get away—it was to romp.

The clouds continued to break through the morning, letting sunshine splash onto the snow. He darted in and out of the trees, while she stuck to the fringes and avoided the thickets of roots. Though they’d had plenty of snow and it was tight-packed, zipping in and out of trees was how she’d had her accident in school. He appreciated her caution.

Abandoning his position behind her, he ran alongside. The wind across his fur, the snow beneath his feet, and Shiloh at his side added to his exhilaration. Their trail took them along some dense woods and into a national park. The rangers—human and wolf—working the eastern half were all loyal to Willow Bend. It took him some time to realize where Shi headed and, when it dawned on him the ice falls were not far away, he angled away from her and poured on his speed. He wanted to check them out beforehand.

The formation was created where an underground aquifer fed through some rocks to a stream. In summertime, it was a lazy little ribbon of water. In winter, however, the water feeding through the rocks tended to freeze and created tremendous icy formations extending six and seven feet away from the rock face and arching down as though real falls. It was a spectacular site, but the area around it wasn’t always stable. Ice layered through snow with more snow on top could make it brittle and prone to accidents. One ear flicked toward the sound of the Arctic Cat’s motor, Matt skidded to a halt.

As he remembered, the falls looked amazing. The ice beneath his feet crunched and he danced away from the edge, then pounced a few more steps. The force of his weight striking cracked more ice and snow gave way. The lurching ground was definitely not secure enough for Shiloh’s vehicle.

He intercepted her at the break in the trees as she came through. His best friend wasn’t an idiot, she slowed her pace at the sight of him blocking the path. Tugging the neoprene down, she blew out a vapory breath and said, “Not safe?”

One bob of his head and she stopped the bike entirely and killed the engine. Once off, she moved with care. The ice crunched beneath her boots. Matt waited for her to reach him, then he led the way and she followed in his wake. When he stopped, so did she. The crusted snow had tumbled towards the falls and revealed the ice ledge it had piled atop.

The illusion of solid ground was a treacherous pitfall. Shiloh edged forward and he body blocked her. Her knees impacted his side and she gripped his back to keep from falling. Stilling under the touch, he braced himself to keep her on her feet. As slight as her weight was, he could probably run with her on his back—not that he ever intended to play horse for her in wolf form. He’d much prefer to have her ride him…Shiloh’s fingers curled in his fur and she laughed. “Okay, I get it. No going closer.”

One of her best qualities—she wasn’t remotely stupid. Most of the time, they didn’t need words. Still gripping him, she knelt in the snow and stared at the ice formation. The waterproof gear kept her warm. Her gloved fingers continued to rub at his back, but the petting motion soothed and worried him in turns. Glancing over his shoulder, he found her gaze on the water formation and not on him.

What was she thinking about? He let out a low sound of inquiry, and she sighed. “You wanted to know why I left Three Rivers.”

Yes, but he hadn’t expected it to be a topic in the middle of their play. Easing away from her grip, he shifted his position so he could still keep her from going forward, but watch her face at the same time.

“I stand by the plan we had. The five of us, we wanted to make things better for the wolves…and for ourselves.”

Zeroing in on the
for ourselves
portion of the statement, Matt studied her distant expression. When she didn’t continue, he nudged her with his nose.

“We’re humans in a wolf pack, Matt.”

He knew that. Humans were treated well in Willow Bend. Even under Toman, they’d been protected. Their humans were a lot like their submissives…to be cared for and looked after. Some wolves were harsher than others, but the majority of dominants would always intercede on their behalf, keep them safe and find work for them when they needed it. Hell, Shiloh had wanted to go to college and the money had been found through various collections…

Matt considered the last. Was Shiloh even aware of those decisions? The Sullivans weren’t the Carvers, Barnes, Webbs or even the DeWitts. The Sullivans had no wolves in their immediate family.

“You probably think it’s stupid, but our goal was always to improve the circumstances and lives of those who needed a pack. As much as I think Mason is an excellent Alpha, not everyone is comfortable with him or any of the current Alpha options. Luciana’s not perfect…but she genuinely cares and she wants to do right by the people in her pack.” She chewed the inside of her lip and her scent took on a worried note. The sourness irritated his nostrils. “I half-considered asking if they’d turn me.”

