You Are the Reason (23 page)

Did people like Simon and Parry treat me differently because I was with Lee, who wore mascara and pink? Perhaps Parry jumped in with the “let’s fuck everyone in sight” a bit sooner than I was comfortable with, but was my life irrevocably changed by that?

Did it matter if Lee wore a dress to The Tav? Was he thrown from the premises and blackballed?

Were Lee’s parents any less proud of their son because he wasn’t the same as their other less-gay son?

Was there something wrong with being gay?

“Oh, you’re fucking kidding me.
Holding.
Can’t you see that, ump? Or do I need to Express you a fucking rule book?”

Lee’s voice filtered through to me in Maxine’s room, and I closed my eyes in resignation. It’s not like Lee acted like a girl all the time. One of those girls who worried if their nails were going to get broken or their hair was going to get out of place, I meant. I sighed and rubbed Maxine’s padded bottom. I had to be brutally honest with myself. It wasn’t like the makeup and the dress
turned me off
. In fact, when Lee highlighted his eyes with that black stuff, it made me quite horny. Thinking about making out with Lee in my van when I simply pulled his dress up for access, made me anxious to try it again. What if he wore that dress from the first night in the bar, and deliberately didn’t wear underwear? We could….

“He hasn’t got the ball, ump,” Lee screeched from the other room, and I decided that maybe I shouldn’t be thinking along those lines when holding my friend’s newborn. I gently stood and placed Maxine in her cot. She didn’t stir.

I fixed the blanket around her and made sure she was covered but wouldn’t suffocate in the bedding.

“What do you think, Miss Maxine?” I whispered. “Can I change? Can I proudly date Lee? I think I can.”

I paused while Lee’s voice reached a new octave. “Push in the back. Oh, my God. Do you need glasses? He deserves a fifty!”

I rolled my eyes. It was going to be a fun night obviously. “I think I can, Maxine,” I quietly vowed.

From the lounge, it sounded like Lee was jumping up and down on the spot. “Touched. Touched.”

I smoothed a nonexistent wrinkle from the pink sheep blanket and smiled at the cartoon figure. “As long as I don’t have to
wear
pink, I think I can do it.”

I
MADE
it through the evening without murdering Lee.

Lee made it through the evening without waking Maxine.

Maxine made it through the evening without needing Jake.

Jake didn’t make it through the evening without phoning twice more.

I soothed Jake’s nerves over the phone while Lee shrieked at the screen.

“Jake, she hasn’t stirred. Yes, I’ve checked her—”

“—for Christ’s sake. Learn how to kick straight before next week—”

“—and she was still breathing.”

Jake wasn’t satisfied. “Did you make sure the blankets weren’t—”

“—Oh, c’mon, ump.”

“—over her face?” Jake finished his sentence over the noise Lee was making. I gave Lee a swift kick to shut him up, and he shot me a guilty look. Then he stared intently at the screen once again. His team was up by only two points, and it was the last quarter.

“Do you want me to go and take a picture of her for you, to prove she’s okay, Jake?” I offered.

“Yes. No. Yes.” He changed his mind again. “No, don’t. You would need to use the flash, and it might wake her. But I’ll wait on the line while you go and check her, okay?”

I closed my eyes in resignation and handed the phone to Lee. “Here—talk to Jake while I check Maxine, okay?”

He didn’t look away from the TV as he put the phone to his ear. “Okay. No problem. Hi, Jake—oh, you are kidding me? Holding the ball.”

I crept out and snuck into Maxine’s room. Using the back of my fingers, I checked her body temperature on her tiny hand and on her neck. She frowned in her sleep but didn’t wake.

Back in the lounge room, Lee was exalting, “Yes, yes, yes. Well done, Goodes. Brilliant under pressure.” His team must’ve scored. I hurried back and updated Jake.

“She’s fine. She’s asleep. She nearly woke because I had to disturb her. So put Patrick on the line, and let me talk to the sane parent, please?”

“Arsehole,” Jake sniped at me.

“Shithead,” I replied, falling back into our long-standing friendship’s usual banter.

There was a muffled sound, and then Patrick was on the line. “Hello? Davo?”

“Hey, Patrick. How’s Jake holding out?”

There was some deep chuckling from Patrick. “Not bad. I’ve only had to accidentally spill my drink twice to take his mind off things.”

It was my turn to laugh. “So, do you think you’re going to make it to the end of dinner?”

“Hmm.” There was indecision in his tone. “They’re only just bringing out dessert, so it’s iffy. He knows we need to stay for the speeches, so I’m hoping he can hold off.”

“Okay, mate. I’ll see you both when you get home.”

“See you. Or not in my case,” Patrick joked. It was great to hear him loosening up. Sometimes he could be quite uptight about his disability.

I hung up in time to see Lee spring to his feet with a look of horror on his face. For the first time in the entire game, he was silent, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. I looked at the screen to see a West Coast player with the ball. Play was stopped while the crowd went wild. The West Coast player breathed hard and backed up in the screen shot, obviously lining up to take a shot at the goal.

I took a look at the score in the corner of the screen. West Coast were three points behind with a mere six seconds on the clock. A goal was worth six points. If the player kicked straight, and it went through for a goal, West Coast would win. A crooked kick that didn’t make it through the two larger goal posts, and instead went to the side, through the smaller posts, would score a single point—not enough to win the game.

Lee was dumbfounded, and I watched in amusement as he fell to his knees, still staring at the screen.

