Your Orgasmic Pregnancy (15 page)

No matter what went on during the first six months of your preg-

nancy, thethirdtrimester, definedastheperiodfromthetwenty- eighth week of gestation to delivery, may find your libido taking a seriousnosedive. Asyourabdomenbecomesincreasinglycrowded with baby and your organs scrunch closer and closer to your throat, feeling sexy can be a serious challenge. Along with ten- der, swollen (though magnificently plump!) breasts, the fatigue of toting extra weight can further reduce sexual interest and sat- isfaction. That’s not to say that feeling in the mood is impossible. Many a Hot Mama is ripe and ready in T3, enjoying sex right up until she meets her child face-to-face. Making the most of what- ever situation you find yourselves in comes down to your own and your partner’s needs, desires, abilities, and preferences.

Don’t for one minute think that you’re anything less than a Hot Mama, regardless of what’s going on. You are, quite literally, bursting with sexuality, from breasts to belly to booty. But if you find yourself getting lazy with the loving, consider that in 1988 researchers found that when both partners in a heterosexual re- lationship enjoyed sexual activity during pregnancy, compared to couples who didn’t share mutual sexual joy, the relationship was evaluated more positively four months after delivery in the areas of tenderness and communication. Furthermore, three years later these relationships were evaluated as more stable and less af- fected by the pregnancy and delivery.

Not surprisingly, T3 keeps the woman’s body extremely busy, especially when it comes to her sex organs. Strong vasocongestion

in the genital area continues in months seven through nine, with or without the influence of sexual excitement. Vaginal orgasms, which may require an extra measure of forbearance and tenac- ity to achieve, can result in slow, thick waves of pleasure that surge through your weary body, restoring and rejuvenating it. Sure, difficulty finding and maneuvering into a comfortable position may make getting there a challenge, but the result is worth it. For those of you who find vaginal climax virtually impossible, clito- ral orgasms tend to be a lot less challenging. It’s a great time to bust out the vibrator or to employ finger tricks. If you feel grate- ful for anything at this point, it will be the speed with which you can reach clitoral climax, thanks to that occasionally bothersome engorgement!

If you cannot climax at all during T3, don’t panic. The same is true for at least 20 percent of women. Bear in mind that the ex- pansion of your abdominal muscles in every direction can render virtually unattainable the muscular spasms of orgasm, which can lead to the buildup of a frustrating amount of sexual tension that never ends in climactic release. For those of you stuck in plateau land, be assured that our Kegel routines will have you back in or- gasmic action fairly soon postpartum.

Plenty of Hot Mamas in the middle of T3 report a continu- ally expanding sex drive and thoroughly enjoyable sex life. They are determined to do whatever it takes to keep themselves feeling sexy and radiant. Harnessing your power, taking charge of your body and pregnancy, and choosing to enjoy the experience can help you keep your glow up. So can believing that you deserve and

What’s Going On with Your Partner

Research from 1996 found that male sexual interest remains mostly unchanged until the end of the second trimester, when it decreases sharply. Most men show more sexual initiative than women be- fore, during, and after pregnancy, which is particularly interesting when you consider that popular belief holds that men have more hang-ups with pregnant sex than women do.

for hot mamas

can have sensual happiness and satisfaction during and after your pregnancy. Learn to be intimate with yourself by touching your belly, admiring it appreciatively from all angles and marveling at the wonder of it all. When you are able to embrace the magic of the new life within you, you become empowered to experience the heights of pleasure and satisfaction. Radiating life, love, and fulfillment translates into moreintimacyandclosenesswithyour partner. Loving your pregnant body is the Hot Mama’s secret of self-love.

We realize that the latter part of pregnancy can often be de- finedbyweightgainandotherinconveniencesthat conspire to test just how sexy you feel. In addition to a constant clitoral erection, many women experience occasional to frequent muscle spasms, which can be unnerving because they are difficult to differenti- ate from Braxton-Hicks contractions and early labor, especially

for first-time mothers. Braxton-Hicks contractions before or af- ter climax, sometimes lasting up to a half hour or more, are per- fectly normal during T3. As mentioned in an earlier chapter, these muscle spasms can result from extra blood in the woman’s genitals, emotional concerns, or prostaglandins in her partner’s ejaculate. If uterine contractions are bothering you, one possible solution is to consider asking your partner to use a condom, or practice the withdrawal method. Either strategy will protect you from the prostaglandins contained in his semen.

Third-trimester sex can be pretty amazing if you know how to tap into its potential. Use some or all of the suggestions in this chapter to lift yourself up and over the T3 doldrums. More than anything, we encourage you to focus on comfort and connected- ness right now.