The shock of the statement rocked through him and his mouth fell open.

“That was before Patrick challenged the Delta Crescent Alpha.” She continued to look away from him. “The night she came to meet with Luciana…I was in a restaurant with him and several other wolves. We’d turned it into a makeshift buffet where everyone could come and go as they pleased. We took turns making food and maintaining the offerings.” Sadness underscored the end. “I don’t know who told them, but word came that the Delta Crescent Alpha had arrived. Patrick hit his feet, and his whole body seemed to vibrate the way you wolves do when you’re really angry. He stalked over to the window and glared out it the whole time. He watched their car come in, he watched them go into the house… Linc was there in his wolf form.” Her voice trembled, so Matt pressed closer to her. With a light grip, she held onto his scruff.

“I remember talking to him, thinking I could talk him down while he began to tell me stories about Serafina. How she was some kind of voodoo witch, not a real wolf. Not like him and so many others in his pack. How else could a woman rule them? She had to be using some kind of dark magic.” Closing her eyes, she shook her head. “He kept talking, listing all the things he hated about her and what he could do better. I remember touching his arm and telling him it wouldn’t be that bad. We had Luciana and Three Rivers stood a real chance. Serafina’s arrival boded well. Maybe she would take Luciana’s side and then…” Her voice cracked.

Matt was a split second away from shifting so he could put his arms around her when she opened her eyes and looked at him.

“Then Patrick turned around and glared at me. I’ve had wolves give me that…battle look before, but with him? I swear I actually thought he was going to tear my throat out. He said, ‘Over my dead body will I let there be two bitches ruling. You think Luciana’s got this pack? No. We’re letting her take all the hits and, when the time comes, we’ll take her out.’”

If not for the sure knowledge Patrick was already dead, Matt would have taken her home to Willow Bend then gone hunting himself. Margo wasn’t the only warrior in the family.

“From there, you know what happened. He went after Serafina. Challenged her. I tried to stop it. Tried to make them see sense. I knew not everyone was completely united in the plans for Three Rivers, but I had no idea some planned to go after Luciana later, much less any other Alpha. Serafina killed him, and the wolves nearest me gave me these dark looks. They’d heard me talking to Patrick, telling him he shouldn’t do what he was doing. These were the same wolves I promised to help. Promised to help make a better life and promised I had their backs…yet all I saw in their eyes was reproach and blame.”

So she came home.

“I think I realized I’d made promises I couldn’t keep if they weren’t willing to do their part.” Relief flooded him. She wasn’t totally blaming herself. “I shouldn’t have made those promises to begin with. I knew Mason demanded the five of us return home after word reached him of our involvement. So, I came home…in part because yes, this is my home and in part to show them, these wolves I’d promised to help, that taking responsibility and being involved didn’t mean killing or destroying where we came from…”

“…sometimes it means facing the consequences, the blame, and even the ostracization of those you once called friend. I know not everyone wants me here, and they probably don’t want me in Three Rivers, either. But until the day comes that Mason says I have to leave…I’m not going anywhere. I can help them from here, too.”

She sniffed, then swiped a hand against her face. The dampness wasn’t from the snow or the ice, but her tears. His heart squeezed at the suggestion of pain. His Shiloh was a hell of a girl; he doubted she had any real understanding of how courageous she was.

“You wanted to know why I left them. I left to show them they could be saved.”

Nuzzling her cheek, he pressed closer until she hugged him. She was home.

And by God, he was keeping her.

A
fter the visit
to the falls, Matt nudged her toward to the snowmobile and they raced all the way to the jeep. It was after lunch by the time they were back. The ride had been perfect. The combination of snow, quiet, and sunshine acted like a balm on her soul. Even the confession she’d made at the falls had only been possible because Matt in his wolf form made her feel safe. He never judged her, and it would be unfair to say she couldn’t tell him the same to his human face…but Matt was different as a wolf. Not once in all the years she’d known him had his wolf ever been aggressive with her.