The crowd at the game was at fever pitch, screaming and waving anything they could get their hands on. They knew how important this kick was. I watched the West Coast player delay, taking his time to steady his nerves.

Lee was silent as the dead. As still as the dead too.

I spoke into the tense atmosphere of the room. “If he kicks a goal, I’ll take you out in a dress next weekend.”

If the player kicked the goal, Lee needed something to cheer him.

I didn’t think he heard me, but then his mouth moved. “Dear Lord—let him kick the fucking goal.
Please.
”

I then laughed uproariously as Lee, my beautiful, charming boyfriend, collapsed on the ground in a sobbing mess as his team won a heart stopper of a game. I wished I had a video camera as he cried into the wool rug in Jake and Patrick’s lounge room.

“No, no, no. God hates me. I swear he does. I can’t believe West Coast missed that goal. My team won. How dare they?”

H
E
SLEPT
at my place that night.

Maxine obviously had some sort of “daddy radar” and stirred a mere three minutes before they arrived home. Jake was greeted with a screaming baby who didn’t like Uncle Dave at that moment because Uncle Dave was
not
her daddy. It amused me to see Jake snatch the child from my arms and cuddle her into his neck. She quieted immediately, and her little arm came up to hug him.

Lee and I watched and then skedaddled. It was obvious that Jake needed to make sure his baby was still his. I wondered how I would live with the stress of not knowing if my child would be declared legally mine. I watched silently as Maxine grabbed at Jake, and Jake cuddled her like they’d been apart for months. Then Patrick walked up and put his arms around both of them, and Gregor pushed his furry body into the mix as well. With a tilt of my head, Lee and I grabbed our phones and quietly left.

“You wanna head back to my house and stay with me tonight?” I offered as we drove away.

“Does the sun set in the west?” he said.

“Every night,” I confirmed.

“You have your answer, then.”

I thought about that as I drove.
Every night
as in
yes, I want to stay with you every night
?

As in sharing bills, visits to the in-laws, and remembering anniversaries and birthdays? As in discussing whose turn it was to empty the rubbish bin and whether the carpet needed vacuuming?

As in
husband
?

By the time I had turned onto my street, those thoughts were far away. Those things could be in the
future
. There were more important things to think about, like what was going to happen in the next thirty minutes and whether or not we could make it past the kitchen.

“Let’s aim for making it past the kitchen this time,” Lee said as I approached the carport, proving that our minds were pretty much in sync.

I swallowed. “Okay. I’ll open the door, and then you run for the bedroom. If I catch you before you get there, sorry, but you’re getting fucked on the ground again.”

He nodded his agreement, and we exited the car, keeping distance between our bodies. I slotted the key into the lock, and it clicked open. I entered my dark house, reached for the light switch inside the door, and flicked it on.

My erection was pushing at my zipper, and I flattened the palms of both hands against the cold plaster of the wall.

“Go,” I whispered desperately. “For fuck’s sake, run.”

He didn’t argue. I felt his body brush past me. I slammed the front door shut, whirled around, and raced after him. He made it to the bedroom, but not to the bed.

I tackled him, and we fell to the carpet in a tangle of limbs. I pushed him flat to the floor, straddled his butt, grabbed at his head, and turned it awkwardly so we could kiss. We didn’t care if even yoga masters couldn’t make those moves—we were horny and we needed it. We kissed frantically, desperate to renew the physicality between us. It had been way too long since we’d last been naked together. At least twenty hours.

I pushed at his shirt, wanting to feel skin.

Skin, skin, skin.

There is nothing more arousing to me than being able to run my palms over acres of skin. I could lie for hours, simply touching Lee’s skin.

I slid his shirt up his back and ran my fingers lightly over his ribs and shoulders, making him squirm in both arousal and from being overly ticklish. He flattened his hands to the floor and made to rise, muttering against my lips, “Dave. Let me up. I need to….”

I kissed him to shut him up. My needs were more important than his, and top of my list was getting him naked so I could touch every inch of his body, and with a little bit of luck, get his dick inside my mouth.

The shirt slid over his head, and I threw the material aside, not caring where it landed. His jeans were more of a problem because he would need to roll to his back in order for me to unbutton them and get them off. Of course jeans were hellish sexy on him because they showed off his arse, but maybe I should encourage him to wear elastic-waist trousers to ease my way to getting him naked.

A skirt would be even easier….

I rose onto all fours, balanced above him, but made sure he couldn’t escape. He was mine. I was the pirate, and he, my plunder. “Roll,” I commanded.

He twisted around and lay on his back, staring up at me with passion-filled eyes. I couldn’t help myself. I lowered my head and claimed his mouth again. He eagerly responded and fisted the shirt on my back. Then he pulled it up and over my shoulders. We had to stop kissing for three seconds to get that shirt off, but it was worth it because when I pressed my torso back down on top of Lee, we were skin to skin.

Shirtless. Together.

My hands roamed at will, feeling his nipples and that light fuzz of chest hair. I yanked him up so I could slide my hands under his body and run my palms over his back. There were freckles on that back. I knew it, but I couldn’t see them. I imagined as I explored.

His hands weren’t idle either. He entwined them around my neck and clung tight for endless minutes until obviously his need to touch overcame him. He pushed me back so he could rediscover my chest. His fingernails were cut, but still a little longer than mine. He wasn’t a nail biter because he curled his hands into claws and raked them down my chest. It stung a bit, but that was the point. My arousal heightened dramatically, until I had to stop kissing him because the slight pain which brought me pleasure was getting too much.