Though we certainly don’t want you to spend too much time comparing yourselves to the Joneses, know that about one-third of couples continue having intercourse into the ninth month of pregnancy. Many more would be medically safe doing so, but opt out for personal reasons. We hope you will be like Ananda, who was still getting busy by month nine:

Semen is full of prostaglandins, which ripen the cervix and help labor come a bit faster. By the time you’re forty- one weeks pregnant, it doesn’t matter how many pillows it takes, you want those hormones and you want them now so you can have your damn body back. So we had been having sex every night for a week, cautiously, and with pillows, and as a compensation for the medically ordered fisting, a.k.a.

perineal stretching. One night, my partner commented that I was looking weirdly less pregnant. I thanked him, and we went to it with a will. He said, in the middle of things, “Wow. You’re really hot and tight tonight.” My reply was un- printable, but happy. Later, in the afterglow, he asked me why it had seemed so different. “The baby has engaged and droppedintomypelvis.”“So it’s sitting lower?”“Yeah, right against my cervix.” “Your cervix?” “Yup. Probably you were having so much fun because your penis and the baby were occupying the same place.” There was a full thirty seconds of stunnedsilence.“I. Just. Fucked. My. Baby’s.
Head
!”“You could think of it like that.” “Ijustfuckedmybaby’shead!” “Well, yeah.” After that little incident, my prostaglandin supply dried up. With our second child, he swore off pene- tration as soon as the baby dropped. Wimp.

Regardless of your partner’s response, sex after the baby has “dropped” into the birth canal in preparation for delivery may bequitedifferentfromatypicalpregnancyromp. Whilethedrop may help you breathe more easily, it also increases pressure on the pelvis, rectum, and bladder, resulting in tingly, pinching, or numbing sensations. The increase in size of vaginal muscle fibers also constricts the vaginal walls, resulting in a tighter fit for Hot Mama and partner. This can lead to pleasure or pain, depending upon the individual and whether there’s more than one fetus.

Such changes to a Hot Mama’s body inevitably make for fluc- tuations in sexual desire. A study of 600 pregnant women found that couples may alternate between intense, frenzied sex and

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What’s Going on with Your Partner

Don’t be surprised or take it too personally if your partner experi- ences sexual problems, such as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, while you’re in the family way. Decreased sex drive, reduced desire, and/or issues related to seeing you as maternal or adjusting to the baby can all shake up the game. In many cases, such issues will correct themselves during postbirth intimacy, so don’t make a big deal of it. Simply be supportive of whatever is bruising your lover’s ego or troubling his or her mind at this time.

for hot mamas

periods of great tranquility when the baby and the impending birtharethefocus. Thesequietmomentsareawonderfultimefor the family to connect and prepare for the future. Lovers should never assume that a partner’s decreased desire for or abstinence from sexual activity during T3 is an indication of a problem. On the contrary, it’s to be expected.

Expectant women in a 2001 study reported a decline in sex- ual activity aspregnancyprogressed. Themainreasonscitedwere poor or decreased health, less interest in sex, medical reasons for reducing sexual activity, medical advice about sex during preg- nancy,andtheever-presentstigmaagainstgettingbusywithababy mere inches away. A 2000 study of 141 pregnant women found that 58 percent experienced a decrease in sexual desire, vaginal intercourse, and overall sexual activity as pregnancy wore on.

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How You Can Help Her

Clean the house! Research has found that when a partner fre- quently pitches in by mopping, dusting, washing dishes, and do- ing other household chores, the couple enjoys a happier sex life and better marriage. What makes these gestures such an aphrodisiac for gals? They demonstrate that their lover cares for them and understands their responsibilities. Don’t forget, too, that your pitching in leaves her a lot more energy for putting out!

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Felicity says, “By the eighth or ninth month, things are get- ting squished and your bladder is getting leaned on and it’s not as enjoyable. Ihadnorealdesire at that pointandfigureditwasper- hapsmybodypreppingitselfbymakingsurethat nothing’s moved around too much.” Generally speaking, the preferred erotic and sexual activities of couples and singles alike tend to remain un- changed during and after pregnancy, though vaginal stimulation almost always decreases markedly in importance during the sec- ond and third trimesters.

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Sexual Positions Best Suited for T3

For couples that are still up for shagging during T3, the ultimate

challenge is often striking the proper pose. Finding and getting into a position that allows easy access and is comfortable (with- out triggering too much laughter!) can be challenging as the belly