Playful? Absolutely. Cuddling and sweet? Definitely. Protective and fierce in her defense? Without a doubt. Angry or disappointed in her? No, never had she seen his wolf do that. She could whisper her secrets in his ear when he was a wolf and he would listen, lick away her tears, and then hug her. Sometimes they talked about it later, sometimes they didn’t—but it never seemed to affect his opinion of her.

Once they reached the jeep, Matt shifted and she did her best not to stare at his lean build or solid, steel ass. Damn, when had he gotten so good looking?

“You know it doesn’t bother me when you look at me, Shi.” She’d been so intent on not looking, she hadn’t noticed him walking up behind her. Her pulse redoubled and she glanced at him—thankfully dressed—and sighed.

“You’re my best friend. Not supposed to lust after you.” The words slipped out before she could swallow them. Still, she’d never monitored her choice of speech with him before, why should she start now?

Crowding closer, he pressed her to the side of the jeep and caged her in with an arm on either side. “I have no problems with you lusting after me.” With one finger, he tugged the neoprene away from her face. “Are you lusting after me, Shi?”

Planting a hand against his lips before he swooped in for another kiss, she tried to suppress the urge to tremble. “Matt, I know what we’re pretending, but we don’t have anyone to fool out here…” Hell, she doubted they had anyone to fool at home for that matter, but in the less than twenty-four hours since she left her parents’ house, the better she’d felt.

Nibbling her fingers, he sent electricity skating through her system. “Shi, I’d do anything for you. And I think you’re hot. I also think,” he murmured as he caught her fingers and coaxed them away from his mouth. “I think I like kissing you and I don’t care that no one is watching.” The soft brush of his mouth against hers offered a fleeting escape, then he withdrew. “But it’s freezing out here, so get in the jeep and warm it up while I reload the snowmobile. We have dinner with my parents in a few hours.”

She was still trying to wrap her mind around the tease when he strolled toward the Arctic Cat and began maneuvering it to the portable trailer. Even a few minutes without his scrutiny didn’t calm her pulse and respiration. The drive back let her watch the landscape, and she warmed enough inside the jeep to strip off her gloves and knit cap.

Thankfully, he didn’t bring up the lust conversation. Instead, he said, “We’re having dinner with Mom and Dad tonight. Robbie will probably be there, too. Mike maybe, if he’s back.”

“Where’s Mike at these days?” She hadn’t heard he’d left Willow Bend.

“Going to art school in Chicago. He’s interested in architecture. Next summer he’s going to Italy to visit Margo and her mate so he can study with a couple of Italian architects.” Matt laughed. “Mason gave his permission as long as he promised to bring my parents with him.”

“Your mom isn’t so bad.” Linda Montgomery was a tough wolf, and she gave her kids hell, but in a loving fashion. She never ordered them away from their playmates or argued when they came home for dinner. How many times had she invited Matt home with her? Once or twice? It hadn’t taken long for her mother to make it clear she didn’t approve of their friendship.

“You don’t live with her,” Matt parried.

“Neither do you. And an apartment over the garage doesn’t count.” Setting her feet on the dash, she rested her arms on her knees. “Your mom’s always been nice to me. And my mother…”

“Your mother is afraid.” The remark caught her off-guard.

“What?”

“She’s afraid…not of all of us in general, but she’s afraid of me.” He shrugged. “She doesn’t want me to take you away.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Doesn’t it?” He gave her an enigmatic look she couldn’t decipher, but they turned onto his street and she recognized the car in the driveway.

“Oh crap.”

“Huh.”

Her grandmother stood next to the classic orange Volkswagen Beetle she insisted on driving. Matt parked in front of the house, and no sooner did he have the jeep in gear than Shiloh launched out of the passenger seat. “Nana!”

Seventy-nine years young, with silver hair and a delicate build, Shiloh hesitated to hug her. Nana Sullivan was her father’s mother and she’d lived in Willow Bend her whole life, used to always say she’d been born there and would be buried there. “Where’s my hug?” The older woman straightened and extended her arms. “I haven’t seen you since you got back from college and if the Mohammad will not come to the mountain, the mountain will come for you.” Matt followed her, but kept his distance until Nana stretched a hand out to him. “Come here and give us a kiss, Matthew.”

He didn’t hesitate, closing the distance and pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Would you come inside, Mrs. Sullivan? It’s very cold out here.”

“Oh I haven’t been waiting out here the whole time.” She laughed and patted his cheek. “I had tea with Linda and caught up on all Margo’s doing. Do you mind if Shiloh and I borrow your apartment for a few minutes?”

He glanced at Shiloh first, his eyebrows arching up in faint question. She nodded her head. She wouldn’t turn down Nana’s request even if her grandmother wanted to scold her. “Not at all.”

“Well done, Matthew. I like the subtle check with Shiloh first.” Looping her arm through Shiloh’s, she nodded toward the steps. “They’re not icy. Linda promised me Matt salts them regularly throughout winter.”

“I’m sure he does. Matt’s responsible that way.” She tossed a wink in his direction and he grinned. Arm in arm, they ascended the steps to the garage apartment. The door wasn’t locked. No one locked up in Willow Bend, not when the wolves would scent out the troublemakers who made the mistake of trespassing with the intention of mischief.

Thankfully, Matt had cleaned up the night before. Once inside, she stripped out of her jacket, then helped Nana out of hers. Nana did a slow walk through the living area. Her gaze was inquisitive, but more curious than judgmental. “Matthew lives like your father did before he met Delia—all wood and water stains on everything.”

“I kind of like it, actually,” she admitted. “It’s cozy and warm. I think the clutter gives it a lived in feeling.” Though, admittedly, the hair in the sink and the stacks of dirty dishes were a little too the Huns had been there for her.

“Most of the wolves live that way or haven’t you noticed?”

Setting the coats aside, Shiloh chuckled. “I have. Most of the houses I helped Mom with were always…warmer than ours.” Huh. She’d never really considered it before, but her home was so immaculate but cold. The description sent a stab of guilt through her gut. “I mean—”

“Honey, you said what you mean. Don’t start apologizing for it now.” Nana nudged the blanket over on the sofa, took a seat and then patted the cushion next to her. “Come talk to me.”

“Do you want something to drink?” She’d planned to make some hot cocoa and sandwiches when she got back since, after their morning of running—well, riding for her—she was starved.

“Oh, you just got back. Let’s chat in the kitchen while you get something and before you ask again,” Nana said, standing with spry speed Shiloh envied. If she survived into her seventies, she rather hoped she would be just like her grandmother. The kitchen was definitely better than the night before, but she avoided opening the fridge. “So…”

One expectant look from her grandmother and Shiloh felt five years old again. Busying herself setting the coffee pot up to brew helped. “I applied to return from Three Rivers a couple of months ago, but I had to spend time with the Hunters answering questions. They didn’t let me move home until last week.”

Nana waved a hand. “I know all about that, darling. Felicia kept me informed during our bridge games. I want to know about you. I’m sorry I couldn’t come to your graduation, but with my heart medicine, neither my doctor nor Emma felt it wise for me to fly. I would have asked Gillian and Owen to take me, but they were needed in Hudson River.”

The ease with which Nana dismissed both Shiloh’s association with Three Rivers and her own health problems amazed her. “I knew you were there in spirit, Nana…and I got the booze.” In fact, she’d received two very nice bottles of liquor with the advice to mix with jello and drink as shots—wisdom she’d taken to heart. Two jello shots had seen her through the ceremony, and she’d finished the rest with her roommate afterward.

“Well, I’m glad. Now, tell me darling girl, how are you doing?”

Since her stomach gnawed on her backbone and she wanted to buy herself a little more time, she found a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread. “I’m…” She could brush it off with a lot of people but Nana, like Matt, knew her too well. “I don’t know how I am…other than to say I’m safe here with Matt.”

“Safe is good, and Matthew has always looked out for you.”

Suspicion niggled at her. “You talked to Mom didn’t you?”

“There may have been a few phone calls, but it wasn’t your mother. She never asks for help.”

No, she didn’t. “Dad?”

Nodding once, Nana came over and took the bread and peanut butter from her. “Get me the jam from the fridge you don’t want to open in front of me, and I’ll make your sandwich while you get your coffee.”

Flushing, Shiloh did as she asked. “Are you sure you don’t want any coffee?”

“Positive, dear. Linda made me a whole pot of tea and the most wonderful salmon sandwiches. Get your coffee.” She spread the peanut butter on the bread in even strokes.

“Thanks, Nana.” Because she couldn’t leave it alone, she asked, “What did Dad say?”

“That he isn’t sure what to do about you. Delia isn’t talking about it at all. She always was a bit high strung.” Nana shook her head. “I warned him when he told me they were engaged that she wouldn’t always enjoy living amongst the wolves, but he loved her and she adores him. What does a mother know?”

“Wow…you didn’t want Dad to marry Mom?” The topic never came up before and it rattled her. She and her siblings were closer to Nana than Grandma Shane, but Grandma Shane lived outside the pack.

“Saying I didn’t want them to marry would be too harsh,” Nana amended as she added swipes of jam to the other piece of bread. “Delia is lovely, and I do love your mother, but she’s very set in her ways and…well I’m afraid she got the wrong idea from my mother-in-law and your great-grandfather.”

“I’m confused, Nana. What are you talking about?” She didn’t recall her great-grandparents, as both passed away when she was really young. Her great-great grandmother was someone she recalled, but the memory was vague more a feeling than an actual memory.

“Well I’ll explain if you’ll drink your coffee and eat.” Kindness softened the weary lines around Nana’s sharp blue eyes. The admonishment spurred Shiloh into motion and she poured a cup for herself, and a smaller half-cup for Nana. While her grandmother demurred a cup, she knew Nana enjoyed a cup now and again and it seemed only fair.

“Good girl,” Nana said, before sliding a sandwich over and accepting the smaller cup of coffee. “Delia took to heart your great-grandfather’s disdain for becoming a wolf. Stephen, himself, was a good man and he loved his mother, yet he always felt a little less because she chose to be turned when she mated her second husband. His father, you see, died too young. As a child, he missed his father terribly. He resented his stepfather for replacing him and, while Hank did everything he could to make the boys feel welcome…I don’t think Stephen ever really accepted the differences. It made him a little bitter and he passed some of that bitterness onto his own children.” Someone in the family had to have gotten over it, though. Shiloh’s father had been named after the wolf who mated her great-great-grandmother.

“I don’t remember Pop-pop not liking the wolves.”

“He liked them just fine,” Nana chuckled. “They were exceptionally good at being wolves, but he was very proud of his own humanity and he embraced it.” Wistful affection softened Nana’s smile. “I miss him, every stubborn inch. The truth is, he was content to be human as I have been and I think in many ways as your father is. He was not afraid of the chance to be changed…he just never saw the need to do so.”

Chewing her sandwich thoughtfully, she studied Nana. Only after she washed down the bite with a drink of coffee did she ask, “So what does this have to do with Mom?”

“Your mother is afraid you will break with family tradition and that she will fail to be the Sullivan she thinks your great-grandfather wanted her to be.” Nana shrugged. “Honestly, it’s fear talking, darling.”

“What break—?” The question died before she finished asking it. She’d said it herself earlier—she was human in a wolf pack and she’d considered asking Luciana for the bite. “Oh.”

“Yes, Shiloh, you’ve never been shy about your affection for the wolves. You have so many friends who are wolves, and even though your mother preferred your human relationships…she still holds to the misguided belief that if you are not close to the wolves, their life won’t appeal to you.”

Misguided was such a generous word. Cradling her coffee cup, Shiloh had to ask, “Did you ever think about it, Nana? Asking for the bite? I know you’re saying Pop-pop didn’t want it, but did you?”

“We actually talked about it on a few occasions. Even made a few pro and con lists in our time. Ultimately, we were both happy with who and what we were. It wasn’t a case of longing to become something else or feeling as though we were missing something.”

The information rocked her more than her grandmother’s offered jello shots at graduation. “I had no idea.”